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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About HHFaith

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    Advanced Member

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  • Angel Date
    January 1, 2017
  1. Want to share my experience.

    Yes Andy. So good to hear from you. I also have not been here for a bit. Busy with the new job. My daughter is visiting and will be heading back to LA tomorrow. Missing her already! Lots going on in my life. Made first trip to cemetery with my daughter a week ago. Was a thousand times worse than I expected. I'll read and write more later when I have the time and when I'm back to being home alone again. Hope you're all doing ok.
  2. 9 months and moving forward

    KMB, KayC and Autocharge, thank you. Yes it's another hill on the roller coaster. Yesterday I found myself happy, dare I say, one minute. And crying uncontrollably the next. My daughter was worried. Wanted to get me some antidepressants! I tried to explain it was happy tears. But it was really tears of a tornado of mixed emotions. Just when you think you have your emotions somewhat in check...Bam!!
  3. 9 months and moving forward

    It's been a little while since I've posted here so I have a lot of reading to catch up on. I miss my "grief train" friends! Biut I have been much busier now that I'm finally back to work, which is going very well. Tough to get back to the daily grind but it does feel pretty good getting back to a somewhat "normal" schedule and feeling like I'm part of the world again. Also my daughter is home from college for a few weeks and I am so happy to see her! Now the big news that I feel awkward about sharing. Just for something to do, about a month or so ago I found myself signing up on an on line dating site. It was entertaining if nothing else. I did actually go on a couple dates but I felt so indifferent about the whole thing and I'm sure my indifference showed through. But I did end up communicating with someone and I found myself actually "liking" him. Whatever that means. We have been on 2 dates and I'm certainly not feeling indifferent with him. There's definitely something there. So easy to talk to and very comfortable together. Such mixed emotions. So sad that it's not Pat that I'm going in a date with. But it's also nice, and very surprising, that I can feel this way about another person. Taking it one step at a time.
  4. Back to being alone...

    Now that's a sign .....love it!
  5. Lost of my husband best friend

    No not wrong at all for feeling like that. I also hate seeeing people holding hands. Always makes me sad and want to cry. That should be me and Pat! I am now going through this thing where I want to say to those people "don't get too used to being happy. One of you will die!" How awful is that?!
  6. Don't know what to say

    Now it's time to move to the front burner! Take good care of yourself Francine. (And I need to take my own advice!!)
  7. Lost my soulmate

    This grief journey is nothing but ups and downs. Just when you think you've taken a step forward, something hits you and you feel like you've taken 10 steps backwards. That's completely normal. It's so hard but normal. I still cry every day but sometimes not as hard or not as long. But the pain and sadness are still there. I look forward to the time when there will be more "good" days than bad.
  8. Don't know what to say

    All we can do is get through one day at a time the best we can. And that is exactly what we're doing. We should give ourselves credit for surviving this. And yes, we are all different since losing the love of our life. We will never be the same person we were before. But....I do hope to be a better person someday. I got so much from loving Pat. I can only hope that having had him in my life did make me a better person and once I survive this and "recover" I hope to be an even better person. For myself and for Pat. Francine, I know we didn't know you before but I'm guessing you're turning into an even better person too!
  9. Another holiday

    Thinking of you Bradley. I understand that feeling. I am struggling now with the sense that Pat is kind of drifting away from me as time goes on. I feel like I need to work at making a conscious effort to think of him and try to make the connection to him , to his spirit or soul. I know he is a part of me and will be forever. He is in my heart. I know that but I need to work on really feeling that. When I feel it, it does bring some peace. I think it's good that you brought things of hers out. I have lots of pictures and things around. And his gym bag is hanging on the coat closet door. That will stay there forever!
  10. Another holiday

    Such a good reminder KMB. And as Andy said, work can be a distraction from the soul searching and healing that we all need so badly. I'm learning that it really is helpful to be still and reflect. I've never been good at that but I want to keep trying. It is good for the soul.
  11. Back to being alone...

    Wow SweetBear, more similarities. Pat had a new life too, a happy life. His ex girlfriend was at the wake and the funeral home was full of pictures of the 2 of them! It had been 6 years since they split up. And she drove to the funeral in the family limo with his siblings. How did I survive that first week? It was all so horrible in so many ways. If her ex does show up, just be strong, be graceful, be above those people. Make Bev proud. I hope Pat was proud of me the way I handled those awful situations.
  12. Want to share my experience.

    That's great Andy. How I long for a "happy" feeling again. My daughter finally booked her flight so she'll be coming home for a couple weeks at the end of the month. I can almost say I'm "happy" about it. I think when I finally see her and can give her a big hug I just may feel happy. Last time I hugged her was at the airport 2 days after Pat died. What a tear filled scene that was. This time it will be tears of "joy" !
  13. Day One

    Of course it's ok. One week out I wasn't even able to read anything, let alone a grief forum. The pain is overwhelming I know. We all know. You are not alone. It is more than ok to express any feelings you have. We do understand because we are all going through the most horrible thing we've ever had thrown at us. I, and many of us also understand the shock. My Pat died suddenly too. I'm praying for strength for you to get through this, minute by minute, one day at a time.
  14. I think she's here...

    Signs are there. I wasn't much of a believer in signs but I have had a couple of doozies! There just has to be something that we cannot possibly comprehend. Some things just can not be explained away as coincidences.
  15. I agree. Keep wearing the ring. It is special.