Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About GreenL

  • Rank

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Loss Type
  • Angel Date

Recent Profile Visitors

171 profile views
  1. 1 Year

    In 10 days it will be a year since I lost the love of my life. One. Whole. Year. I thought by the time it reached one year I would start to feel normal-ish again. A year allows for all the firsts without your loved one - Valentines Day, your birthday, their birthday, anniversary, Christmas, New Years and so on. I thought that maybe if I could get through a year of firsts it would get easier, hurt a little less yet I'm still struggling to think of a future without him. I stil tear up at the mention of his name, or when I allow myself a moment to think of the happy memories we shared. I struggle to grasp that someone could be so present one day, and gone the next. No warning, no time to prepare, no nothing. Just gone. The longest we ever spent apart was a couple of days and now its nearly been a year since I heard his voice, held his hand, kissed him. It hurts beyond belief. I guess it's true when they say "you don't get over it, you just get through it".
  2. Lost my boyfriend

    Sending so much love at such a devasting time x
  3. Anniversary

    Today is our anniversary. We went away last year and we decided that each year going forwards we would pick somewhere new to travel to and explore. One of the many plans we didn't get to do. It has really hit hard today that he is gone. Forever. I have never, ever missed someone the way I miss him. It hurts so much. I'm not sure how to deal with special occasions that should be happy celebrations, does anyone have any tips?
  4. Lost the love of my life

    Soursunrise, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. Nothing will ever prepare you for losing the love of your life, especially not in the kind of circumstance you have. I lost my partner 12 weeks and 4 days ago, he was only 27 and had his whole life ahead of him. He made me so happy and we had so much planned. Unfortunately the heartbreak doesn't get any easier. Surround yourself with people who will love and support you - I couldn't have done it without my friends and family. Don't listen when people tell you "it will get better" - it won't, you just learn to deal with it. Cry as much as you want to and when you're done cry some more. Keep going, your partner would be so proud of you for surviving x
  5. Loss of Boyfriend to Cancer

    I came across a poem which summed up very briefly everything I am currently feeling and I thought I would share it:- Losing You I used to think I couldn't go a day without your smile. Without telling you things and hearing your voice back. Then, the day arrived it was so damn hard but the next was harder. And I knew with a sinking feeling it was going to get worse and I wasn't going to be okay for a very long time. Because losing someone isn't an occasion or an event. It doesn't just happen once. It happens over and over again. I lose you every time I pick up your favourite coffee mug; when that one song plays on the radio, or when I discover your old t-shirt at the bottom of my laundry pile. I lose you every time i think of kissing you, holding you or wanting you. I go to bed at night and lose you, when I wish I could tell you above my day. And in the morning, when I wake and reach for the empty space across the sheets, I begin to lose you all over again. - Lang Leav I have never been very good at explaining how I feel and have also found quotes/poems are the best way to epress my emotions. So Losing You was the best way I could let everyone know that I am still hurting. I am not "over it", I lose him every second of every day. x
  6. Loss of Boyfriend to Cancer

    KMB, I completely agree with Herc. You are anything but pathetic- you are strong, kind, caring, admirable, the list could go on, but not pathetic. You take time every day to comfort others, like me, who have lost someone close to them. Being able to reach out and support others at a time where you don't even know who you are is something else. My biggest accomplishment is also getting out of bed each day and thats okay. It has to be. Don't be hard on yourself, you're doing really well x Herc, I have read a number of your posts and I am always touched by the way you speak of your wife. There was obviously so, so much love in your relationship. Thank you so much for your kind words. Knowing that I can feel what is missing only because I also know what I had is small comfort at times, but comfort none the less. I know I was lucky to have what I had and I know that I am only grieving because I loved and was loved so much. Losing the love of your life is a special kind of loss. x KayC, I admire you so much. You reach out to everyone on this site and offer a virtual shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold. Your husband was blessed to have someone as wonderful and caring as you. He would be so proud that you are helping others from your own pain. I can speak on behalf of most of this site when I say thank you for reaching out! x
  7. Loss of Boyfriend to Cancer

    It almost surprises me that I manage to get through each day. In my head I'm still in December 2016, before everything happened, my boyfriend was still here and my life was normal. I had a future I was excited about and so much to look forward to. It often shocks me when i look at the calander and see 20th February, 21st February, 22nd February and so on. How is it 2017? How has this much time passed since he had his first scan? Since he was taken into hospital? Since he passed away? I didn't expect the entire world to stop for my heartache but I also forgot that everyone else still carries on as normal. I read somewhere that it helps to take each minute, each hour, even each day at a time which is what I have been doing. I haven't thought any further than Saturday. I try and push myself to do something each day rather than force myself to do it all at once. Today I took his laptop back to his work. I work next door but it has taken me 6 weeks to face his office and all the lovely people he worked with. Tomorrow I will push myself to do something different. I wish there was an answer as to how you deal with losing the love of your life. Some tablet you could take to ease the pain. Some device to wipe your memory, or even take you back in time. Although the world is a wonderful place, it can be incredibly cruel at times like this.
  8. Partner died suddenly

    Claire95, I am so sorry for your loss, and although you have had people pull away at this hard time please find comfort in the fact that there are so many wonderful people on this site who are willing to support you and listen to everything you have to say. Unfortunately no-one can take the pain away or make it right, but your hand will be held throughout the difficult time. I lost my boyfriend of 3 years suddenly, as well as my entire future I had planned with him. There is nothing that can describe the pain of losing a future you have planned with someone you love so dearly. I'm only 21 and was looking forward to buying a house, getting married, having children and i feel as though all of this has been taken away from me. He was the love of my life and always will be. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Please take each day at a time, don't rush anything especially your grieving and know that everyone is here to support x
  9. Loss of Boyfriend to Cancer

    So far I feel I have coped quite well. I've made myself go out and do things, to see people, I went back to work and I've worked hard. I've been struggling to get to sleep but once I was asleep, I was sleeping through the night. I wasn't having nightmares, or even dreams. But as the days go on I am finding it harder and harder. Since he passed away I have been so numb to the point I felt nothing at all. I would occasionally cry but I could manage a day, maybe two, without crying. I felt guilty, that I wasn't greiving enough. That people would think I didn't love him as much as I said I did. The month mark hit on Sunday 12th February, 2 days ago, and I feel as though something within me has shifted. I cannot sleep at all. I'm scared to. Everytime I wake up I have to remember all over again that he's gone. I didn't just lose him the day he passed away, I lose him every single morning. I lose him on my lunch breaks when he would come strolling out of his office with a massive grin on his face. I lose him when I see something he love to here and have no-one to tell it to. I lose him when I finish work and I no longer have him waiting there for me. I lose him at nighttime, where our bed used to feel too small and now there is far too much space. I don't know how many more times I can go through that. I feel such deep sadness and it's awful knowing that absolutely nothing can take that away. That nothing will ever help this pain.
  10. Want to share my experience.

    Andy, I found this post extremely comforting. You have perfectly described unconditional love. You must have had something so special to feel so deeply. I know the words are empty but I am so sorry for you loss. I hope you still, and always will, find happiness in the love you shared and that you have surrounded yourself with memories and photos. Stay strong
  11. Loss of Boyfriend to Cancer

    Thank you all so much for the heartfelt replies. It's such a terrible thing that everyone is bought together by such sadness and heartbreak. I searched for ages for somewhere I could pour my heart out, where other people would understand and have only recently come across this page. I only signed up last night but I already feel as though I am not entirely alone. It is nice not to be told that I will "get over it" or "it won't last" because I won't and it will. I will forever be changed by the devasting events of this year. Each story I read brings so much sadness, but it is so lovely to see that the world is full of kind, gentle people who are happy to offer support when they too are alone and suffering.
  12. Hi All, I am 21 and new to the site and looking for a way to deal with the loss of my boyfriend of 3 years. My boyfriend had a very short illness that had very little symptoms until the very last days. In the space of a couple of weeks he lost his ability to walk, had a seizure which resulted in him being placed in a coma and ultimately being brain damaged. He was diagnosed with an extremely agressive, primary stage 4 brain cancer called Glioblastoma which had spread throughout his brain. The main tumour, situated on his brain stem, had bled which caused the seizure. The cancer was untreatable and inoperable due to the location. He had surgery to reduce the pressure on the brain but the damage had already been done. His family and I made the decision to turn off the oxygen as we were informed we were no longer prolonging his life, but his death. He was diagnosed on the Tuesday and by early Thursday morning he was gone. I sat for 9 hours and watched the love of my life die. I feel so lost and alone. I have so much support around me but no-one is in the position I am.