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About Francine

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    Retired Educational Supervisor
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    Singing, reading, exercising
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    Very Family oriented

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  1. Your post literally brought me to tears. I know only too well the love you shared with your man, for I shared a similar love with my Charles. Blessed with 45 year with the man of my dreams - I am so grateful. Yes, I love my husband and still do and I depended on him; and him, me. We supported one another and that's how it was supposed to work, and it did. It wasn't always perfect, no fairytale or storybook and wasn't always easy; it was work but most of all, it was realizing that every hour, every minute and every second was worth it, because we did it together. This generation is becoming too busy trying to prove that a woman can do it all by herself and doesn't need a man to complete her and that women are losing their uniqueness. Guess I'm from a different age, where both women and men needed one another. Women were not created to do everything a man can do or should we want to. We were created to do everything he can't do like being the soulmate God had intended us to be. One of my biggest accomplishments and greatest joys on this earth was being my Charles' wife and mother of our children. In our wedding vows, we promise to love one another and on our wedding night, I envisioned spending the rest of my life with the man I truly loved; now I realized, he spent the rest of his life with me. I smile because I know he loved me till the day he went away and will keep loving me until the day we are together again. We often talked about the love we had for one another and he would jokingly say I was the luckiest women in the world to land him - and of course I'd say just the opposite. That man was my heart - and now it feels like its gone; and in a way, it is. Like you, I don't know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future - God - the same person who gave me my Charles; and as hard as it is go one alone, I know my Charles would want me to continue - and continue, I will. Just not the same - differently.
  2. I'm so sorry to hear about your fall and do hope you're feeling somewhat better; I do know about the *alone* feeling sometimes - it truly sucks, big time. Things are gonna work out for you; God won't bring us this far only to let us go - no way! Don't know about you, but for me, at my age, things take a little longer to heal . Get better soon, cause I feel like crying with you . Sending prayers your way.
  3. That's what we're here for; to uplift one another in these difficult times. Stay Strong girl!
  4. Then thats what you do. Cry your eyes out; cry in the shower, sob in your pillow and pray you make it - and you will; we all will. Grief holds a kind of heartache you can feel in your bones and opens a place in your heart that you never knew could hurt so badly, but it also opens the same place to a love you never imagined possible. It's been said that crying is good for the soul and all of our souls need some healing. I'm sending prayers up to the heavens for you, for all of us. Stay strong!
  5. Nicole KayC stated it exactly when she said, When it comes to sleepless nights, I'm so right there with you. I can't tell you when I've had a full night sleep. I'll doze off around 9:30 or 10:00 PM only to wake up around 1:30 and can't go back to sleep. My Charles had many restless nights as well and I'm wonder if now that he is gone, I've inherited his sleeplessness. It never ceases to amaze me how we judge one another. No one has the right to judge you, because no one really knows what you have been through. They may have heard stories, but they don't feel what you feel in your heart. So let them judge you, misunderstand you, perhaps gossip about you; they can't handle half of what you've been through and as far and as I know, you haven't let anyone borrow your shoes to walk in. Don't let anyone get you angry over the things they say; they can only pull the trigger if you hand them the gun. There a reason you operate the way you do and a reason you are who you are - don't change you. Only you knew how much you loved Jake and what you shared together and that's really all that count. If your love was only for a day, it was real and truth. I know the feeling of hopelessness; but you do whatever you can to get through it; you force yourself to get up; you force yourself to put one foot before the other and you refuse to let it get to you. You fight; cry, swear but you turn that hopelessness into Hope. Not by pretending that your pain and troubles don't exist, but the hope they won't last forever. That someday all the hurt will be healed and your difficulties overcome. I want you to have hope and know that despite all the darkness, there is light. My prayer is that you know that God is able to bring hope into your life even when everything seems hopeless. I know the dark place you made reference to, I've visited it on more than one occasion. Sometimes when you're in that dark place you think you've been buried alive, but in actuality, you've been planted. You may be in that dark place today and that's OK because you don't have to stay there. Everyday is a battle; some days you'll demolish everything in your path; other days, you'll hold on till dear life. Remember, either way, you're a warrior - never forget that. You're a strong young women and life has knocked you down a few times. It has shown you things you never wanted to see. You have experienced sadness, hurt, pain and failures; but one thing for sure, you always get up. Know you are in my prayers - Hugs to you.
  6. In the beginning, I didn't think I needed to go to a therapist and like you didn't want to communicate to a perfect stranger my thoughts and feelings - to me, that was just too private. My daughter strongly suggested I see one, so I agreed. This person was simply the worst - I thought, oh my God, why am I here; never again, this was it. My daughter felt very bad and ask that I not let this one bad experience, deter me from perhaps seeing someone else. Reluctantly, I agreed and saw another person. Best thing I could have done for myself. He was a God-send, and truly helped me get though this journey. I saw him for 6 months and unfortunately my insurance changed and did not cover the services. If the insurance had, I'd still be going to see him. While I don't claim to be completely healed, and not where I'm aiming to be; I'm certainly not where I was before going to him. I also belong to and attend a grief group counseling through a local church that meets once a month. Just knowing you are not alone in your journey and are getting the support from others in the group experiencing the same loss as you is very comforting and uplifting. Personally, I strongly recommend it; what's is there to lose? It may be difficult at first, but anything that helps you in getting through this and adds to the person you want to be is certainly worth the try. My prayers are with you.
  7. Personally, I believe God will sometimes allow us to experience signs in our lives, and I also think our loved ones communicate with our souls using signs and messages. I like to think of it as their way of saying they love us. I also feel when we lose someone we love so much, we desperately want a sign, any sign telling us they are OK and continue on somewhere. My thinking is this, your wife's spirit is *Alive* not dead and I don't feel a dead bird is indicative of what she is. See the dead bird for what it is, not what you want it to be.
  8. I am sorry and sometimes words are so inadequate when you lose someone that you loved so much; believe me, I know. It's strange how things happen in life; you want something and you wait and wait with great anticipation. And then it is snatch right from you and gone - forever; and all you want to do is curl back up in that moment before it happened. For the short period of time you had together and it seemed he had become part of you; only to discover when he was taken from this world, he took a part of you with him and from there on out, you will never be the same person as before. Right now, you're sad, frighten, disappointed, confused and lost - and that is to be expected. Perhaps you might think you're on the brink of giving up on. You say you don't know what to do, none of us did. We took one day at a time; don't think about the future; it will take care of itself. You will make it; it will not be easy, but you will continue; not only for yourself, but for him. So you see, he's never gone - you carry him with you, as you should. When you are weak, know there's still strength in you. Yes, he maybe gone in body, but not his spirit. My faith tells me his spirit is right beside you saying, *don’t worry, I’m here*, and he is. The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it. The struggle you are experiencing today is developing into the strength you will need for tomorrow. My prayer is for God to give you the hope and strength to get through this horrific period in your life; Hope that things will get better for you, and the strength to hold out until it does. Continue to post, we are always here for you.
  9. You may just be right, but like my counterparts, KayC and KMB, I'd put off on the move for now. You're trying to get through this grief journey way too fast. You think you may have all the answers, but sometimes life changes the questions. Just when you think you have everything figured out, you realize we don't, not really. It's almost like the more you know, the more you realize you don't know. The next level of your life will demand a different version of you. For me, it's about trying to reach my true potential (whatever that is). Right now, I'm focused on getting though the most difficult time of my life and taking on challenges that will hopefully help me grow and get OK again. The rest is still unknown and that's OK; I don't know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future - God.
  10. I am so sorry for your loss and feel your pain. I'm into the eight month of losing my husband, Charles, and it still feels unreal; I want to wake up from this nightmare and tell my Charles about it. Right now, you are experiencing the *emotional roller coaster* phase; when one day you're coping with this loss OK, and the next day, you're falling apart a;t the seems; unfortunately, that's normal. Do what you need to do to get through this; cry whenever you need to; scream, shout, lay on the floor, sob in the shower, be still, run, walk, create, share your fears, listen, release the pain, breathe, seek others to help you through this; forgive, love yourself. For me, it will never feel real again; not the *real* I know. Nights are the worst for me as well; its the time when the world closes up for the night; it was the time when my Charles and I would discuss the going ons of the day. Now I realize that when things happen - good or bad - and the only person I used to discuss it to is no longer here - and that is pure hell. And then I drift off to sleep; now a days, I think I'd rather sleep; when I'm sleep, Charles and are together, happy, in our own world of love and peace; but then I wake up to hell, my new reality, that I have to endure everyday, a hell where the burn and pain is unbearable. There will come a day when you will be OK again and enjoy your life. It will happen. And, just as with any loss, you won't ever forget Jake or the road you traveled to heal. Just give yourself the time and space you need in this journey to grieve, feel and heal. If you had all the answers, the journey would have no purpose. You deserve it; your loss matters and so do you. Continue to post; It is not a coincidence, fluke or accident that you are here at this date and time. You were meant to be here and we were meant to cross paths for a reason. It's happening the way God will it to be.
  11. Hey there ladies Thanks for both of your comments. Again, feeling low, and like KMB, the phone rang and not recognizing the number, I answered it with *attitude*; you know, the kind that tells you, *I really don't want to be bothered, so I'd appreciate it, if you don't waste my time*. It was a good friend of mine I hadn't spoken to in a while and we talked, prayed, laughed, and cried together. She said she didn't know why she called me, but did. I know why she called, God saw I needed someone right at that time and space and made it happened. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, It is amazing how God brings the right people into our lives at the right time. People who support, love and pray for us regardless of our circumstances - people like the both of you. Thank you so much for all you do on this website; not only for me, but all the others.
  12. I'm so sorry for your loss and understand how you feel. You are in shock, disbelief, confused, numb, frighten, lost and perhaps angry. Know that these emotions are all normal. It's good you are aware of the grieving process; I wasn't and had to lean, still am learning, as I go through it. Having a good support system nearby who you can turn to when needed is a plus, but know that your grief is a *walk alone* journey. Others will be there with comforting words for you to listen to, but know that you will walk alone, down your own path, with your raw wounds, your denial, anger, and bitter loss. You will eventually come to your own peace, but it will be on your own terms, in your own time. As human beings, we are conditioned to focused on reaching some point in our journey, some new happiness, some reachable goal or perhaps a new adjustment, that we seem to forget that the journey is where our life happens and ends. Of course you miss your wife; you're supposed to, you loved her and shared your life with her; she was the other half of you. I too loved (and still do) my husband, Charles. That man meant (and still does) the world to me. I was allowed to share my life with the man of my dreams, a man designed specifically for me and put in my life for 45 beautiful years. Blessed, I was, and still am. I thank God for my blessings and I've learned to count by blessings, not my problems. I am a strong believer in faith and God and believe that while my Charles' body was put to rest on this earth, his spirit is not of this earth and has gone home to the spiritual Kingdom of our Heavenly Father. My Charles is free from pain, suffering; he is experiencing the *joys* of heaven; how can I not rejoice his joy? The pain comes to us who are left behind as we remember the memories of the past, all the love we shared with our loved one who was called home. And often there is angry and frustration over wanting more time on earth with them. God know what we are going though; even HE wept over the loss of a loved one; what makes us think our pain is any differently. So miss your wife; mourn her and know that because God loaned her to you, for that short period of time, you are a better person for it. Continue to post, we are all here for one another and will get through this together; not today, nor tomorrow, perhaps not in the following weeks, months or year; but one day soon. Believe it and receive it. I pray that God Bless and keep you safe and give you the strength you need at this time.
  13. I thought like you and was very angry with God for taking a really good man in my Charles. A good husband, a fantastic father, a remarkable grandfather; good friend, brother etc etc etc. I didn't want to hear all those things that people would say, you know, phrases like *God loves you* or *God has something better in stored* for you - yeah right, *yadda*, *yadda*, *yadda*. I questioned how could a God who loved me so much and wanted me to be happy, allow this to happen - and literally make me the most saddest person alive. At a group counseling session this past Saturday, I had an opportunity to meet with one of the coordinators and she shed some light on my situation. She told me that my Charles was not *mine*, he was merely on lone from God. God allowed him to be with me for 45 years and that was longer than a lot have had. She told me that God wanted him back and took him; not to hurt me, but because his task was complete. Our Creator loves us and has a plan for each of us to complete. All people have a purpose, no matter how insignificant our human minds might think it is. We are to love our God above all things, more than ourselves, our spouse, sons, daughters, or anyone else. We must trust HIM in all things, including the time each of us is given here on earth. Only our Heavenly Father knows what HE has planned for us to do in this world, and the proper time to call us home. For us Christians, we know the reality of Heaven. The Kingdom of God is so glorious it is beyond our human imagination. In Heaven we are all covered by our God’s love and peace, we can triumphantly worship our Heavenly Father. And there is no more sin, no more pain or suffering. We will be in the companionship of all of our brothers and sisters who have been called home, as we await loved ones who will soon be joining us in Paradise. There is no greater place to live than in Heaven - thank God!!! The last thing we should remember is we are to love others as Christ loved us. Though the pain of missing those who Jesus has called home might seem unbearable, Christian love dictates we should want what is best for our loved ones, our spouses, children, friends, and all people. And the greatest place for anyone to be, regardless of their age, regardless of their status in life, is in Heaven with our Lord. Knowing that someday when our work is completed on earth, through the grace of Jesus Christ, we to will join all our loved ones in Heaven. I pray that God brings you though this pain and that you find peace - You are in my prayers.
  14. Perhaps you were sending God away and meant it, but the good thing is I know I have a forgiving and Loving God and HE knows my grief and pain; after all, scripture tells us Jesus wept (John 11:35) but HE never complained. God didn't promise HE would take away our pain and discomfort, HE said HE would be right there with us when it happens. Grief does change us; the pain sculpts us into understanding more deeply; hurt more often; appreciate more quickly; cry more easily; hope more desperately; and love more openly.
  15. I am truly sorry for your loss. My husband also died from cardiac arrest; I was with him when he took his last breath and I too died that day. They didn't bury me, but I died none-the-less - inside. The only difference is when my Charles made this transition, he was relieved form all his pain sufferings (I thank God for that); he transitioned to a place were peace is the norm, eternal and who couldn't ask for anything better. When I passed on, my death (inside) started and still continues. My pain and suffering without him feels eternal; and my peace is now war. I love and pray for my children because one of the hardest things they may have to do is grieve the loss of a person who is still alive - namely me. You're right - it is hard to cope; but know you don't have to do it alone and you're not alone. Reach out to his family; after all, you shared something in common - the love for someone near and dear to you. We don't understand why things happen to our loved one, especially someone so young, and sometimes we're not suppose to know. I think there's a time for everything under the heavens and when it is our time, God takes us. So don't blame yourself thinking you perhaps could have saved him; when something doesn't go as expected; sometimes the plans we have mapped out for ourselves and our lives just doesn't work out. It took me sometime to go back to the home my Charles and I shared; but now I'm here 100%. It's our home, and together we made it to where we wanted it; I could never leave, nor do I want to. Don't get me wrong, Its hard at times and I still have my meltdowns, but this I expect. It may be good for you to visit his home, but when you're ready. Take a deep breath, regroup and figure out your next move because will get you down, but that doesn't mean you stay there. Your world right now may seem dark, gloomy and stormy, but the most beautiful rainbow and sunshine comes after the worst storm. I pray and know that God will keep you safe and give you the strength and peace you need to get through this horrific ordeal. I hope you continue to post. We are all here weathering this awful journey together, but we will get through it; not today nor tomorrow; perhaps not even next week, month or year, but we will get through it, with the help and love of God and one another.