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About M88

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Loss Type
    Partner - killed by out of control driver.
  • Angel Date
    11 Jan 2016

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547 profile views
  1. 3 months later...,

    Idwfb, I am truly sorry to read of your brothers death and my heart aches for you. I understand the excruitiating pain of having to endure trauma on top of trauma as I’ve been enduring it for over two years now. We need to allow the supportive people in our lives to help take care of us. The support of great friends and a couple of family members, neighbours, an excellent GP and grief counselor with training in sudden, traumatic death, and escaping my thoughts for short periods through hypnotherapy and meditation each day, sometimes a number of times each day and coming here, have been my saviour. Know you are in my thoughts and I send you strength, love and hugs XX
  2. My young love

    I feel the same, Juliana. Today is my third Valentine’s without him - it should have been the 25th one we’d shared. Sadly, the media hype and goods in the shops in the lead up to significant days, emphasize our loss all the more. Sending you strength and hugs.
  3. Hi Teddi. Time after loss of our soulmates takes on a different feeling altogether. I am into my third year of widowhood yet my hubby’s death still feels so recent. Maybe it always will. Hugs.
  4. My sister, Donna

    Awe Kay, my heart aches for you. You have known way too much heartache in your life already. Know that mythoughts are with you as you endure what is ahead. Sending you strength, love and hugs xXX
  5. A minute and a half.

    Joel, I am so sorry for your loss of your precious wife, Kat. The title of your thread, says it all. Our lives can be irreversibly changed forever, in such a short time. Your photos are all lovely - thank you for sharing. I’m glad you have family and grandchildren close by. You will need their ongoing support and they will give your changed life, purpose. You will feel lost for a very long time to come. I still feel hopelessly lost most of the time and I’ve just recently entered my third year of widowhood. Grief is very demanding and the adjustment to living without one’s soulmate is excruciatingly painful and slow. Grief will not be rushed. It struck me hard the other day when I realised that I can no longer say that my hubby was killed last year. His death still feels so recent. A sudden loss comes with it’s own challenges. Your mind will take a long time to process the events of the night you lost your wife. In time, the images and trauma do become less intense. Your mind, body and soul has also taken a battering like no other. I hope that sink full of dishes indicate that you are eating. Keep it up as being ill whilst grieving deeply is the pits. Our mantra here is to take each day as they come. Sometimes this needs to be done by the hour. Rest assured, your Kat will be smiling down on your son, bursting with pride, at his graduation. I hope you feel her spirit with you and hear her voice. Sending you strength and hugs.
  6. excellent youtube video

    Thank you for the link, Tineke. That was an excellent presentation.
  7. I am deeply sorry for your loss, Idwfb. My heart fair aches for you as I understand your pain. My fit, healthy, happy partner kissed me goodbye one morning and was killed by a careless driver within 2 hours of his leaving home. He was walking on the footpath when and two others were mowed down. The driver didn’t stop until he hit two cars out on the highway, injuring one of those drivers. Our minds, bodies and souls take a huge hit when a healthy soulmate suffers a senseless, sudden, traumatic death. It is hard to bear our loss, and we have no option but to bear it. It’s been two years since my hubby was killed and most days I still think this really can’t have happened. It takes some getting your head around. And this poxy road called grief is the pits. But, we are here to support each other. We understand how deeply you will be hurting. Are you saying that the Police aren’t giving you any information? Have you not received the short version of the post mortem ? As I’ve told the Police here many times, as gory as it sounds, a widow often has a great need to know everything about their spouses death. We need that knowledge so we can properly process our loss. We need to look after ourselves. You will no doubt have already learnt how difficult it is, to do that. We have to push ourselves to do even the most basic things like shower and eat healthy food. Grief is very demanding and when we least need to practice self-discipline, we must, just to survive each day. I hope you will find the compassion, understanding and support that I’ve found here, on the forum. There are a few of us who have lost our beloved men in road crashes and there can be a lot of legal issues which follow. Feel free to write about anything here. You are among kindred spirits. Know you’re in my thoughts. Sending you strength, love and hugs XX
  8. Thank you, Azipod. No, it wasn’t my time, thank god. I have a lot of unfinished business. During the Medical event, and by no means was it looking or feeling like a quick, pain free death, I was saddened to think I hadn’t been given long enough to finish the work in getting justice for my dear man, and fighting for the changes that will prevent further deaths such as the nature of his. I felt like I’d failed him - that nothing positive would now come from his senseless death. Had I died, my daughter, who has been very much involved in the legal battles would have been far too distraught with grief to continue with them, and I’d hope she wouldn’t give them another thought. But, as it turns out, my darling hubby is still very much with me - still giving me strength and guiding me as he’s done since I brought him home in spirit, from the scene of his death. I hope nothing will prevent me from giving my children strength, like my hubby has me, from beyond the grave. Yes Kay, I have my daughter. We are very close and my greatest pleasure these past few months has been to see her enjoying her life again. I do try and keep the true state of my emotions and life as it is now, from her, but she is too perceptive by far, bless her. It is very, very rare indeed that Gerry communicates with me whilst I am indoors, which has me wondering if those of you who don’t have spiritual contact with your beloveds, live where you can spend time outdoors? I’d also be interested to know if others who do have contact, find it comes much more readily when outdoors?
  9. Why are we here anyway?

    Thank you, Carmen. And thank you for the lovely compliment but to be honest, I spend more time being a pain in the butt to professional people than I do helping others. I saw some excellent supportive work going on at the hospital on Thursday. A couple of retiree’s, volunteers running errands for both patients and medical staff - and sitting chatting with patients when not busy. It’s something I’ll consider doing when I move to the city. I found it so tough being at hospital under such frightening circumstances without my dear man. They could see that, and came and chatted at various times with me. Yes, we become much more intertwined with our soulmates than one could ever imagine. The sudden separation akin to an amputation. We are left with no choice but to learn to how to live without our beloveds - an excruciating painful ordeal. Here in our wee grief family, we are free to express ourselves knowing we will be totally understood. No one will respond with an empty platitude. I’m smiling about your lad groaning about your lack of photo resizing skills - and about your cheeky hubby poking his tongue out in the next one He obviously had a good sense of humour. It is really only with a soulmate that we feel uninhited enough to do these fun, childish things. When we get to the stage of being able to smile, or smile and cry, at pix, we realise we are making some progress along this pot hole ridden road, called grief. Same as when we recall lovey outings or times we shared with our soulmates and can almost feel the warm fuzzies, we’d felt at the time. The butterfly is gorgeous - the colours stunning! Are they normally so unafraid that they’d land on you? Without doubt, nature is calming and healing. It’s great when a humble sparrow or a blackbird can lift one’s sadness a little. When I got into photography a few years back, Gerry grew to love coming with me on native forest walks and fell in love with the Kereru also. He was always on the lookout for them and although we don’t normally see many in our area, they’ve played a big part in signs sent from him. Begining on the day of his Funeral. Two sat in a tree in the church yard next door - one facing our home, the other with it’s back to us. The sight brought tears to many of us. I’d not seen them in that particular tree before and haven’t done since. It’s a window I look out of a lot. Strength, love and hugs.
  10. I take back what I wrote in this earlier post of mine - about not fearing death.. I feared it last Thursday on the 2nd anniversary of my darlings death, when my daughter and I came within a cats whisker from a serious collision with a speeding young driver who did not give way. On our way to the Cemetery to lay flowers on my dear man’s grave! And I sure as hell feared it when I woke at 3.45 this Thursday morning (the 2nd anniversary of having buried him) gasping for breath. I fought like mad to get air into my lungs. My darlings spirit is alive and well, urging me to ph the emergency #. I was gasping so bad I wasn’t able to tell the woman on the emergency line where I lived, but she located me via my landline. I have never been so terrified in all my life. I felt so sure I was going to die without having yet obtained justice for my man. I was graded as a Stat 2 by the local medics and another ambulance was sent up from the city hospital. I think you’d be surprised at how hard the mind and body fight to stay alive, when it comes to the crunch. I am darned grateful to be home with my faculties intact, and will soon be picking up where I left off with my legal battles. And saving for the holiday I plan to have! Sending strength, love and hugs.
  11. Why are we here anyway?

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Carmen. Your Bobby was blessed and appreciative I bet, to have his loving wife by his side, knowing you were doing all within your powers, to help him. I so agree with what you say about end of life care. My feelings and thoughts on that subject, echo yours. Thanks for sharing your lovely pic Grief is such a rough ride, very demanding of us and as you say, doesn’t need an appointment. It often comes back to kick us down again just when we feel we’re making some headway. I’ve just entered my third year - I had to retype that number as I still can’t get my head around it, because my darlings death still feels so recent! Nearly all of us here are trying to find out who we are, now. It will take time - Grief will not be rushed. The loss of a much loved partner changes almost everything in our world, as we knew it. I doubt an hour passes without me thinking of my Gerry. Life is very difficult without him. Anything and everything that can go wrong, does and has, but one has to keep soldiering on taking each day as it comes and look for any small joy in each of them. I’m sure you’ll find the compassion, understanding and support here, that I have. Sending you strength love and hugs XX
  12. I’m new to Facebook but ‘Deep Grief Great Love Group Page’ is a favourite page already.
  13. I’m glad you found the thread helpful. Floyd. Good thinking re the movie pass. I’ve also just recently cancelled Netflix. Inspirational quotes are my thing now.
  14. How did we end up here..?

    Hello Osmara, I’m very sorry for the loss of your beloved Denis. I hope you will find the support, compassion and understanding that I’ve found here. My Gerry was funny and goofy also. I so miss all the silly sayings and habits that developed over our 22 years together. My tummy still does a sickening flip when I see or hear something silly said or done that was ‘ours’. Maybe it always will. The fear part of grief is something we all experience, as our futures have been whipped out from under us - we have lost our place in the world as we knew it, and if our loved ones death was sudden or traumatic, often our sense of safety as well. That you are enjoying nature is good. I learnt very quickly that to stay sane, I had to take anything that made me feel a little better and build on it. I’ve not progressed much in that area as yet. Initially my bedroom was the only place I felt even remotely safe, so I bought a few new bits and bobs to make it more cosy. We too loved the outdoors but so far I’ve only felt the odd, very short feeling of pleasure that nature used to bring me. None of my old interests have returned. I sometimes wonder if they won’t and if not, will it matter? Maybe those nice parts of my life died with my darling. I can’t use the words new normal. There’s a few words that bug me because I associate them with happy times - journey springs to mind. Reading quotes helps me considerably. There are masses to be found via google images. I print meaningful and inspirational ones off and have some placed in different rooms. Plus I look at them in my iPad most nights. There are a lot that could go a long way to informing friends and family as to how grief is affecting you. In hindsight, I should have had some of those ones in my living room so some of my visitors over the holiday period could read them - they may have saved me snapping at them for the stupid things some of them were saying. Some folk think that because we finally had the driver who killed my darling charged, then convicted back in October, that I should give up trying to have the same done for the second person I hold equally responsible for his death, go and ‘start living my life again’ !! I have just recently realised that only I can do something about feeding my starving soul, so I’ve set myself a long term goal to save for a much needed holiday. Somewhere different to where my hubby and I would normally choose to go. Most of my closest friends live far from me now and will be disappointed that I don’t take them up on their offers to visit them but they’ll get over it. I need to do what I feel will hopefully nourish my soul. I send you strength, love and hugs Osmara XX