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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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Everything posted by Francine

  1. This morning I wept

    Very seldom have I've seen you post a new topic so I know this must be near and dear to your heart. There are a lot of disasters going on in the world, more than usual, with a larger than normal loss of life is tragic. There comes a point where it all becomes too much to handle. We often become so tired we give up; but that's when our real work begins. Finding hope where there seems to be absolutely none at all. We cannot stop natural disasters from happening, but we can arm ourselves with more knowledge and perhaps more could be saved if there was enough preparation. No matter what sort of disasters we face or how painful the experiences are, losing hope would be the real disaster. We must stay in prayer and as christian women, we believe in scripture. Romans 8:18 states, "We have sufferings now. But the sufferings we have now are nothing compared to the great glory that will be given us." God is our refuge and fortress and in times of disasters, we may tremble; looking for the light, but only finding darkness. The key is never to doubt HIM and always believe. While we may not know it, HE has gathered all of us under HIS wings and is fulfilling HIS promise to be with us in times of danger and/or trouble. Psalms 27:5 reads, "During danger, HE will keep me safe in HIS shelter. HE will hide me in HIS holy tent or HE will keep me safe on a high mountain". HE is never blind to our tears, never deaf to our prayers and never silent to our pain. HE sees, HE hears, and HE will deliver. You're right, we know the pain only too well and my heart literally breaks for the thousands of innocent victims; especially the children. But in all the disasters, it's comforting to know that there's a lot of caring people in this world. It makes me so proud to see people of all ethnic backgrounds help one another. The power of one's touch, a simple smile, kind word, listening ear, can all have the potential of turning a life around. I've always thought that a kind gesture could reach a wound that only compassion can heal. You are a beautiful soul and my sister in Christ. We'll both keep the prayers going up and God will send the blessings down. I just know HE will!
  2. When will it end

    I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going though at your young age. When one lives through an unexpected or out of order passing of someone you love, your heat has, by definition, already been pushed too far. Your heart has been pushed beyond its limits of what most people, many people, will ever have to endure. Sometimes God takes away something you never expected losing, but HE will replace it with something you never would have imagined. But you know what, it's OK to feel a little heavy and it's OK to sit and catch your breath, and OK to be a mess at times, and it's just fine to be relatively normal other sometimes. At you don't need anyone's permission to miss him (and miss him you will), cry for him, long for him, crave him and yearn for him. And its just fine to let them all hit you, surrendering to your emotions and succumbing. I'm happy to know you are trying to move forward and I commend you for that; however, grief is going to take its own sweet time. It is a total shock to your mind and body when your world falls to pieces and everything and everyone around you carries on with life. Grief has no rules and it will in many ways last as long as love does. Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn't take a day, week, month or year. It takes a lot of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self. Don't expect family and friends to understand your journey, specially if they've never had to walk your path. Since my Charles left this earth, I am no longer the person I once was. His loss has reshaped me. My worst nightmare is now my reality.....and there is absolutely nothing that can wake me up. I miss the old me; I miss the happy me; everything has changed. For the better, no - I can't say that it has. For the worst, I can't say that either - but it has changed. For you, I hope change is for the better and I pray so. Stay strong sweetheart; know that you are in my prayers and thoughts!
  3. Don't say you're OK, when you're not. I agree; I tried some myself and they have helped. Thanks for sharing.
  4. Don't know where to turn

    My suggestion, like many of the other post, is be there for each other. There are no heights you cannot go together. If one succeeds, both have succeeded. That is the joy of being there for one another. Know I'm sending prayers up so that the blessings can come down. Stay Strong!
  5. ''What Dreams May Come'' by Richard Matheson

    I have not read the book or watched the movie; and from reading some of the post, I'm inclined not to. Not ruling it out completely, just not now.
  6. It comes in waves

    I so feel you. Charles should be here with me and I'm lost without him. I too enjoy my grandchildren; they make me laugh and I am so grateful to God for allowing them to have at least one grandparent. But when they are around, I want Charles around (like before) so that we can enjoy them together. I hate the fact that they will grow up without him; so I will make sure, until I take my last breath, that he is never forgotten. Its just so very very hard.
  7. Lost

    Thanks and Thanks be to God!
  8. You mustn't be angry at yourself. Addition is a disease of the brain, a living monster; it lives inside of you, feeds off you, takes from you, controls you and unfortunately and eventually destroys you. It is one of those beast that tears you apart, rips out your soul and laughs at your weakness. It is like a stone concrete wall and its only purpose is to keep you in and and rest of the world out. Its like a shadow that is always lurking behind you, waiting to strike at any moment. It is an addiction where the bars are on the inside and it feeds on the mind, sitting, staring, and waiting until it eventually wins. Such a beautiful young women Rachel was; and I know she will be truly missed. If it is any consolation, know that she has no more pain; no more tears; no more fears; no more drama in her life; her spirit is free. I hope that in the next life, you will find each other and perhaps then you can be together. I believe her spirit has finally found the peace she so desperately sought. Stay Strong and know you are in my prayers; I'm sending a special prayer for Rachel's sweet, innocent baby girl.
  9. Plans

    ; It's uncanny how much alike our thinking is. There are three moments that I will never forget; the moment Charles and I met, the moment he made me his wife, and the moment he took his last breath. I love him so much and there's not a single moment in the whole day when I don't miss him.. I'm the lucky one who knew him, who still loves him, whose life will forever be divided into a before and after, because of him. Sometimes the only reason why I am afraid of holding on to what is making me sad is because it was the one thing that made us happy. It will be the little things that we remember; the quiet moments, their *Smiles*,their *Laughter*. I like to think that it will be the memories of these little things that will help push away the pain and bring some of the smiles back. Well, I hope so.
  10. Lost

    Take your bow; you deserve it. I get it though; people (like you) who shine from within, don't need the spotlight!
  11. Lost and Confused

  12. Cemetery Marker

    Ditto that! As long as greed is stronger than compassion, there will always be suffering.
  13. It comes in waves

    You're right - Guilt is a huge part of the grieving process and I think we all go though it. Remember we are mere humans with human minds and feelings and we're always gonna question ourselves; asking those questions "If I had", "Would I have", "Should I have", "Could I have". Loneliness is such a sad affair and I can't hardly wait to be with my Charles again. Like you, loneliness is the hardest part of grief. I try to be strong, but this world is so lonely without my Charles in it. Since his departure from this earth, I've never realized how lonely I am until it's the end of the day and I have a lot of things to talk about and no Charles to tell them to. But you know what, there's a place within me where his fingers still rest on mine, his kisses still linger on my lips and his whispers softly echo in my ears. Its a place where a part of my Charles will forever be a part of me. Today, I am NOT OK; it hurts, but that's OK, I'm used to it. I'm tired; tired of trying; hoping; coping; existing; that feeling when you're not necessarily sad, but just feel really empty; I feel I'm done. Will it get better, I don't know, I guess I hope so. I guess one must tell themselves that things will get better tomorrow, even if they are not better tomorrow. I guess we need to keep telling ourselves it will be tomorrow, and eventually it just may be.
  14. TheRobShow, I am so sorry for the loss of your Rachel and I know what you are going through. It is evident the love you had for her and her daughter. I know death has no number but 29 is awfully young and goodbyes hurt the most when the story should not yet be finished. You won't ever quite get over Rachel's death; you just slowly lean how to go on without her but always keeping her tucked safely in your heart. I'm sorry Rachel's demons, though quiet, were never quite silenced. As calm as they may have been, they waited patiently for the reason to wake, take an overdue breath, and literally crawled back into her head with all kinds of thoughts. It is unfortunate she was not strong enough to overcome them. We must learn not to hate the addict, hate the disease; don't hate the person, hate the behavior; it's hard to watch it, imagine how hard it must have been for her to live it. The funny thing is no one ever really knows how much anybody else is hurting; we could be standing right next to someone who is completely broken and we wouldn't even know it. There are many reasons why people can get very discouraged because of problems they perceive is insurmountable. Some unfortunately go to drugs or alcohol but in the end, they are just searching for that tiny safe place, perhaps a hole, that gives them shelter from the terrible reality of this cold, cruel world. Addiction is a special kind of hell that takes the soul of the addict and breaks the hearts of everyone who loves them. My heart goes out to her young daughter. Young children come to see themselves through the eyes of their parent. Whomever has a part in raising this child, my prayer is they raise her not to toughen her to face a cruel and heartless world but rather raise her with the idea of making the world a little less cruel and heartless. I hope you are able to be a part of her life. Continue to post; we are all here on this journey at this time, at this place for a reason; it's not a fluke, coincidence or luck. It God's Will. To uplift and encourage one another, definitely; but more than that - to be taught sufferings from one another and learn from them and most of all, to love one another.
  15. One year ago - today

    I feel you; Charles and I were also very young when we married - 20 years old. We had our ups and downs like any marriage, but no matter what, we were always there for one another. We chose to commit on not what was tearing us apart, but focused on what was keeping us together. And we did for almost 45 years. Man I love that man and always will!
  16. A desperate wish...

    I agree, it is unfortunate, but we were brought together for reason in just this manner. Why must we suffer; perhaps love cannot exist without it, and God is Love. People have a hard time letting go of their suffering; perhaps out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it and for all we know, sometimes God lets our lives fall apart so we can finally let HIM help us rebuilt it in a more beautiful way than we could have ever imagined. If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an accepted part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death, human life cannot be complete. We have our individual crosses to carry, imagine the cross our Lord had to bare for all of us. You take care and know you are always in my prayers.
  17. Cemetery Marker

    My feelings as well. The ground only holds the shell our loved one occupied, not the essence of who they really were. My own study of the Bible has convinced me that our souls/spirits go immediately into the presence of God when we die and if you believe in God's word, we all would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8). It hurts because we are still human with human minds and thoughts. Our feeble minds can't begin to comprehend what's in stored for us. Although the Bible doesn’t answer all our questions about life after death, it clearly tells us that we can look forward to heaven’s joys when we die, if we know Christ. Shortly before His death and resurrection, Jesus told His disciples, “I am going there to prepare a place for you … that you also may be where I am” (John 14:2-3). And I believe God's word. HE has prepared a place for your Lori and my Charles. The most important truth I believe is that Lori and Charles spirits are with God, and nothing evil or harmful will ever touch them again. In heaven, God “will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Revelation 21:4). Why would anyone not want to go there? Stay Strong and know you are in my prayers, always!
  18. One year ago - today

    Ditto that, as difficult as it is, I'm right there with you - knowing the outcome, I'll do it again in a nutshell.
  19. One year ago - today

    Wow! What a sad and pitiful thing to say; but I feel sorry for her, not so much for her words, but sorry t hat she never knew the real meaning of true love. Having that special person, that *soulmate* who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you no matter what is the most rewarding blessing there is. A person to overcome obstacles with, face challenges, fight to be together no matter what; hold on and never let go. But most of all, love is realizing that ever hour, every minute, and ever second was worth it because whatever you did, you did it together. To say something like that is evident she never loved or was loved - that's the really sad thing.
  20. Lost and Confused

    KMB My sentiments exactly; you couldn't have said it any better.
  21. Lost

    Thanks but KayC and KMB would be my suggestions for writing books; talk about strong and inspirational women. When I joined this forum these ladies literally were a big reason for me to have gotten this far. I'd be the first to ask them both for their endorsements.
  22. One year ago - today

    She definitely had the character of an angel and I see why you loved her so much. I don't see any reason why you would feel guilty; on the contrary, you should be proud that God allowed you to be in the presence of an earth angel. And you know what, her angelic spirit has never left you. Don't expect to hear the rustle wings, nor feel the feathery touch of the breast of a dove. Angels don't have to speak to be heard; be visible to be seen or be present to be felt; you'll know her presence by the love she creates in your heart. I suspect you'll continue to struggle, as we all will; however never forget how far you've come and everything you have gotten through. All the times you pushed on even though you felt you couldn't. All the mornings for the past year that you got out of bed no matter how hard it was. All the times you wanted to give up but somehow, you got through another day. Never forget how much strength you have learned and developed. And I have a sneaky suspicion that your wife, your angel was helping you through all the while.
  23. Lost and Confused

    I bet it really does; the bad news is that we can't make people (family or not) like, love, understand, validate, accept, or be nice to us and we can't control them. The good news is, - "It really doesn't matter". My philosophy is never try to change yourself to make people accept and like you; be who you are and the right people will love you!
  24. A desperate wish...

    I'm so sorry and I share your wish. Why things happen when they do, is a mystery that we will never know (not now anyway) and perhaps we are not meant to know. I too thought I was being punished and abandon by God. How could HE have taken my Charles away from me; Charles was a good man, husband, father, protector, soulmate, my best friend. I know now that God did not or will not abandoned me. I am a stronge believer in faith and God, and while I may not understand how everything will work out, I trust HIM. I may not see the way, but I trust that HE will make a way; things may look dark and bleak now, but my dawn is coming. There is a perfect peace that comes when we place our trust in HIM. Knowing that we are secure in HIM and that no matter what threatens us, we can go to HIM and find shelter and safety. I believe we're not completely happy here on earth because we're not suppose to be. Earth is not our final home; we were created for something better - our citizenship is in heaven. Trust in God's timing; its better to wait a while and have things fall into place than to rush and have things fall apart.
  25. Lost and Confused

    I am so sorry for you, the loss of your husband and the way you were treated by his family; is appalling. I agree with KayC I know you want to keep peace, and that's a good thing. You were his WIFE and you shared a life and love together; whether they accepted it or not, you deserve the respect awarded to any grieving widow; and if you are not given that respect, then my suggestion would be to kick the dust of them off your feet and move one. You don't have to put people down in to stand up for yourself. And you must stand up for yourself to keep from being put down, taken advantage of, or taken for granted. Sometimes you have to give people a taste of their own medicine because they will hurt you in an attempt to heal themselves. Don't accept anything you are not OK with. You can't always be nice; sometimes boundaries need to be set. Wouldn't it be nice to see an America that would gradually move beyond race; unfortunately, we're just not there yet; made some strides, but have a way to go. We were all just humans until race disconnected us; religion separated us, politics divided us, and wealth classified us. We must let people know (no matter who they are) how we want to be treated, not only by our actions, but by our inaction as well. Don't get me wrong; being non-confrontational is good, but not standing up and shying away from confrontations that others start will only lead to more. It is up to you. When you are ready to move beyond the pain, when you want to feel better, when you are ready to move beyond where you are, emotionally and spiritually, forgive them. That doesn't mean you accept their behavior or trust them; forgive them for you so that you can let go and move on with your life. Remember, the way people act towards you is a statement of who they are as a human being; it's not a statement about you. Stay strong because you are strong. You're in my prayers and I'm sending you a virtual *HUG*