hoosier guy

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About hoosier guy

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    Advanced Member

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  • Gender
  • Location
    martinsville indiana
  • Interests
    stone masonry , motorcycle trikes , honey bees , engines
  • Loss Type
    son murdered


  • Occupation
    self employed stone mason
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252 profile views
  1. my docs will not prescribe any comfort meds . i wont quietly die from stress while the usa fights yet another decade or so of the failed war on drugs . ill freakin lick toads if i have to . as far as being nice ? i dont want to be nice . im cool with christians , muslims , non believers , gays , communists , nudists , prudes , etc . everything but criminals . i dont like criminals . i just make a lot of racket . actually i consider the impact my words and actions have on the people around me before i even think of myself . im a very kind and considerate person , just have a wicked sense of humor .. written text rarely depicts wry humor as well as we'd like it to .. im gonna eat a dog pill right now just because it was suggested that i probably shouldnt -- thats just how i roll .. and yes im angry . the person who killed my son would not have done so if they'd had the ability to recognize genius . genius is eccentric -- genius is difficult .. genius is often misunderstood .. genius has no rangeposts but that doesnt give anyone the right to take a life ..
  2. sorry , im being jerky for the sake of being jerky . cher is giving us the best advice possible . discard the buttholes in our lives and search for higher quality friends . my two friends are hanging in the balance . my heartache makes them uncomfortable but they still feel like they can call me when their air conditioner isnt working properly . are you F ' in kidding me ? im fixin to discard a couple of people with a powerful right hook .. this s*** aint funny .. i give and you take .. this wont stand ..
  3. point well taken cher , i should lighten up on my older son . he deals differently than i do . he doesnt need SHOT in the face the next time i see him , just maybe PUNCHED in the face .. damm , this chat group is so helpful .. im going to fry me some chicken . its like raiding a hen house except theres canola oil involved ..
  4. ericasmom , i spent the late 70's in the pine forests of west germany as a young ( american ) soldier . im telling you , it doesnt get much more physically miserable than that . its cold and its freakin damp . all we had was humor and it was often forced just for the purpose of survival . humor is a lifesaver to me . mermaid tears . i had to lean forward to kick on the stereo in order to listen to your video . that lean forward cost me 20 seconds of my life and i GD want it back . ( nevermind, id just waste it anyway ) . he he . an old " grandpa simpson reference " . but seriously , your video was the suckingest suck that ever sucked . also an old simpsons referance .. i watched too much simpsons , thats the real point here ..
  5. GRRRRR !! . just funnin with you all . i have to have humor . sometimes its the only thing left when all else has crumbled .
  6. jeffs mom , " let go of my animosity ? " whatta you want next , my nads in an envelope ? not gonna happen ..
  7. dee, theyre 1 mg phenobarbital . im not even dissolving them under my tongue yet . i cant stress " yet " enough .. sorry , im an old " furry freak brothers " fan and i dont care how many dimwits have wiped out from drugs . i still consider substance abuse to be fodder for some great 20 and 21 st century humor .. its gallows humor but its still humor ..
  8. im a hard character right now . my son was kind of vulnerable and easily mislead . there were several people who tried to take him in a direction that suited their own interests but in the end lead to jakes destruction . i wish them prison , death in prison , suicide , stroke , death by accomplice , police shooting , i dont really care . i cared about one person in this world and jealous people ( including immediate family ) lead him awry . they were wrong and they'll wipe out . i dont have to lift a finger . im not a young man , i know we end up with what we deserve .. yes , it happens in THIS lifetime ..
  9. woops , i forgot the one who lost his son to a drug overdose . im saying i know 10 people in the world and 9 of us have suffered immeasurable losses . to keep it in perspective , if we were any of the other thousands of animals we would be skinned and eaten alive at the first misstep . im sorry . im not trying to downplay your loss or mine . im just saying , life aint no mf ' ing grimm bros fairy tale , and come to think of it they were pretty brutal too ..
  10. lou ann , people tell me , regarding losing a son to violence -- " i cant imagine " . i tell them " no you cant " .. however , if you talk around and listen to other peoples woes , you might be surprised to learn that everyone has a story . i have construction accomplices who are my age . one lost a young wife to an auto crash , another lost a young wife to an auto crash AND raised two daughters on his own . another has a son in prison , another just had his son locked up for bodily threatening him .. another had his son fall off of a ladder on the job and die of a heart attack . dont get lost in your own misery . there is loss and grief all around us . fyi , morels are central usa wild mushrooms . they are as earthy delicious as a fried bass or crappie , except more filling .
  11. lou ann , i read somewhere recently that in looking back -- life was a whole lot of hard way to go with just a few fun moments thrown in . i would agree with that . im 58 and dont get enjoyment from many things that used to be important to me . i just have to settle for small pleasures -- like the plate full of morels last night . i have more in the freezer to cut into a batch of homemade bratwursts later in the summer . i wouldnt go see another therapist either . what the hell does a 26 yr old ( welfare to work ) college girl know about , actually , ANYTHING ? my dreams for the future have been brutally slaughtered , but then , life didnt come with any guarantees . be thankful you have a spouse to cling to . im too damm dysfunctional to even have that . i have to live well ( altho heartbroken ) now just to spite my enemies -- both real and percieved ..
  12. heres where ive been screwing up . this tragedy with jake has brought two family members back into my life in varying degrees . ive been offering comfort to them and expecting a little empathy and comfort in return . duh .. they both heart and backstabbed me years ago and destroyed everything id ever built . im best off to push them away and forget they ever existed . the son who believed in me and stuck with me is gone and the responsible people will pay -- eventually . ill try not to even mention their relationships to me anymore because both are losers and they wouldnt hesitate to attempt to sue me in civil court for slander or whatever they think they can get by with . nothing has changed and i was deluding myself to think any differently . once nick learns that i exist , i believe he'll find his way to me . i know in my heart that ive exposed the killer and his motive . its now up to the detectives to compile the hard evidence and i have all the confidence in the world that they will .
  13. there is more calculation going on in my head than there is random - ness , believe it or not . upon my divorce in 2001 , of course the ex received primary custody of 12 yr old jake . jake migrated to where he felt the most loved and wanted and that was at my new place only a couple of miles away . we had fun , worked hard and built ourselves another home . its worth noting that jake was back in his mothers " aura " when his life started going in a bad direction . if he hadnt been caregiving for ex ' s dad , he would have likely been back out here and he would have had my spine to deal with . we would have made more sense up on this hill , ill guarantee it .. i realize that sounds arrogant but its not without basis -- i always could keep jake interested and somewhat grounded . fast forward to young nick .. if my presence in nicks life is a positive thing , itll just happen . it wont require a court ruling , bribery , or bluff . ive learned in my lifetime that the most logical thing usually just falls into place . why wouldnt it ? even tho we cant always see it -- its the most logical thing . it writes itself .. the judge has met us all . i filed nothing , spent nothing , and walked out of the courthouse with unrestricted access to young nick . ex walked straight into a drug screen and found herself deemed unfit to have anything more than supervised visits , and shes the one who spent the attorney money . theres a lot to be said for laying back and feeding out the rope for your adversaries to hang themselves with ,.
  14. dee, i spent 6 months in therapy at the indy va . the mental health department has been turned into a big DEA " rehab " clinic . people who genuinely need meds are being denied while theyre trying to weed out the fraudulent narcotic seekers . i would be less damaged if id never have walked thru their doors . i dont think the dog pills will hurt me as long as i resist the temptation to lie in the middle of the road and lick my nutz . THAT would ascend to top story on the daily mail in a matter of minutes . im going to be ok . this tragedy has brought some people back into my life who i was better off distanced from . i need to arrange a couple of monster boulders at the top of my hill that are ready for a slight nudge to get them rolling . some people need cartoonish " reality " because they dont respond well to verbal hints . i didnt really have plans with my friend tonight . i have no romantic interest in her at all , nor her for me . she has worked with me off and on for years and is indeed a great helper , just a horrible communicator . i fried myself up a big plate of morels anyway . then i went back to chasing my tail in circles around the living room .. im sorry for everyones losses here . i dont think we even expect to heal . we just have to remain erect for the other people who matter in our lives . i havent figured out how to get alongside of young nick just yet . his mother needs to get thru her head that i go nuts when people stand and lie to my face . my brain kicks that crap out like a bad answer on an IRS form .. lol . " get the proper data compiled and resubmit info at a later session " ..
  15. im resorting to the dog pills again . this shoulder and neck tension cant go on -- itll kill me before the barbs and vodka get a chance . ive " balanced for 58 years , i can balance now . im 100 % sure of who blew my son away but this time i have to keep it all inside until the detectives can find what they need . i cant falsely accuse someone and if i make too much flap they wouldnt hesitate to " end " me to shut me up . im in a bad place " alone " .. sometimes i feel sorry for that guy living inside my head . he has the fire to his feet but has to comply with society's ( understandable ) constraints .. he has it bad ..