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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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  1. He had a fiancée then died !!

    After a long verbally abusive relationship I stayed single for almost 3 yrs until I met a man who was nothing like my ex , petrified of trusting someone again but convinced I had given myself enough time I took a leap of faith . I fell and I fell hard. I dated my ex for only 3 mnths , but it didn't feel like 3 mnths to me , the impact it had was intense . For the first time in my life I could see a future with this man . I was truly happy. I always seemed to be the one making the most effort in a relationship . Something I pointed out , we didn't do too many things together in public and I only met a few of his "close friends ." When we had our very first disagreement , I Thot we are growing and different individuals it's bound to happen . He said he didn't knw how to fix the problem but we didn't really have that big a problem that couldn't be fixed with compromise. We just suddenly stopped talking because I wanted him to make the effort , after my numerous attempts for us to talk and resolve our issues. He made no effort and later found out he had been sick , I asked why he never told me ? I couldn't understand it coz I loved this man and if he was sick I would have dropped everything , been there for him . It also stung coz it was heartbreaking to think our relationship had deteriorated to a point he wouldn't tell me about his illness . He never reached out to me , never asked about my health or offered support when my nana died. Basically he silently cut all ties without a word . For months I never knew if I was single or on a break so I waited, it was one of the hardest things I had to go because I didn't really understand why our relationship ended. I even asked at one point if I had done anything to hurt him after months of confusion. Finally I got the memo , I moved on and made peace with the breakup , which in hindsight can't even be called that. Eight months later I find out that his in hospital, I put down all our past differences a , I go and visit him in hospital on several occasions , the atmosphere is awkward , strange , it is clear he doesn't want to see me , doesn't want me there but I don't understand why. In my head am thinking he probably thinks it's weird that I being an ex is visiting him. Or maybe he thinks I want him back . I am currently in a new relationship so was strictly there as a friend . I then find out that the awkwardness frm him and his family is because he has a fiancée . 3 days after learning this , shocked , confused , trying to understand just when our relationship ended, if it existed at all , he died . I later found out that she was an ex gf who had moved in with him and was now pregnant . I thought his strange behaviour was because of his mummy issues and in a million yrs could not have thought him capable of cheating . But the time frame did not make any sense . All the little things that just didn't make sense suddenly did . I couldn't go to the funeral because I now felt like the other woman , unable to grieve , can't even be angry at him coz his dead .went for the burial and stood by the sidelines as the fiancée was comforted and openly grieved . I realise I did not knw this man . Am confused and hurting . My closest friends get my confusion because they are also shocked at the turn of events . The new guy doesn't understand why am so hurt by an ex . After the revelations I don't knw how to feel . Am numb confused and in pain . I now realise those months meant Nuthing , I can't trust any of it , don't knw what was real and what wasn't . Most importantly if it was real when it stopped being real . I moved on , so why does it hurt so much , am torn between grief that his dead and hurt that I was deceived . And others think the time we dated is too short but the pain I feel is real . Now it's like what signs did I miss , where they so obvious ? How can I trust myself now and others . My new bf doesn't knw how to deal with me so he says Nuthing , I need some support frm him but I knw its an unfair expectation . Am angry at friends who don't get it . am sad at other times, I move between emotions, I feel like am losing my mind .