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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About Solomon'sGirl

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    Advanced Member

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  • Angel Date
    January 19, 2017

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  1. Offline awhile

    Happy Birthday, KayC. You've been a steady supply of strength for me. I hope your day gets better. "See" you when you get back.
  2. Hi, I'm new

    I haven't posted on here in quite a while. I'm doing pretty good. I've stayed incredibly busy, which has helped a lot. I still break down and still think about him every single day, all day long. I still haven't moved much in the house. His clothes are still in our closet exactly where he put them. Bathroom is the same. His 3-in-1 shower gel is in the same spot, although I've used it a few times just to smell him. It's still hard for me to totally grasp that this really happened. I think back to when we met and all the things we did and went through and think, "I had no idea at the time, but he was only going to be with me for..." such and such amount of time. I still feel his presence and still see myself as with him. I've wondered if that will ever change. I miss him terribly. I have a little story to share. Thad was a history teacher. I would help him set up his classroom before the start of school and decorate it a bit. He had a bookend that was a bust of Abe Lincoln. I had set it on top of some books facing the classroom since he didn't really need it as a bookend. One day I was in his classroom and noticed that Abe had been turned around so you could see the back of his head. I laughed and asked if Abe was in time out. He laughed and asked his class who did that. Fast forward to now. I've had his things from his class packed up in our house. I set Abe on the floor while going through some stuff and just never put him back. He faced me all summer while I sat in the chair at night watching TV. I would talk to Thad asking him to turn Abe around hoping one day he would figure out how. Then I'd know he was here with me. All summer it never happened. One night after my daughter had come back from spending the summer at her dad's, I noticed that Abe was turned around. I couldn't believe it. I made a mental note to ask her if she had turned him around, hoping she'd say no. The next day I asked her, and she said yes. I was bummed but laughed a little and asked why. She giggled and said, "He's in time out!" In my mind I think he wasn't quite sure how to turn Abe around haha so he waited until the little one came home and had her do it! I wholeheartedly believe that they're still with us : )
  3. 1st Wedding Anniversary without my wife today

    Hi, Azipod. I haven't posted on here in a while. Every now and then I stop by and read a few posts and just "sit" with those that know how I feel. I just wanted to say that as difficult and sad as today is, I think it's wonderful that you've made this day count. Thank you for sharing it with us.
  4. A good read, wanted to share

    http://shareably.net/wise-words-on-grief-and-death-v1/?utm_source=hp&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=undefined there's the link if you'd like to read there. It was written by a user on Reddit: “My friend just died. I don’t know what to do.” While the rest of the post has been deleted, and only the title remains, one user’s powerful response is a must-read. This self-titled “old guy” has a few words of wisdom that we can all use. Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see. As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
  5. Girlfriend died at age 22. Totally devastated.

    Very interesting, and it makes sense. I'm glad you found this. Thanks for sharing KayC
  6. A Feeling of Determination

    Your post makes me feel that it's okay to be determined. I've always had this desire to be efficient with my time and to be glad about something no matter what. I've struggled since the accident with everything, including my identity. I didn't know who I was without him. I'm starting to remember who I am and always have been. He's still with me in so many ways. I talk to him everyday. I live as if I'm living with him. I might sound crazy, but it works for me. Some might think I'm rushing grief, which we all know you can't. You can set it aside, but you can't rush it. I'm guilty of setting it aside. I get along as best as I can and tend to break down when my daughter is away for the night or more. I push through and I guess almost seem to trick myself into thinking I'm good. I know I'm not. The sadness is always right there. I cry still out of nowhere. A lot of times though I'm in a kind of robot mode with feelings. It's hard to describe. I still feel and experience other emotions. I just have a profound sadness that's hovering over, waiting for the right time to release. However, I'm trying to "reinvest in reality" as you quoted. I've fought it thinking that something must be wrong with me for wanting to try to be okay. So thank you for this post. It's going to help me. And I'm glad you're listening to your wife. It's encouraging to know you, too, feel determined.
  7. Girlfriend died at age 22. Totally devastated.

    I have that book, too. I haven't read it yet. I have 3 books by him. All purchased after the accident because I was desperately trying to find a way to connect to Thad. This is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.
  8. Girlfriend died at age 22. Totally devastated.

    I made myself add the picture to this forum. I'm not sure why. It was during a time when I questioned if this, he, or our relationship was even real. I have a picture of him still sitting in a chair at our table. I have one in our bedroom by the mirror. I see them both everyday. I talk to him everyday. I kinda think I see the pictures as him, which might be weird. I know I'm still struggling with the finality of this. I can't watch videos or hear his voice. It hurts too much and I cry. I really am trying to get away from the sadness, the grief. I've actually wondered the same as you.. do I make myself watch the videos and cry or will I be ok if I just shut them out? I don't think I'll always shut them out. I think I'll want to watch them one day and actually be able to. I just know I can't and don't want to now. All that to say, I agree with KayC. I can relate to this. He loved that I laughed my way through life. I've done the best I can at being the old me while at work and around the kids. I try to be that way with friends. But when I'm alone, I'm incredibly uneasy, distraught. There's a calm in me when I'm being a mom, friend, employee. I have a purpose. When I'm alone I have to fight to remind myself of a purpose.
  9. Girlfriend died at age 22. Totally devastated.

    I know we are all dealing with grief differently probably and some might not believe in the book I'm going to suggest. However, it helped me tremendously. It's called Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian L. Weiss. It helped me feel and see that I'm still connected to Thad. It helped me be okay with living. It helped me see purpose. I saw things very differently, and I needed that. I still have moments and days of just annoyance that I'm here and he's not. I have to tell myself to find the good in the day. I want to find the good in the day. I want to be happy so badly. I fight being down and sad and crying. Boy do I fight it. And when my daughter is away for longer than a day, apparently that's when it's inescapable. No amount of fighting stops the tears and heartache. But what I got from the book is what helps bring me back to "okay". Maybe it will be that for you or someone else. So I had to share it.
  10. Girlfriend died at age 22. Totally devastated.

    I've had one of the roughest weeks yet. My daughter has spent the week with her dad. She's such a huge part of my life and gives me purpose. She always was and did before, but I've realized that since the accident she's all I've got. I've worked, I've hung out with friends, and I've stayed busy. However, I've cried hard every single day. I sobbed while out with friends. Usually I can hold it together around others. At most I'll shed a few tears and then change the subject or something. This week there's just a raw pain, loneliness, and longing for my life before the accident. I miss him. I miss what life was when he was here. I miss my life partner. I want so badly to live here with him and experience life with him. It's just so not fair. I think it's easier for me to pretend everything is okay when my daughter is home. I think this week especially has made me realize that I'm fighting reality and fighting hurting. I don't want to hurt like this. It scares me to think that I'll always feel this way. I don't know who I am without him, and I really don't want to know. I'm still holding on so much to "us" and I don't know if that's healthy or what. I wonder if something is wrong with me and then I come here and read what everyone is thinking and feeling. We're all just trying to figure out what to do. We're doing the best we can. It's weird, I can see me being happy and enjoying life, but I don't know how to get there. And I don't really want to get there without him.
  11. My dream last night

    I think I talked about my dream in another post, but I'll share here. It was a little over a month after he passed when I had the dream. In real life, I had been crying to him about how I missed him and just wanted to hug him again. I wanted him to know how much I love him and to just see him. So the night before my brother was to come stay with me, I dreamt that I was in our kitchen just waiting for him to get here. I heard the door try to open, but it was locked. I thought it was my brother until I heard the door being unlocked. At that moment I thought out loud that there's only one other person that has a key.. And sure enough he came in and peaked around the corner. We immediately hugged.. I pulled back to look at him and he was crying. We just hugged tight and then I woke up. I was kind of bummed when I woke up because I wanted to dream of him longer. But I read something that said when you have a visitation dream, they'll wake you up right after so you'll remember it. It felt real to me. I believe in that. It's painful waking up and being without them in the way we'd like to be. But I find some comfort in knowing that he's still here, just in a different form.
  12. Lost my soulmate due to a relapse

    I'm so sorry. Everyone here has lost their partner. Although our stories aren't exactly the same, our loss is. I've been through every stage of grief almost daily.. except acceptance. It's difficult to accept that this is reality. It's something that I can't go a day without thinking about. Sometimes I smile when I think of him, but I still cry every day. Some days are harder than others, but every day is strange to me. Something is always off. I try to keep busy because when I'm alone with nothing to do, I cry.. sob actually. You might feel alone, but you're not alone. We're here. Post as often as you want. Everyone here has been extremely helpful with whatever it is I'm feeling, which has brought much needed comfort to me. I hope you find comfort, too.
  13. Girlfriend died at age 22. Totally devastated.

    I saw the movie last weekend and remember the song. It made me think about my relationship and about all of us here. I know it's just a movie, but I really connected with that part. I'm glad you shared it on here. I'm sorry you're having rough days. I am, too. This is day two of spring break. We had so many plans for this week. Instead, I'm alone and crying mostly. Hope you can work through your thoughts. We'll be here when you're ready.
  14. Speechless

    I might not understand what's going on, but I will say that I wasn't in the right mind for a couple weeks after my significant other passed. I'm still sometimes a little off. My mom and sister both actually tried arguing with me just days after he passed. I say try because I didn't really engage in much. They were feeling helpless. I finally got to a point where I realized what was going on and told them that I just have zero energy to argue or care about anything other than Thad. Every single thing they were upset about seemed petty to me. We moved past it fairly quickly though. It took them understanding that I loved them and appreciated everything they were doing, but I just couldn't possibly be my usual self at that time. I still have to remove myself from certain situations/conversations. So with all that being said, your cousin might be hurt that you blew her off. However, she should also be understanding of what it's like to lose your partner. It's hard to do unless you've actually lost them. I'm sorry for what was said. It seems very insensitive. I don't have Facebook. I haven't posted anything on any social media about what's happened. But I've alway been a private person. I do talk to those that I see in person. But grieving is different for everyone. How I handle it might not work for you and vice versa. Honestly, how I handle this doesn't even work for me at times. It's just difficult and sad and unfair. So if you want to post about it, then post about it. Whatever helps you, do it. I'm so sorry she's not being supportive as you would like her to be.
  15. Hi, I'm new

    I have the same feelings. I talk to him. I share my days with him. Even when I'm trying to keep moving forward, I bring him with me. Yes, it's something that helps me get through the day, but it's also because I just feel so much of him with me.