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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About Andy

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
  • Interests
    My daughters wellbeing, my parents wellbeing, nearly anything geek, genre specific movies, hitting any backroad, photography, cars, and a bunch of other things my fantastic wife tolerated me doing.
  • Loss Type
    Wife passed away
  • Angel Date
    December 31, 2016


  • Occupation
    Aerospace related
  • First Name
  1. Want to share my experience.

    He still thinks the world of you, and you can bet that each and every letter you gave him is written across his heart. Love my friend, Andy
  2. Want to share my experience.

    I understand. Losing or having hope is fluid by its very nature. It's effected by events, our expectations, experiences, so many variables. The thing to keep within your heart, mind, spirit or all of these things, are possibilities. As long as you allow for this, hope will find its place. On days where all seems pointless or futile, my most pessimistic self will acknowledge that IF it's possible for something bad to happen, then something good MUST be possible also. You know that days will come that are filled with darkness and sadness, they're inevitable. You also know that we have very little control over the world around us. As much as I wanted my wife to make it that night, it wasn't enough. What you do have control over is how you choose to respond to this horrible loss. I chose to fight to carry on. Not "move on", that's absurd, but carry on, much as life moves on. My wife filled my life with possibilities, and my God we had a hell of a run. She was an exceptional human being who taught me how sacrifice, when done with pure love, isn't really a sacrifice, how patience will overcome anger, how giving yourself is the greatest gift you can give, to you. And she showed me that life is worth fighting for. And so, that's what I'll do. And you will to. Your children, your obligations and responsibilities, and ultimately, you, will focus the turmoil and sorrow that will reside within you. It's okay to be weak when you need to be weak. In our weakness we often discover great strength. You are going to be okay. You will find and keep "hope", whatever you need "hope" to be. Peace and comfort, Andy
  3. Want to share my experience.

    And I think I speak for more than a few of us, I have gained a new family. And I love you all so very much.
  4. Want to share my experience.

    Mom ordered pizza!
  5. Want to share my experience.

    Hello Dian, It's both nice and unfortunate to meet you. All things being relative as they are, I hope you're well and at a place of peace and clarity. The hours, days and weeks following the passing of my wife, I was at the edge of an abyss. Nothing was certain and my world was in ruins. I was grieving my wife, my daughter losing her mom, I was grieving for myself. Mind you, the sorrow still lives on, it always will. Now though, we have an understanding of sorts. I will allow it to run its course, break me down when necessary, but it will NOT define me. Shapes me, changed many perspectives, gave me horrible wisdom, but I put up the boundaries. As this change began, I started realizing that because of the way I happen to be, I would one day seek out a fellow traveler. I don't require social circles or status, but I must have my family, the trusted ear of true friendship, and, for lack of a better phrase, a "romantic" partner, (I feel cheesy just saying "romantic"). IF in the future, you decide or realize that you wish to find another "someone", know that it's more than possible. You already have part of this journey figured out, you "hope". That is the key piece in the puzzle that is your life. I've written here before that hope and possibility are the wind and road of my life. Without either, I see no point in anything. So keep "hope", do NOT let it go, keep it and it will keep you. Peace and comfort, Andy
  6. Want to share my experience.

    Thank you KayC, You are another beloved friend I've made here, without which I wouldn't be as "stable" as I am now. By the way, my power just cane back on at 7:30pm, east coast. I was right at 34 hours. Nothing to complain about considering the hardships of others, but now I have an empty refrigerator/freezer... Love and hugs, Andy
  7. Want to share my experience.

    You are always welcome my dear friend. And to paraphrase Harrison Ford, "it's not the years, it's the mileage" Cheers! Andy
  8. Want to share my experience.

    Hello M88, You and I share a lot of emotion and thoughts, you're always there with me :-) Thank you for all you offer, your insight, guidance and support. Lots of hugs and warm thoughts, Andy
  9. Want to share my experience.

    I never imagined I would be at this junction either, but being alone when I'm fundamentally happier when I can share my life, became this looming mountain. I know myself rather well, and while being alone won't kill me (well, statistically men have greater rates of mortality after becoming a widower), I LIKE sharing my life. Am I looking for marriage? No, not at this time, I may never, and I have come to understand that what I need and want are different now. I'm 45, not 20. I've had a great marriage to a great woman, I've raised a family, I've done all of those things and I'm a better man for it. If I never love again, so be it, I had a good life. BUT, with different expectations, different outlook, different goals, I think next will be a different kind of relationship. Not worse or better, different. Friendship, mutual respect and honesty, trust, perhaps shared interests, these will drive my next chapter, if that's what is meant for me. If not, I'll build lots of jigsaw puzzles... Andy
  10. Want to share my experience.

    Good to talk with you too my friend. I think that's the part I'm most anxious about. Finding that person with whom I'm compatible with after all these years. I'm an ancient relic from a bygone age. Peace my friend Andy
  11. Want to share my experience.

    Hello to all of my old friends and to those I haven't met yet. The hurricane, Irma, is gone. How quickly it came, did its damage, then left. I don't have to point out the metaphor, not to those here. My house, like me, took a beating, a few things broke, but it's still standing. I came here, just now, to maybe explain where I'm at now in this miserable journey of grief and sorrow. I came wanting to show, to anyone who cares, that my progress is still in an upward "assension", that I'm "better". In many ways, I am. In some ways, I'm not, but it IS easier. Almost 9 months now, I've dealt with Valentines without my wife, our daughters birthday, my wife's birthday, what would've been our 25th wedding anniversary, and soon, my birthday. Life is not the same, the sky looks different now, the air even tastes different, but I'm alive. I wanted to tell everyone that I have "turned" the corner, I've found the magic formula. I have conquered grief! But I don't lie, so I will not say these things. I will say that I am better, the memories of my wife brings a smile much more often than tears. I will say that I don't feel the guilt like I used to. I will say that I love her and miss her and I always will. Grief is alive and well in me, and that is okay. It belongs to me, a spiritual, psychological, emotional reminder of my loss, a never ending pain that is only there because I fell in love with an amazing person. We hate this pain, we would be quick to cast it aside and be done with it, for the sorrow is like dying. Now, I'm not the same. I never wish to be rid of all the sadness, because it has enlightened and changed me. I see many things differently now. This pain will be with me forever, no different than the love we share with our beloved departed. So, all in all, as life and time continue, I find myself engaging the world around me, more and more. Love is the only thing that I care about anymore. I love my daughter, my parents, my dear friends, my memories, and friends I've made here. Love is the only thing that's kept me going. It carries me, shows me that there are possibilities in the world, gives me hope that one day, sooner or later, that love will find ME and show me that everything will be okay. It will show me that I don't have to lonely and that I don't have to die alone. Love gave me my wife, my daughter, me to my parents and my friends to me. I'm at a point also where the idea of starting a new relationship is becoming more and more of a possible reality. I have done an incredible amount of soul searching over this. I still don't know what this means, or even what this will look like, but I know, without doubt, that I do NOT wish to live out the rest of my days alone. This is actually a conversation that my wife started long before she passed, and now it appears as if she knew how things would end up. I say this only to show that, IF moving in a similar direction is what you desire, it's okay. Believe the cliche that says "they would want you to be happy". They really do. I have a few good friends in the "real" world, but I have to say that the friends I've made here are among the most cherished I have anywhere. You know who you are, and I love you. My life is better, my understanding and acceptance is profoundly more advanced, my journey not alone. Thank you. Anyway, I hope to post sooner than later this time. Peace, strength and comfort, Andy
  12. Want to share my experience.

    Hello my friends, I haven't posted in a while, just wanted to say that I've been doing fairly well. Personal events (family) have kept me occupied and my ability to regularly visit has been limited. Outside of that, my life is basically the same. I still think about my wife nearly every moment, I miss her constantly, and I still have to drive off some of the more difficult memories and emotions associated with he final hours. However, living has become "almost" routine again. Obviously a massive component of what was is gone, never to return, but the daily chore of work and home has once again developed its own rhythm. Things aren't nearly as bleak or hopeless. I still have my moments, but my outlook has improved, little by little. My wiring or internal geometry plays on my favor I suppose, I can only accept absolute grief for so long, I must see things for the better. I'm being counted on by others so I have to do my best. So, things are better. I still cry, I still get lost in yesterday, but I've turned at least a small corner I think. I hope to keep moving in a positive direction. To all my friends, those I know and those I haven't met yet, all my love and comfort, Andy
  13. Questions About Eternity

    I know the feeling. Lately, just the last couple of evenings really, I've been having a couple of "moments". Nothing that breaks me into a million pieces, more of some late night melancholia, sad memories more or less. In my case anyway, I think the running away is more an escape fantasy more than anything based in reality. The idea of shedding responsibility and obligation to focus on nothing but my grief, to eliminate stress, to find a new life, it's all just a game I play. Close my eyes and drift away, to better days and better possibilities. Of course running is impossible, for no matter how far I go, I'm still there. My grief is internal, but it's an interesting exercise to consider the "what ifs?" I don't do that in regards to my wife, that's far too sanctified a memory and too painful to entertain. KMB, I'm thinking about you, hoping you have better days and nights ahead. Love and hugs, Andy
  14. Questions About Eternity

    Thank you KayC! You're much too kind, but I appreciate it. I appreciate YOU more than you'll know.