Lauraliz

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About Lauraliz

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Texas
  • Loss Type
    Daughter - Madison
  • Angel Date
    12/11/2016

Converted

  • Occupation
    Accountant
  • First Name
    Laura
  • Country
    USA

Recent Profile Visitors

185 profile views
  1. She passed away Dec 11, 2016 at the age of 15.
  2. I say this fairly regularly, "I don't want to be here, I just want to be where she is ". My mother is the only person in my life that understands what I'm saying without thinking I'm crazy or speaking about harming myself as she just lost my father 18 months ago after 45 years of marriage and experiences that same longing. My dad passing away is a grief I am still going through as well and what I thought would be the hardest thing I would ever go through. I sure was wrong about that, losing Maddy is by far the worst thing I'll go through. So when I say I don't want to be HERE what I mean is I long to be in heaven where she is. I do not want to be here in the place to hurt the rest of my life. I pray each night that God comes and takes me to be with her, but I do not mean by self harm. There is just such a longing to hear her voice again, touch her beautiful hair again, hug her, or just be near her. Maddy knew God in her heart so I have no doubt that she is with my father in heaven. Maddy just got lost in finding a vice to cover up the grief she felt over losing my father. We had always lived next door to my parents during her life. They had a very close and special relationship. When he passed away she started experimenting with various drugs and even household items to cope. We put her in rehab for an extensive stay and she did so well for 6 months after getting out and then this one time, why did she pick something so deadly?? I don't understand, and why in the bathtub. If it had been anywhere else at least she might would have woke up with a headache, vomit on her pillow and being in trouble with me. I long to be with my daughter and I know someday I will walk beside her again and my father too. I so look forward to that day. That will be such a happy and joyous day. The hardest part is waiting the rest of my life here without her. I realize I have to wait until God calls me home, but oh how I long for that day.
  3. Thank you Tommy's Mum for your kind words. I know I am not alone here and as heart wrenching as it is to read about other's losses, it is comforting to know that someone understands these overwhelming emotions. Thank you for understanding. I am truly sorry for your loss as well. I, like you, have more children. I have a 21 year old daughter and a 20 month old grand baby plus one on the way. I do have so much to live for, but grief is very selfish. I find it challenging to be there for my daughter after losing her sister while I'm so consumed with my own grief. About all I can manage is to just be here with her.
  4. I lost my sweet Madison on Dec 11, 2016 at approximately 6:20 pm. She drowned in the bathtub after passing out from inhaling some compressed air (air duster). I found her shortly after this happened and she was never able to be revived at all, Lord knows I tried my best until the paramedics arrived and they worked on her for another hour after that. I will never understand how this could happen to my child, it is so unnatural for a parent to face this unspeakable tragedy of losing their child. I get so angry that the sun actually rises each day and that people are still living their lives like I haven't just lost the light of my life. How is it possible to live? I feel such a tremendous pull and longing to be where she is. Am I irrational for feeling this? I also have this constant need to do something to save her, it actually hurts physically to not be able to rescue her. In my mind I know I cannot do anything more to save her, but my body is not accepting of that knowledge and the panic escalates to an indescribable level. I go through this every day. So what I want to know is how do I live without my baby for the rest of my life? How do people do it? I'm very new to this and I can't imagine it ever getting easier. One thing I know is if Maddy could've been saved by love, she would've lived a thousand years.
  5. I lost my daughter Madison on December 11, 2016. She was 15 years old.