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JMEagle

Members
  • Content count

    4
  • Joined

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About JMEagle

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Georgia
  • Loss Type
    Father
  • Angel Date
    05/20/2016

Converted

  • First Name
    Jessi
  1. I'm in a tough spot. I lost my dad unexpectedly May 20th, 2016. In many ways I'm still grieving, most days I get by but there's always the ache of missing him. After I lost him my life was wrecked, I lost everything. My relationship with my then boyfriend went down because he couldn't stand to see me down, I focused on my family and just loving each other wasnt enough to keep the relationship going and my ex disappeared from my life. I had to cope with my dad being gone by myself, my siblings and I really don't know how to help each other but we've all found our ways. After months of struggling and too many times drinking myself stupid I'm on the road to happiness and acceptance that at 21 I lost my dad. During the months since my dad passed my mom has started dating(I previously posted about this "Lost Both Parents Sort Of..."). Her and I have pretty much no relationship due to realizing even after 36years of marriage she didn't truly love my father and she doesn't really care about the kids they had together. She's happily with someone which I'm happy for honestly. However I deal with guilt about my dads death, I was out of state on vacation with my ex, I wasn't able to make it home before my dad passed, it was purely unexpected. My dad had just wished me well day before and was excited about me taking a vacation. I found out about my fathers passing by a neighbors Facebook post, my family had refused to tell me but the neighbor took it upon herself to offer condolences even though my family hadn't wanted it posted out of respect for me. Anyway that's my story but this isn't about me. Nearly six months ago I started seeing someone, my boyfriend, honestly the love of my life. He has helped me so much, all my anxieties and quirks from before and after everything of last year he helps me cope with. He's the light on my darkest days. However he has dark days coming. His father has Parkinson's, he's in his 70s but he doesn't accept it, like he's angry about it and it makes things worse for him. Well tonight we found out his father has cancer, we're not sure what stage and I don't know exactly what kind(it slips my mind at the moment whether he told me or not, we've had a lot going on). I know he loves me and wouldn't push me away but he's also a divorced man who was single for years and doesn't know how to really share the weight, I'm scared he's going to try to handle all this alone. I don't have much personal experience with cancer, at least not times where within weeks it doesn't lead to death, even so I've never had to helps someone who means the world to me deal. I barely know how to handle my own grief and I don't want to automatically assume this is leading towards death but in all honesty as much as I hope and pray it doesn't it's still highly possible. How do I help him, how can I help him deal with things to come? I know something's will trigger my grief and I know I'll feel hopeless but I've had 10months to cope so I'll be fine, my concern is him. He's a strong man and him and his father aren't like my father and I were, in fact there's some bad blood there but he loves him and is thankful for all his dad did. He currently lives with them because of his dad's Parkinson's but we we're in the process of looking for a place, I don't want to put that on hold but I think it's for the best, but I also dont want him to think I dont want to move forward. How do I help him without hurting him? I don't want to do the wrong thing and hurt him. Any advice will be appreciated, thank you.
  2. I'm sorry for you and your fiance, that is a hard situation. My mother started dating a month or two after my father passed. We went through a few nonserious relationships and then the one she's on now. Her and this man went at the speed of light, they were living together after their first date and this guy was a friend of her previous boyfriends. After she moved out she moved him into my dad's home that he built for his children and that was the week of Thanksgiving, about a month into their dating. We tried to reason with her but her argument was she is 52years old she's knows when things are right and who knows how much longer she has. It was a lot of arguments and such trying to get her to rethink her situation, nothing worked. It seemed like the more we said no the more she pushed. My advice is definitely tell her how you feel about things, tell her about his worries and such don't just let her because it's your wedding and you don't need negative effects there. I do think when you do tell her don't tell her no, but in a way that it's not going to hurt her, just explain to her that it makes y'all uncomfortable and she probably will care. Or you can take the time to talk to the boyfriend and get to know him and see how you feel about things then. I wish you the best of luck in this situation and many happpy years together.
  3. Thank you so much. I have, at first I did everything to make her happy. I dated who she wanted and did what she wanted but then she just wanted to much. And now I'm in the best relationship I can be and she tries to cause problems whenever she can. I'm not letting her but its still hard to watch someone who used to be there for me try to destroy everything I'm building. I'm the only one who has really been working through the grief of lossing my dad and it's hard carrying everyone's weight sometimes. The last two months I've really been set to work on me, that's why i joined this was so I could see how other people dealt with situations and just being in a group of people who know the daily struggles. I've tried but the earliest I can leave is around June so I have a few more months. After he passed I got a second dog and it's been hard finding a place where it's dog friendly enough for two large dogs but I honestly couldn't be without them.
  4. I don't really know what all to say... My dad passed away May 20th of last year, nearly eight months ago due to cardiac arrest. He was 56, he'd been suffering from a cold and his doctor had him try this pill that he should not have been prescribed, 24hours after the first dose he was gone. At the time of my dad's death I was on vacation with my now ex-boyfriend, I was six hours away when I got the call he was being rushed to the hospital so I struggle with the guilt of not being home everyday. I made it three hours before I found out through a neighbors Facebook post offering her condolences that he had passed. I was heartbroken I was a daddy's girl, he was my everything. That first month was pure torture, I barely made it through it. At the end of it I ended up single as well, my ex couldn't handle me grieving so he decided to leave. I wasn't really hurt at the time by that but I found out later that it's left me emotionally unable to really bring myself to talk to my new boyfriend when I have bad days where I miss my dad in fear he will do the same even though I know he wont. Two months after my dad passed my mother started dating again, it was awkward for my siblings and I but we wanted to be supportive. She unfortunately lost the first guy she actually got serious with because he passed away. That death seemed to hurt her more than my dad's and they'd only been together two months compared to my parents 36years. She'd taken to speaking poorly of my father and it made me struggle to have a relationship with her. I tried countless times to rebuild the relationship but she kept pushing me with her speaking negatively about my dad. In October she went on one date with a friend of her late boyfriend and that same day decided to move in with him and leave my brother, his wife and kids and myself at the house. A month later Thanksgiving week, the first major holiday since he passed she decided to move the boyfriend into the house my dad bought for his children to be closer to each other. We begged her to wait after the holidays but she refused. That's the week all my dad's stuff started leaving. there is very few items of his in her possession, she threw most of it away or my brother or I saved it. She didn't even keep the picture I had framed of her and my dad, the only picture she had of him. Everything was replaced with the new guys stuff, we were all trying to be supportive but it was hard. We were constantly fighting but I couldn't move, I'm stuck being in the same house with her. She wanted us all to be over my dad's death, which we're not there yet. I'm working towards getting through the grieving process and I'm almost there but it's hard with her constantly pushing. I started dating a man a few months ago, a month after her and her boyfriend got together. She has been nothing but rude and disrespectful to him while has been nothing but nice to her. I'm at a loss of what to do, I don't want to lose my mother too but it feels like when dad died she changed into who she was before they got married and had us kids and is no longer our mother. I'm barely into my twenties and this is the prime time I need my parents advice as I start moving toward having my own family. I struggle with anxiety and depression so I still have times where my dad's death weigh heavily on me, I have nightmares involving her and my dad and I don't know how to get past this point. I just want to get to the point where it's not a constant ache for my dad to be back, I accept that he's gone but I still want him to come home. Most of those I know still have their parents so they don't understand. Any advice or anything or stories of hope would be greatly appreciated.
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