Tiffany_Day replied to Tiffany_Day's topic in Loss of a Parent (Mother or Father)@DANIELLE BUCKNER I'm so sorry you can relate to this. There truly aren't any words to express how horrible it is. On the morning of my mums funeral everything felt so surreal. I think I was in shock as for the start of it, I was rather composed. Prior to this (the day after she died) I had viewing with her at the hospital... while it's not like it is in the movies, it was definitely not nice and she didn't look "well"..... so seeing her in the casket was less difficult for me. My sister and I had spent hours whilst planning the funeral choosing out a pretty white outfit for her and had specific requests about how Mum liked her hair and makeup..... and she looked beautiful.... and it was so sad because she looked well enough to get up and come home with us... but you could also tell that she wasn't "there" anymore... to be honest with you, aside from small outburst of tears I spent most of the funeral feeling numb and in a daze... at the wake I was angry. So angry with everyone standing around drinking and eating while my mum was gone. I can't say or even imagine what Saturday will be like for you as every experience can be different..... but I do remember feeling afraid before it too... the anticipation was much worse, and it was over so quickly too. I almost wanted it be longer. Because for me, after the funeral I felt like that's when people expect you to start your proper grieving process and I just didn't and still don't feel ready. My thoughts will be with you this Saturday, if you are doing a eulogy I'd suggest having a backup person to be able to take over for you if you get upset. Your celebrant should be able to.... be kind to yourself <3 xx @reader Thanks so much for your response and I am truly sorry about your dad. I think it's so great that you are trying different things like support groups and books...I've heard a few people mention The Grief Recovery Handbook, I may have to get myself a copy. Everything you said really resonated with me.... it's true that the world just keeps going on and I hate it. We have both lost one of the important people in our lives but things happen exactly the same. But they're just not here anymore and don't get to witness simple things they always got to like sunsets or new films. It's such a bizarre concept and I don't know how to ever get over it either. I also feel like people close to you give you an unsaid amount of time before they expect you to be "back to normal".... but they can't understand that what was once normal for you will never be again. I read a quote that I find quite relatable... it's something like "When you died a piece of me died with you, but a piece of you also lives within me." Theirs was written more poetically but you get the gist haha... it makes me sad but it also helps me in some small way. Sending you lots of hugs too. Take care <3
Tiffany_Day posted a topic in Loss of a Parent (Mother or Father)My mum was my only parent and she was the kindest, most loyal and beautiful personI knew. She was the glue that kept our family together and I love her more than I can even describe. She had a long string of medical problems and because of this she also had an addiction to painkillers and prescription medication. It started when I was about 13 (I'm 23 now), and for years everyone watched her slowly get worse. I often felt like we had been abandoned by most of our family and I decided to make it my mission to "save Mum", and make her better. We had countless arguments about her unhealthy lifestyle and she was very stubborn... but I never gave up. I kept thinking that one day she would get better.... and now I just feel like I've completely failed. It's unbearable. This year I bought my first house and Mum was so proud and happy for me. The last time I spoke to her was on a Saturday when she called to tell me she wasn't coming to visit me on Monday and that she'd wait until we were all settled in our new place. On Monday she died. My 17 year old sister found her on the kitchen floor. We don't have the official coroners report but assume it had to do with her medication. (She had a few hospital trips before due to the same thing...) The rest of the week was a blur of packing up her things, funeral arrangements and moving house to a completely different city. I didn't expect for time to go so fast or anticipate all of the things you actually had to do when someone dies. At her funeral (and whilst planning it), I somehow had this weird idea in my head that we were just throwing Mum a huge party filled with photos of her and flowers she liked... and afterwards I'd get to see her again...None of it seemed real. It still doesn't. Im completely at a loss. My partner and I have started renovating our house but I feel very little joy in anything. Which makes me feel terrible for him because I feel like I'm barely present in anything we do lately. I don't often cry..... truthfully I think I'm terrified of experiencing and accepting life without her. How can I accept that she just doesn't exist anymore? She was supposed to be here. I'm so angry at everyone and I hate hearing "I'm so sorry for your loss"... I understand people are trying to be helpful but I just feel like nothing matters. If they can't bring Mum back they can't help me. Yesterday I reluctantly booked an appointment with someone to talk to about all of this.... but I guess I am wondering what the point is? Has anyone actually found it helpful to seek professional help? Apologies this is so long and thanks to anyone who read my rambling mess of thoughts..