Bobbers

Members
  • Content count

    31
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Bobbers

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    New Mexico
  • Loss Type
    My husband
  • Angel Date
    March 5, 2017

Converted

  • Occupation
    CNA
  • Last Name
    Bayless
  • First Name
    Sarah
  • Zip
    88311
  1. You need to be strong for your son, your a strong person, you will get through this, that is easy to say when you aren't going through this, anything to do with gods plan and my favorite I'm sorry for your loss.
  2. Well you made me cry. Thank you ❤️That meant a lot to mrme
  3. I do want a place to live and he doesn't seem to want to evict me even when I tell him to. Thank yo for the info
  4. I was referred to a place that said they would write a check to my landlord and there is paperwork for me and him to fill out. They said I definitely have the money. He told me he doesn't want a check, he won't fill out paperwork, and he won't wait the two weeks it takes. I told him then he can just get the eviction process started pay the court costs and not get paid anything for this month. He seemed to lighten up, but he is trying to overcharge me every way he can. When I does evict me I can at least show the judge I had money towards the rent but he wouldn't take a check from them or fill out the w-9 form whatever that is
  5. Yes every good memory including just a memory weren't good or bad. He is involved in basically every memory I have. The thought has passed if I ever meet someone that all the things my husband did this other person, so what's the point. Thank you for the response
  6. I don't have to move yet I hope, but after my son gets out of school. I want to move. I am on Medicaid and I got a referral to this weight loss program. I was thinking that might be good because the weight I'm losing now is from not eating. I want to get my son into counseling now but I'm a little scared to right away I'm not sure if I'm ready to think about what is actually going on. But I feel like I need to change something. I clean my house then it's dirty by the end of the day. I just feel like I'm going in pointless circles. I would like to make some changes with myself and focus on my son and things that will help him feel better.
  7. I have been doing the Facebook more than before. I didn't keep picture or cards I don't have jewelry from him, because I lose stuff. I felt I had him so I didn't need that stuff and it could be something left over from when my son had rsv and almost died. So it almost felt like to me saving everything meant I thought I would lose them. You said something else but my brain is fried. If you use apple products there is this app cAllwd day one and it is a really awesome diary where you can add pics videos link drawings and it reminds you to write in it which helps
  8. You didn't upset me. I have been told a lot trust God he will help you and I always have to ask why wasn't he helping my husband. I want to believe he is near me and hasn't forgotten about me and he is happy, but all I've ever believed when you died is your dead there is nothing afterward. That comforted me but not now. I'm sorry if I was rude.
  9. Would changes include moving and this may seem strange to some. But I really want to change my hair everything about it. I understand that may seem small to some people but it seems like it might make me feel different or if I hate it I would feel worse.thank you for you response that was very helpful
  10. I'm asking this because it is hard for me to take advice about certain things from people who haven't experienced it. I am about three weeks in this ( he died on the 5th). I would really appreciate some advice on somethings and would like anyone to please add any as I'm sure I'm missing many things 1. I am realizing there are men that prey on widows, I don't have much experience with men, I've had one boyfriend than got married I never learned how to deal with men because they didn't dare try anything with me. I'm in a position where I feel like if I am mean to someone who makes me feel uncomfortable it will make it worse and then just being very simple and forward, they continue. 2. I don't trust a lot of my judgement, should I wait a year until I meet new male friends. I understand it's different for everyone but any advice would help. 3. I'm having trouble throwing away anything he has even touched including cigarette butts. I can't move thing in our room even trash and things that need to be picked up. 4. I never took many pictures, he did and they are on Facebook. Any advice on how I could print these out. I also have a cell phone Samsung 3, and a kindle fire that won't charge. If there. Is anyway to get the pictures off them or some sort of cloud they could be in. I do have an I pad so I will check to see if there are pictures saved there. That is all I can think of and I appreciate any and all help. I understand I could google but I can't seem to focus long enough to read much thank you
  11. I have always considered myself a sensitive and empathetic person. I've always had trouble making a lot of friends and meeting new people because of my anxiety but I really cared about people and would be hurt over things happening to people. I'm not saying I have some super power, but I'm saying this to explain why I'm concerned. I'm trying to stay connected because I know how easy it can be to isolate and very hard to get out of that. I'm having a hard time being empathetic and sympathetic and even understand at all why people are doing the things they do, my concern the most is with my son. We are able to laugh and have fun and we help each other, so that is good. I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself, it more anger, I've kicked my mom out of my house many times, went a day at the most without answering my phone but I will send a short text so people don't freak out. I realize both of us need to go to counseling and maybe some one that specializes in grief. I would love to go to meetings but I have no idea if there are even any in the small town I live in is Alamogordo nm. I'm also thinking since im actively trying to avoid thoughts about my husband and I don't know how I'm feeling my self. I just worry I'm going to become a sociopath or psychopath. I'm also starting to have dreams every night where I search for him all night and wake up and realize he's gone, these happen throughout the day also like something as small as a chair will set me off. I thought about throwing this extra chair we have and out I thought we'll me husband is going to fix it and it's way more comfortable so I moved it back and it took me 5 minutes and I remembered he is never coming home. It is very disturbing feelings, one I can't even explain as I've never felt pain like this before. I don't see how I'll ever be able to live a normal life and I just want to be able to remember him in a positive way instead of memories of watching him die and all our memories being painful. I am 36 so I assume I will meet some one, but I just think well they won't do all these things my husband did, they won't be my husband, so I'm not interested. Obviously I'm not looking for anyone but thought that cross my mind. Thank you.
  12. Please trust me because I'm not trying to be rude when I say this. You said something about don't worry god will take care of you, where was god when your or my husband was dying. I've never been religious but I'm trying to find some meaning in anything at all. Why does god get praised for anything good happening, but he had nothing to do with the bad thimgs happen? I'm only trying to find some religion so maybe I won't feel like life is pointless. Which I know believe it is pointless as everyday goes by I have less energy and no investment in trying? Why so it can happen again not interested in being a part of this stupid experience it sucks so mentally and physically exhausted I'm not making any sense I'm sorry
  13. My husband died two weeks ago and I thought I wouldn't be to go in our place. I wanted to leave everything we owned, but our son talked me into going back. I told him I would try one night and I'm glad I did. I like seeing our stuff, but I'm moving slow. I didn't clean or change anything until I felt ready. I waited a week before I went in our room even though it will probably be a while if at all until I can sleep in there. I don't let anyone in our room. I haven't changed the sheets and may not was them when I change them and pack them away. I'm just taking it slow and trying not to make any decisions I can't take back. I'm new at this but this has helped me so far. I've also had to learn how to be firm with people trying to help me. There was a dead plant my mom wanted to throw away and I told her I wasn't ready and she needs to accept it even though she mightullt not understand. I'm so sorry about the guilt you feel, everyone will tell you there is nothing you could have done, but it doesn't make me feel less guilty. I saw my husband in the hospital get fentynal twice on accident then narcan twice and I just sat there confused. It might have not been my fault, but he was awake and fine then dead and I watched it. I think everyday if I would have said or done anything different he wouldn't have died and he would be with me and our son. Just don't make any big or fast decisions you might regret later. I really am sorry.
  14. Thank you, I know it must seem weird that two weeks after my husband died I'm worried about money. Right now I am scared because it's like I can't remember him and I've been with him from 20 to 37 years. After this happened I was going never step in the place we've been renting for only ten years. I wanted my son to pack his stuff get in my car and drive. My son told me he wanted to finish the year at his school. I told him I would try out one night. I wasn't able to go in our room, but I slept on his floor. It's been two weeks and I'm starting to go in our room, but I can't sleep in there. I actually feel comfortable here, even without him here. I've been cleaning and decorating a little. I'm worried I will never want to leave this trailer because it feels like I'm leaving him and all our memories here. I am learning to take it day by day and not to worry about little things. Anything that happens can't be worse than this. I picked up his ashes and started to cry and I had to stop and leave the funeral home. I know it's not healthy to avoid feelings but it's something I've always done and I've never had feelings this intense in my life. I'm scared that this shock will just suddenly wear off one day and I have no idea how it will affect me. I've had depression and anxiety almost my entire life and I have learned what to expect and how to see it coming. My husband knew and would force me to get out of bed and go on a walk. I can't put that responsibility on my son. The last 2 days it has been so hard to wake up it literally feels like I'm wearing weights. It is the strangest feeling. I forgot to mention when I brought the urn home I felt better. My son has been collecting his stuff and made a shrine in his room with his urn and pictures. Sorry I kind of lost track where I was going with this but. I don't want to be homeless but if I have to live in a shelter in all reality it can't get worse. My friend started a go fund me page, but with a different company that charges less, so I was able to get an urn and pay rent next month.
  15. We have been married for 13 years and have a son together. They said I'm eligible for survivor benefits or DIC. And his last disability check for the month he died. I will know on Monday about the temporary death certificate as I will not get the real one for 90 days. I do not have a job right now. I'm barely functioning. My last job I did home healthcare my people died and it really affected me, so I was looking into something else besideds CNA Work.