Hey guys, I'm new to this forum and have been grieving, as well as my whole entire family . My dad passed at 67 years old yesterday on St. Patrick's day. He was loved by so many , when I tell you that he did so much for so many people it would be an understatement. He made a major footprint in this world. We are expecting 200 plus at his funeral. My dad suffered from COPD and a rare form of Leukemia (CMML) . Last year when he was told he had CMML , he was recommended to start chemo (suggested by the Mayo Clinic). The doctors believed that targeting the leukemia was the bigger threat of the two. Long story short, after a couple sessions of chemo his copd seemed to have spread more rapidly and he was short of breathe more and more and then on portable oxygen. It got so bad to the point he was barely able to move a foot or two without gasping for breathe through the oxygen.... he was in and out of doctors office, hospitals ect.... well a few days ago he ended back in the ICU with a bipap machine feeding him 100 percent oxygen which is the highest level. Your only supposed to wear that mask for a max of 48hours. He was drugged up and in and out of consciousness. He was able to talk to us and still was witty and funny till the end. Eventually the mask had to come off because we were praying that he would be weened down from 100 percent oxygen to at least 70 or so.... it didn't happen and the machine was just shredding his lungs and his organs were working overtime to compensate. We made the decision to move him to hospice which was luckily down the hall. They took the bipap machine off and put him ok regular oxygen after giving him a lot of morphine to sedate him and knock him out... as he was in hospice for only a couple hours , I happened to go in there and speak to my dad one on one. Even though he was sleeping and still sucking on that oxygen (now thru his nose ) I told him how much I loved him. I took his hand and told him to look over me and the family and how he truly impacted everyone's life. I spoke to him about all the times I've cherished with him. My dad passed away after he heard what I had said . Out of 3 children I'm the youngest . My family thinks my dad chose me to pass with because I'm the youngest and he wanted to make sure I was ok... I'm just so happy he's not suffering with breathing and struggling. He died peacefully in hospice. I have a huge huge family and we will be strong together . I'm going to miss him so much and hundreds of other will too. My parents have been together for almost 40 years. My mom is heartbroken as we all are.
I just wanted to share that that with you all because even though I have a close family , I thought maybe I could just express to others what I'm going through . My dad truly was one in a million and anyone who knew him could vouch for that . I'm going to miss him so much and the world will never be the same . I'm new to this grieving process . I did however loose my grandmas when they were 95. However I was younger. I just can't imagine not texting my dad or him texting me or calling him. It's going to be tough and I fear the funeral and burial because I will break . I seem to break in waves , but I'm nervous because public speaking isn't my Fortay and speaking in front of 200 or so people is going to be tough especially under these circumstances. But, seeing as its my dad and I loved him so much, I need to force myself to get up there and say a few things I want .
Thank you guys , look forward to hearing back from you.