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About Clearhead

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    England - North
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  1. Very sorry to hear about your terrible loss Komal. I am very grateful that I was there when my mother passed away, but cannot imagine how awful it must feel when you are not in the same country. You're right, until it happens to you no one can understand how painful it is. It's something that is impossible to prepare for and something that changes you forever. Just deal with it in the best way you can in your circumstances and try to think how your mother would want you to be. When I found myself walking around my local city centre depressed and unhappy, I suddenly changed my behaviour when I realised that it was the last thing my mother would have wanted me to be doing. Just don't feel under any pressure to be strong and move on - grief is long and complicated but is a natural process and it will take it's natural course with you. It's fine to be weak and fragile in these circumstances and being like that really shows you care. Anyone who suggests that just over a month after your mother has died you should be strong and move one simply doesn't understand what grief is.
  2. It doesn't seem real!

    Very sorry to hear about your loss. At such a young age it's a horrific situation to have to go through and you are doing the right thing by writing down thoughts and asking for opinions. I also get the same feelings about my late mother and it's usually when my life is starting to feel normal again. I suddenly get reminded of whats happened and then I ask myself - did this actually happen> What you are feeling is part of the natural grieving process so please don't think there's something wrong with having feelings and thoughts like this. It might be worth looking for a local support group to talk about it as there will be other people who have gone through a loss like this, and it would help to express your thoughts about how you are feeling. Take care of yourself and try to think think of how your Dad would want you to live your life. I'm sure he would very proud of you.
  3. Thanks for the kind words Charterhouse11 - it does seem like a big coincidence that I was visiting on the same day and am very thankful I was, and also that the last two people she spoke to were my father and me with my last words to her being 'Goodnight'. It does serve a lot of comfort knowing these things and I dread to think what my feelings would be if I was away or hadn't seen her for a long time etc.
  4. Yes indeed thanks Maisie - it's hard going through this at my age, but at your age it's very admirable to be able to offer advice and support like that and talk about your awful experiences in that way. It's so sad that those are the last memories I have of my mother, but I'm trying my hardest to make sure the best memories come to the surface again.
  5. That sounds interesting, I might try guided meditation. I need to slow things down like that and allow myself to process thoughts a lot slower and more peacefully. I'm still replaying everything that happened each night when I go to bed, but I'm trying ti distract myself as much as I can. The normal working routine does help though and there is a general theme of acceptance trying to get through somewhere now I think, so just hoping that these thoughts and images I get gradually fade and that my mind goes to other things more often than not.
  6. Thank you very much for all of the replies (and hugs!). I wasn’t expecting such quick and detailed responses and they are all full of very helpful advice. I think it’s important to speak to people like this who have gone through something similar in addition to the support from friends and family. Yes, it is kind of like trying to let the grief run it’s natural course but also not let it stop you living your life. However bad some of the days at work can be, it does help a lot having something different to focus on each day. I’ve had a few days off, but I’m not sure how helpful they’ve really been. I’ve had a look at the CRUSE website but haven’t taken the plunge with it yet. From what the replies are saying, it does look like it’s worth doing. I think I’ll give them a ring soon and see what they can offer. It sounds like I’m in for a long ride then. I do also get a lot of moments when I can’t believe it’s happened and I’m just trying to understand within myself that this isn't something that I’m going to get over, it’s something that’s going to permanently change and alter me and my life.
  7. I lost my mother a month ago to a sudden heart attack in bed. She was fit and healthy and had no health conditions, so this came as a huge shock to us all. I was visiting my parents for the weekend and was sleeping in the room next to them, and my Dad woke me up saying that he couldn’t wake my mother up. We both then tried to wake her, called 999 and the paramedics did all they could to save her, but were unable to do so. One of the problems I have during my grief is that because my Dad and I were the ones first on the scene, we saw her at the most horrifyingly worst - blue lips, helpless body and eyes all over their sockets, and then we saw her being given CPR for around 45 minutes on the floor of the bedroom. I just can’t get these images out of my head at night and they come back each and night as soon as I decide to go to bed. I’m sure there must be some link to the fact that it happened just after I went to bed that night and they therefore come back at the same sort of time. I don’t live in the same house where it happened, but that hasn’t really made much of a difference with this. I’m curious to know if anyone has had any similar experiences to this and whether they found a solution that stops this regular recollection of what I saw that night. I’ve tried reading more books than usual, especially in bed at night, which helps a bit but it hasn't solved the problem. It wouldn’t be so bad if I was recalling the best memories I have of her but it’s always these absolutely terrible ones. I’d also like to know how people have got through the first few months in general. I was numb for the first 2 weeks, and then going back to work I’ve felt a bit more normal but some days are very painful indeed. I’ve heard people say that a sudden death like this takes longer as the numbness and shock need to get over first before the proper grieving starts, and now I feel like I’m right in the full grieving process. I’m not religious, but I still like to feel my mother will always be by my side in some sense and always there to offer an opinion and answer a question - which is good because she was always right!