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Tineke H

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  • Content count

    51
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About Tineke H

  • Rank
    Tineke H

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    australia
  • Loss Type
    husband
  • Angel Date
    07/06/2016
  1. 5 LIES YOU WERE TOLD ABOUT GRIEF.

    Hi Jeff, you lost your girlfriend a week after I lost my husband Steve.You 'found' this forum soon after she died,it took me nearly a year. I am fortunate enough that I never had anybody tell me to move on, to get over it.It would have infuriated me and I hope that if it did happen that I would speak up for myself and for all of us grieving people.I am trying to make it my mission to let people know that I want to talk about Steve and that I want them to mention Steve.It is such a ridiculous myth to keep quiet about dead loved ones because it would upset us and would make us sad!We ARE sad, but we want to talk about our loved ones.Not mentioning them as if they never existed is so much worse. This whole grieving process is exhausting and painful.Last year 'I gave myself 2 years'; what ever that meant...How ignorant I was.I am starting to realise more and more what it is all about.It is not something that is finished after so many months,years.It will go on forever but it will change.And that is a thought to hold on to.
  2. 3 months tomorrow...

    Hi Jenn,hi guys,I recognises everything you all are saying.All these new things you suddenly have to do .Youtube has become my fallback for many things, including checking tire pressure,using torque wrench(did not even know why one would need/use one),bike maintenance,reverse camper trailer(never thought I could do that) etc.And yes, I also feel very proud of myself after completing a new task!I also turn to knowledgable friends a lot.Some for IT, another for Electrics and another for something legal,whatever.My experience is that people like helping! Jenn, yesterday was 3 months for you.I am thinking of you and sending you good karma.Everything is still very new and raw for you.I am 20 months in so 'miles ahead of you'.Life remains difficult and painful but things have changed.The agony form the beginning has subsided and is replaced with something else.I have still good days and bad days.When I have a good day, I 'milk' it because I know that it will not last forever.Bad days have also become more like bad moments within a 'normal' day. What I am saying is that how you feel now, will not be like how you will feel in one or two years.We will never 'get over' our loved ones but eventually some normalcy will return to our lives. Skywise,I used to count days but now I have lost count and I purposely do not look on my calendar and 'recount'.I am going on my first holiday alone this April.I am a little scared.I still can't talk about Steve,tell people :'My husband died 20 months ago' without crying.I know that I will try to avoid that subject a little on holidays.I think you are very brave to do the holiday in March.Just bring your laptop and keep writing here.We are here, all the time. KayC, you are now saying nearly 13 years.That is what I have to start doing saying nearly 2 years(in stead of 1 1/2) and I don't like it.George died the 19th of June, Steve died the 7th of June.And I don't think we are all smarter than you!
  3. 5 LIES YOU WERE TOLD ABOUT GRIEF.

    Hi Jeff, thank you for sharing that
  4. 100 Days

    Hi Skywise,Yesterday marked the 20 months since Steve died.I still cry in public; it just happens.But I can go around the supermarket and walk past the Salt and Vinegar crisps with our crying.I do find that my trolley remains very empty.It is sort of sad shopping for just one person... Just after Steve died I used to scream and curse and swear.Occasionally I still do but compared with 20 months ago that is much less and I feel different.I am still very sad, but I do not have that horrible panicky feeling inside me anymore.It was a sort of strange nervous feeling as if you have to sit an exam.About how I feel now I also am not very honest to people.Most people do not really want to know anyway.But to some friends and to my sister I am honest and that usually means I will cry.Today I cried with a dear friend but it only lasted a minute.For me crying is good.I feel relieved afterwards. You are very good to your aunt, but it must be hard....You are there for her and that is what we grieving people need.People who are there for us.People that listen. I have changed since Steve died and I think for the better.His death has taught me to be more empathetic. The good thing of this forum is that we can go on forever about our loved ones.That is what we want to do.After 100 days, after 20 months and after 12 1/2 years.The relationship with our loved one will never stop to exist.We do not 'get over it'.But the grieving and the sadness will change.
  5. CPN, Every time there is a Newbie on this forum, there is this sad sense of deja vu.The feeling of : 'There is another person who has to go through what we went through'. All of us here on this forum know exactly what you are going through.The pain is unbearable, you want to die too and be with your loved one.You think you are the only one who can feel this awful. How can the world just continue when you have just lost the most important person in your life? Kay's tips are very good even though you may think that at the moment you can't follow any of them. We are here with you and for you.We understand how you feel.Here on this forum you will find support. My husband died 20 months ago.For me the pain has changed.You will not always feel the way you feel now.
  6. When your heart is broken

    Hi Val, You are on this forum now and that is a first good step.Everybody here feels for you and understands what you are going through.We feel your pain. I have found Kay's tips on how to survive after the loss of the most important person in your life very helpful.My husband died 20 months ago and whenever these tips come up I read them again and again.Today I woke up feeling very sad so I want to focus on the second last pointer: Look for joy in every day and today that is exactly what I am going to do. I still cry most days, but my grieve has changed and life is a little more bearable that it was 20 months ago. Coming on this forum is very helpful.Even juste reading the different threads and not necessarily writing anything yourself.I have found that a great help.
  7. My sister, Donna

    Hi Kay, we are waiting with you and sending you strength.
  8. My sister, Donna

    Sad and true.
  9. My sister, Donna

    Kay,it looks as if you have had your fair share of loss.Well, more than your fair share it seems. We have to be prepared to loose everything we love.It is incomprehensible.What is the point of living if you loose what is most dear to you. All we can do is make the best of it.
  10. My sister, Donna

    Hi Kay, This must be very hard for you. Is there anything that any one here can say to help you? No ,I don't think so. We are here for you, just like you are always here for us.
  11. My sister, Donna

    Dear Kay, It seems that there is an avalanche of disaster coming over you these days and of course you feel overwhelmed! Logistically it looks hard to go and see Donna and to speak to her face to face.But of course you want to go and see her.If this 24 hrs business suddenly turns out to have been true you will want to have given her that last hug, said what you wanted to say etc. I think that if my sister were possibly in her last days I would not leave her bed side.I know it is easy for me to say that and I know that for you that is not possible. Thinking of you and sending you strength and courage.
  12. My sister, Donna

    Dear Kay, I skyped with my sister in The Netherlands yesterday and mentioned this forum to her, as I had in the past and I particularly mentioned you and the situation you are in now with Donna being unwell.She knows about you as I had talked about you before and about how much of a support you are to many of us.She described you as 'a sort of mother' of this forum.So true. We both cried, as we often do when we skype.The thought for me of loosing her and the other way around is just too painful to think about.We all know that one day that is going to happen.We know that we will survive as we have survived the loss of our spouses, but stil.... I am glad to hear that Donna is responsive once again and maybe never was 'unresponsive' at all!Do you live far away from her?Can you visit?
  13. My sister, Donna

    Dear Kay, It's good you posted here.I have noticed that 'activity' on the loss of partner section of the forums is much higher than anywhere else.We know each other and we know the names of the lost loved ones and in some strange far away way we have become friends. I just can not imagine what you are going through at the moment with Donna being unresponsive and you not exactly knowing how she is at the moment.I live in Australia for 6 months of the year while the sister I am closest to lives in The Netherlands.We Skype a lot and WhatsApp every day.What would I do if I did not have her anymore.?I just don't want to think about that.You have a very special bond with Donna through all the things that have happened in your lives.That bond will be there forever. But now you are thinking about how it would be if Donna were not there anymore.Ahh,so painful. You have shared your feelings,worries and your whole life with us.You trust us.Thank you for that.
  14. Loss of a Brother

    Hi Francine, I had wondered where you were as you are such a regular here and now I know.Two losses in just over a year...How painful that must be. I have a sister that I am very, very close to and the thought of her dying is just too awful. You are definitely in my thoughts.
  15. excellent youtube video

    Hi Jeff, Thank you, thank you.I watched the video immediately and it's excellent.
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