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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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Tim

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  • Content count

    9
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About Tim

  • Rank
    Newbie
  • Birthday 07/26/1966

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Acworth, Georgia
  • Interests
    movies, music, animals, daughters
  • Loss Type
    Death of soulmate and wife
  • Angel Date
    11/26/04

Contact Methods

  • Yahoo
    arockandrollalternative@yahoo.com

Converted

  • About Me
    It has been many years since my hell. I didn't deal well at all with it. At the time I wasn't computer savvy and could not reach out to online communities. I could find no solace in people, nor did I seek counseling ( mistake). I self medicated, became reclusive, resentful, discouraged, tormented, and defeated. It took many years to come to terms with my loss, myself, and my hell. Today I am in a better place. The world is still a lesser place without her. I stumbled onto this site, read some of your posts, and my heart goes out to you all who have loved at such a loss. There should no soul, be left lost, where so many have traveled before...
  1. Can anyone help me?

    Jude, For me, I just go directly to God in prayer and ask His permission to speak with my wife. I then have faith that it is allowed and I speak with her. Best wishes, Tim
  2. James, I'm Tim. I have loved Eileen from the first moment I looked into her eyes. We spent every available moment together. We were together for over three years. Five months after we were married, one night in bed, she rolled over and had a heart attack. She died in my arms. Hearing you describe your love for Rosemary reminds me of my love for Eileen. I am sorry brother that you are going through this. I am sure everyone's time of healing is different but it took me four-five years to start feeling sane again. One thing I regret is not seeking professional help from a trained person and I'm sure meds would have helped me. It's only been a year since your tragedy. I think it's early yet for you. Be patient with yourself. It takes time for this type of wound to heal. It has been 12 years since my tragedy. I do promise you this James, the pain does heal. Take care, Tim
  3. Empty

    I am not a woman and so cannot exactly relate. What I can tell you though... My wife and soul mate died 12 years ago on November 26 2016. Our daughter is turning 13 in January. I can't tell you all the ways I see her mother in her. From simple geustures like waving her hair over her shoulder, when she smiles, her deviant look of determination, her kind heart, her natural ability to inspire others. She is becoming more beautiful and reminds me of her mother in so, so, many ways. She is a gift. Best Wishes, Tim
  4. Desolation

    Daf, I completely agree with KayC "Wow, words are just totally inadequate". I have lost several people after having my wife die but not near the succession nor pain I believe you have seen. Hang in there brother. If you need an ear and actual voice pm me and I'll send contact info. Take care, Tim
  5. Is it okay that I'm still his wife?

    Louise, I think Ken would be honored. Love like that isn't one sided either. I imagine Ken will be waiting as well. If I may... there is a scripture that speaks of a type of love that seems to be the love you speak of having for Ken. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-13. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. Wishing You and Ken eternal happiness, Tim
  6. Never Knew

    Emeliza, Reading your post and the responses given bring tears to my eyes. It brings the pain back which I do like. Not for your sakes. For that I am empathic and sorrowful. I would wish this experience on no one. It has been 12 years for me. To feel the pain is to have her with me still. One thing that helps me and I hold scared is the fact that I do believe in God. So in believing I also believe I can straight-out ask God to "please allow Eileen to hear me tonight". I will then go on to have a full conversation with her with the faith that she is hearing me. I speak to her of my pain, my troubled soul, how sorry I am, how much I love her and miss her, how beautiful our daughter is, I bear my soul to her. I do believe God allows this. I can feel a change in my spirit when I have these conversations. I can relate to so many things you say in your post. I still have her clothes in zip lock bags, I strain to smell her. I have clippings of her hair in my nightstand. She comes to me in my dreams sometimes. "I would give about anything to be able to hug my husband today. Or hold his hand. Or have his arm slung over my shoulders. Or just listen to him breathe. And I really wish I could hear him tell a story or laugh." Emeliza when you so desperately need to hear, see, and feel these things... Listen for him in his childrens laughter. Feel his comfort in his parents arms. Talk to his siblings or best friends, share stories about him and you will learn stories about him. Sleep in his clothes. I hope I have said something that helps in your pain. You seem to have much support and friendship here. This is always a very good thing. Best wishes, Tim
  7. Loss of married lover

    Numb and lost, In regards to what you referred to as the affair, ... the heart wants what the heart wants. I'm sorry that you feel so isolated and alone in your suffering. Everyone deserves the right to mourn . I am at a loss with any great wisdom for you. I am just another fellow human being who is saying I hear you, I understand what you are saying, and I certainly do not judge or condemn you. It is always good to talk through things. You may find going to a private counselor or a breavement group to be good medicine. Perhaps not. Maybe long walks on wooded paths will help. Time is the key and time can be a cruel task master. Learn to compartmentalize. Focus greater on your day and the duties involved. Set aside a specific time to mourn your friend. Have a star named after him https://star-name-registry.org/index?gclid=Cj0KEQiAy53DBRCo4en29Zvcla0BEiQAVIDccysqz9ACwz8ya4NxnErcjfyRQZS0eV-H4QQ3U_4u8kIaAjpE8P8HAQ I wish you health and well being along your journey. I have felt/dealt with the devestating emotional carnage of the "sudden" loss of a friend and lover. It can be a dark, lonley place. Be kind to yourself as he would have you be. Best wishes, Tim
  8. How do you live with it?

    How do you deal with it? You take on only one day at a time. Don't think about tomorrow, just make it through today. Sometimes I had to break it down smaller that that and just make it through an hour at a time. Write him letters. Make a scrapbook full of memories you shared with him. Join a local bereavement group, you will meet friends who can relate. It does get easier and the pain does heal.
  9. How do people get past this?

    NeNeB, I am so sorry for your loss. I can somewhat relate. Twelve years ago my soul mate, lover, wife rolled over at 2:30 in the morning and had a heart attack and died in my arms. Our daughter was 10 months old at the time. I imploded. I wasn't prepared to deal with such a loss and didn't handle it well at all. I can tell you 12 years later, the pain heals, the love remains. I love her as much today as then. Create scrapbooks, write him letters. I wrote down our complete story, from the day we met to our last day. As time passes and memory fades I have it written down. I would urge you to find a local bereavement group where you can make connections and find support and friends to weather the storm with you. Tell your Beautiful daughter what a hero her Daddy was/is and of the cherished place he will always hold in your heart. I hate this for you and I wish you the best. It does get better. Tim
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