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About Mrsviden

  • Rank
    Cody Videnich
  • Birthday 06/26/1994

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Hot Springs
  • Interests
    Helping others, crafting, traveling, and cooking.
  • Loss Type
    Husband/Best Friend
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  1. I'm actually confused on why struggles is in parentheses as if dealing with losing a spouse is not something to be considered a struggle. I just don't get it, I read the whole thing over and over again and begin to question if those things are true, is there something wrong with me, am I grieving wrong...
  2. Wow, thank you. Your words spoke to me because I feel the exact way. I post on there because there's some part of me that feels as if he's going to log on and see it. I too text my husband daily. I still have my wedding rings on and I have his on a necklace, it will stay that way forever. I've read that text message over and over again and I just can't believe how "heartless" it is. I've lost my husband and because I don't welcome you, I deserve to be talked to as if I have no feelings. As mentioned before, I barely have energy to get out of bed much less engage in a pointless argument.
  3. Thank you.
  4. I say it helps, but then when I really think about it I don't know if it does. I just miss him. It's as if daily it's a recurring nightmare, almost as if it doesn't feel real. I too don't feel as if I have the energy to argue about it, I guess that's the reason I haven't texted her back. I look at it as what's the point it's not going to bring Joe back. This whole thing has taught me people don't understand what it's like, but I do believe the reason behind the whole thing is because I didn't accept her offer, but again I didn't and still don't want anything but my Husband to come back. I don't have the energy to have any close relationships. Thank you for giving me your point of view.
  5. Thank you, I'm currently in grief counseling just don't think it's enough, it's like when I go I have so much to say from the other 6 days in the week. I am very involved in church, but having family who doesn't understand is what hurts.
  6. Is it weird to feel speechless and feel like you have so much to say all at the same time? What I may say after this may or may not make sense, I feel all over the place with my emotions. Yesterday I was scrolling through Facebook and realized I hadn't seen my cousins posts in awhile so I went to search her name and found that Her and I were no longer Facebook friends, it being odd I just sent her a new request and later checked to find out that she denied I decided to text her and ask her why we weren't friends aymore and why I didn't have the option to add her reply until this message came in this morning (I sent the text last night) I post about my husband because it helps (somewhat) and I really want to keep our love alive and by posting things and tagging him. I don't think I'm the first one to do such a thing... She did in fact reach out to me when it first happened but I was not ready for any of that and it wasn't the time to try and mend a relationship (we've never been close), growing up she was/is still the favorite, her speaking of keeping my relationship a secret had everything to do with that's not who my "family" wanted me with and so I went behind their backs and dated/married him anyway. So I called my grandma and mentioned it and said ya know my feelings were hurt, and she said "Cody, do not go there with me we've told you time and time again that nobody understand why you wanted to be with him" I said I'm so sick and tired of the same thing being brought up. I then went on to say that I'm sorry I didn't join the army like "cousin" did and that I'm such a screw up, she then said it's just time to get over it and I'm tired of talking about it. My question(s) to all of you is am I immature for posting about him? Am I wrong for not wanting a relationship with her right after my husband passed away? I don't even know how to feel, I feel so heartbroken and I feel like only the people on here understand it, others tell me to get over it and move on and stop having a pity party for myself. If I may add when she said we are at different stages she's right, she has a husband and I don't. I'm grieving she's not. That's what hurts the most is people not going through it don't get it. Am I overreacting being mad at this message, if it was sent to one of you would you be offended? Please help me..all I want is my husband back.
  7. Thank you KMB, it's not my religious beliefs that keep me from believing his is with me, it's me believing that he still loves me, is proud of me, and wishes he were still here with me. That's what's hard.
  8. What I'm about to say I don't want to be taken the wrong way as if I want someone else to die instead of my husband but one of my husbands high school friends came over 2 years ago(he hadn't seen him since high school) and told my husband he was making his rounds because he only had 3 months to live because he had stage 4 lung cancer. My husband wasn't all that sick then, he had CLL but it was in control, which later on transformed into AML about 1 year and a half after this conversation. Well as mentioned before this was 2 years ago he came over and told my husband this, he is still alive, drinks every day and smokes at least 1 pack and a half a day, again it's not as if I wish he would die instead of my husband but that's what is so unfair about all of this is my husband took such good care of himself worked out everyday we always watched what we ate, never smoked, didnt drink except on birthdays and even then it was one not a whole 12 pack and here this guy is not having a care in the world and he's still here. Why did my husband have to go? Why couldn't he be one of those people who miraculously get healed. I just don't get it...
  9. Thank you again Herc. I've always been pretty strong, I had to because of dealing with cancer and when my husband doubted himself I had to be there to encourage him. Now I find myself really vulnerable and I'm not used to that. But your comparison is very relatable and I appreciate your understanding. Thank you again...
  10. I believe that's exactly where I am at is trying to be strong for my husband, but there are times where I still lose it, where I still want to lay in bed. I did see a butterfly yesterday but it just kept flying it didn't land anywhere near me. I'm my own worst enemy and this is no different I just beat myself up that I didn't do enough or without him here he doesn't love me anymore
  11. The things you say make perfect sense. I do feel that I'm out of energy to cry, I have cried so much these past few months than I've ever cried before. Yes you are right when you say he never wanted me to cry, because then it would make him cry lol. Grief is something I'd never wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy. I honestly just feel like I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing and with me being such a perfectionist I feel like I'm letting Joe down. It's just such a tough feeling to explain. Almost as if there are words. Hope you're doing well Herc...
  12. People don't hesitate to blow my mind, I can't believe some of the things that come out of people's mouth. My therapist explains it in a way that certain people can't deal with grief for very long so they acknowledge it and then it's out of their minds, which I guess means then they think of anything to say. 9 times out of 10 it's the wrong thing. With people acting as if he is not here I feel like I have to try to put my feelings aside and not deal with it. I'm in college so I can't really lose it there then on Wednesday and Sunday I have church which of course I can cry there but not like I really want to. With me hiding how I feel all the time makes me feel even more that my husband thinks I'm an awful person because I don't cry 24/7, the stuff with my sister in law really weighs on me, among a bunch of other things. My husband stopped sending me signs so is that a sign that he doesn't love me anymore? Does he think I'm a bad wife? Am I a bad wife? I just don't know what to think anymore, I'm not happy but I'm not crying all the time, what does that mean???? Am I numb?
  13. Thank you for those sweet words, definitely just been a rough few months. I miss him so much.
  14. Funny you mention someone once compared losing a pet to you losing your husband, because HIS sister has done that same exact thing. Don't get me wrong it would tear me apart to lose my dog but nothing compared to losing my soulmate, my husband.
  15. His Monkey: first off I'm sorry you are having to deal with that mess. I wish I knew the answer to your question. I don't think it ever gets easier, I think we just learn to cope better. This is something we will live with forever.