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About M88

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Loss Type
    Partner - killed by out of control driver.
  • Angel Date
    11 Jan 2016

Recent Profile Visitors

442 profile views
  1. Lost my boyfriend a week ago

    Awe Jen, my heart goes out to you. The hollow void is something common to us all. Sadly, there is no magic fix. Nothing or no one can fill the empty void. But in time, as our minds and souls adjusts to not having the physical presence of our loved ones, the hollowness gets less intense and then hits you in bouts, when triggered. This is easier to live with than experiencing it every waking moment, as in early grief. We just have to keep riding out each wave. Live each moment or hour or day, as they come. I’m sorry I can’t be of more comfort but know that your in my thoughts. Sending strength, love and hugs.
  2. Thanks KayC. Yes, Ive left a few lines in an online tribute. In a couple of weeks I’ll cook something and take a card and visit his wife. They’ve got masses coming in at present. Losing him feels like losing a big part of Gerry’s story. His kindness will never be forgotten.
  3. Today I’m reeling from shock at the sudden, but natural death of the local police officer who brought me news of Gerry’s death. He was one of those lovely guys that everyone loves and a great family and community man. He helped turn many a youngsters life around. He was supportive of my fight for justice but, not involved in our case. We’d catch up from time to time. He was only in his 40’s and very fit and healthy looking. To think his wife will probably have had a cop knock at her door today. It’s difficult to take in. One of the journalists at court recently put her own spin on my description of that afternoon. She made it sound like he’d done a terrible job of telling me, when nothing I read out, indicated that. I called in to see him a few days later but as he wasn’t there, I emailed him. He thanked me and said he knows what the media are like. Just two weeks ago I also asked an officer at a larger station to let the real story and my great respect for him be known in lunchroom chat. I couldn’t bare the thought of his colleagues thinking he’d been insensitive and made a botched job of telling me. I’m glad I did boh those things to put the record right.
  4. I choose to ignore the insulting innuendo in the post above and hope you will too, Machal. I’m really sorry you aren’t well supported. I’m having trouble getting my head around the things your sponsor is advising and saying to you -sadly, she doesn’t seem to have much understanding, or compassion for the grief that comes with losing a soulmate. Believe me, she’s done you a favour by stopping talking to you. Well done on sticking up for yourself! I’m glad you found a support group and hope your first meeting went well. Sending strength, love and hugs. XX
  5. One Year Later - I'm still here

    Know my thoughts are with you today, dear Francine. Charles will be smiling down upon you today, no doubt very proud of your grace and courage. That is a beautiful piece of writing. Thank you for sharing it with us. I’m counting on you being around as I go into my third year of widowhood next month. Sending strength, much love and many hugs. XXX
  6. acceptance?

    That’s a gorgeous photo of a beautiful, happy couple, Walker. I am so sorry you lost your lovely lady. I think that platitude ‘he/she’s in a better place’ should be abolished from the english language, along with a few others. Any tears are healing tears but I think the ones shed from looking at photos and listening to music are the most painful but healing. Sending strength, love and hugs.
  7. Paula, I am so sorry for your losses. To lose two loved ones who would have been your greatest support should either of them passed away, must be horrendous. Yes, it’s common to continue to get those sudden, ‘raw grief attacks’. I still get them 23 months on but not so often and the whimpering - unexpressed pain - has eased considerably. And no, you are not going crazy. This is grief - it ‘nearly’ drives us demented. I’m sometimes alarmed about how often I find myself talking to myself. It’s usually when I’m nutting out what I need to say or write to someone. I find myself doing it whilst out in the garden sometimes and just hope the neighbours don’t hear me! I just couldn’t let my mind think about certain aspects of my partners death and I’d have to tell my mind ‘don’t go there’ ‘don’t go there’ each time, which was many, many times a day initially, when intrusive thoughts came to mind. I knew it would tip me over the edge if I did. It’s now 23 months since his death and I’m just recently able to ‘go there’. These thoughts have demanded to be thought about in depth. All here in our wee grief family ask ourselves the same question each day - how can we go on without our beloved partners who were ‘our lives’? The answer has to be, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Grief is very hard work requiring much self-discipline. I’d get no sleep without taking half a sleeping each night and listening to hypnotherapy vids on youtube. i saw a qualified psychologist/hypnotherapist initially. It’s very relaxing and when I wake around 3 or 4 I push play again and get a couple more hours sleep. And I understand what you mean about being around too many people. Thankfully, I don’t have to be as I can’t do that yet either. I still have to force myself to go to the shops or visit friends though. Only you will know when you’re ready to go back to work. Don’t rush it if you don’t have to. You’re still early in your grief. Sending you strength, love and hugs XX
  8. Machal, you have been in my thoughts a lot today. My heart fair aches for you. Getting mad with each other at times occurs in the most loving of relationships and you had no reason to think you’d be deprived of the chance to kiss and make up with the man who loved you. I do hope you are well supported by friends and family. I so wish I could whisk your undeserved feelings of guilt away. You will be experiencing what is called ‘complicated grief’. It will be extra tough to try and go it alone so please don’t be afraid to see a grief counsellor - one you feel comfortable with can help you. We need to be kind to ourselves as we’re in a very fragile state of mind. But grief demands us to do all we can to help ourselves when we least feel like doing so. That we have to do this really sucks, but there’s no avoiding it. I still have to apply self discipline to get almost anything done. Tears are the words the heart cannot express, and all are healing. They will come for a long time yet. Sadly, my partners death and events that have ocurred since, have taught me just how little control I have over keeping some of those I love, safe. Sending you strength, love and hugs XX
  9. Awe, Michal, I am truly sorry for your loss. I send you hugs to you, hon. I’m glad he didn’t suffer. You didn’t pour the alcohol down your partners throat, or cause him stumble into a car. You weren’t even there. But, I understand why you’re thinking like you are and suggest you get some help from a psychologist, one trained in sudden traumatic deaths, as soon as you can, to help get past the guilt thoughts. They’ll eat you up otherwise and life will be hard enough without ruminating on those thoughts. We, who lose a much loved partner go through many emotions and beat ourselves up with the ‘what if’s’ and the ‘if only’s’. With the right help. that kind of thinking will ease. I could, and did initially, think a little like you. If I had gone with my darling on the day he was killed, as I’d planned to do, maybe he wouldn’t have got killed by a careless driver. But I felt ill and decided not to go. We were creatures of habit and had I gone we would probably have been in the same spot. It’s OK too to not be able to get out of bed sometimes. Your grief is so fresh and being in so much emotional pain is exhausting work. We need time on our own to reflect on the life we created together. I hope you’ll find comfort, love and understanding among us here in our wee grief family. Grief of a much loved and missed partner brought us together. Know you’re in my thoughts, bea. i send you strength, love and hugs XX
  10. My girlfriend just passed away

    I am so sorry for your loss, bea. Thanks for sharing your love story. Your Grandson has a lovely soul and wise words, bless him. Our adult kids and grandchildren do still need us around. They will be a huge support for you. My late partner and I were also second time round. We’d felt so lucky to have found a wonderful, trusting love at last. I kissed a fit, healthy, happy man goodbye one morning, and he was killed later that morning whilst walking on the footpath by an out of control driver. I still find it hard to believe sometimes. All here know the excruciating pain and hollowness you’re feeling. Widowhood is a tough road to travel, but know that we’re here to listen and help each other through as best we can. Taking life one hour, or one day at a time is the best advice we can give. It’s too scary to look to the future. We have enough anxiety dealing with just the here and now. I hope you’ll find the compassion, understanding and support that I’ve found here among our wee grief family. Know you’re in my thoughts. Sending strength, love and hugs. xX
  11. It is a sad life in a f&$#@d up world that we’ve been left with. I’ve had to ride out some humongous waves in the past 7 weeks. I’ve had more glimpses of depression these past few weeks than I care to admit to, and I’ve been on this shitty, complex road for 99 weeks. Adjusting to living alone has got easier in that time, but yearning for my hubby and our contented, quiet old life - No. Love and hugs, guys.
  12. Holidays ..... sigh

    I’m sorry you aren’t any further ahead with laying your hubby to rest, urbaneve. Stay strong as you’ll no doubt experience backlash from your MIL. I have no problem understanding your wishes. Is there a statute of limitations on driving offences in your country? In my country, if charges are going to be laid, they have to be done so within 6 months. We didn’t learn this until nearly half that time frame was up. Boy, did my daughter and I step up our researching and put up a fight to have a proper, balanced investigation conducted after learning of this! We went above the heads of the police conducting the investigation as we had no confidence in their work. We told the hierarchy what we’d discovered ourselves and insisted they conduct a more in depth investigation. We had to get very demanding of those at the top of the ladder. It was blimmin hard work! But finally a new competent Police Officer was given the file and it was given to a Prosecutor in another region for his recommendations. It took another 17 months to get to Court We got a conviction of careless driving causing death and 3 counts of careless driving causing injury. Our aim was to have him made to be accountable for Gerry’s death. We didn’t expect justice as we know from our research that our Justice system is broken. Offender’s rights and needs more often than not take priority over victims in our country. We’ve had such a **** time I tell you, and the job is still only half done! Yes, the right people know about my stepdaughters lies and the devious reasons behind it, have been informed. She hoodwinked the authorities when they investigated her earlier in the year - maybe they’ll put a competent person on the case this time round. If the media hadn’t been in Court I would have stood and called her out on it, but the issue involves her children, whom I love dearly and have been trying to protect. No, her lies didn’t affect the outcome of the sentencing. She used the courtroom, and later the media, as a platform to spin her lies, which she’s counting on to absolve her from neglecting her children’s well being, should the need arise. Look after your lad and yourself as best you can, urbaneve. You have a very stressful time ahead of you. It’s crucial you eat healthily - even if only tiny amounts often. I take extra vitamins as well. Sending you strength love and hugs XX
  13. Appreciating little joys.

    Whilst doing some tidying in my garden out front today, a local I hadn’t previously meet, but I see pass my home often stopped to offer condolences and ask how I was getting on. He knew my Gerry, so I enjoyed having a chat with him, and a pat of his lovely Labrador.
  14. My girlfriend just passed away

    I’m so sorry you had to come looking for us, but am glad you found us. Grief for a partner is extremely tough. The words to describe it haven’t been written yet so those that haven’t experienced it, can’t understand. I hope you’ll find the support, understanding and compassion among us, that I have. Love and hugs.
  15. My girlfriend just passed away

    Michaelagiri, I am truly sorry for the loss of your dear Sophia. I’m glad she chose you to spend the rest of her life with. It sounds like you brought a lot of love and fun into each others lives. Those memories will live in your heart forever. Know my thoughts are with you. Sending you strength, love and hugs XX