Belle526

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About Belle526

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  1. Hi All, I'm reading through the posts and seeing all the ones about men and I can so relate to things. I have had my heart played one too many times over the years and 2 of those times happened in the last 12 years (one only a year after losing my mom and that one really hurt because I thought he was "the one"). So like Reader, I too am jaded when it comes to men and I don't even care to try and find a relationship anymore. If one finds me great and if not, I'm fine on my own. But a funny thing did happen this weekend. Sat. night I went to a bowling fundraiser and I went into the lounge area to get a beer and this guy starts talking to me. I left to go bowl and then when the bowling was over I went to return the shoes at the desk and he was standing there so we started talking and he starts going on and on about how pretty I am and that I must have a really great guy and I tell him that I don't have any guy at all and he doesn't believe me and then he says that he's there with his so-called girlfriend, but they don't see each other much and he wants to know if he can get my #. I told him I was interested in dating anyone right now and thanked him for asking and then I walked away. I have to say that is a first for me, I've been asked out by guys who had girlfriends (and even wives), but never have I know that fact up front, so I have to give him credit for being honest about it. LOL!!
  2. Dear May, I would be GLAD to send the snow down to you and I can't wait until the day I move to a place that either never gets it or only gets a very small amount of it. My plan is to eventually move to South Carolina, where it doesn't happen too often. After all this stress with my brother, I'm wishing I could sell the house tomorrow and be gone next week, but of course that's not possible. Right now everything is on hold until the probate is settled, can't even sell my dad's car until then. So in the meantime, I will work on getting rid of my things that I no longer use or want and then my brother and I can start dividing up or selling my dad's things. I'm looking at a window of moving in about 15 to 18 months (part of that excites me and the other part is scared being that this is the only home I've ever known).
  3. You know what no one ever lets you know about? The fact that in addition to dealing with the grief of losing a loved one, you are now going to have tons and tons of stress thrown on top of you from dealing with all the BS and if you have a brother like mine, that BS will be 10 times more then it should be. I've spent the better part of my afternoon on the phone first with my brother, who took it upon himself to go see a lawyer about starting the probate without including me in on the consultation (which as a co-executor I should have been in on) and then he just wanted me to say "yes, go ahead and start things" without me having a chance to talk to anyone first (well that wasn't going to happen, as little sister isn't the naive girl he might think I am). So then I called a friend who put me in touch with a lawyer friend of hers who was nice enough to look at the will after I emailed a copy of it too him and then called to give me his advice (unfortunately he concurred with what the lawyer my brother saw said). Then my brother called back to say that his lawyer will consult with me at no further charge then what he already paid him and so I called to make that appointment which I now have set up for the end of this month. Meanwhile from what I'm gathering, the lawyer that my dad used wasn't a very good one and things should've been worded differently in order to have been more in my favor (stupid me for never having the dreaded talk with my dad about things, like I had so many times wanted to do, then didn't because it upset me to bring the topic up). But had I done so, I could have gotten my dad to change the will to be more favorable on some things. Anyway, I just feel like curling up in ball and bawling my eyes out for the next several hrs (or days). I'm so tired of everything and just want to be done with it all!
  4. Reader-Like you the moments catch me off guard too. I was doing fairly well yesterday, but then while driving home from work I started to cry because it was the very first Valentine's Day that I was completely alone. I'm 53 and there have been very few years where I was actually dating someone on V-Day, but there was always a gift from either my mom and dad while mom was still here and then since her death, either a gift from my dad or we'd enjoy a special meal together like sushi or crab legs. But then I pulled myself together and I made myself a nice dinner using one of the steaks that my dad had in his freezer and I talked to him and told him I was enjoying it for the both of us.
  5. Hi All, Sorry I haven't been on this week, it's been a busy week for me (mostly good though). On Sunday I went to my neighbors for a Super Bowl get together and had a nice time, but then once I got home I broke down again, because I knew that I wouldn't have been at this get together if my dad were still alive (so many things I've done lately, wouldn't be happening if he were). I worked Monday and Tuesday and while I was at work on Tues. I got a call from a local radio station letting me know I won two tickets to a Craft Beer Festival (which is tomorrow night). So on Wed. which is one of my days off from work, I took a 30 minute drive to the station to pick up the tickets. It was an unusually warm day of 60, so it was the perfect day for the drive and on the way home I decided to stop at a Red Lobster for lunch. Then after that gorgeous day, we got 12 inches of snow yesterday, which resulted in me having another day off this week. A male friend of mine came over when the storm ended to clear the paths for me and he brought dinner of sausage & peppers and a big batch of Pina Coladas which we drank until 11 PM. That resulted in me being hungover this morning when I had to go to work at 7 AM, LOL!! Anyway, I'm still having my moments where I think too much and get sad, but I'm also seeing that I'm being given lot's of wonderful opportunities to do fun things and spend time with friends, so I know my dad wants me to enjoy life. Oh and I had my 3rd and 4th dreams of him since his passing, each one he's more vibrant then the one before. The one the other night he looked about 20 years younger.
  6. Athina, You do eventually come to accept that they aren't coming back (I did with my mom after some time). For a long time after she passed I kept thinking she was just around the corner somewhere and I'm now having that same feeling with the loss of my dad. To me it's like he's just on one of his vacations and he's just staying away longer then he usually does. But I know that in a few months time (or at least after the first year), I'll realize that he's not coming back.
  7. Athina, My mother's death was a bit easier then this for many reasons. One, she had been very sick with cancer throughout her whole body and the last 2 weeks of her life were spent in the hospital drugged up on morphine and I had already felt like she was gone since she wasn't responsive for the better part of that time. So I had time to adjust a bit before she actually died, plus it was also a relief since it was so hard seeing her like that. Plus at that time, my brother and his wife had just adopted a baby from China, so I was spending a lot of time with my sister-in-law (who was home on leave from her job for 3 months) and the baby and being around this precious child was uplifting, plus I had my dad here at home and we spent a lot of time together having meals together and making day trips around the local towns. So it was completely different then this. This happened suddenly, no warning at all and now I'm all alone in this house and I'm also somewhat estranged from my brother and his wife and barely see my now nearly 13 yr. old niece.
  8. Well here it is 5 weeks since my dad passed and for some reason I'm having a harder time now then I did the first several weeks (maybe I was still in shock?). All I know is I've cried more this past week then I had been and I'm just so overwhelmed with everything. I feel like Alice in Wonderland, I've fallen down the rabbit hole into a world that makes no sense to me and I'm desperately trying to find my way back to the world I was in before. But I know that even if I find my way into a more familiar world, it will NEVER be the world I was in before and that just depresses the heck out of me.
  9. Hi Cally, Sorry for your loss. Do you have at least one very close friend who you could just say I need to talk about this will you listen? If not, are there any relatives you can reach out to (sibling, cousin, aunt)? I imagine your friends are afraid of upsetting you which is why they are avoiding the subject. You started by saying that you can't/won't let people see that you are struggling and that's the reason why they aren't bringing it up. You need to let them know that you are struggling and allow your friends (and your boyfriend) be there for you.
  10. Dear Fan, I am sorry for your loss. It has only been a month since I found my dad dead on his bedroom floor on what was supposed to be a happy day, my 53rd birthday. Like you I thought I'd never manage to get the image out of my head and since it happened in the house I shared with him, I really thought it would be hard to go into that room without seeing the whole thing in my mind again. But thankfully I've been able to be in the room many times since and only when I find myself laying in bed thinking too much, is when I see that image so I try not to do that to myself. I have found that keeping busy helps me and have been going through his clothes and throwing out some and donating others. I've also been clearing out the clutter in my own part of the house, since eventually I will want to sell the house and need to start downsizing. I am also making plans with as many friends as I can to go out for lunches, dinners, to bars to see bands play and I also signed up for a charity bowling event. I'm also going on my annual trip to Vegas in March and plan to really let loose this time around. When my mom passed away nearly 12 years ago I did similar things, first joining various groups that I found online to meet people in my area that had common interests and then after being introduced to a fairly well known band, I became a groupie and have followed them for the past 11 years (although that's kind of run it's course due to jealousy from some of the other fans who didn't like me getting close to one of the members, so I'm not doing much of that anymore). You mentioned family and 4 best friends, if they live nearby I suggest spending as much time with them doing fun things or just venting to them as I'm sure they would not mind being there to listen.
  11. Lostdroid, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's going to be hard for awhile since he's still here in body form, even if he's been declared brain dead and I imagine you won't be able to start the grief and healing process until he's laid to rest. You still can say goodbye to him, he's still breathing and even though he's brain dead I believe his soul will hear you, so talk to him and say everything you want/need to say while his body is still breathing. CindyJane, I love what your dad had said and sounds very much like my dad's philosophy when my mom passed nearly 12 years ago and that was that "life is for the living and therefore, we must move on and enjoy ourselves" and that is now helping me after losing him a month ago. In order to cope with my new life without either parent and only having one remaining blood relative (a sibling) who I'm not close with, I am now getting myself out there and connecting more with old and new friends and plan on keeping myself as busy as I can with new experiences. Thankfully my dad left me enough money to allow me to splurge a bit and I'm planning on doing just that by going out to eat, seeing concerts and plays and also buying a new wardrobe which I've been in desperate need of for quite some time.
  12. Greetings to all. I am just back from a night out. Went with my next door neighbor and some of her friends to see a band tonight at a local bar. She and these friends knew my dad as did the band (they used to go see the band with him). It was bittersweet since the band dedicated their first set to my dad and the drummer also had the memorial card from the wake in his back pocket. I choked up a few times during the night thinking that it should be my dad there instead of me, but also was glad that I was there to see how many people loved him. One of the other friends there is also a neighbor (two doors down) and she said she wants to take me out for a belated birthday meal and she has also decided to have a Super Bowl party, so I'll have that to look forward to rather then just sitting here alone at home.
  13. MayFGL-Yes I've been to Vegas several times. The first time was in 2010 and then I went back in 2014 and have been going every March since then. Since it's my 4th straight year staying at the same hotel they are giving me two free nights and $15 free slot play.
  14. MissionBlue and Reader, I hope in time you will both be able to not be angry at yourselves or have guilt over what you didn't do and just realize that you did all you could with the knowledge you had and with the info provided to you by your dads. Your dads sound so much like mine with their stubborn ways. As I believe I mentioned in a previous post, apparently my dad told our neighbor just a within a week at the most before his passing that he didn't think he'd be around much longer. But that was something that he never voiced to me and I imagine it's because he knew if he had, I'd have been dragging him to the Doctor. Now I could sit here and go over many things that would make me feel regret and question if I there was anything I could have done differently to change the outcome, but I'm not doing that since it's not going to change anything now. I miss my dad and I wish he was here to still drive me crazy like he sometimes could, but I'm also taking solace in knowing he is where he wanted to be. He's been saying for years that he didn't care if he lived another year, he missed my mom and he didn't like the way this world was going and had reached a point where he'd just had enough.
  15. Hi All, hope everyone is doing well and finding their way through their grief. I've had a few breakdowns this week, I can be good for awhile and then something I see on TV or something I find while going through my dad's stuff will set me off. I guess it will be like that for awhile, heck it's not even a full 4 weeks yet so what do I expect? I find the best way to deal with things is by staying as busy as I can. Yesterday after working half a day, I went to the bank to meet with my financial adviser so we could discuss what the best way to use my inheritance money was. We left most of it in my savings, put some in my IRA account for both last year and this year and then some will be put into the stock market. He punched in some #'s on the computer and I was pleased to see that it said I have about a 99% chance of success for meeting my retirement goals by age 67 (I'm 53 now). After the bank my brother came over for a few hrs. and we went through some things and also discussed some plans for what we will be doing about the house and it's contents over the course of the next year. Then I went over to the AT&T store to cancel my dad's cell phone plan and was please to find out that they would wipe out the balance due on the account. Then last night I finally booked my flight to Vegas so now that trip is completely finalized (only 7 weeks to go, can't wait!!). Today I threw out two more bags of his clothes and shoes. Then I took his plant and one of the lovely birds that he used to carved to my next door neighbor who was a dear friend of his. Spent an hr. over there talking to her and playing with her 3 dogs. She invited me out to see a band this Sat. nightwith some friends of hers (all who knew and loved my dad), so that will be good for me. Right now I'm just relaxing and drinking some of my dad's favorite scotch. It's not my first preference, but drinking it helps me feel close to him. Sending hugs and love to all of you!