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  1. Dear Robert, Sorry to hear about your father's health. You are loving and kind son to take care of your dad. Its an emotional rollercoaster trying to navigate the health care system. And the daily ups and downs of taking an elderly parent is a lot. There is so much to decide and its always hard to know if any of the decisions are the right ones. May I suggest this website that might be of assistance to you? Its called AgingCare.com. There is a message board for caregivers. And you can ask any question. There is so much good information there and good people to support you on this journey of caring for your father. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
  2. MissionBlue - Thank you again for the links and sharing your experiences with us. And for giving me hope and encouragement. I agree with you completely. People are living longer and longer and no matter what age we are, we have to make an effort to live as fully as possible. I still find it hard only three months after my dad, but try to get out bed at least. And make myself go to work. Some normalcy is better than nothing. People try to give me hope and tell me the pain will lessen, but for me that is still a long ways off. Lisa - Thinking of you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sending you extra hugs. Athina - I know this road without are parents is extremely painful. Its a struggle. Its still so fresh. I don't know if we will ever reach acceptance. Keep writing and expressing yourself. And please know we are all here for you. Silver - Your dad is so lucky to have you. Its a tough road caring for an elderly parent. There are so many ups and downs with their health. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about continuing to live in the home you shared with your mom and dad. Me too. I think I would feel displaced as well if I sold the house. For me I think 2017 is a bit of write off. Not too interested in doing much without my dad around. Maybe next year I will have more perspective. I'm still looking into grief counseling and a support group.
  3. Dear Arlodissary, Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are an amazing young woman. Your strength. Your determination. Your perseverance. Gives me hope. I know this has been a very difficult time in your life. All your thoughts and feelings are normal and part of the grief journey. We all have the same struggles after such a traumatic loss. And we struggle with so many questions. Hard knowing there are no good answers. And we have to continue living without our beloved parents. Keep expressing yourself through your art and writing. And continue surrounding yourself with caring friends and family. Thinking of you.
  4. MissionBlue - Its so true. We women feel if we try hard enough, we can change someone but we can't. Everything comes down to the individual and their own wants and needs. You've been so good to Ernesto. And you've been an amazing daughter. I hope you find the perfect house and the right person to share it with. Glad to hear you are going to join the Art Deco Society. Always nice to be around people with similar interests and passions. I admire you. Never too late to change or do something different. I wish I knew want I wanted to do, but I don't. Still feel very tired from the grief. I try to take comfort and strength from all you here. And know so many people share the same feelings and experiences. I know its still early for me, but I can't imagine a time when I will be happy again.
  5. Dear Anniebelle, I am so sorry to hear about what happened three years ago. You are not alone. There are so many people that love you and care about you. I know its hard to carry on after such a terrible loss. And you are doing the very best you can under the circumstances. Please try to surround yourself with your caring friends and family. Seek out additional supports if you can through the community, church, school, or work. I know the pain is hard to bear. Its unimaginable what you've been through. Thinking of you. Sending you lots of loves and hugs.
  6. Dear MissionBlue, Thank you for the article. Its so true. As individuals we have to learn to love ourselves first. To be kind to our self the best we can. Its very hard. I read a quote somewhere about how you never know when you'll meet the love of your life. That they could just be around the corner. I love romantic comedies. I think I must have watched all of them! I know they are not realistic. But I think women in general are more hopeful and romantic. A lot of people have wished this for me, to meet someone special and to still have a family. I sometimes feel I am too late. Never say never, but I don't know. Right now, I hardly like to leave the house except for work. Not seeing my dad every day is a big shock. Feel like a little kid and I just want to kick and scream till I can get what I want. But I know nothing will bring my dad back. MissionBlue, I do hope you meet the love of your life. And you will tell us all about him soon. Take care my friend. And thank you again for your kind offer of coffee.
  7. Dear Onesadaugther, I'm so sorry. My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your cherished father. All your feelings and tears are part of grief. I think a grief support group, or counselling will help you through these raw emotions. You loved your dad and you didn't want him to suffer. You did the best you could with the information you had. It was not an easy decision but you had to make it. Please try and be kind to yourself. Its only natural to cry and have sleepless nights. Life is unfair and I wish so badly I had better answers. Thinking of you. Sending you lots of love and hugs through this difficult time.
  8. Dear RachK, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your father. I'm so sorry. I think all your mum's feelings are natural and normal. I wonder if your mum would consider grief counselling or joining a Grief Share program at church or in the community. For her security, maybe a home alarm system might help her. Hopefully her friends could come to the house more to see her as well.
  9. Lisa - Thinking of you. MIssionBlue - I know we loved our dads so much. I grew up in a culture where you never disagreed with your mom and dad. I think your dad wanted to protect you. And he was scared to lose you to a car accident maybe. But its never too late to learn to drive. I learned to drive at 14 but I also had a friend that didn't drive till she was in her 30s. Never too late to learn anything. Sorry to hear what happened in the car today with Ernesto. I know its hard on men. But we have a right to our feelings and our tears. You devoted so much of your time to your dad. Its a huge loss. You should be allowed to cry whenever you want. And no one should tell you to get over it or tell you are negative. I wish I could bring you a McDonald's coffee myself. MayFGL and MissionBlue - the last year with my dad, people thought I was probably under house arrest as well. I never left the house unless it was for work or to run errands. But I wanted to be with my dad. Even if he was sleeping and I was on the computer, I wanted to be present. MayFGL - You are such an amazing person. To do everything you did even after your own stroke. And now to take care of your great nieces and nephews. I'm with you. I too want my dad back. I was frustrated. I was angry. But I still had a dad. This new reality is very hard. Starting to feel like 2017 will the longest year of my life. Still trying to get through each day.
  10. Belle, Oh, my gosh, our dads had so much in common. My dad also had macular degeneration in one eye. He always thought he could fix it with new glasses. Thank your for all your replies. And sharing what works for you. I'm with you. I agree. We have to do what works. Glad you are still going to Vegas! I'm with MissionBlue and hope you win big! And have a good time. I've always maintained the house and yard for my dad. After his passing, I donated a lot of his clothes to the homeless shelter. There are still some things to do. Trying to find my way after my dad's passing will take more time for me. I try to keep busy with work. Everyone has been kind with their suggestions. I just need to figure out what I want to do. Thank you again for sharing your dad with us. I'm always grateful to hear other's experience.
  11. Belle, I hear where your coming from. Me too. People think I should feel relief that I no longer have to take care of my dad, but I don't. Just last night someone told me to take a vacation and I would feel all better. Its not that easy for me. I've devoted my whole life to taking care of my parents financially and emotionally, its not something I can let go of easily. Like you, I also wondered after the third year having to make sure he had all his meals, his meds, his showers, all his appointments, I wondered how long could I go on for too. Everything was coming to a head. The siblings started to feel maybe he should go to a nursing home and I wasn't doing enough. I don't know if it was this conversation that also started his decline. A few months before he passed, I got so angry he didn't want a haircut. I snapped. I was screaming at him like I've never had before about how he didn't even care about me and how I felt. I had so much anger about all the responsibility on me. Yet, I kept carrying on. I never even got a chance to apologize to him. I regret so much of 2016. Thank you for your mentioning the side effects of the stroke. My dad was never the same after the stroke. He just never seemed to smile or laugh again. Even though he could move his arms and legs and still talk, but over all he was weakened. And he was cranky. I tried every day to do something to make him happy. I let him have all his favorite foods. But it was never enough. Nothing seemed to ever go right. It felt like there was always a black cloud over me. But I'm with you, today, I wish my dad was still here to frustrate me. Coping with his loss is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Everyone tells me its part of life, but I just wasn't ready for this part.
  12. Dear Chinaluv809, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the loss of your cherished mom. I'm so sorry for all the pain and sorrow you are going through. I know this is a very difficult time. Its a terrible shock to lose your mother so young. All your feelings and what you're thinking is normal and part of the grieving process. Try to take care of yourself the best you can. Try and surround yourself with caring friends and families. Seek out community resources through, work, school, church. Find someone to talk to about your feelings. There is so much raw emotion and its only natural to feel lost. You are not alone. We are all here for you. Thinking of you. Sending you lots of love and hugs. This terrible thing called grief takes a long time to understand. Sometimes for myself, I don't think I will ever understand, but I keep trying.
  13. Dear Tookie, I know sometimes the memories are not as clear. I can tell from your what you are saying you loved your dad and you remember him well. If you feel better, I would try recording your memories in a journal, or even record your voice talking about your dad. Or make a memory box. Or video for YouTube. There are lots of ways to preserve your memories. Look at pictures and ask your mom and other family members to contribute their thoughts and memories of your dad for a memory box or video. No matter what, your dad will always be part of your heart and soul.
  14. MissionBlue - Sorry about the nasty neighbors. Glad you are taking advantage of the hot real estate market. I find it hard to leave the house all my siblings and I grew up in. But at the same time, I also think about making a fresh start. See how the rest of the year unfolds. cindyjane - Thank you for sharing your parents with us. I'm with you. I too find it therapeutic to visit this forum. I don't feel so alone. And I'm glad to know I'm not the only one struggling with the loss of my father. I still struggle with what-ifs, regret, guilt and anger. I hope with time I can find some peace and acceptance. Belle - My dad exhibited similar traits before he passed. He too ended up sleeping a lot more. I never really noticed because I thought he was more of night owl and decided to let him sleep more during the day. And he stopped eating all his favorite foods. He would have a little bit but nothing like before. My dad was also cranky. It was so frustrating to see him so spacey and removed. He told my sister a few months before he passed "he wasn't a person anymore." It never registered in my mind that he was dying or giving up on life. I thought he was old and I should just let him be. In hindsight, I'm so angry with myself. I feel like I gave up on him and caused him to die prematurely. He was 84. But I so badly wanted him to live longer. It was a vicious circle with his meds after the stroke. And all the appointments, skin issues, dental issues, it all just took a toll. He would ask to go out to eat, but when we got to the restaurant, he would take two bites and then ask to go home again. I was so frustrated and tired. But I never wanted him to die. I wish to God, I knew it was going to be our last year together. I would have done things differently. I would have tried hard to be gentler, kinder and more patient. But it was all too late by the time he entered the hospital. That last week, last day, my last moments with him, I wish I could go back and change them all. He had asked to go home over and over again and I still did not get it. He wanted to die at home and I wasn't even able to honor that request.
  15. Its been three months now since my dad passed. I keep coming back to your words Michael. I read your post to remind myself I must keep carrying on. I must.