Bobbers

Members
  • Content count

    34
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Bobbers

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    New Mexico
  • Loss Type
    My husband
  • Angel Date
    March 5, 2017

Converted

  • Occupation
    CNA
  • Last Name
    Bayless
  • First Name
    Sarah
  • Zip
    88311
  1. My husband died. My life is going downhill fast. When my mom saw me in jail she seemed pleased that she finally had control over me. I can't do anything right. My kid hates me and that's all I care about. I'm going to do much damn counseling and here I am
  2. Same date I lost my husband at 4:32. I'm so sorry. People seems to act like know what's best especially when they haven't been through the same thing. People are trying to control my life half the time I get very angry and rude the other half I sit there confused. I don't have much advice, but it did make me feel better to know I'm not alone on this
  3. My husband died 2 months ago on the fifth. I woke up the other night screaming. The whole next day I was angrier than I have ever been in my entire life. Everyday is a new fun exciting surprise of emotions I've never felt or learned how to deal with. One time after being awake for 3 days after 2 hours of sleep I look over and didn't see my husband sitting there, so I start calling him and looking for him. I had completely forgot he was dead, I started slowly realizing that he died and felt the most gut wrenching pain I've ever felt. It was paralyzing. It was worse than watching him die. The VA told me they never got my paperwork and sent me some more to fill out. So every moth I'm scrambling to pay bills. I can't make decisions, I don't think things through, I'm a complete mess. If I spend one day getting counseling or group and going to the mail box I'm so exhausted I sleep the entire next day. My aunt told me to my face she is going to make a copy of my key and she was just being nice by telling me. I have no privacy, I told her no and she did it anyway. My phychiatrist told me to change the locks, but if my mom finds out she will call cps on me. She loves that she can control me now. I'm so lonely I asked my sons best friends dad when he was dropping him off if he wanted to watch a movie and he replied with "don't you think it's a little early for that. I wasn't even hitting on him and still got turned down. I'm so lost I pretty much moved out of my moms house and I'm with my husband. I lived with him almost longer than her. He is all I know and he is dead. I want to scream at the world what is the fucking point of this ****. I hate this. I know it's only 2 months in but I do think about being alone forever and it scares me. I don't want to be with someone just to not be alone, but I feel old, have no idea how to meet anyone and I'm a mess and online in a tiny town with litteraly no friends, my friend is gone. I see no good outcome to this. My son is moving out in 5 years, I know I shouldn't think that far ahead, but I can't make my son replace my husband. He needs me, so I can't do anything crazy, so I usually sit in the living room staring at the damn walls. I imagine this being my life. Forever. Something has to change. I feel like I'm going crazy
  4. You need to be strong for your son, your a strong person, you will get through this, that is easy to say when you aren't going through this, anything to do with gods plan and my favorite I'm sorry for your loss.
  5. Well you made me cry. Thank you ❤️That meant a lot to mrme
  6. I do want a place to live and he doesn't seem to want to evict me even when I tell him to. Thank yo for the info
  7. I was referred to a place that said they would write a check to my landlord and there is paperwork for me and him to fill out. They said I definitely have the money. He told me he doesn't want a check, he won't fill out paperwork, and he won't wait the two weeks it takes. I told him then he can just get the eviction process started pay the court costs and not get paid anything for this month. He seemed to lighten up, but he is trying to overcharge me every way he can. When I does evict me I can at least show the judge I had money towards the rent but he wouldn't take a check from them or fill out the w-9 form whatever that is
  8. Yes every good memory including just a memory weren't good or bad. He is involved in basically every memory I have. The thought has passed if I ever meet someone that all the things my husband did this other person, so what's the point. Thank you for the response
  9. I don't have to move yet I hope, but after my son gets out of school. I want to move. I am on Medicaid and I got a referral to this weight loss program. I was thinking that might be good because the weight I'm losing now is from not eating. I want to get my son into counseling now but I'm a little scared to right away I'm not sure if I'm ready to think about what is actually going on. But I feel like I need to change something. I clean my house then it's dirty by the end of the day. I just feel like I'm going in pointless circles. I would like to make some changes with myself and focus on my son and things that will help him feel better.
  10. I have been doing the Facebook more than before. I didn't keep picture or cards I don't have jewelry from him, because I lose stuff. I felt I had him so I didn't need that stuff and it could be something left over from when my son had rsv and almost died. So it almost felt like to me saving everything meant I thought I would lose them. You said something else but my brain is fried. If you use apple products there is this app cAllwd day one and it is a really awesome diary where you can add pics videos link drawings and it reminds you to write in it which helps
  11. You didn't upset me. I have been told a lot trust God he will help you and I always have to ask why wasn't he helping my husband. I want to believe he is near me and hasn't forgotten about me and he is happy, but all I've ever believed when you died is your dead there is nothing afterward. That comforted me but not now. I'm sorry if I was rude.
  12. Would changes include moving and this may seem strange to some. But I really want to change my hair everything about it. I understand that may seem small to some people but it seems like it might make me feel different or if I hate it I would feel worse.thank you for you response that was very helpful
  13. I'm asking this because it is hard for me to take advice about certain things from people who haven't experienced it. I am about three weeks in this ( he died on the 5th). I would really appreciate some advice on somethings and would like anyone to please add any as I'm sure I'm missing many things 1. I am realizing there are men that prey on widows, I don't have much experience with men, I've had one boyfriend than got married I never learned how to deal with men because they didn't dare try anything with me. I'm in a position where I feel like if I am mean to someone who makes me feel uncomfortable it will make it worse and then just being very simple and forward, they continue. 2. I don't trust a lot of my judgement, should I wait a year until I meet new male friends. I understand it's different for everyone but any advice would help. 3. I'm having trouble throwing away anything he has even touched including cigarette butts. I can't move thing in our room even trash and things that need to be picked up. 4. I never took many pictures, he did and they are on Facebook. Any advice on how I could print these out. I also have a cell phone Samsung 3, and a kindle fire that won't charge. If there. Is anyway to get the pictures off them or some sort of cloud they could be in. I do have an I pad so I will check to see if there are pictures saved there. That is all I can think of and I appreciate any and all help. I understand I could google but I can't seem to focus long enough to read much thank you
  14. I have always considered myself a sensitive and empathetic person. I've always had trouble making a lot of friends and meeting new people because of my anxiety but I really cared about people and would be hurt over things happening to people. I'm not saying I have some super power, but I'm saying this to explain why I'm concerned. I'm trying to stay connected because I know how easy it can be to isolate and very hard to get out of that. I'm having a hard time being empathetic and sympathetic and even understand at all why people are doing the things they do, my concern the most is with my son. We are able to laugh and have fun and we help each other, so that is good. I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself, it more anger, I've kicked my mom out of my house many times, went a day at the most without answering my phone but I will send a short text so people don't freak out. I realize both of us need to go to counseling and maybe some one that specializes in grief. I would love to go to meetings but I have no idea if there are even any in the small town I live in is Alamogordo nm. I'm also thinking since im actively trying to avoid thoughts about my husband and I don't know how I'm feeling my self. I just worry I'm going to become a sociopath or psychopath. I'm also starting to have dreams every night where I search for him all night and wake up and realize he's gone, these happen throughout the day also like something as small as a chair will set me off. I thought about throwing this extra chair we have and out I thought we'll me husband is going to fix it and it's way more comfortable so I moved it back and it took me 5 minutes and I remembered he is never coming home. It is very disturbing feelings, one I can't even explain as I've never felt pain like this before. I don't see how I'll ever be able to live a normal life and I just want to be able to remember him in a positive way instead of memories of watching him die and all our memories being painful. I am 36 so I assume I will meet some one, but I just think well they won't do all these things my husband did, they won't be my husband, so I'm not interested. Obviously I'm not looking for anyone but thought that cross my mind. Thank you.
  15. Please trust me because I'm not trying to be rude when I say this. You said something about don't worry god will take care of you, where was god when your or my husband was dying. I've never been religious but I'm trying to find some meaning in anything at all. Why does god get praised for anything good happening, but he had nothing to do with the bad thimgs happen? I'm only trying to find some religion so maybe I won't feel like life is pointless. Which I know believe it is pointless as everyday goes by I have less energy and no investment in trying? Why so it can happen again not interested in being a part of this stupid experience it sucks so mentally and physically exhausted I'm not making any sense I'm sorry