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About Zara19

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  1. Have a peaceful evening and night KMB, warmest wishes.
  2. KMB - I agree wholeheartedly, but if you are like me your soul won't let it go, it gets carried wth us. It fester's and I have got quite bitter - which I don't like. It's probably not in either of our natures to be questioning or badgering the professionals but I would now. I am 51 and yes my Husband was 20 years older but in fact he had more life in him than me. Well, I should stop now as my bitterness is getting the better of me.
  3. KMB - I am so sorry, I called your Husband "Charles" by mistake, I should have checked. My Husband was 71. It started though when he was 70. He had the heart attack that later went in CHF. The writing was on the wall then -10 months earlier. Dennis declined quickly too once the decline started but I didn't think the inevitable would happen. I am still distraught and struggling to process stuff. Everyday is an endurance. Dennis was also so fit and to have seen him lose that was heartbreaking. They deserved better, much better and passed away too soon. My thoughts are with you, I empathise
  4. Hello Nick I am so sorry to read of your devastating distress. I am aware of the Liverpool Pathway which was so, so cruel. I don't think it's in operation now but my Husband was on End of Life Care within the NHS and that too is shocking. It made things more traumatic for me. It's never to late to get in touch with Cruse Bereavement Care, they do 1 to 1 counselling. They are volunteers. If you need someone more professional as you say, it's a doctor's appointment and then a long waiting list for counselling. Cruse have their own website. They do telephone counselling as well. Regards
  5. Thank you KMB. It's such a shame my married home and marital home is 25 miles between. Thank you for your kind comments. I hope you are bearing up as well.
  6. Hello KMB Your Husband sounds like a kind spirited soul, it's desperately, desperately sad. How old was your Husband if you don't mind me asking. Dennis didn't get to be an old man and I am so sad for him and me as I know you are for Charles and you. The worst thing is, is that my subconscious thinks that when I have grieved long enough I can have him back. I want to tell him news on TV but I cant. The passage of time is making me feel much more desolate and hopeless too. Nearly 6 months for me. Thinking of you KMB.
  7. Thanks KayC and new 133. I really appreciate your comments and wish you both well as well.
  8. So, so sorry Francine. That is where I am too and how painfully difficult this is.
  9. KMB - Are the pigeons here yet, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
  10. Thank you so much KMB. My family (Mum and Brother) are now no longer supportive and find me somewhat tiresome. I see myself as a burden now ( I had to move back to family home for now after losing my Husband as I was too distressed to be in our own home ). They wonder why I cry and why I can't help being irritable. I try not to get snappy but I always let myself down - my Husband would not be pleased. Sorry to be moaning. Hope you have an OK day KMB. Warmest regards.
  11. Thank you all again for your responses. After 23 weeks of declining medication I have had to yield. I have been taking for 3 days a 20mg od PROZAC. I am taking this to save my family from having to endure my continuing negative behaviours such as tearfulness, not getting up, agitation etc, etc. I hope I am not doing the wrong thing but I am becoming extremely hard to live with.
  12. Hello Francine/KMB Spring is turning out to be very rough time to bear for me. The green shoots, replenishing leaves on trees and spring plants typically signify new life, hope and optimism - which couldn't be further from what I feel. I used to greet this time of year with such enthusiasm. Forgive me for going on, quite a bad week.
  13. I'm so sorry to read of your devastating loss. You must be in a lot of pain. I think the same as you do all the time. I am staying with family 25 miles from our home that i shared with my Husband, but he passed away. I keep thinking he is still at home, when I go and check up on things there I even get a butterflies feeling when I start off on my journey - that is a weird feeling. When I get there and open the door reality certainly shows itself and it's soul destroying. Maybe for you it's the same - your sub conscious mind still thinks he is there, maybe it's still a force of habit, I know it's a strange feeling but it's definitely not one of insanity. Take care.
  14. I very much agree Sadaf. It's close to 6 months for me. As the shock fades and reality is reinforced with every passing day, the effort to get from one 24 hours to another gets greater. Everything is bleak. Time turns around but it seems so strange as we live between a twilight zone state, between what was and was is. It is harder to talk as to everyone else it's older news - so we hold it in, we then get sick and weak etc. Time doesn't heal in my mind, it only brings perspective. Yearning for our loved ones must surely be one of the hardest feelings to endure. I am sorry to be negative, not a great day.
  15. Hello Bobbers I'm so sorry to read about your distress and devastating loss. My Husband too had been in Hospital and mistakes had been made. His condition deteriorated and he passed away. I'll never know if the mistakes had any influence. I know how much worse this makes the grief feel. The early period is bad enough and your system is in such a shock - like an explosion in your body, it's paralyzing. Don't do anything you can put off till later on, just focus on yourself and son. Do you have immediate family you can lean on. I don't know anything about formalities as I am from UK but others will help. Warmest regards.