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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About Francine

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    Advanced Member

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    Retired Educational Supervisor
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    Singing, reading, exercising
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    Very Family oriented

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  1. Happy Valent...Shut up!

    I had a really, really bad day on Valentine's Day and my tsunami's were running rampant. A friend's call literally brought me out of the pit I was in and I was so thankful to him and God for sending him my way. While it was not a "good" day for me, there was some "good" in that day; and it was in the form of my friend.
  2. really lost.

    I am so terribly sorry for your loss and know your pain. I was a lot like you when my Charles passed on (it still feels strange saying that) but I didn't want to go on, mentally and physically. All I felt was hurt, pain and a sense of not wanting to continue this life without him. Talk about feeling lost and lonely - that was a understatement. I literally didn't know what to do or if I could go on without him. He was my entire life and without him, I felt so lonely, so desperate, I finally cried out to what seemed like an invisible God and asked Jesus to come into my heart. In that moment, something happened. I knew God’s presence and love were real, because for the first time ever, I didn’t feel alone. I thought I would never have to fight feelings of loneliness again. But I was wrong! I’m in the hardest season of my life, and I lost the important person in this world to me - my Charles. In Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 it states," To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted". However, in the midst of our deepest heartaches, God will used our tears to heal our broken hearts, and in HIS goodness, HE gives us what we need and long for most — a CURE for loneliness and a REAL relationship with HIM! Good for you with the counseling; I too had individual and group counseling and they were both very beneficial to me. You're in a very dark season in your life, but know that the pain won't last forever; Psalm 30:5 states, "........Weeping may remain for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Your joy is coming! Continue to post and know that you are in my prayers.
  3. My young love

    I feel you; yesterday was a rough day for me. This is actually the second valentine day without my Charles, but it feels like the first. Last year, my mind, heart and soul was just not here. While part of my being is somewhat back, I can really feel the essence of the loss and it brought back my tsumani full force. A friend's call brought me back to reality and it helped me get through the rest of the day. Thank God for friends and knowing just the right people to send you at just the right time.
  4. Tragic loss of husband

    I am so very sorry for your loss and know your pain. For me, after losing my Charles, I literally went into shock and denial. I felt “numb,” like a spectator watching events unfold. I just didn't lose my husband, I lost my best friend, my confidant, my “knight in shining armor.” I was and felt angry; angry at the doctors and nurses who couldn’t save my Charles and even with God. I was angry at Charles for leaving you, and then felt guilty for this anger. Guilty for simply being alive when my Charles was not. Guilty for somehow not doing more to try to save him and prevent his death. While we often told each other how much we loved one another, I felt guilty for not having said good-bye. The feeling of being alone caused my mind to race to the degree that I could not sleep or think clearly. What I didn't know then was it was not unusual to experience nausea, dizziness, rashes, and weight loss. I had become irritable and listless, felt fatigued, experienced shortness of breath, and every muscle in my body ached. But as the shock began to wear off, I slowly began to accept that Charles' death was slowly become a reality. I thought, “My life will never be the same again.” “I cannot change what has happened to me.” “Oh God, what am I going to do now?” When Charles died, it changed the relationship we had with mutual friends. Those same friends we socialized with as a couple, seemed to have a difficult time interacting with me as an individual. Life without Charles is steering me in the direction of a new circle of friends, in particular, people who I met in grief support groups; perhaps because our loss is a common bond. Cope with Charles' death has made me recognize that grief is necessary; it is something you simply must work through. There are no shortcuts. It is important to express your feelings. Take time to cry. Don’t be afraid to share your tears with others. Express your anger when you feel the need. Talk openly with family members and friends; this is a time to lean on them. Some of your friends may feel awkward for awhile because they don’t know how to talk to you about your loss. Help them by simply telling them what your needs are. Don’t try to protect anyone, even children or other family members by hiding your sadness. If you normally have a pressing schedule, try to lighten it; grief is mentally taxing and you do not need the added strain of too much to do. Set aside some quiet time for yourself, time when you can think about your spouse’s death and put things into perspective. If you are worried that you are not coping well with your grief, consider talking to a grief counselor or support group to help your through your transition. You may be relieved to discover that you are reacting normally. For me, God and my faith in God has kept me from drowning. I hope you continue to post here; we all family and are here to try to help each other get through this difficult season in our lives. Know that you are in my prayers and thoughts!
  5. 100 Days

    I feel you. It's been over a year and I'm still, at times, a total mess; at times, I break down and cry uncontrollably, at times, I'm fine and can face the world with a smile; at times I feel as if the world is mine and I don't have to deal with traffic or anyone's crap. I don't have to answer calls or reply to any texts. I don't have any responsibility; no fights, no arguments, no hate, no love, no faith, or no engagement. I can just be - ME.
  6. Thanks KayC. Trying to get back to normal, but it's difficult. I need prayer.
  7. Ditto that! Nothing is right or will ever be again. I feel as if I'm just going through the motions of life and merely existing, not really living. I don't know if, losing your heart, you can ever live again. I won't lie to you; losing my Charles has changed me; for the better or worst, I don't know yet. I do know that losing him is a reminder of the uncertainty this life can give. If I'm honest with myself, and learn anything from this, is we mustn't take anything for granted and love like today is our last, it just might be.
  8. I am so very sorry for your loss; my Charles also died from a massive heart attack and like you I thought if,if if only I had done or that, than perhaps I could have saved him. I wanted to blame someone, the doctors that he had visited the day before who had given him a good report; or the who got to him fairly quickly and with all their equipment couldn't save him; or the doctors and staff at the hospital who couldn't save him; and God who didn't save him, and of course myself. Someone had to be the blame, or so I thought. I had to release the need to replay the negative situation over and over again in my mind. In order for me to try to move on, I knew I needed not to remind myself of what should have, couldhave, or would have been - I simply needed to release it and slowly that's what I doing. The reality about life after losing someone so close to you is that the wrong can never be made right. It can never be fixed. Ever. Your life now is irreparably broken without your love in it will never feel a-okay again. You may experience moments of bittersweet joy, and bittersweet happiness, and will eventually laugh again, and find stupid things funny, but it will never again be what it once was. You might never again have the feeling that all is right in the world. You can’t fix it, mend it, or even cry it away. No matter how many years go by, the ache remains. As much as it hurts, and it hurts like hell, I am grateful that I was able to share 44 years with a man that I loved and loved me. We all will, some day, leave this earth and for now, I'm learning to accept my life as it is; I don't judge or dramatize. I try to let life's events come freely and welcome the lessons they convey. I'm learning to stop struggling so much and let go knowing God always give me what is most appropriate to my soul. Know that you are in my prayers.
  9. Loss of a Brother

    I haven't been visiting the website lately; I recently lost my baby brother and am making final arrangements for his homegoing services which will be held tomorrow. He too died from a heart attack and brought back flashbacks of losing my Charles. My brother's body is being brought back to the city where he grew up and where the majority of family is. Keep me in your prayers.
  10. A minute and a half.

    joelvskat Oh my God, I am so very sorry for your loss and know the pain you feel. My husband of 45 years died of a heart attack unexpectedly and at times, am still in denial. I've lost close friends and family in the past, but losing my Charles was something I was just not prepared for; I don't think anyone is. When you lose someone you love more than yourself, you get a crash course in mortality. After Charles passed, I would lie awake night after night wondering if heaven and hell truly existed and finding all kinds of reasons to cling to my faith because I just couldn't bear to believe that Charles was not out there somewhere, a few whispered words of a prayer away. And for what it worth, and how hard it seems, you will get through this where the pain won't be so unbearable. It doesn't look like that now and you may not even want to hear it but God has truly blessed you. HE designed Kat specifically for you, put her in your life and allowed the two of to share a life and love for the ages. A lot of people can't make that claim. Because of her, you are the man you are today; never forget that. I get it, it hurts like hell, and feels so unfair and not right. Why things happen to good people, we'll never know and perhaps we are not meant to but there is a season for everything under the heavens. I think we have a choice in this and can make the best or the worst of it. I hope in the darkest season of your life, you make the best situation. I hope you live the rest of your life that would make your Kat proud and if you find that you're not, I hope God gives you the strength to start over again. Continue to post; we are all here in our darkest season trying to get through and with God 's helpp and each other, we just might be able to. Know that you are in my prayers.
  11. One Year Later - I'm still here

    The article had such a impact on me and touched me in a way of what I as feeling at that exact time. In the future I will cite the source of the article and thank you for your thoughts and prayer; I certainly welcome and need them.
  12. 1 Year

    You're 100% on point! By God's grace we survive; and by HIS grace we're on this wonderful website helping one another. HE knows exactly what we need and when we need it; and it's no accident we're here, its God grace.
  13. Eternity - Amen to that!
  14. Anger

    I'm so sorry for your loss and know your pain. It's understandable that you are angry and unfortunately when something bad happens, people automatically look for someone to blame? I too wanted to blame myself, my husband, the surgeon or the hospitals and staff that cared for my husband and sometimes we want to lay blame where there wasn’t any. When something tragic happens, we automatically think there has to be a culprit, there has to be a well-defined reason, there has to be something that could have been done that would have avoided the end result? We are not in control of every minute detail of our lives. My Charles too was overweight, had heart disease and other health problems but was under a doctor's care and I saw to it that he never missed any of his appointments. The day before he passed, we had gone to the doctor and had gotten a clean bill of health and I was pretty happy about that; less than 24 hours, he was gone. We can’t account for every circumstance, every decision made by someone else, but God will lead us down every path. Yes, there are times when life is cut short by poor decisions, but trust me…God can override poor decisions. I know tragedy happens. The one thing that makes this blame game even harder on a grieving widow is the fact that we are already dealing with guilt…mind-numbing, all-consuming guilt. To this day, I continue to go over every "What-If" scenario I can think of when it comes to what I could have done differently for my Charles; and I'm beginning to believe that nothing I could have done would have had a different outcome. It is a battle that has me running to the Lord over and over again. You certainly deserve your "MAD" day; but remember while everyday may not be good, there's good in everyday. Know that you are in my prayers and I ask God to give you Hope, Strength and Peace to make it through the most darkest season in your life. Hope that it will get better, Strength to hold on until it does, and Peace to sooth your heart and soul.
  15. I feel I let my soul mate down

    Carrots I am so very sorry for your loss and know the pain you're experiencing only too well. Although you and Chris may have had problems, it appeared that you loved one another very much. Personally, I think LOVE is the greatest gift we can give another human being; I hope you find comfort in knowing that you both shared a special kind of love and no matter what, will always be. You are not responsible of Chris' death and because we want to blame someone, we blame ourselves. Why things happen, we will never know and perhaps we are meant to; however, we go on and endure, because we must. We will always have those memories that will always be with us. From the day I met my Charles, he turned my life upside down (in the nicest possible way) and we had the type of loving relationship that some people don’t experience in a lifetime. I didn’t know such happiness existed and we could not get enough of each other even though we were together all day every day, from the day he retired until his death. What is helping me get through this is my family, friends and faith in God. I was in such a bad way, I was encouraged to visit a one-on-one grief counselor. It helped me in such a way, I also signed up for group counseling which was just as beneficial in getting through this grief I found myself in. It's been over a year and I still cannot believe he has gone, but I'm coping little by little each day and hopefully making some progress. There are days I feel I'm living but I'm not alive. It’s as though I am in love but with no one to love. But one thing for sure, I have the memories Charles and I made and they are forever; remembering the times we spent sharing secrets, weaving dreams, healing broken hearts, laughing at silly things. Now when I look back, I realize they were the most wonderful years of my life. And while the life with Charles is behind me, the rest of my life is before me; but our memories are forever with me. Know that you are in my prayers and that God gives you the Hope, Strength, and Peace to make it through this very dark season of your life. Hope to know that it will get better; Strength to hold on until it does, and Peace to fill your heart and soul.