Okay I want to make this quick and not to long. Last year on Father's Day 2016, I was 13 at the time btw. My mom had asked me to go to the store with her to get my dad a cake. That day I didn't feel like doing anything, and when she asked me I was animating a new animation. So I had asked my older brother to go with her. He agreed but my mom didn't want to him to go with her, you see they've always had a rocky relationship, and I think it might have something to do with the fact that, she's actually my grandmother who adopted us. When she was about to leave, if I remember correctly, she had asked if I was sure I didn't want to go with her. I don't quite remember though cause that day is kinda fuzzy to me. But I didn't go with her, the last things she said to me was "Goodbye, I'll be back soon I love you" but she never did. She left at about 3:30 and around 5:30 6:00 my dad asked me when's mom coming back. I told him I didn't know, a few minutes later we got a phone call from the hospital saying that my mom had been in a car accident. I remember my dad asking about her condition, but they wouldn't tell him. When we on our way to the hospital I prayed for my mom to be alright. When we got there they brought us to a room and told us that she didn't make it. At that moment time stopped for me, I felt dizzy and a cold sweat ran down my back. If I had a mirror with me I'd bet my bottom dollar that I was as white as a ghost. My dad than went to her room to see her, I asked to go to but they didn't let me, due to the fact that they wanted me to remember her as she normally is and not as a bedridden corpse with tubes in her. We didn't even have a funeral for her! And I can't help but think "it's all my fault if I'd had gone with her she wouldn't have been there at the time that that speeding son of a bitch was on the damned road." Whenever I go to a store I take a few minutes to get ready, but I was being selfish if I had just gone with her this never would've happened! I need help I can't deal with this any longer, I've tried suicide many times after her death but never fully went through with my attempts. Despite it being almost a year later and me being 14 now i still don't know what to do anymore I miss my mom so much, I tried talking to people about my grief but yet I still feel empty and alone on the inside life's just not the same anymore. Every day I think of how she might've died inside that car trapped, these are some pictures of her car a witness took after the accident. By the time she got the hospital she barely had a pulse, she died at 4:04 and we didn't find out until 5:30 - 6:00. I think of how she must've been surprised when the car was rolling over. I think of how it all could've been prevented if I had just gone with her! I just wish I could've said goodbye, I miss her so much, I just want my mother back. Is that to much to ask?