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About Francine

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  • Occupation
    Retired Educational Supervisor
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    Singing, reading, exercising
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  • About Me
    Very Family oriented

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  1. I hope you find some peace in all this I had a similar situation with two of my closest friends. We all went to high school together and stayed in contact for all these years. One lives in Nebraska and had to come in town to attend a funeral of a close friend of hers. We were able to catch up on our lives and family and I even brought pictures of *back in the day* when we were in our very early twenties. We all got a big kick out of those pictures; heck, we all thought we sill look good after 40+ years. The food was good but the conversation, even better. They were good friends of my Charles as well and we remembered him, we laughed, we cried, and we shared. That was a pretty *good* day for me - ordinarily I don't like using the word, but in this case, I can honestly say it was *good*. You will, just take it one day at a time; today is a tomorrow that we thought about yesterday. Don't worry about tomorrow; take care of today, because if you take care of today, tomorrow will take care of itself. Stay Strong and may God continue to bless you in this difficult time.
  2. Nights are the worst for me. It's that time when your body rejuvenates itself from the struggles of the day; when you're more relaxed, when it's quiet and still and your mind can wonder - and then it hits you so much harder than you ever thought it would; in that moment you realize the person you love the most is gone. During those times at night when I'm feeling low, I reflect on my blessing that I was lucky enough to have had the kind of love and bond that makes me miss him so much.
  3. You can't now but you may be able to later. Whenever you decide, know that we, on this forum, will be here to listen, comfort and encourage you. We all have suffered tremendous loss and know the pain you are experiencing. I know you're sad so I won't tell you to have a *good* day. (You probable couldn't if you tried) Instead, I advise you to simply get through each day as best you can. Stay alive, feed yourself, get enough sleep and don't give up on yourself - not just yet. Things will improve. Until then, stay strong.
  4. Those words lift my spirits and comforts me in such way - Thank you for that. I've been in that dark place where I too thought I'd be better off with my Charles than without him and did not consider what that might have done to anyone not even my children and I didn't care. In retrospect, I was selfish and only thinking of myself. Like your husband Ed, I know my Charles would not want me to end my life - he would want me to live my life and be there for the kids and grandchildren. He was my best teacher and worst critic - by that I mean, he told me the truth - he was not the one who didn't sugar coat something just to sound nice or tiptoe around something just to spare one's feelings. He told me the truth and I loved him for that - his honesty and his candidness. I have memories to last my lifetime and some and I'm so grateful for that. I thank him for loving me and protecting me; for being my husband and making me his wife; for spending the rest of his life with me; for the many happy times and memories we made together; for our children; for growing together and learning from one another; for being the best that life had to offer me. I thank him for being himself and making my life what it is today; because of him, I am me. Thank you baby, I'll always love you. Until we meet again,
  5. I am so sorry for your lost and the pain you're experiencing. They tell me that grief never ends; it changes; it's a passage not a place to stay. While each person grieve differently, and at their own pace, I'm sorry that after five years, you have not made more progress in your healing process which can be a sign of depression. Articles have indicated that people suffering from depression tend to be isolated and feel disconnected from others, and may shun such support and assistance. People who don’t get such support, or who avoid it, may be at greater risk for slipping into clinical depression during the grieving process. Like KayC indicated in her post, I would strongly suggest you seek some professional one-on-one grief counseling or group counseling. I'm doing both and they're both such a great comfort in helping me heal from this horrendous ordeal. God bless and keep you, keep us all, safe.
  6. I do believe they're here with us. I think, in a sense, we are asleep and when we die we wake up to what we actually are - spiritual beings who lived a human experience. When my earthly pilgrimage is over, I will run to catch up with Charles knowing we will never again have to part. Thanks KMB. You know you're in my prayers. Stay Strong and God Bless.
  7. Great! - Then It's official - we'll all meet on heaven's shore - in the meantime, we'll continue to do God's will - encourage, uplift and support one another as well as anyone one else on this website. I can honestly say, I truly believe God sends *special angels* into our lives for a reason. Ladies, take your bow!
  8. Mrsviden/KMB -- Both of your post are spot on and brought tears to my eyes. When you have been with a man for 45 years, you get a routine that you become accustomed to. Like the both of you, I can't believe that I'm never going to see him again - at least not in this life - and that leaves me with sadness that is undescribable. I literally can't get my mind to accept that reality. Even with all his health issues, he was my strength and protector and we would be together, no matter what. I never saw him as being sick, he just had some health issues. (after all, we were getting older and doesn't that come with age? I never saw weakness in him, only strength; I never saw pain in him, only joy; I never say hopelessness in him, only hopefulness; I never saw fear in him, only calmness. We would get though whatever situation together and I would be right there by his side. As much as I agree with your statement, my mind can't let it be done - not now; not ever. I don't see a story for myself without my Charles; if there is one, I don't think I can live it with any useful purpose. I realize that as long as I fight the feelings or the reality that my Charles is gone, the longer I am going to feel pain. While I don't want to feel the pain, I don't want to accept this new reality. It's almost as if my mind and heart are at war (if that makes any sense) I know that I'll never 'get over' him; loosing him is part of who I am now. That won’t change. There is nothing I have to fix; nothing I have to change; nothing I have to do. Nobody expects me to be anything I'm not. That includes being sad, angry, confused, all of it, for however long I want or need to feel those things. That may be until the day I die. And that is okay. Forgive me, I'm probably rambling, but that's where I am right now.
  9. I am so sorry - anniversaries are so hard - I just celebrated mine on April 15 of this year. i didn't want to do it solo. My mind was convinced that it would be a gloom/doom day, a day that would be horrible, sad and full of tears and I didn't look forward to it at all. After visiting my grief counselor (who by the way is a god-send) and my telling him of the disappointing day I had envision, he suggested that I turn it around and make it a celebration - a celebration of 45 wonderful years together. That never crossed my mind and I did; it turned out to be an *OK* day after all. The family and I celebrated at his gravesite and then at his favorite restaurant the loved we shared for one another and our children. He may not have been there physically, but I know his spirit was there. I had several tsunami moments during the day and again, that was OK. I know the time you spent together was not long, but it appeared you loved a lifetime. That's a love for the ages, that kind of true love never dies. True love is when you touch someone with your spirit and in return they touch your soul with your heart. Your love never dies - it only gets stronger. I know it's hard, and you will survive, somehow, someway. My prayer is for God to give you the strength to make it through this day especially, and the days to follow. Stay Strong and God bless
  10. New

    So sorry for your loss - to lose your wife is devastating; but to have lost a daughter the same year - mindboggling. I only can imagine something so horrible would shake anyone’s confidence, to the point where they feel they cannot go on. But you must, sometimes with help from counselors, friends, family and your own willpower to overcome the trauma. The one certainty is that when you have lost your loved ones you have no choice but to cope as best as you can for the children or family who are left, and for your own sake too. Everyone will be grieving, that is the fact that we have to accept. If not for yourself, do it for your loved ones who have died, live life to the full for them, would they like you to spend the rest of your life being miserable? No one is ever expected to forget a loved one, just learn to cope with another day without them -that's the hard part. Some people put all their energy into working long hours; but since you're retired, and after sometime has passed, you might try getting into some hobbies that might interest you and perhaps reduce your stress levels. There is no doubt that life will never be the same again, and hopefully one day you will remember how lucky you were to have known their love with wonder, and not grief. When we grieve we are never alone - so many of us suffer loss each day. Might I suggest you find others in the same boat in an online forum or local grief support group and share with others. People love to talk about their loved ones and be heard; they can also lend you their ear for listening. People can be so supportive, often just hearing how they coped and survived is a comfort. No, it isn’t easy, some days are better than others, but we all can get through this most difficult time. God bless and keep you, keep us all, safe.
  11. I'm so sorry for your loss and know too well the pain you are experiencing. Few events in life are as painful as the death of your husband, so I can certainly understand the way you feel. It is like God has been very unkind, but even God choose the best. I'm not the one who will sugar coat a situation or tiptoe around it - this loss will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to face and no doubt will probably get even harder before it gets any better. You are going to miss his smile, his touch, his voice, his hugs, his everything; after all this man was your companion, the person you shared your life with; the father of your children; the man you planned to grow old with; your best friend, your protector; your world. There may be times you cry your eyes out (I still have my tsunami moments); that's OK, sometimes allowing yourself to cry is the scariest thing you'll ever do - and the bravest. It takes a lot of courage to face the facts, stare loss in the face, bare your heart and let it bleed. It is also the only way to heal your wounds and prepare them for healing. Sometimes we must experience the low points in life in order to learn lessons we wouldn't have learned any other way. If the bond between two people is strong, even death cannot do them apart. You have beautiful memories that you made together; cherish them and remember them, not the loss. While your husband's body is not here physically, his spirit has never left. His love will always stay beside you, around you; to protect you through this difficult time. Why things happen to good people, we'll never know, and perhaps we aren't meant to know; but what I do know is no matter what we face in life, God will be there with us. Only God can turn our worst tragedies into victories. I am so sorry the children will grow up without their father; but what you must do is never let them forget him; the loved you shared together and the love you both have for them. Raise them so that their father would be proud. You are strong - you can do it - you must do it. We don't know our own strength, until strong is the only option we have. I hope you continue to post. God put us on this forum at this time and place for a reason - to uplift one another - certainly - but more than that. To learn from for one another. May God ease this painful period for you. May HE smother you with all his love, care, and strength, in this sad time.
  12. KMB Ditto that! Let's make a pact, when we all get to heaven with our husbands, let have a *real* hug!!
  13. I see a individual grief counselor on a weekly basis and also attend a group session that meets monthly. In my individual session, I work with an experienced psychotherapist who helps me challenge and modify my thoughts that cause me to feel alone, lost and overwhelmed. He also helps me to decrease my stress, become more comfortable making decisions, reduce my sadness, irritability and anger and increase my self-confidence. My group session is beneficial as well - I feel I'm not alone in this horrible journey and it amazes me to know people are willing to share their pain and their stories. I've learned that people need to tell their stories and they need someone to listen. It is an interactive experience between the people whose lost the important person in their lies. For me, it is the opening up to an empathic group of caring individuals that the healing takes place. Listening is powerful; it is a gift we can offer to one another in distress. Again, for me, they are both what I need and I would highly recommend one or the other or both.
  14. KayC Ditto that!
  15. I know the feeling. Today, I went to the doctor for a routine checkup and my tsunami came down like a vengeance - and wouldn't let up. My Charles and I did everything together even going to the doctor - we had the same appointment date, and would be put in the same room - the doctor would check me over first and then - Charles. The doctor was happy to report that my lab work came back great and gave me a clean bill of health - but it just didn't matter. I guess I should have been happy but *happy* is no longer a word in my vocabulary. I mentioned that I don't look forward to anything anymore; people just don't matter and I merely exist. Of course he tried to console me and for what it's worth, didn't accomplish it - I told him I appreciated his effort. He offered me seeing a Psychiatrist, or perhaps he could prescribe some medication but I declined. I don't think either is what I need now. The only thing that I need is having my Charles back, but seeing that will never be, I'll hold him in my heart until that day comes when we are together again, only this time, we will never part. Won't that be amazing! Sorry for the gloom and doom; but that's where I am now.