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About AJ75

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  • Gender
  • Loss Type
    Lost My Boyfriend
  • Angel Date
    January 15,2017
  1. I can't seem to stay asleep all night, tossing and turning. Don't know what I am dreaming about, wish I did, would make more sense if I knew why I was tossing and turning. I have started a free trial on a counseling site called betterhelp.com to see if it helps any. Plus I'm going to try to go to our favorite vacation site and see about a job, it would only be for the summer, but that's ok with me right now. I do appreciate everyone here, you are helping by listening and replying. I feel like we are friends from a distance that know what to say to each other. Thank you to everyone!!!
  2. I would like to know how everyone is dealing or has had the experience with bedtime. Is it possible to fall asleep without crying to sleep? As much as I would like to stop crying I can't, he pops into my mind when I am trying to rest and water works are turned on. I am awake most of the time until 3 or 4 in the morning but I stay in bed until about 12 or 1 in the afternoon. I figured I have no reason to get up and I stay in bed. I feel like this is the only place I can come and talk to anyone. Sometimes I wish I had someone here who understands and can help me process everything.
  3. okay I don't get to stay where we lived together, and a friend moved me into her and her husband's place an hour and a half away, but now it seems like she is pushing me to find a job and do things. Don't want to hurt her feelings, but it seems like she is getting irritated with me being here, maybe it's me but i don't know.
  4. thank you KayC
  5. Today was our day, we liked to do our hair and his beard green. We would dress up in green and go out for dinner and a few drinks. I felt like he was here with me today, so today seemed like a good day. This group has helped me with my emotions. I am glad to be able to talk to people that know what I am going through, without opinions, and offer comfort and support. Thanks everyone for being here for us and me.
  6. I have been searching for maybe group grief sessions, but waiting sucks. Then I found this web site and decided to go for it, I need to get better and improve my life. My kids are worried about me and I don't want that, they have their lives to worry about. Sometimes I just want to disappear but I know I can't do that, too many people look for me. I'm also trying to decide if the things that I have, that belonged to him, should I keep or not?! Still trying to work things out and try not to cry. He was a wonderful person, made many friends, helped other people out and asked for nothing in return. I'm gonna miss his smile, his touch, his laughter, just him all together.
  7. Thank You Marcel, it does help knowing there is someone I can talk to about what I am going through, but it also seems like there are a lot of us going through the same things. I know losing him is one of the hardest thing I have to deal with, the other is since we never married his children are selling the house and land and everything that is his on the property. That hurts.
  8. He passed away in January 2017. I am having a difficult time with his passing, not sure what to do, where to go, who to talk to about anything. I miss him so much it hurts. Everyone keeps telling me time heals all, but how much time. I don't want to cry anymore but I can't help it. Feeling sad, lonely, lost, all at the same time. We have been together for 9 years and decided to get married this year which didn't happen . His heart was tired and stopped pumping, no attack, no pain. I had a dream where he said he was ok and not sick anymore, but he isn't here either.