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About HappyNow74

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    Murdered daughter
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  1. Does it get better? Ever?

    Thank you for responding. I cannot tell you how much it means. I don't think I'm brave, or I would have taken care of him. I always thought I had great communication skills but I can't hardly put a sentence together and when I try it comes out neurotic. I pray for a massive heart attack or drunk FedEx driver so I can get off this merry go round, but it isn't panning out. I walk this earth only because I have 2 other children and I'm pretty sure I'd start a domino effect. Besides, this feels like its all my fault. The guy had been my best friend since I was 5. He kept coming back into my life, saying he wanted to marry me. I'm already married, and he was a little brother. So he didn't handle hthe rejection well. His plan B was to be with my daughter. I've been told their relationship started when she was 15, but I didn't know until she was nearly 17. The police told me that I wouldn't get anywhere with a statutory rape complaint. He groomed her and destroyed everyone. She had lunch on Thanksgiving and then went back to his house to tell him she was moving back home. I had had neck surgery and she was going to help me recover for a couple weeks because she wanted to earn enough money to buy him a birthday present. To preserve her surprise plans she didn't tell him that it was only for a couple of weeks. He doesn't handle rejection very well. So the ex-army trained supermax prison guard needed to shoot her between the eyes. My oldest daughter was absolutely a rock after Diana's murder. She dragged me, shell shocked, all over to get all the arrangements done. I don't know where she got all her wisdom and courage but I absolutely would not have survived, and there wouldn't have been a memorial. She kept her sisters 7 ft boa. It scares me but it is also a creature she loved. The murderer kept most her possessions and the akita I bought her for Christmas. The cops wouldn't intervene. They agreed with his self defense claim and told me my only recourse was to sue him for the dog. My youngest child is now 18 and in constant anxiety and fear. He goes to the mental health clinic nearly everyday. I'm bummed I didn't think of it first. He deals with it a lot like me. We try to control ourselves with logic, and we suffer. Thank you so much for the response. And I am very sorry for your loss. *not" HappyNow
  2. Does it get better? Ever?

    OK, I'm new to this. On Thanksgiving day of 2014 my best friend shot my 18 year old daughter in the head. I had to approve to stop life support, and agree to donate her organs. I wish I could explain the feeling but I don't seem very gifted at communication. About 10 days ago I began to feel more optimistic than I have in more than 2 years. Today that came to a horrific stop. The giant abyss of my soul has begun to swallow me again. I know everything that is supposed to happen. I know its normal. And I even know that I am completely alone. My daughter, my friend, my signature on her advanced directive. The responsibility of those thoughts never stop. I have rational thought processes that tell me all the right answers.... But my paralyzing pain and fear are sharp. I've learned to wear a poker face. I try not to bring it up. But its ever present, even when I can block it out. I have learned to hide and scream and cry without a sound. The murderer was not even questioned at the police station. The 40 year old high security prison guard, who controls inmates without a gun (loved to brag about pressure points), felt it necessary to shoot her between the eyes, Called it self defense, and went back to the world. No muss, no fuss. Why did I have a spontaneous positive and hopeful ten days if today it feels like I've been punched in the stomach? I don't really feel like wearing this for the rest of this life.