reader

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  1. Dear all, I'm very sorry for your loss. I know its an extremely difficult time. You all give me hope and strength. I, too, have to turn my grief into something productive. It is a daily struggle sometimes. Thinking of you all.
  2. Dear @Akc123, My deepest sympathies and condolences on the passing of your cherished mum. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your mum with us. I know this is an extremely difficult time for you and your family. Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.
  3. Dear Olgaflor, I'm so sorry, I know it hurts a lot. I'm glad you have the support group to lean on. I think these thoughts and feelings can last years. One counsellor said to me it could take you up to 5 years to come to terms with it. And for some even longer. We are all so different. Moment by moment for now. Thinking of you.
  4. Dear mills89, I'm very sorry for your loss. Please know you are not alone and all your feelings are normal and natural. Grief is a terrible journey and there is no fixed timeline. I think it takes a long time for our minds and bodies to adjust. Its been 9 months for me and I still can't believe it. I've tried counselling, grief support, reading different websites and books. I am still struggling to come to terms with my new reality. I would like to suggest these websites: What's Your Grief The Grief Healing Blog I found these websites really good about validating and acknowledging all my feelings. Try to be kind to yourself. Moment by moment for now. People tell me the pain will lessen in intensity over time, I can only hope so. Take care my friend. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.
  5. Dear Jenn, I'm very sorry for all your pain and sorrow. I know this is an extremely difficult time. I hope you can lean on friends and family for now. Moment by moment. Its all any of us can do during this very sad time. Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you. Thinking of you and your family. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.
  6. Dear @cindyjane Good to hear from you. Congratulations on your retirement. As always, thank you for your encouraging and hopeful words. We all need to know there is hope at the end of this dark tunnel. Hard to believe 9 months has gone by and I am still tearful wishing for the past. Thank you for your prayers and kind words. Take care my friend.
  7. I'm very sorry for your loss and all your pain and sorrow. I know its an extremely difficult time. Families are tough. Its been 9 months and I am still struggling. Please know you are not alone. Anger is a normal part of grief. Glad you have your therapist to talk to. But also know there are other resources in the community and through church. Maybe a support group would also help. I also find these websites helpful: What's Your Grief The Grief Healing Blog The Grief Recovery Method Griefshare.Org. Take care and please know we are all here to listen.
  8. Hi Kazvlz, Please know everything you are thinking and feeling is normal and natural. There is no strict timeline for grief. My one counsellor said it could take up to 5 years to adapt to my new normal. The pain and sorrow is always with us because we long to have them still with us on earth. We want to tell them all our news in person. Please don't feel stupid. Its not stupid at all to miss one of the most important persons in our lives. I don't know if this will help, but it was suggested to me. To write in journal, write a letter, or talk out loud to my dad as if were alive. I know others have put letters into balloons and released them. Some ritual to help cope with the grief. It is a terrible shock and for me, I don't know if or when I will come to terms with this loss. I wished I was in my 50s or 60s like my colleagues who lost their parents. But I realize now, no matter what age you are, it will always be one of the hardest moments in life that any of us go through. Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you. Take care.
  9. Dear Fran, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your beloved mom. I'm very sorry for your loss. I know the pain is deep. I know you tried to do the best you could for your mom. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at that time. I know you wanted a different outcome. I had a similar situation with my dad. The doctor had told me my dad had 6 months to one year to live with his heart failure but he passed two days later. 9 months later I am still so angry about his final months, weeks and days. I regret so much. And I replay in my mind all the different things I would've have done to help or prolong my dad's life. I saw him every day so I am very angry at myself for not being more aggressive in his care. He depended on me a lot and this why I feel I let him down. It is a terrible struggle to accept a beloved parent's passing. I have tried many things to help me cope including counselling, support groups and reading different books and websites. Please know you are not alone. And if you need to talk it through some more, we are all here to listen and support you. Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.
  10. Dear Heyitsme, I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your dear friend and mentor. I know the pain and sorrow is deep. Please know its okay to express your feelings. If you feel like your family and friends won't understand, then please consider talking to a professional grief counsellor or joining a support group. There are many resources in the community and through church. I also find these websites helpful: What's Your Grief and the Grief Healing Blog. Please know you are not alone. Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.
  11. Dear More, Thank you for continuing to share your poetry with us. And expressing how we all feel so well. Take care my friend. Thinking of you.
  12. Dear @thesadgirl I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is very deep. I can hear how much you loved and admired your dad. He was very lucky to have you as his daughter. I know its hard. Looking back we all wish things could be different. The what ifs fill our mind and won't let go. I still do it and its been 9 months since my dad has passed. Everything you are thinking and saying is normal and part of grief. I know that doesn't make it easier though. Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you. Lean on your mom during this very difficult time. Be kind to yourself as much as you can. Thinking of you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  13. Dear Sweetheart346, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, I know its not easy. I think its very normal so soon after a traumatic loss to relive those last months, weeks and days. Our mind won't let us rest. We are desperately searching for answers. We want to know why this happened? I too have terrible anger and guilt about what happened with my father in the hospital. I keep screaming at the universe about how fair everything is. I keep talking it out with people who understand. Right now, its moment by moment. Try to be kinder to yourself. And if you want to please consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group. I find these websites very helpful in understanding my feeling. What's Your Grief and the Grief Healing Blog. Please know you are not alone, we are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can. Thinking of you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  14. Dear bravelittletoaster, My deepest sympathies and condolences on the passing of your beloved mother. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know its hard. From what you are saying it sounds like you are going through delayed grief. I know you mentioned how your emotions feel bottled up. I grew up in a family where we didn't talk about feelings or how to deal with grief. Since my dad's passing I am struggling with all my feelings as well. I know everyone is different but I have tried the following things: counselling, grief support, reading websites like What's Your Grief and the Grief Healing Blog, journaling, taking classes and meditation. I think its hard for those around us to support us experiencing grief. I'm sure your boyfriend is doing what he can and he means well. Please know we are all here to listen and support you and you are not alone. Thinking of you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  15. Dear rayaneaj, My deepest condolences and sympathies to everyone here. I'm very sorry for your loss. It is a terrible shock. The pain and sorrow is so deep. I think it takes a long time for our minds to work out this new reality. Its been 9 months for me and I am still struggling. Trying to do different things to cope. I am sad if I try and I am sad if I don't. I can't seem to win. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other in hopes that eventually something will shift in my mind. Thinking of you all. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.
  16. Dear PineappleGirl, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the loss of your beloved mother. I'm very sorry for your loss. It is a terrible shock. Everything you are thinking and feeling is normal and natural part of grief. Please know you are not alone. Our minds cannot help but replay every moment. We are not prepared for what happened. Why? I couldn't stop myself from thinking like this and its been 9 months. I still want to know why can't my dad be alive? It is very hard. I have tried counselling, grief support group, reading different websites and leaning on friends. So many people have told me to give myself more time. Right now, just take it moment by moment. Be kind to yourself. And please know we are all here to listen and support you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  17. Dear Brandy, I'm very sorry to hear how you feel. I know you are still grieving the loss of your step-dad. I know you would want your mom to be happy but at the same time its a huge adjustment. My situation is a little different. I am still mourning the loss of my dad, but it feels like everyone has forgotten him and moved on. I'm having a hard time accepting this because I'm not on the same page. Maybe consider grief counselling or joining a support group. I also find these websites helpful in understanding my feelings. What's Your Grief and The Grief Healing Blog. Please know that no matter who your mom dates or eventually marries again, no one will ever replace your step-dad in your life. He was a good man. He loved you. Remember that and try to know he would want you to be happy going forward and for your mom as well. Take care of yourself. Thinking of you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  18. Dear OneDayataTime, My deepest sympathies and condolences on the passing of your beloved dad. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it hurts a lot. I'm with you, my friend. 9 months later and I still struggle to accept what happened with my dad. Good of you to help your mom. Its a very difficult time and we all do the best we can. Try not to push your mom too hard. Its a terrible shock for all of you. I think it takes the mind and body a very long time to come to terms with our new normal. A normal that no one wants. Please know that everything you are feeling and thinking is normal part of grief. I have found these websites helpful: What's Your Grief and The Grief Healing Blog. Please know you are not alone. We are all here for you. Thinking of you and your mom. Sending all m thoughts and prayers.
  19. Dear Hannah, My deepest sympathies and condolences on the passing of your cherished dad. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is deep. I think losing a parent is one of the hardest moments in life to cope with. Everything you are feeling and thinking is natural and normal. Its been 9 months since my dad passed and I still struggle with the same thoughts and feelings. I, too, wish he could still be here to enjoy life. Enjoy his smokes and whiskey and coffee with friends. My greatest wish for my dad was to see his granddaughter grow up a bit. Another regret of mine is also not telling him how much he meant to me as a dad. People said he probably knew, but I don't know. I have tried almost everything and anything to try and cope with this loss. Grief counselling, grief support groups, reading different websites and books. I can't seem to wrap my brain around this part of life. Good of you to support your mum during this very difficult time. I hope you can lean on each other and close friends and family. Moment by moment for now. Please know we are all here for you. Thinking of you and your mum. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.
  20. Dear Anne, My deepest sympathies and condolences on the passing of your beloved mom. I'm so sorry for you loss. Please know that everything you are thinking and feeling is normal and natural. You are not crazy. Its all grief. Grief takes a terrible toll on our minds and bodies. I feel the same way that I can't remember my dad anymore. Its almost 9 months and I still cannot come to terms with what happened. No matter how old we are losing a parent is one of the hardest moments in life that we all have to endure. Thinking of you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  21. Dear sadandlost, We are all in the same boat it seems and share so many similarities in grief. I hear you. It is extremely painful to have a person you consider a true friend let you down in this way. My whole life, I find interacting with other women very difficult. I think Linda felt defensive when confronted about the hurt and pain caused. I'm sure she thought the texts were appropriate but in our hearts we needed more. And even long term friends don't know how to give more. Its a hard choice to make whether to forgive. And to be honest, I'm not very good at it. I tend to want to hang onto my anger, which I know is not healthy. Luckily, I do have a good friend from high school that has been very supportive. And the people on this forum have been supportive as well. And even one colleague surprised me with their offer to chat about my loss. During these difficult times it sure does magnify the pain when friends and family do not behave as we wish. Everything is easier said than done, but I would try to let it go. For myself, the pain of the loss is still raw and deep. People tell me it will get better with time, but there are still some days, I hate life. I really do. And yet, I tell myself try to be grateful for anything good. Baby steps for now. Thank you for very much for your kind wishes. Take care of yourself.
  22. Dear sadandlost, I'm very sorry to hear what happened with your friend Linda. I know this is a very difficult time. I, too, went through something similar. Sadly, I think this is very common reaction. I'm not sure if Linda has ever lost anyone close to her. If not, then maybe she doesn't realize or understand what it is you wanted from her. Its a sad thing to say, but sometimes people really don't know how to be thoughtful or sensitive. We now live in a age where everyone does everything through the computer and the thought of calling doesn't even occur to people. I have to say I was guilty of this too. When colleagues or friends lost parents, I would send a card but I never followed up. Even a how are you? did not occur to me. I am ashamed. Since my dad's passing, I am even more hurt. One friend in particular didn't send me a card, didn't call, and is too busy traveling to care anymore. In our culture, you normally send a card with money in it. When her father passed away, I sent a card with what I thought was significant amount. And when her son graduated high school, I also gifted him with some money. I sort of wanted to let this friendship drop and I might still. It does hurt. I thought about telling her straight out what I thought, but sometimes I don't know if its worth the bother. I am already dealing with my own grief. Please know you are not alone. And we are all here to listen and support you. Thinking of you.
  23. Dear sadandlost, I'm very sorry for your loss. I know it hurts a lot. And trying to get through each day is a challenge. I'm with you, I wish people around me would realize I still need them to check in and lend an ear, but my family has expected me to move on. It is a hard reality to accept. I have tried to look for supports elsewhere through different websites, grief counselling and support groups. I have a good high school friend that checks in because she lost her mum 3 years ago to liver cancer and understands. Take care of yourself the best you can. I know its not easy. Please know we are all here to listen and support you. Its still ok to be sad. People have also recommended these different things to try. I know everyone is different, so don't feel any pressure. But I've been thinking about journaling, writing a letter to my father, creating new rituals to remember him by, daily meditation and prayers, or taking a new class. Its a terrible journey, with one step forward and 10 steps back right now. I try to take strength from so many other posters who have told me it will get better with more time. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.
  24. Dear CMH, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your mother. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is unbearable during this difficult time. Please try and be kind to yourself. We all try and do the best we can in these extremely difficult situations. No one wants to see their parents suffering. Hindsight is always the hardest thing in the world. Please let yourself cry as much as you want. If you want to, try to seek out grief counselling or a support group. I have also tried reading these websites What's Your Grief and The Grief Healing Blog. Please know we are all thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.
  25. Dear Confused23, My deepest sympathies and condolences on the passing of your beloved grandfather. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is deep. It is so devastating. I know you love your grandmother very much and want to help her with her grief. It is hard to know what will help. At this difficult time, don't put too much on your shoulders. Tell her you love her and will be there for her, but maybe that is all that can be done. She lost her life partner and the mind just goes in circles for a long time. Please know we all grieve differently. I don't know if she is open to the idea of counselling or grief support. Or reading different books or articles on the web. I personally like the website the Grief Healing Blog and What's Your Grief. Please know we are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can. Take care my friend. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.