HHFaith

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    74
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About HHFaith

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Boston
  • Loss Type
    Boyfriend/Partner
  • Angel Date
    January 1, 2017
  1. Such a great description. Brought me to tears. I feel like I'm one big giant scar.
  2. Sue P 67, I can relate to your situation as far as finally having the love of your life for a short time and then losing them. Pat and I were only together for almost a year and a half. But I, like you, finally found true happiness, love, joy and contentment for the first time in my life. I don't know why we had such a short time together, and I will never know why, but after getting over the initial shock of his unexpected passing, the first thought I had was an overwhelming sense of gratitude for having had him in my life. It was, as you said, the best feeling on earth. I also hope to open myself up to it again, some day. I know it will never be the same but I have to believe that my life will be better for having loved each other. So many lessons I learned in that short year and a half, and now I'm learning more lessons, though more painful than I could have ever imagined. As they say, the deeper the love, the deeper the pain. How true.
  3. Peace to you Andy. Here we all are...just another Saturday night in the Grief Club!
  4. Andy, thank you for sharing your top-off Jeep ride today. I have a Jeep and love to ride with the top off too, though it hasn't been warm enough here yet this year. I've been working on trying to put a list together of things that would make me "happy" and taking the roof off is on my list. But....how can those rides be happy without Pat? I will try my best to start trying the things on my list I know I won't be "happy" doing them but if I can enjoy them even the smallest fraction of how I used to enjoy them, well then I guess that's something. I so want to feel happiness and joy again in the future but I can't imagine ever feeling that again. I have to have hope and faith that it will happen. It has to happen. Baby steps I guess.
  5. All this train talk has reminded me of a song. Tuesdays Gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd. You classic rock fans probably know it well. The first line is "Train roll on, on down the line. Won't you please take me far, far away." People thought it was written about a girlfriend but Tuesday actually represented life as it use to be being gone when the band was 'hitting it big'. However, Hank Williams Jr. recorded it years later right after his girlfriend died so the song had a whole different meaning in that version. I think I actually like his version better. This can be on our Grief Train playlist!
  6. Imagine the healing that would take place on this Grief Train. I go to a grief support group that lasts for an hour and a half and I always wish it would go longer. It's just so good to be around others that are feeling the same things and can share their stories, fears, and successes in a safe place. A trip across the country with all of you is just what I need!
  7. Mrs Viden, yes he is proud of you but you should be proud of yourself too. We should all be proud of the lives we shared with our loved ones and proud of the way we are handling ourselves through our tragedies. They are with us, supporting us, and very proud of us.
  8. We never let go. They are part of us forever. Do not let anyone tell you what to do or not what to do. I just wore one of Pats shirts yesterday and that's perfectly ok! This is a very long, difficult journey. We all know what you're going through. Most important thing now is to try your best to take care of yourself.
  9. Thanks Andy. Sometimes I think I'm doing "ok" but not sure I'd say I'm doing "great". And sometimes I think I'm totally falling apart and will never be ok. I was going to say the same back to you. I think you're doing great too. The fact that your posts are so heartfelt, honest, helpful and inspiring says a lot about you as a person and your journey. You are helping all of us and yourself Have a restful night.
  10. The grief train. Sign me up! As I continue to read all the new "club members'" posts, it amazes me how similar our feelings and experiences are, though our stories are different. It's strange, people lose loved ones every day and go through this same pain and somehow survive. But those who have never gone through it really don't understand. Before this happened to me I didn't understand either. Now I do. That's why its so helpful to be around others that truly understand. This is harder than I would have ever imagined but I am getting through it somehow. Minute by minute, day by day. And lots of praying to God and to Pat. I believe they both hear me and that does bring me some comfort.
  11. Yes they do sense things. I've ssen My cat Billy just staring at the wall Or the closet door. Weird. And when my daughter moved away to college in August (billy is her baby), he would not step foot in her room and still doesn't. He slept with her every night and napped on her bed all day. Now it's just me and Billy so he sleeps with me every night now. He really is such a comfort but I don't like waking up with cat hairs in my mouth! He really sheds bad!
  12. Never say never!!
  13. My faith, belief, and most importantly trust in my higher power / God has certainly grown since the loss of Pat. I have to believe that there is a good plan for my life, even if that plan is not what I hoped for or expected. Don't get me wrong, it's so hard to really feel that sometimes but I know it's true and I need to believe. And I need to be patient. Trusting God also means trusting his timing.
  14. Just brought my grill out and cleaned it up. But, yes, will I ever use it again? Don't want to. And yes, it's so hard when you have something to share and they're not there. It's like an aromatic reflex that I want to send Pat a quick text to tell him something or just check in. I'm constantly checking my phone for texts which I expect to be from him. But none. I guess I never realized how much we texted each other throughout the day. Yet another thing I really really miss. I actually just got a tattoo of a text message from Pat he sent a few weeks before he died. It says "Have faith". A good reminder to me then and now, every time I look at my arm.