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  1. Dear Fairlane, I'm so sorry for your loss. And all the pain and sorrow you are feeling. Losing our daddies is the hardest thing any of us can ever go through. I know its hard. I still feel lost too. You said its perfectly there is a storm brewing in our skulls. Keep taking it day by day. Keep seeking out different supports. I feel that way too that nothing really helps, but I keep trying. I've tried talking to a counsellor, joining a grief support group, reading different sites like What's Your Grief, GriefShare.Org, The Grief Recovery Method, Tiny Buddha, The Grief Healing Blog. I keep hoping that I will find something that will help me. Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you. Thinking of you.
  2. Dear Maddie, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your father. I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I know its hard when it feels like no one understand how shocking it is to lose a beloved parent. The shock and trauma takes a toll on our minds and bodies. Its been six month since I lost my father and I still struggle with the loss. I too am very angry about what has happened. Angry at the whole world sometimes. Why did it have to be my dad? Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you anyway that we can. For myself, I have tried counselling, grief support groups, and reading various websites. I find this one called What's Your Grief very helpful. I wonder if student services at college could connect you with some resources. Please know that everything you are feeling and thinking is normal and part of grief journey. Thinking of you. Sending you hugs.
  3. Dear Neil, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your mother. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is unbearable right now. Please know we are all here to listen and support you. Its only normal to feel this way so soon after losing your mother. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
  4. Dear completelylost, I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I know this is a very hard time right now. You are mourning the lost of your nan. Please be kind and gentle with yourself. There is no wrong way or right way. You must do what is right for yourself and take as much time as you need to process your thoughts and emotions. Its been six months since my father passed away and I still struggle. I have tried counselling, grief support groups and reading different websites. I returned to work two weeks after my dad's passing but it was not easy. I don't think we can ever go back to what we thought was normal. We have to adjust to a new normal. A lot of friends have told me it will take a long time. It takes time to find our joy again. I try to do a little bit every day. Small things. And try to build from there. Sending you love and hugs during this difficult time.
  5. Dear omoir, My deepest sympathies and condolences on the loss of your father. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is unbearable. Continue to lean on your mom and sister for support during this difficult time. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Its not easy but just try to take it moment by moment. I find these other websites might be helpful in knowing you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. What's Your Grief, The Grief Healing Blog, GriefShare.Org and The Grief Recovery Method. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  6. Hi Athina, Thank you for asking. Its hard to believe its been 6 months since our beloved parents have passed. I am still struggling with the loss. Some days I feel okay and others knock me down. I am going to counselling but I feel I am too negative about it. Because in the end, no matter what is said or done, nothing will bring my father back. I don't know how to make sense of it. Normally at Easter we would all gather and have dinner with my father but this year I was away. I am still dreading the remainder of the year. See how the rest of they unfolds. Thank you again for checking in, my friend.
  7. Dear missdad, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know its not easy seeing your mom go through everything and parting with so much. Glad you were able to keep a few things that meant a great deal to you. I hear you. I feel the same way, I feel like by giving away my dad's belongings or dealing with all the paperwork, I am some how erasing him from my memory. Its a struggle to come to terms with his passing and it has been six months. I did donate a lot to the homeless shelter. I felt that that was a good way to honor his memory. I do have a few items left but even those are painful to see because it reminds me that my dad is truly gone. I go back and forth on this issue. Part of me already regrets what I gave away and yet I know I have to move forward as well. Sorry for your pain and sorrow. Take care and please let us know how you are doing. Sending you hugs.
  8. Dear Zita, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your cherished mum. I'm so sorry for your loss. Death is such a terrible shock to our minds and bodies. Everything you are describing is normal part of the grief journey. I'm sorry for your pain and sorrow. I know its hard. I hope the bereavement counselling will offer you some comfort. Take care and please let us know how you are doing. Sending you hugs.
  9. Dear Kathysdaughter, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. Please know there is no right way or wrong way to handle grief. Glad you were able to express yourself here on the forum. Its not easy to lose one parent and still have to stay strong and continue caring for our second parent. I hope your father is feeling better. Please take care. Sending you love and hugs.
  10. Dear completelylost, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your grandmother. I hear you. Its very tough. You are so right. That final image of our loved ones is very hard. We had a viewing for my father at the funeral home. I do not regret seeing him, but it did not feel real to me. How could that be my dad? Why isn't he at home watching TV? It was very strange. I did not comfort me to see him with all the make up put on his face, but I was glad to be there to support my family. Take care my friend. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  11. Dear anxious, Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it. As I am learning, its not healthy to obsess too much about one thing. I know its hard to accept that one day our parents will no longer be part of this earth. Its not something any of us really want to think about. My main concern is that it prevents you from enjoying their company now. Now is the most important time. Please do not take the time you have with them for granted. Try to be as happy as possible. I know its easier said than done. That is my main regret, I was so busy running errands that I did not try to create more happy moments for my dad. I could have taken him out to the mall even to push him around in the wheelchair. Or made him join a senior's group. Or told him, we would take one more road trip. He was not in the best health, but maybe I could have boosted his spirits with more car rides. Just something to make him his life richer before he passed. I think back now and maybe he felt like a prisoner. Life had turned into one doctor appointment after another and about waiting in doctor office's. I can't remember anything good right now. That is the thing. I don't think I ever enjoyed very much. Maybe the odd movie, or song or book, but I don't think I have a real passion for anything. Life is something to get over and endure. But I cannot find any meaning right now. Why I'm still here? People say I have to pretend that my dad is watching over me. That I must live a bigger and bolder life now. I just don't know how. The guilt is not something that I feel guilty about letting go. There is just something in my personality that won't stop dwelling on my dad's passing. Maybe I am in too much of a rush. I have not given it enough time. Maybe time will give me more clarity. I hope your appointment goes well. Please keep us posted. Take care.
  12. Dear Vince, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is unbearable. I hear you. I felt the same way after losing my father. It didn't feel real. Please know everything you are thinking and feeling is natural and normal. We are all here to listen and support you. Thinking of you and your family during this very difficult time. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  13. Dear Traveller, Thank you for sharing. Your words touched my heart. And thank you for letting us know we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings. Take care. Wishing you all the best.
  14. You love him and care about him and it shows. I know you are doing everything in your power to make things better for him. I wonder if he will consider joining an online forum. I know he is in Malta. But the Kids Help Phone Canada also has a online help forum. Maybe he will consider it, I have included the link: https://www.kidshelpphone.ca/Teens/home.aspx I also found this website called What's Your Grief also helpful. Maybe if he reads some articles, it will make him feel less alone. They also offer an online course on grief recovery. Me, too. I wish there was a magical fix for grief. From what I have learned so far it can be a long and dark road. It takes a long time for the intensity of the pain to lessen. Your step brother is so lucky to have a loving sister. I hope with time and the right resources, he will come around. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  15. Dear Fletch, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your cherished mom. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know this is a very difficult time. After my father passed away 6 months ago, I had the same feelings. I told everyone it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I thought I was in control of my life, but the death of my father made me realize how out of control the world really is and there was nothing I could do about it. I was also filled with anger and guilt about what happened leading to this passing. All these raw emotions came to the surface. I was not prepared for my father not to be part of this earth. I know no one is ever prepared, but the shock really knocked me down. I don't know if anything in particular made me feel better. I kept reading about grief and everyone's else grief journey and in some says I guess it normalized my feelings for me. I also continued to seek out counselling, joining a support group, going to work and finding activities to distract myself. I know its not easy. Day by day, moment by moment and yet still there are still dark moments for me. Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can. Thinking of you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  16. Dear SusieSue, How are you doing after the service? I know this is a very difficult time. Thinking of you and your family. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  17. I know you love your step brother very much and it pains you to see him like this. And I know you are doing everything possible to help him. Losing a parent is very traumatic. And it sounds like he is in a deep depression. I know its not easy on him and he just wants to hide from life. If you are in Canada, maybe have him call the Kids Help Phone. I don't know if friends or family members can stage an intervention. It is very hard to help someone when they are in so much pain. I would consider talking to a social worker and see what other resources are available in the community or at church. I hope you can find something that will help him. I'm so sorry for his loss. I know the grief and sorrow can be overwhelming. Thinking of you and your family.
  18. Dear anxious, Thank you for your kindness. Me, too, my friend. In so many ways, I wish I could take away everyone's pain including my own. When I read other's experiences, I know I am not alone in my thoughts and feelings. I do feel it normalizes my experience somewhat. But the most selfish part of me just wishes I didn't have to be here at this forum. Wishing so badly my dad could still be alive. I know no one can live forever including myself but why couldn't my dad get another year? I think that is the hardest part. I am truly alone. No pet. No partner. No kids. I do have friends and family but they all have their own lives. I need to make my own life. People ask what are you doing for yourself? And sometimes I don't want to do anything. I feel like a very old soul. I don't think I am cut out for life in general. I know I have to make the best of it, so hopefully slowly I can learn a new purpose. Thank you for your thoughtful words. I do appreciate them. I think so many of us grieving feel misunderstood, so I am always grateful to people who truly understand. I hope you find talking to the psychologist helpful. Please let us know how are you doing afterwards. Have a good week! And a Happy Easter! Take care.
  19. Dear anxious, Please don't worry about sharing your feelings, you are not bringing me down at all. What you are sharing is universal. I think we all ask ourselves these questions at one point in our lives. I think my anger and denial is just part of the grief journey. It's true I do not want my father to be forgotten. My mother wanted to erase him from our lives. But I had to be his advocate. I have spent my life trying to be present for him. For the simple things like changing a light bulb to the more serious things like getting him home after the stroke. It is the only life I know and to longer have him here on earth is too much for my brain to process. And yes, I have lots of guilt too about our last year together. It doesn't matter how many times I replay what happened it does not change the fact that my dad has passed. Nothing will but I keep berating myself even though others have told me to stop. I think I must have some OCD as well. I too have been reading about grief and trying to understand myself. I do hope to move forward and try to find some happiness but its hard to know what that looks like. Often I do feel like an only child because my siblings are better at going about their lives without any concern for me or my father when he was alive. And even now, I still feel alone. They all think everything is okay. But I think I must be hyper sensitive and feeling hurt a lot of the time. Something else I need to work on and heal myself. I have to agree with Mission. In my heart, I must honor what my father sacrificed for his family but continue to live and live well. I hope that does not sound too cheesy. But I think it is true. I am his blood. I am the only one that will regularly visit him at the grave site. Bring him flowers and his favorite coffee. I still have to present so to speak. I do have my dark moments but I try not go there if possible. Day by day. I've almost at 6 months and I think there will be a day it will be the 5 year anniversary, 10 year anniversary and so forth. I will continue to try and honor my father and remember him fondly if I can. I need to put things into the right perspective. Wishing you well my friend. Thank you for your kindness.
  20. Thank you for your condolences. I had a lot of anger and resentment building after my dad came home from the stroke. I felt I had the bulk of the responsibility and burden of caring for my dad. My siblings did not seem to care about how much I was doing. There was no offer of help or I felt concern for me personally. There were many challenges with my dad's care, his house, my own work and everything started to snowball till I was burned out. But I didn't see it at the time. I lost my compassion and good judgement in the end. My father died in hospital. I didn't recognize he was dying and believed I would see him the next day. After I left his bedside, 2 hours later, the doctor called to tell me, he had passed. It was a terrible shock. My father had no one around him the moment he died. The nurse was the only one that witnessed his last breath. I know I can't go back in time but I wish I had done things differently. I should have reached out more to my siblings. Maybe I should have gone to counselling sooner. What you said is true. That's how I feel. The worst has happened me, my father died. And going forward nothing scares me now. Not even the possibility of losing my mother or other family members at this point. This feels weird to say, but the closest person to me is lost and no one else will ever compare to this pain. I know true sorrow now. My siblings expect me to feel relief that I no longer have to worry about my father, but this is not my experience. I still feel pain because I felt I could have done something different to save him and keep him longer on this earth. Its probably not realistic, but that is what I think.
  21. Dear cp, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know its very hard to face these milestones without your beloved husband. I'm completely with you. Life is so unfair. I can't seem to wrap my mind around it. Thinking of you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  22. Dear Jay, I'm so sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies and condolences on the passing of your beloved brother. I know you loved him very much and the pain is unbearable. Everything you are saying and feeling is natural and normal and part of grief. I know it doesn't make any easier. Please know we are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can. When you are ready consider talking to a grief counsellor, joining a support or accessing other resources through the community or church. There is help, you are not alone. Thinking of you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
  23. I hear you, anxious. I know everything is easier said than done. My father had survived his stroke. His health was in a delicate state, but I still never believed he would die on me. I tried to make each day as happy as possible for him. I let him have all his favorite food and drinks. I tried very hard to make his life comfortable. I believe now I was in denial about the possibility of his death. People say that grief's intensity will lessen over time. I get asked that a lot, are you okay? Well, yes and no. The grief comes to me waves. I've talked to friends who have lost a parent and it all depends on the person, but people say it can take anywhere from one year to 5 years before you can accept the loss. And the counsellor says I could still feel this way in 10 years if I do not address my feelings. Part of me wants to remain in denial and anger but I know its not healthy. About my mother, she is still alive, but she cannot comfort me. She divorced my father over 20 years ago. She survived cancer and during her treatments, I never believed she would die either. Even though friends, family and colleagues were facing losses, I just never believed it would happen to me. Naively, I hoped it would not happen till I was in my 50s or 60s or even 70s. I know that is not realistic given that my father had children late in life. I know so many men and women who have never married and continued living and caring for their parents into their 40s, 50s, 60s and one at 70. Losing a parent will hurt no matter what age we are or how much we see our parents. It never consumed my thoughts that my parents would ever leave me. But now that my dad has passed, the way he died, the last three years of his life is what bothers me the most. Yet, I don't worry about my mom passing or anyone else passing at this point. It is my father's passing that I cannot get over. Sorry for how you feel. It is understandable, but I don't want it to impede the quality of your life. I really hope the psychologist will help.
  24. Dear anxious, Thank you for your kind words. I don't think we can ever love anyone too much especially our parents. They say grief is the price we pay for love. And you are right, it is a very steep price. My father passed away almost 6 months ago. It has been devastating for me. I knew death was a fact of life that none of us can live forever, but to know that my dad was no longer part of this earth was too much for me. It has been very hard. I do have supportive friends and family and everyone expects me to carry on. I know I must too, but that doesn't mean I don't have my difficult days. The counsellor showed me a grief model and says that how I am feeling is normal. Grief is universal sadly. I had the same feelings as you my friend. I wanted my world, my bubble to stay the same. I think there is something in my personality that doesn't accept change easily. Please try to remain kind and gentle with yourself. I hope talking to the psychologist will offer you some comfort. Please continue to post on this forum. We are all here to listen. Take care. Wishing you all the best.
  25. Dear Erna, I'm so sorry for your loss. No matter what relationship we have with our parents, losing our mom or dad is still very traumatic. Its only natural you have these feelings. Please know we are here to listen and support you in anyway we can. Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs.