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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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mary sledzianowski

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About mary sledzianowski

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  • Location
    south carolina
  • Interests
    poems, music and images
  • Loss Type
    i lost both of my sons
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232 profile views
  1. so lost

    hi tears in heaven I am so very sorry for your loss. I love the quotes. I will never understand why parents have to go thru this. It's not fair, were suppose to enjoy their lives not bury them. I don't think i will ever recover from this, my life is so empty and lonely Please keep in touch it means alot to me . thank you so much
  2. so lost

    thank you louann, I won't mind if you looked up the information, i'm so depressed all the time that it makes me have no ambition in life except to sit here and cry and wonder why.. I know deep in my heart that i need help but when the emptiness and pain in my heart start it's like i just keep giving up.
  3. so lost

    meant to post the above post in the loss of an adult child
  4. so lost

    I lost both of my boys back on february 27th 1999 and i have not stop grieving. I don't know how to live any other way. My youngest had just turned 15 and twenty days later he was gone and my oldest was 16 about to turn 17 that coming summer. I heard the sirens that day and prayed to god that it wasn't my boys, only minutes later i found out it was them. They were visiting their dad that weekend (one town over from me) and i warned my ex husband about this boy that was driving. I begged my ex husband not to let my boys hang out with him while he had them over there for the weekend. He didn't listen. My ex husband asked for visitation rights for every weekend and i agreed only because i thought maybe he would finally start being the father he should be . I was wrong i should have known better. Does he have any regrets? not a one he gets to go on with his life and i get to stay in the depression mode. He was a dead beat husband and a dead beat dad. His only concern was the settlement on the boys from the insurance company. I wish he was in the grave instead of my boys On the boys headstone it says brothers in life, brothers in death, for great is your reward in heaven. together forever. I miss my boys and probably will go on grieving the rest of my life. Life just doesn't have meaning anymore.
  5. so lost

    dianne thank you for caring and not giving up on me. i will go to the lost of an adult site and join everyone there. thanks so much
  6. finding meaning in your life again

    luannej I don't mind exchanging emails. mine is marysledzianowski@gmail.com looking forward to talking with you. I;m so very sorry about your daughter, i truly am...
  7. so lost

    thank you diane and lesley for understanding me and for helping me. my two boys were all the children that i had. I think that i'm gonna try my best to move forward and have some sort of life, i know in my heart that my boys would want me to do this. Although i know that there will still be days where it will hurts, i'm gonna try my best to get thru them.thank you so much
  8. so lost

    lesley, you are absolutely right about the isolation, i know it's not healthy and i'm at a loss right now in my life, my family is trying their best to talk me into coming to new york this summer (august). My sister that lives in virginia wants to come visit the end of april . She wants to get me back in therapy and back on medications but i keep making excuses. I think maybe it's because i'm afraid if i'm happy i don't want my boys to think that i've forgotten about them. I've got so many mixed feelings in my head that alot here lately i keep thinking i just want out of this terrible life. I know it's been eighteen years since they died but i just can't get pass it. My youngest son asked me one time what i would do if him and his brother died and i told him that i would end up in a mental hospital. I feel like i let them down in their short life and i want them back so back. I will never understand why this happened to me or any of us on this site, it's just not fair.
  9. so lost

    dianne thank you so much for caring and i will check out that section (loss of an adult child) I'm so very sorry for your loss
  10. so lost

    thank you so much everyone for the comforting words. Sometimes i get caught up in my own grief and forget to tell everyone here on this site how sorry i am for all the pain and heartaches everyone here is going through. I truly wish we didn't have to. I wish that i could give everyone here a big hug. From the bottom of my heart thank you all so very much.
  11. so lost

    i don't understand why i/we had to loose our children, It's been eighteen years and i can't get past it. I'm so lonely without them. Why god why? The heartache is so unreal. I want to find a black cave and crawl into it and never come out.I cannot deal with the pain anymore, they were my world and now i have nothing. I was the only one they could count on and now my world is empty and does not matter anymore I don't want to be lonely anymore
  12. so lost

    lesley, thank you so much for caring and i wish that i could give you a big hug. I'm afraid that i am at my ends with my life. I live in south carolina and i come from a large family of children, all of my family lives back in new york and one in virginia. They are the most loving family ever, i have five more sisters and two brothers (one brother passed away in 1987) my dad passed in 2007. I have a boyfriend of 25 years that really been bad, in fact i've been asking him to move out. I do not drive and i live out in the country area (kinda isolated) I was seeking professional help and was on medications for about ten years. Needless to say i quit both.I haven't seen my mom or family in over 5 years, they ask me to come all the time and i make excuses when they want to visit. I don't want them to see me this way, I've lost alot of weight and i look terrible.i hide from everyone, i have nothing lesley nothing the tears are rolling down my face as i type this. I am totally depressed and i can't for some reason make that move to want to live again.
  13. so lost

    sorry in my previous post i meant to put dennis and christophers mom i not quite sure what to put in the title box and the tags box
  14. so lost

    since i've lost both of my precious boys back in 1999 i have grown to hate the mornings, I've grown to hate the sunshine. I want to find a place to live where it's dark from mornings to evenings. I'm so lonely i can't stand it anymore. Nothing matters anymore and i wish god would just take me home. I don't know how to live anymore i feel like i just exist. I have no ambition to do anything with my life. Although it's been a long eighteen years it will always feel like the day they died. I don't know what to do anymore...
  15. hi rainie, I'm new in this group and can't figure out how to reply to a members comment on my post. However, I wanted to let you know how sorry i am for your losses and also your beautiful words. They mean alot to me. People who haven't lost a child doesn't understand that it doesn't matter how long it's been the pain and emptiness never goes away. They tell me that god had a plan for them, what about my/our plans for our children. my youngest just turned 15 and twenty days later he was gone, my oldest was 16. They were close in age and close in life. They were the best of friends and i was the only one in their life they could count on. I was mom and friend to them. On their headstone it says brothers in life brothers in death,for great is your reward in heaven. together forever.  February 27th will be eighteen years they're gone and my life has never been the same. 

    1. RAiNiE


      Oh Mary

      what a great gift finding this response

      i, too, have a hard time navigating this site

      i will re read and treasure this note when I need to know I am not alone and someone understands and dies not judge or condemn or ignore

      that I am a mother who walks this earth everyday with an empty heart where MOM used to be spoken into.


      if u ever want to communicate that way.

      i even do text if u have unlimited text I'd give u my cell phone number


      i care, RAiNiE

    2. mary sledzianowski

      mary sledzianowski

      thank you so much for understanding. Here is my email marysledzianowski@gmail.com and here is my cell number you call or text me anytime day or night i have unlimited 864-328-4100. If ever the loneliness gets unbearable i will be just a call or text away. i promise u. take care my friend, mary