Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by MollieMcDoodlesMom

  1. Dear paperskin, I just came across your post about losing your mother and I want to express my deepest sympathy . I can’t imagine having this happen at such a young age. I also lost my father in death when he was 45 yrs old . The pain of losing our loved ones doesn’t fade away fast, it’s been more than 40 yrs for me and I often think about him . I am making an effort to reach out to young persons especially to offer two sources of reading material . One on teen depression and the other on how to cope with the death of a loved one. Below are the links with no obligations or cost. I also want to offer an invitation to contact me anytime you need someone to talk to . It’s never a bother . https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&pub=we&srcid=share https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&issue=2017-02&pub=g17&srcid=share Sending Gentle Hugs and Condolences Frances Koonce
  2. Nope coping with loss of my Father

    Hello Jannykakaka , I want to personally express my sympathy over the loss of your dearly beloved Father. I also lost my father and it was difficult growing up without him in my life. I just wanted to assure you that all these feelings of sadness and anger are really a normal part of the grieving process. The pushing away of those whom you are close to is also normal because they might not understand the affect that death has on us , how could they if they haven’t had an experience like this themselves ? I would like to offer an invitation to stay in contact with me off of this forum so that you feel more at liberty to express your feelings. I can provide my email address if that suits you . I also am sending a link to a brochure that I supply to our local funeral homes about how to cope with the death of out loved ones. There is no charge or obligations involved . https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&pub=we&srcid=share With Deepest Condolences, Frances Koonce
  3. Missing my mother

    Dear Fani, First of all, I want to express how sorry I am to learn about your mother passing away. The death of any loved one is difficult, but the loss of a parent is especially a heavy burden to bear. I am making an effort to offer free reading materials to persons of all ages and backgrounds on how to cope with the death of loved ones. The reading material can be downloaded to as many devices you wish and can even be passed on to others . It offers practical advice on the grieving process and also gives encouragement that many persons need for comfort. Please follow the link below ... https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&pub=we&srcid=share I have also included the link for a magazine on teen depression . I have other reading materials just for teens if you would like to have access to them . https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&issue=2017-02&pub=g17&srcid=share If you would like staying in contact, I am open to that off this forum. I’m the mother of a teenager, but I’ve lost both parents, my dad when I was 12 yrs old. I know it’s not the same as losing your mom because I know moms and daughters have a special bond. However, if you need someone to confide it or just get some sadness off your shoulders, please know you can get in touch with me. I’m also on Instagram :@fakoonce . With Deepest Sympathy, Frances
  4. Dear Emma, First, I want to offer my deepest condolences on the loss of your mother . I can’t imagine the sadness you and your sister have felt as you both have grown into mature young ladies . There is a special bond girls have with their moms as they reach adolescents that is like no other . I’m grateful that you have been there for your younger sister . I kind of went thru something similar when my dad died. I was a teenager and my mom felt like she couldn’t raise myself and my siblings alone. I didn’t understand her need for companionship and help in shouldering the responsibilities of running a household . She also remarried and it was a step that we lived to regret. Not saying that all marriages after a death are bad, but sometimes the adults do not look out for the interests of the children . Your current situation is especially difficult because of the time frame and the difference in age between your dad’s girlfriend and yourself and sister. I am sorry that you have been loaded down so heavily with responsibility that your father should be carrying himself. It is not fair for you to have to work, care for an adult man who can obviously care for himself, and help manage a household . I understand helping your sister out- she probably needs guidance right now as a teenager . You ask for advice . Aside from the advice that has already been offered to you, I want to extend to you some free reading material for you and your sister on teen depression . https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&issue=2017-02&pub=g17&srcid=share You can download the material to as many devices you want . Save it for future references . Also, I have other reading material for you on how to cope when parents get remarried . Although the situation you are facing is not ideal, perhaps some of the information can be useful to you . https://download-a.akamaihd.net/files/media_books/f5/yp1_E.pdf#page38 On the matter of your mom’s death, I have reading material on coping with the loss of a loved one if you would like the link for that too. Lastly, perhaps your boyfriend is afraid as well. He sees you are under stress and maybe he’s afraid of losing the bond you both have built . Sometimes people get selfish too, thinking we have abandoned them with all of our obligations . They don’t realize what all is going on . You mentioned your culture plays a part in your living arrangements. Things might not improve until you and your sister can move out of that situation . If these links don’t open, I can send to an email address . I’d like to stay in contact with your permission . I can give you my email address off of this forum . I want to be a long distant friend you can turn to for support and encouragement when needed. Sincerely, Frances
  5. Dear A_Person , I also read the whole post to understand your feelings better . Your feelings and regrets are all valid . We think of how things could be different or better if we had only done this or that . What I’ve learned from the loss of both my parents is that each individual makes personal choices in regards to health care . It literally pains us to see our loved ones suffer and sometimes suffer at the hands of professionals . For this I am truly sorry because it appears as though the treatments you described only hastened his passing . As a young person too , you have new challenges . You can’t draw upon the experience and advice of your Father . As you mentioned, there will be things in your life that he will not get to see first hand . Even though you have no religious preference, I make an effort to share a Bible based brochure that provides grieving strategies that are practical .Like when my own Father died, people told my mom to get rid of all his things . The brochure explains not to be hasty in making decisions. It also has advice for others in how to offer comfort . I would love to send the link for you to have the brochure at no cost or obligation . I am also sorry that your friends and acquaintances made you feel like your loss was not important . I have found that talking about my parents helps me tremendously . So what if I end up crying ? I’ve learned that crying is so vital to maintaining my physical and mental well being . Feel free to contact me about the brochure . Sincerely, Frances
  6. Dear Sehiza, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mother . Even though you knew she was sick , her passing was still shocking . My own mother died in my home from a long time illness. I fully expected her death to play out the way I thought it would , and when it did , the impact was not immediate . There were things that needed taken care of . I had insurance and bills to care for , visitors, cards and letters to read , pictures to sort thru. Two years later , I still long for my mother . Please allow yourself to cry and remember how your mother was in good health . With your siblings , look at her photos and share funny stories . I am at peace with the Biblical thought that my mother is only “ sleeping in death “ . Even Jesus cried over the death of his good friend Lazarus . But , as you well know , a sleeping person can be awaken again . This is exactly what Jesus did for Lazarus. He restored Lazarus back to life ! I just want to reassure you that there is no hurry to grieve for your mother . And the fact that you now are a caregiver to your siblings and father is a heavy burden to bear . I can’t remove the pain you are feeling , but I make an effort to share encouraging strategies and tips on coping with the death of our loved ones in the form of a brochure . We provide it to persons in our communities at no charge . I would love to send the link with your permission and provide the account about Lazarus coming back to life again . Please feel free to contact me and we can speak privately . Again , my deepest sympathy during this difficult time . Sincerely, Frances
  7. why am I the only one still crying?

    Good Evening - I am reading thru posts from teenagers on the loss of friends and I see that you posted something in July about the girl from your class . Im sorry that you were feeling so sad and that were affected by her passing so immensely . How are you doing by now ? I have some reading material that we leave at funeral homes on how to cope with the loss of a loved and another magazine on teen depression . Both are free . I can send the links if you are interested . Also, I have an Instagram page @hope_is_not_lost_ which has tips on how to deal with anxiety and depression . Please feel free to visit me there . With Deepest Condolences
  8. How can I help my girlfriend through this time

    Hello ! I’m read thru various posts here on the forum and wondered how your girlfriend is doing ? Did you find some helpful advice ? I am providing the link to a brochure we deliver to funeral home . It is no cost or obligation . The information explains how each person grieves differently an offers a hope for a brighter future . You can also visit JW.ORG or myself for more information . With Deepest Condolences
  9. I can't go on

    Dear Joshua - I know you have gotten really good advice from the other posters , but if you want to read something on teen depression or other suggestions on dealing with grief, you may contact me for a link to free reading material . I also have an Instagram page all about anxiety and depression @hope_is_not_lost_ I’m deeply sorry about the loss of your father .
  10. Jordan - I am reading thru your posts about the loss of your dad and my heart goes out to you . I also lost my father as a young person . I did not know that there was a grieving process that is normal and it takes time to come to terms with the absence of a parent that is unique to children . I understand how painful and frustrating it must be for you . I tried to hold in my emotions and feelings for years . As a result, it has made me develope my own health issues like high blood pressure and fibromyalgia . At the time , my mom had my siblings to think about , and as a middle child , I was kind of invisible anyway . I am deeply sorry for your loss . I also see that in a way you are protecting yourself from further heartache . What if your mom’s reaction is totally opppsite of what you had hoped for ? What if she makes your efforts to find information about your dad more difficult to acquire ? These are valid concerns . I have free reading material for teens dealing with anxiety and depression what is part of a worldwide effort to bring hope and comfort to all persons . I also have an Instagram page dedicated to persons dealing with anxiety and depression . It has practical tips on how to care for oneself , how to process grief and advice for families dealing with mental health issues . Let me know if you would like the link to the free reading material or Instagram account . I stay in contact with several teenagers to just provide a listening ear also . My teenage daughter has anxiety and depression , so I know there is a definite need for them to have an outlet for their thoughts and feelings . With Sincere Condolences
  11. It's been just over a month

    Hello ! I just read your post and I'm sending my condolences regarding the recent passing of your father . I can't imagine the pain you are enduring and trying to finish schooling to get your degree . My mother passed away almost 2 yrs ago from a long illness . It does take time for the shock and pain to lessen . As you said , the process is long and hard . You asked what others have done to cope with the change or loss ? Something that has helped me tremendously is a brochure that I have provided a link for . It offers practical advice and words of wisdom . We offer this same brochure to persons in our local communities and to the funeral industry . The brochure helps to explain how we can deal with grief and also to provide a hope for the future . I also provided a link to a magazine especially designed for depressed young ones . Maybe there will be something contained in it to help ease the sadness . I am able to be contacted thru this website if you have questions or just need someone to talk with . I can also be contacted on Instagram if that is easier . My handle is :" fakoonce " . I've been making a special effort to connect with teens and young adults who need comfort . Please consider this an open invitation . Best Wishes ! Frances https://www.jw.org/finder?pub=g17&issue=201702&wtlocale=E&srcid=share Teen Depression https://www.jw.org/finder?pub=we&wtlocale=E&srcid=share When Someone You Love Dies
  12. I'm lost without my brother.

    I just want to offer some free reading material that we provide to individuals in our community on how to cope with the death of our loved ones and teen depression . There is no cost or obligation involved . Please accept my deepest condolences ... https://www.jw.org/finder?pub=we&wtlocale=E&srcid=share https://www.jw.org/finder?pub=g17&issue=201702&wtlocale=E&srcid=share
  13. my younger brother

    Chris - I am so sorry for the loss of your brother , but also the feelings of helplessness you feel because of the way your family life was at such tender ages . I'm no counselor , but I have been offering free reading material to persons experiencing grief . There is no cost or obligation involved . If you think that this material can help you or you would like more information , please feel free to contact me . I have been offering comforting Scriptures as well - not being pushy , just letting you know . https://www.jw.org/finder?pub=we&wtlocale=E&srcid=share My Deepest Condolences , Frances
  14. Growing Up and Getting On Without Them

    Amy - I just came across your post about offering help to others with anxiety . I wondered how that is going ? I have something that you can pass along to others . There is no cost or obligation for these materials . https://www.jw.org/finder?pub=we&wtlocale=E&srcid=share https://www.jw.org/finder?pub=g17&issue=201702&wtlocale=E&srcid=share I think what you set out to do was very compassionate and loving . I also wanted to offer my support if you would personally like someone to talk with . Sincerely, Frances
  15. my dad's dying and i'm 15

    I know it's been several months since these were posted , but I just wanted to offer this free reading material that we provide to persons in our community who are mourning the death of a loved one . There is no obligation or cost involved . Please, feel free to reply . Hopefully I can connect with you and have a one on one conversation at a time that is best for you . Sincerely, Frances https://www.jw.org/finder?pub=we&wtlocale=E&srcid=share
  16. Dealing with Guilt

    Dear ELiz, I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed by guilt concerning your mother's passing and whether you could have spent more time with her . It is a difficult thing when we look back and see missed opportunities to be with loved ones . Perhaps you feel the way King David of Israel felt at Psalms 31:9,10 which says , " Show me favor , O Jehovah for I am in distress. Anguish has made my eyes weak , my whole body as well . My life is consumed with grief and my years with groaning . My strength is waning because of my error ; my bones grow weak . " I also had weekly calls with my mother and eventually she lived with us at the onset of her demetia. There are times I thought she was being difficult on purpose . I didn't know it was her demetia and I would be frustrated . It is very hard for me to excuse my poor behavior but at the same time, I have to give myself some special consideration . As wives, mothers, and caregivers, we are usually the last ones to be cared for . It is easy to become exhausted and the need to recharge is so vital . I'm sure your mother appreciated all you did for her and she would have wanted you to enjoy having an outing with friends or even some time to yourself . I know for me , I would beg to have another day with my mom , even one of her worst days , just to be in her company . The best way I know how to cope with the guilt is by praying for stability and to reassure myself that my mother would not have blamed me for caring for myself and my immediate family . May you have peace -both of mind and heart Sincerely, Frances
  17. I can't comprehend that Dad doesn't exist

    Dear Augustgirl , I am so sorry about the passing of your dearly beloved father . My father died also , suddenly from what we learned was congestive heart failure . Even though it was many years ago , I miss him so much ! My mother died in 2015 and I am still mourning her death . The reason I decided to comment here is because you mentioned some things that I also agree with , in fact , it is even in agreement with the Bible . You mentioned that you feel a person who has died basically returned to the dust of the ground or ashes . The result of disobedience to God was foretold at Genesis 3:19 , " ... until you return to the ground , for out of it you were taken . For dust you are and to dust you will return . " Because Adam disobeyed God , he became sinful and passed on sin to his offspring . When Adam eventually died , it was just as God said . No part of Adam separated, no half returned to dust and the other part in another form . When humans die , they cease to exist , just as you said . The reason I feel confident in that thought is because of what is stated at Ecclesiastes 9:5,6 which states , " For the living know that they will die , but the dead know nothing at all , nor do they have any more reward, because all memory is forgotten . Also , their love and their hate and their jealousy have already perished, and they no longer have any share in what is done under the sun. " Did you know that Jesus himself said that death was like a deep sleep ? As we know , a person can be awakened from sleep , right ? Why did Jesus compare death to sleep ? If you would care to find out where that reference is , I'd be delighted to share it with you . Again, I am sincerely sorry for your loss . I hope you are comforted and have peace of mind and heart . Frances
  18. In losing my dad, I lost myself

    Dear Tsa , I feel so badly for you as I understand those guilty feelings regarding my mother . She had been developing demetia and I cared for her at my home . It's hard when you aren't sure if they are actually aware of what is taking place around them . Since her passing , I have questioned just about everything I have done in providing her care . Was it enough ? Did I make the right decisions? Was she suffering and I didn't see the signs of it ? I know it is very hard to see a loved one in a hospital bed too , especially because we are helpless in eliminating their pain and distress . I always hoped my mom would recover enough so I could have her with me longer , but she was so weak . I feel guilty and selfish . What I do know is that sometimes patients "react" to various things and to the observer it is something else . For example , my mom was clinging to the rails of her bed and pulling the sheets . I thought she was trying to get out of the hospital bed , but the hospice nurses said that is a sign of distress . They could tell by the look on her face that she was in pain - but I didn't recognize that . Naturally, I wanted to believe that my mom knew who we were - but she had several strokes and her mental faculties were beyond repair . What has helped me cope with the intense sadness of losing my mom is comforting Scriptures. Do you know that the Bible promises that our loved ones can be restored to life on earth in perfect health ? Not only that, but the Bible says that the righteous will live on a cleansed earth . This hope has been a buoy for me during my sad days . If you would care to know which Scriptures I'm talking about , feel free to contact me thru this website . There are no obligations involved . It is just something I do to help others and ease my own pain . Best Wishes and Regards to you ! Frances
  19. This sounds very interesting ! I just don't think my daughter would participate as it is such a sensitive subject . I hope you are successful in your research ! Frances
  20. Loss of both parents sort of...

    Dear JMEagle , I just wanted to send a message that I am so sorry for the loss of your father . My dad died when I was in my early teens from congestive heart failure while in his early 50's also . Several years later my mom dated in order to find someone to help her raise us 4 kids . Needless to say , it didn't turn out to be in our best interests although my mom really did try to find a suitable husband. I miss my dad terribly . You mentioned nightmares. I too use to dream about my dad still being alive and I didn't know it . I would dream that he had been alive this whole time and I never went to see him . I didn't cry much about my dad's passing , probably because I thought I should be " grown up " and be strong for my family . That was a huge mistake ! Holding in emotions is physically damaging to a person . I have developed fibromyalgia, which can be a result of stressful situations . I have high blood pressure too . I never suspected my health would be in jeopardy like it is now from " keeping a stiff upper lip " . I only mention this so you take the time to grieve and allow your body and mind the opportunity to go thru the mourning process at your own pace . I don't know if any of my personal situation will help or not . Something that that has been a great aid and comfort for me is some Scriptures that talks about sadness and difficult circumstances . You probably have a religious affiliation, but rest assured , I'm not trying to make you change your viewpoint . Perhaps you feel the same as this Bible writer who said , " I have grown weary with my sighing ; all night long I soak my bed with tears ; I flood my couch with weeping ." ( Psalms 6:6 ) Maybe these verses can be compared to your feelings , " O Jehovah , hear my prayer ; let my cry for help reach you . Do not hide your face from me in my time of distress. Incline your ear to me ; do answer me quickly when I call . " ( Psalms 102: 1,2 ) Since your father's death , do you feel that God doesn't even care , like there is no point in turning to him for comfort ? I've talked to persons that feel that way and certainly , the writer of these particular verses may have feel that way too. But notice this last verse at Psalms 102:17 , " He will pay attention to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their prayer ." I just so happen to have some free reading material on how to cope with the death of a loved one and on teenage depression . I volunteer my time to send such materials to person's at not cost to them or obligation . This same material can be downloaded . If you would like to have access to such materials , you may contact me thru this website . I sincerely hope you have found some comfort and I pray you have peace of mind and heart . Best Wishes ! Frances
  21. Any help from a Christian perspective?

    Dear Whit B. , I completely understand and appreciate your honesty . I hope you find the answers you are seeking and find comfort . Certainly , losing a loved one in dead is very difficult and it will take time to ease the pain . Even without religion being involved , if you ever just need someone to talk to and get some relieve from your sorrow - you can always contact me thru this website . May you have a restful evening and peace of mind and heart . Frances
  22. Any help from a Christian perspective?

    Dear Whit B , I am sorry to hear of the recent passing of your dearly beloved mother . I too lost my mother from a long illness which not only destroyed her physical health but also her mental faculties . I just want you to know that it was never God's will for humans to die in the first place . God also does not take delight in the death of persons , good or bad . He does not need more angels in heaven - therefore he doesn't not cause the death of our loved ones in order to have additional angels . This is a brochure we provide to persons such as yourself . This can be downloaded or I am more than happy to send a personal copy to an address . There is no cost or obligation . In this brochure , you will find out why mankind suffers and dies . It also has insight into grieving and how to gain comfort from the Bible . I am always willing to have a personal , one on one conversation with you . Please accept my sincere condolences , Frances https://www.jw.org/finder?pub=we&wtlocale=E&srcid=share