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About M88

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  • Loss Type
    Partner - killed by out of control driver.
  • Angel Date
    11 Jan 2016

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  1. Hugs Andy - your loss is still very new and I understand the future looking so empty and lonely. I went through the same but now I try, and not always, but mostly succeed, in living in the given day. I think it may have been at around six months after hubbys death, the dreaded thoughts on my long term outlook lost some power. I understand your statement, AceBasin - you'd feel more alone at a dinner table with a dozen people. Sounds like you have a lovely spot. The outdoors can be very healing. The milky way was spectacular down my end of the world last night.
  2. Sundays are particularly difficult for me to get through - if we weren't already away on a weekend break, we'd be out and about locally. A beautiful warm, sunny Autumn day like we have, would have seen us on a native forest walk seeking out native birds and fungi for me to photograph. Gerry used to be impatient with me for the time it took to find the ideal subject in an ideal light, but he mellowed over the years and became as enthusiastic as me. He was so proud of my photography and was a very good spotter of unusual scenes. Like you Andy, Gerry and I enjoyed getting off the beaten track. We did a lot of freedom camping when younger but as we aged took to hiring cabins and bach's. I've only picked up my fishing rod once in the past 15 months - it felt so alien fishing only with my daughter and couldn't do it. I hold a thread of hope that one day I will again enjoy these simple pleasures. They are activities I sometimes enjoyed on my own, if the fancy took me, but I did enjoy them much more with my man at my side. Losing interst in activities (not necessarily just shared interests) that we once found enjoyable seems to be an understandably common symptom for grief sticken people. I wonder, do we, in time, go on to find new activities that don't remind us of our lost partners? Later this week I plan to go up to my daughters for a couple of days. She and her partner farm in the high country, an hour away. I find it really painful to be there without Gerry because of the wonderful times we had there. And then there's the driving phobia - a spin off from the manner in which Gerry was killed. I feel so bad for not going to stay with her and sil more often. But, my daughter had a rather special foal born yesterday which I am determined to see while she's still newborn. Having a grieving parent must be very difficult too for our children no matter their age. Hugs to all.
  3. Hi Ashley, I am so sorry for your loss. We here on the Indigo forum understand your pain and heartache. Nothing or no-one could ever possibly prepare us for the devastation we feel when we lose our other half. I hope you will find the comfort and understanding here, that I have. Know you are in my thoughts. Sending strength and hugs.
  4. Wait for me!!!
  5. Interesting what you say about past lives, KMB. I do believe in the possibility of past lives and am keen to learn more about the spiritual side of life and death, but for now I'm content with the way it's unfolding. I am savoring it. I am blessed, as are you. KayC, how wonderful it must have felt to feel your Georgies hand, especially when you were so in need! I haven't experienced touch. Gerry was only visable head to foot until the day we buried him. I know his broken body healed very quickly. He is content. Throughout the day he yaps away is his lovely accent (I've always loved the way he says my name) guiding and motivating me. Forever advising me to break the many issues I'm dealing with, into small managable lots and not to look at the big picture or it will seem too much for me to handle. Yes Andy, awe. It is that alright. I like the idea of a front row seat. And speaking of awe, I must share something else about my Mum. My daughter and I stayed with her in the hospital for the last two weeks of her life. Once she accepted she was dying, she shared a lot of what she was seeing and feeling, with us. One afternoon she said she wouldn't see the night out so the family gathered and we said our goodbyes. Come the morning she brightly announced that she'd 'decided to stay another day' !!! Of course I asked, 'can you do that?' Her reply was she didn't know but she was going to. And she did !!!! My first Grandson was born that day which made her happy. I had a shitty afternoon but after reading the last three posts and sharing a bit more of my experiences, I feel so much better. A big thank you guys for sharing Hugs
  6. I'm sure he'd be very proud of you, Mrsviden. Well done you - hugs.
  7. This is how how my loss feels too. A sudden, hidden amputation of a large part of mind, body and soul. I am feeling so sad for all of us tonight. I can only hope that reading and posting on this forum helps you guys as it helps me. I hope being amongst others who really do understand the depth of our pain, will help you feel less alone. Losing interest in activities and places we once enjoyed seems to be a common part of grief. One day, surely, we must begin to feel pleasure in something, again. Sending strength and hugs to you all.
  8. I am so sorry for your loss, Lonely spouse - hugs. All of us here understand how deeply you are hurting as we too have lost our partner, husband or wife. To have lost your home so soon as well, is just heart-wrenching and my heart aches for you. It is beyond believe that those close to you are being so insensitive and critical at a time when they should be supporting you. Wearing or holding close, an item of clothing belonging to our partner, is not unusual when you are grieving. I still do that 15 months since the death of my darling. You don't need to 'let go' of your husband. We are forced to learn how to live with without them, make lots of adjustments and this takes time - it is very painful and can't be rushed. Are you having grief counselling and/or able to join a grief group? You definitely need to have more understanding, supportive people around you at this time. I hear you on the people wanting to rush you to make decisions on your husbands belongings. I suggest you stand firm on this matter and do it only when you are ready to. Sending strength and hugs.
  9. KMB, you have put it into words again so well. Finding this forum when I did has made me feel so much less alone and I look forward to reading new posts each day. I don't lack company or friends as ours all keep in contact and visit, but the huge void a much loved partner leaves within our souls, cannot be filled with the company of others. I felt really flat and alone by the end of last weekend, yet three lots of out of town friends had visited me on different days. It was lovely these couples, but it sure brought home to me how much I miss tripping about with my best mate - catching up with out of town friends, exploring new areas, going to Sunday markets, eating out somewhere new, fishing new waters. There are only two of us without partners in our wide circle of friends and sadly for me, my only single friend is moving to Australia soon. I have stayed overnight with her a few times since Gerry's death and we go into the city to eat out somewhere different each time but I feel so alien doing so. It's that 'stranger in my own life' feeling - nearly everything about my life has changed and it just doesn't feel real. In the not too distant future I will need to move closer to the city. I will be starting over in a new location, knowing few people there. It's a scary thought! AceBasin, sounds like you have some lovely friends. By the time we get into our late 40's - 50's the kids have usually flown the coop and I think we start slowing up socially and enjoy spending more time in the company of our spouses. I guess unless one is inclined to be a club/group type person, it is difficult to meet new friends. Probably explains why we hear of so many internet friendships. I think men tend to remarry sooner than women. I actually can't think of any widowers or divorced/single men, but know a lot of widows.
  10. Mrsviden - I too am sorry that the cemetery owner was so insensitive and rude. I too would be upset. As the owner, you'd expect him to know that families tend to visit a new grave often. He should have shown more respect. Wanting to protect our loved ones and have them treated with respect and dignity continues to run deep within us, even after their death. Maybe even more so. Sending strength and hugs to you.
  11. I'm sorry ladies, as much as I'd like to share so many of my experiences, I'm not comfortable about posting something so personal on a public forum. But I don't mind sharing a little. Neither Gerry or I are religious but having experienced an after-death visit from my Mum (she was religious) for a private goodbye, a few years ago, I do have spiritual beliefs. Gerry and I were true soul-mates so the spiritual contact we share hasn't surprised me. It has him though! Without conscientiously doing so, I brought his spirit home from the scene where he was killed. It has revisited the scene with me on a number of occasions, but not the last time. There are currently only two locations where I don't feel his spirit and receive his messages. As odd as it sounds, he can't see me if I'm indoors. He tells me he is with me for as long as I need him to be and I don't doubt this. There is no way I could have survived the past 15 months, let alone carry out the work required to get to the truth of why he was killed, without his continuous guidance. And never before have I had to use my brain so much, or keep my wits about me. On the morning of the day we buried our darling man, I was able to share with family (some of whom were staunch doubters of a spirit world) a fairly fleeting sign Gerry had arranged (using the term 'sent' doesn't seem apt) to show he was indeed still near us and was feeling our pain. They were as awestruck as I had been when I first saw it, and didn't have to ask the meaning as it was obvious to all. They urged me to get my camera (I'm into photography) but Gerry quietly told me no cameras, to etch it into my memory instead, and one day paint it. So on the saddest day of my life I could show his adult children that their Dad was indeed capable of communicating beyond death. And unbeknowns to me at the time, G planted the seed for a "Something To Look Forward To" list. Very little else has been added to that list as you will understand, but learning to draw and paint is something I've always wanted to do. I am heading into my second winter without my dear man, and feel this year I just 'may' be able to make a start on learning the skills needed to commit that scene to canvas.
  12. I too am sorry for your loss, Mydagwood. My partner was killed by a careless driver. This adjusting to learn to live without our beloved partners is very tough going. I wish you well in locating a support group. If there was one in my area I would check it out. Others cannot possibly understand what we are going through but it's great to have their support. Sending strength and hugs.
  13. Hi Panda, No, I don't compare, but I have had a lot of nice men come to view our classic cars. Men that my hubby would have absolutely loved to have had visit his garage and talk cars with. I used to be into cars too and I did enjoy talking with these guys. Hubby would have been proud of me for remembering the names of parts and so much of the history of our cars. My hubby was like your husband, never happier than when was fixing or building something. I've found the responsibilty of the cars too much. I've had to relearn how to use the big compressor, the battery charger, and how to use various tools. I know hubby was smiling down on me the day I was on my back on his garage floor taking his number plates off the one I sold. I've had to spend a lot of money on my everyday car since his death. He used to do all his own mechanicing. It's lovely that your brother is so supportive and caring - he sounds like a top bloke. Hugs.
  14. Thnking of you today, Andrew's girl and sending hugs.
  15. Awe, Ashley Lauren, my heart aches for you. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Life can be so unfair. And sudden death is very cruel for those left behind. A lot of us know that 'unreal' feeling. Our minds, bodies and souls are all deeply in shock and will continue to be for some time. You gave your fiancé three of the most precious gifts possible - your love, and two 'very special' adorable sons. I bet his heart was full to bursting with love and pride. It is understandable that you are breaking down when you look at your beautiful babies. They were born from the love you and your fiancé share and you will be grieving for their loss too. It wasn't so long ago I was doing the same whenever I looked at and held my 6 month old twin step-grandchildren. It goes without saying that it will be much, much more difficult and painful for you. You will gradually, without realizing it, break down less often and be able to really enjoy them again. Sadly, there are no shortcuts to get over the loss of a loved one. The first few months are especially tough. Grief is a rollercoaster ride of emotions that we just have to go through, there is no way around it. Grief counselling can help, as will looking at photos taken throughout your time together, reading and rereading the lovely messages friends will have written in cards. Talking about the death itself can also be healing. There are many grief books to choose from but for me, this forum is much more comforting, supportive and informative than any book I read. What you read here is written from the hearts of those who understand first hand what the loss of a partner feels like and the challenges we face without them. I'm glad you found the forum so soon. It took me a long time. I do hope you have supportive family and friends around you. Allow them to help you through this most traumatic time and to babysit as you will need time out to be alone with your thoughts and pain. We'll be here for you. Sending strength and hugs to you and your beautiful babies.