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About Belle526

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  1. So how is everyone doing today? I find myself so tired lately. Before my dad passed I was full of energy, practically bouncing of the walls most days and now I'm falling asleep in front of the TV shortly after getting home from work each night and sleeping practically all night when I used to wake up often before. Some of it may have to do with the fact that for days before and right after he died I was fighting a cold, some is probably from the fact that I've been doing a lot of stuff to keep myself busy and not think too much and part is probably depression. So glad it's the weekend and I'm going to relax as much as possible the next couple of days and not push myself as much as I have been. One of my neighbors just brought over a tray of homemade mac and cheese and homemade chocolate brownies, so at least I won't have to cook.
  2. MissionBlue, I can't imagine not driving or your dad not wanting you to learn (not only for yourself, but also to be an asset to him). My dad could still drive short distances after being diagnosed with the macular degeneration, but needed me to drive him to the eye Dr. for the shots they gave him for it and also to drive him places that were further then a few blocks away from our home. I've been driving since I'm 18 and have made long road trips (1500 miles, 12 hrs at a time alone and love it!).
  3. Reader, The person who suggested the vacation probably suggested it as it's something they might do in the same situation, but if that's not what works for you it's not a good idea. Me, I'm going full steam ahead with my plans for Vegas (which was already in the works and only would have been cancelled had he become incapable of caring for himself before my departure) and I'm looking forward to just letting loose as I need to release these emotions. In the meantime I'm filling my days with as many things as I can. If I'm not at work or spending time with friends, then I'm cleaning and organizing the house. I just filled the second bag of his clothes and have set up the pickup of them from a charity. I've also been scrubbing his fridge and stove top since they were heavily stained and I'm guessing he couldn't see it due to his limited sight from having macular degeneration.
  4. Reader, I understand that feeling you had of frustration and being tired as I felt myself frustrated a lot too with my dad's negativity and at times, he could get very unreasonable about things. Those were the times I'd feel trapped and like you, I didn't want him to die, but I'd also wonder how much longer I could keep my life on hold. Had he lived to 100 as his mother had, then I'd be 60 and that's rather late in life to be able to live the life I've dreamed of for years. I sometimes wished I had moved away a long time ago (or at least shortly after my mom passed 12 yrs ago, since he was still in very good shape back then and I wouldn't have needed to worry about him as much as I had to in the last 4 years, since his mild stroke changed his personality and made him unsteady on his feet. So now here I am free to do whatever I want to and now I'm wishing he was still here to frustrate me.
  5. Did any of you notice changes in your loved ones moods or behavior in the months prior to their death? My dad was starting to spend more and more time lying in bed, he had an unusual increase in eating sweets and would eat a box of cookies or candy in a day or two, he also starting drinking a lot more milk and water then before and he was getting annoyed with everything (making and receiving phone calls, taking his meds (which he told me he was just going to quit taking them one day soon) and even the holidays were too much for him,Just a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving he told me the holidays and mine and my brothers birthdays which are both Dec. was just all too much happening at once, but that's how it's always been and he'd never felt that way before. And my brother recently said that when we all went out for brunch on Thanksgiving day, my dad seemed agitated, (although I didn't notice that. I just found him to be very quiet, he just ate his food and didn't participate in the conversations. But I attributed that to his not being able to hear well). I was really getting frustrated with his increased crankiness and even began spending less time around him because I couldn't stand the constant negativity. Maybe I should have realized that something was going on, but I just chalked it up to getting older and not being able to do as much as he once could.
  6. MissionBlue, Sorry you have nasty neighbors, but if that's helping to make the decision a bit easier, maybe it's a good thing. I have wonderful neighbors and fear that won't be the case when I do move away. There's a part of me that would love to stay, but it's really too big a home and too much property for me to care for. Plus the older I get (I'm 53), the harder the winters are for me to take. So I figure in about 18 to 24 months I'll start the process of packing things up and putting the house on the market. The only way that would change is if by some miracle the love of my life comes along and we decide to live in the house and rent what's currently my apartment to help us pay the taxes and other bills. I'm trying not to look too far ahead and just take things one day at a time. As we all know from our losses, life can change very quickly, so no sense worrying about things that may never happen.
  7. Thank you MissionBlue, that would be really nice! But I'll even settle for coming home with at least half of my money, last year those one armed bandits sucked my dry.
  8. Reader, I would do the same thing when I got home from work. I'd come in through the side door which was my hallway and hangup my coat and purse. Then I'd open the door that led into his part of the house and say "hey dad I'm home, what's up?" and he'd answer from wherever he was and I'd then go speak to him a bit, telling him about my day and hearing about his. There were also times I might stop to get some pizza or some other fast food to eat for my dinner and many times I'd get something for him too. In a couple of months I'm going to be making my annual trip to Vegas and it's going to be so strange not to call to let him know I arrived safely and also not to call each day to check on him and tell him how my trip is going.
  9. Just some random thoughts today: Hard to believe just 3 weeks ago (Christmas Day) my dad was sitting in his kitchen drinking wine with some friends of his. Also hard to believe that I'll never get to give him a goodnight kiss on the cheek again and feel the stubble on his face. Weird to now not have anyone to inform of my whereabouts. Always told him where I was going or approximately what time I'd be home from work each day. Now I could walk out the door and never return and no one would know.
  10. MissionBlue, Sorry you will have to sell the home you grew up in. I will eventually be doing the same as there's no way I can afford to live in this two family home for long due to both the high taxes and cost to upkeep a home that was built in 1900. Thankfully my dad had a new roof done within the last decade and thanks to several plumbing issues, new pipes have been installed within the last 3 years, so I don't expect to get hit with any major repairs for a little while at least. I've been at my job for 32 years and my boss is 80, so I don't imagine him remaining in business too much longer. I figure he'll close the office either the end of this year or sometime next year and once that happens then I will need to sell this house and I'm planning on moving down to the Carolina's. It's where I've been wanting to move to for the last 10 years, but I wouldn't leave my dad.
  11. MayFGL, I am glad that you have the dogs and family around you and sorry that there aren't friends you can lean on too. Everybody handles grief differently, so when people tell you to get rid of your mom's things it's probably the way they would deal with it. I know that when my mom passed nearly 12 yrs. ago, my dad rearranged the house and got rid of my mom's clothing within a few weeks. I'm not going to get rid of all his stuff right away, but since I got a notice in the mail that a charity looking for clothing and shoes donations will be in the area next week, I am going to bag up some of the stuff to give to them as I know that's what he'd want me to do.
  12. Reader, I think you should take either a cooking or painting class (or both!), as they are both very relaxing.
  13. Reader, Maybe you would benefit by volunteering somewhere based on your interests. If you love either animals or children, you could volunteer at a shelter or daycare. The best thing any of us can do is fill our time with as many things as possible in the days ahead. I have planned a lunch with a friend tomorrow and this weekend I will be purchasing a ticket for a bowling fundraiser next month that is for a local animal shelter.
  14. MissionBlue, glad you have reconnected with former classmates both on Facebook and in person too. I've done the same and one of those classmates who I hadn't seen since we graduated 35 years ago showed up at my dad's wake. She lives very nearby and I plan on making plans with her for lunch or coffee in the very near future. For me the best cure for the loneliness is my cat, I don't do well living with people. I like spending time with friends and meeting new people, but I'm basically a loner and when I want that time alone, I need my own space. That's one of the reasons I'm not even looking to date anyone, I like being able to just go off and travel or do anything I want on any given day without having to consult with another. I hope you get that car soon, I can imagine not having one would limit your choices.
  15. MissionBlue, some of the friends I've had since my school years, having met them in either Jr. High or High School and some go back as far as Elementary school. Others I met as an adult through my job, the internet or while traveling solo for the past 11 years. I used to be quite shy, but by my mid to late 20's I broke out of my shell and tend to make friends quite easily when either traveling or finding groups to join in my area. That's an idea that some yourself or others may want to look into, if you have meetup groups in your area (just go to Once on the site you search for groups that apply to your interests (and there may even be some groups dedicated to lose of a parent or grief in general. I know there was one near me for motherless daughter's that I almost joined a few months ago).