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Whit B

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    November 21, 2016
  1. Loss of my precious mother

    Take it one day at a time. And be kind to yourself. It's tremendously painful to lose someone so dear. Tomorrow is a year for me since the loss of my very best friend, my mom. We were so close and I've lost a part of me. My mom was briefly ill, but I never ever thought this. It's been devastating and heartbreaking for me. It still doesn't feel real and I still wish it was not. I wasn't able to look ahead during this year because it was all so overwhelming. So I could only take it a day at a time. I can't even believe it's been a year. It's still very painful and I long for my mom, but I guess I do carry it differently now. You may benefit from a grief group for the extra support. In the US, there's a program called Grief Share www.griefshare.org. Take it one day at a time and express your grief and emotions in as healthy a way as you can. Take care of yourselves. Hoping for your comfort, strength and peace.
  2. Hi, the 21st is a marker for me too. It's 7 months today that I lost my dear mom, my best friend. It's very hard to process. Losing my mom has been the most devastating and heartbreaking experience. It's so new for you, a month in, that it's overwhelming for sure. I am so sorry for your loss. It's intensely painful to lose someone as dear as a mom. I hope you will consider going to the doctor to get the pains you are having checked, it may help you. Also, you may want to consider a grief group for the emotional support you need. A resource is Grief Share at www.griefshare.org. I know right now it's hard to know what to do. Keep expressing your emotions. Be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself as best you can. Take this one day at a time, one moment at a time. I wish you peace. Know that others care and can relate.
  3. 3 month mark after moms death

    Dear Sweetisabelle, It's been 5 months since I unexpectedly lost my mom. She was the most amazing woman I've known, my best friend. It's all still very shocking to me. And so intensely painful. I feel like I've lost a part of myself. The first few months I was both devastated and numb. Small things were overwhelming. Like Reader said, take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Feel what you feel and lean into the grief. Keep doing the next right thing, no matter how small. And hopefully some things will eventually start to feel a bit easier. I too cannot stop thinking about how painful this first Mother's Day will be. The daily pain is hard enough. I'm creating memory boxes for my immediate family. I'm trying to refocus my energy into honoring my mom and being grateful for having been blessed with her. It won't be the same. I know I'll cry a lot and it will hurt a lot because I just want her here. But nothing is the same. I'm not the same. This is all hard for me to believe. Reader's words are true. We can only take this one day at a time. I attend a Grief Share grief group www.griefshare.org and it's helped me to have the support as I work through my emotions and the shock of it all. I'm sorry you're going through this and that we're all going through this. Know that others can relate to how you feel and the pain you are experiencing. Someone dear to me said, my mom would want me to be ok. I keep thinking again and again, my mom would want me to be ok. I'm sure your mom would want you to be ok too. Keep taking it one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
  4. I just miss my mom

    Thank you all for your kind responses. It helps. It's hard to share with people who haven't experienced this, so it helps to know that people here can relate. I'm sorry we're all going through this. It's so hard. My mom had cancer too but we had no idea how bad it was and she passed quickly and unexpectedly. It's shocking and surreal. It's true, it feels like a horrible dream. For the first couple of months I thought it was a nightmare. It's hard to process, I just try to take things one say at a time. She was so vibrant and amazing, my best friend. I know she would want me to live fully just as she did but I'm just heartbroken. I miss her so.
  5. I just miss my mom

    Thank you, Ama. It's so hard to believe this has happened. It really helps to know others can relate. I'm sorry we're all going through this.
  6. It's been 4, almost 5, months since my mom passed and there are times that I am still completely stunned. I know this has happened but the reality of it is so hard. I long for my mom. I miss her so much. I have ok days but sometimes it hits me so hard that my mom isn't here. We were so close and she was so amazing. I try to think of her with gratitude for having been blessed with her. But the void without her is deep and painful. I just really miss my mom.
  7. I recently started attending a Christian based grief group through Grief Share for support. I'm hopeful that the program will provide me with the spiritual component I need and help me to process the pain. Maybe it will help someone else too.
  8. Thank you Cindy Jane and thank you for the scripture. It does comfort me too. One that helps me is: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”‭‭Psalm‬ ‭34:18‬ ‭
  9. I feel more like myself these days and functioning better than when I started back at work. I'm starting Grief Share group counseling soon at a local church. I'm still having a really hard time processing the day my mom passed and seeing my mom that way. I miss my mom so much it hurts. I keep thinking about the what ifs and replaying what I could have done differently to save my mom. It's so devastating to me to think that I failed my mom.
  10. Dear Islysmum, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can relate to a lot of what you said. My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and the doctors think she had a cardiac event or an embolism which caused her to lose consciousness. My mom's last moments sound so similar to your dad's. I too keep replaying the images. I can still see my mom unconscious and it's so hard to think of my mom that way. It's so upsetting. I replay that day over and over thinking of what I could have done differently to help my mom and to still have her with me. It's an awful trap. I keep praying that the Lord will help me to stop dwelling on the images, the what ifs, and thinking that I failed my mom by not getting her to the ER earlier and not being able to save her. I'm looking into grief counseling options to process the loss of my mom (my best friend) and to deal the trauma of that day. It may be a good idea for you too, especially since you were also there when it happened. It's a lot to bear and maybe you could use the support. Like you said, there's a void--the loss of a parent is a tremendous loss. I know my mom would want me to deal with this in a healthy manner and to find peace. I hope to do that. I hope the same thing for you. Michael's words above are so well said, take one day at a time, one moment at a time. Be kind to yourself. It's some of the best advice I've received too. May you find peace.
  11. Thank you for the responses. It's so hard when I replay the day that I lost my mom over and over and whether if I could have gotten my mom to the ER sooner maybe she would still be here. I just long for my mom.
  12. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I appreciate it. This is difficult to navigate and I appreciate the kindness. It helps. Frances, respectfully, I do not ascribe to the Jehovah's Witness beliefs. I do thank you for kindly taking the time to respond. The caring and kindness of others helps right now. Best to you both.
  13. I'm Christian and am having trouble accepting the loss of my mom because it's so extremely painful. I am grateful that I will see my Mom again someday. Can anyone please provide me with insight or resources from a Christian perspective as to how you've accepted your loss as the Lord's will? I struggle with understanding why this happened or had to happen. I really miss my mom. Thank you.
  14. Loss of My Father

    Dear Lynx563, This is very recent and it's all new. Grief is powerful and painful I'm finding out. Take care of yourself right now. I didn't work with my mom, so it may be different, but even at work for me so much reminds me of my mom. For the first couple of weeks back at work, I was like a zombie. There, but not there. I was surprised I was functioning, much less back at work so that in and of itself was my big accomplishment. As you can, keep expressing your emotions and keep functioning as best you can. You have suffered a huge loss and this will take time to navigate. I can relate. Be good to yourself and give yourself a break. One thing someone said to me when I was a mess at work is that I was doing the best I could after such a major loss. It really helped me. It was true for me and it's true for you. Let's keep putting one foot in front of the other until it becomes natural again. Take good care. Be easy on yourself.
  15. Loss of My Father

    Dear Lynx563, It is hard. You have my condolences. I can relate. I've never written in a forum like this but I had to get things out too. I lost my mom unexpectedly on November 21st, and I can't hold the pain in. It's too much, it's my mom. It is devastating. My mom had been briefly ill and recently (about 2 weeks prior) had been diagnosed with cancer. The doctors were hopeful. We had no idea this would happen. The morning of, my mom was very weak and my dad and I thought my mom was dehydrated so we decided to take my mom to the ER for fluids when she had a cardiac episode. It was so surreal. I couldn't comprehend it. The ER doctors said it was because of the cancer. But it makes no sense. My mom's heart had been healthy and prior to the recent illness she was so energetic and full of life. It's hard for me to process, much less accept. I can relate to what you are saying. My mom is my best friend. I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. It feels like a nightmare. I went back to work to get into a routine but it's hard to focus because I'm so hurt. I cry a lot. The pain is real and unlike anything I've ever experienced. And the world has gone on while I've been stuck on November 21st. The best advice I've gotten is to take one day at a time. And be easy on yourself. For me, sometimes it's been one moment at a time. I can say I'm more functional than day 1, but sometimes I crawl my way through it. I miss my mom so much. You're doing the right thing by expressing your feelings and seeking help. It's really hard. I can relate and many here can. Take care of yourself and take it one day at a time, one moment at a time.