HHFaith

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    180
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About HHFaith

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Boston
  • Loss Type
    Boyfriend/Partner
  • Angel Date
    January 1, 2017
  1. Now that's a sign .....love it!
  2. No not wrong at all for feeling like that. I also hate seeeing people holding hands. Always makes me sad and want to cry. That should be me and Pat! I am now going through this thing where I want to say to those people "don't get too used to being happy. One of you will die!" How awful is that?!
  3. Now it's time to move to the front burner! Take good care of yourself Francine. (And I need to take my own advice!!)
  4. This grief journey is nothing but ups and downs. Just when you think you've taken a step forward, something hits you and you feel like you've taken 10 steps backwards. That's completely normal. It's so hard but normal. I still cry every day but sometimes not as hard or not as long. But the pain and sadness are still there. I look forward to the time when there will be more "good" days than bad.
  5. All we can do is get through one day at a time the best we can. And that is exactly what we're doing. We should give ourselves credit for surviving this. And yes, we are all different since losing the love of our life. We will never be the same person we were before. But....I do hope to be a better person someday. I got so much from loving Pat. I can only hope that having had him in my life did make me a better person and once I survive this and "recover" I hope to be an even better person. For myself and for Pat. Francine, I know we didn't know you before but I'm guessing you're turning into an even better person too!
  6. Thinking of you Bradley. I understand that feeling. I am struggling now with the sense that Pat is kind of drifting away from me as time goes on. I feel like I need to work at making a conscious effort to think of him and try to make the connection to him , to his spirit or soul. I know he is a part of me and will be forever. He is in my heart. I know that but I need to work on really feeling that. When I feel it, it does bring some peace. I think it's good that you brought things of hers out. I have lots of pictures and things around. And his gym bag is hanging on the coat closet door. That will stay there forever!
  7. Such a good reminder KMB. And as Andy said, work can be a distraction from the soul searching and healing that we all need so badly. I'm learning that it really is helpful to be still and reflect. I've never been good at that but I want to keep trying. It is good for the soul.
  8. Wow SweetBear, more similarities. Pat had a new life too, a happy life. His ex girlfriend was at the wake and the funeral home was full of pictures of the 2 of them! It had been 6 years since they split up. And she drove to the funeral in the family limo with his siblings. How did I survive that first week? It was all so horrible in so many ways. If her ex does show up, just be strong, be graceful, be above those people. Make Bev proud. I hope Pat was proud of me the way I handled those awful situations.
  9. That's great Andy. How I long for a "happy" feeling again. My daughter finally booked her flight so she'll be coming home for a couple weeks at the end of the month. I can almost say I'm "happy" about it. I think when I finally see her and can give her a big hug I just may feel happy. Last time I hugged her was at the airport 2 days after Pat died. What a tear filled scene that was. This time it will be tears of "joy" !
  10. Of course it's ok. One week out I wasn't even able to read anything, let alone a grief forum. The pain is overwhelming I know. We all know. You are not alone. It is more than ok to express any feelings you have. We do understand because we are all going through the most horrible thing we've ever had thrown at us. I, and many of us also understand the shock. My Pat died suddenly too. I'm praying for strength for you to get through this, minute by minute, one day at a time.
  11. Signs are there. I wasn't much of a believer in signs but I have had a couple of doozies! There just has to be something that we cannot possibly comprehend. Some things just can not be explained away as coincidences.
  12. I agree. Keep wearing the ring. It is special.
  13. Someone once told me that instead of asking the question, why do bad things happen to good people, ask the question, what happens to good people when bad things happen?? Or something like that. It changed my perspective. I know some very very good people who have had so many horrible things happen in their lives. They are amazing, to see how they survive and go on living good lives. Of course it isn't easy for them but those "good" people learn from their tragedies. As I'm going through my tragedy now, those people are an example to me. As for the gratitude...it's very strange but almost from the very beginning, I had this underlying sense of gratitude that Pat was brought into my life at the perfect time. And I was brought into his at the perfect time. We brought each other so much happiness. I truly feel the gratitude. I have a bracelet that says "gratitude" that I wear every day. Each time I put it on I say outloud how grateful I am for having had Pat in my life. And I mean it! If you don't feel that now, I hope you will in the not too distant future. Again it puts things into perspective just a little more.
  14. Ok all you "devil cat" lovers (Autocharge, KayC). Mine did it again. Bit my arm again tonight. Drew blood, even through a thick robe. I'm hoping I don't have to go to the doctors again for another cat bite! At least I got the tetanus shot last time. Like I just said in another post, we are in hell. When he bit me I just burst out crying and haven't stopped!!
  15. Going through this grief is pure hell. How do we possibly survive hell?? I hate to admit it but for the first time I'm actually a little bit jealous that Pat died. He's supposedly in a place of pure peace, joy and serenity, with no pain. And I'm left here in this hell with no joy and more pain than I could have imagined. It just gets more confusing as time goes on. Yes I'm having another bad night!!!