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  1. Dear Freda, So sorry to hear your husband is struggling with the loss of his father. The grief journey is different for everyone. People say there is no right way or wrong way. And there are a lot of emotions to work through. My counselor told me it could take up to 5 years to process the death of my father. And other friends have said it can take anywhere from 15 months, 2 years, 4 years, to feel better. I know its hard. And you are trying to be supportive and patient with him. But since his mood is affecting you and the family, I think it might help your husband to consider seeing a bereavement counselor or joining a support group. There are also good websites like What's Your Grief and GriefShare.Org and books like The Grief Recovery Method by Russell Friedman. There are other resources available in the community or through work or church. Maybe consider talking to a counselor on your own if your husband won't go. For me losing my father has been the worst experience of my life. And it is a struggle to enjoy life again. Its only been 4 months for me. At 2 years maybe your husband has what people called complicated grief or he is stuck in grief. I know its tough to see a loved one struggle. I hope he will get some help on his grief journey. I'm very independent and don't like to talk about feelings. But with my dad's death I feel I am looking everywhere and anywhere for support and guidance in understanding my feelings. Take care. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  2. Dear May, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I cannot believe he lost both his beloved wife and mother. Very tragic and sad. I hear you. I feel the same way. When I go to see my dad at the cemetery. I get choked up thinking he is alone. He does have people buried around him. And I like to think he is having coffee with his new friends in the spirit world, but I really don't know what to think sometimes. I can sympathize and empathize with what you are saying. I think that is the hardest part of being a caregiver. We are in a bubble. We just kept on going given our natures and didn't realize we badly needed a break. I read this phrase about "how all caregivers are imperfect caregivers" I think this is so true. Also part of human relationships, we all lose our patience, our temper at one point or another. See parents all the time lose patience with their children. No one is perfect. We just have to remember our parents loved us. And we loved them. Glad you are listening to the Bee Gees and Carpenters tonight. I like mostly like pop music. For country music I like a couple of songs from Scotty McCreedy, Brett Eldridge, Dolly Parton, Paul Brandt, but I definitely don't know too many artists. Dear MissionBlue, I'm so sorry I made you cry with my post. (((hugs))) I've also been tearful all day. I think caring and loving our dads as much as we did was a "double edge sword." It really was. I just noticed your dad's angel date, was the day that my dad suffered his first stroke and was admitted to hospital. Everything you say reminds me of my dad and my feelings as well being his caregiver. When my dad was alive I had the same feelings. This feeling of being stuck almost. I wanted to help my dad, but also wondered how long it could go on for. I did have a lot of resentment and anger with my siblings. Like you said people were off having fun. I never had fun. I was the good daughter. The responsible daughter. I stayed at home. I managed the housework, yard work, bill paying, doctors, it seemed like a never ending to do list. It was becoming overwhelming. Even when I resigned myself to keep doing all of that and accepting my fate as it were, my dad died. That day haunts me. Mission you have been so kind and generous. I know based on everything I've read from your posts, you loved and cared for your dad. You did the best you could. I would be so happy if I had a daughter like you caring for me. I am proud of you for embarking on this new journey. I hope Ernesto continues to be helpful and supportive of you. And you find the house of your dreams. And if you want, the man of your dreams as well. You are an inspiration to me. I take so much comfort from your perspective. I need to train myself and give myself something to look forward to. Some days its easier said than done, but hopefully I will find my something soon. With love and hugs to everyone! Thank you again for all your support and kindnesses to me.
  3. Dear MayFGL, Funerals are so difficult. But I'm starting to feel at this stage in life the only time I see my whole family is at funerals or weddings. I only have one surviving grandparent. I honestly don't know what will happen once she passes, if our family will even get together after that. I think us women in general tend to hold onto guilt a lot longer. Me too. Everyone has given the right words, comforting words, but I still hang onto the guilt that I could have saved my dad. Its not reasonable, but I honestly feel I could have done something different. Been kinder. Been gentler. Smarter. The list just goes on and on. But your friend is absolutely right. May you did so much for your mom. Even after your stroke, you gave and gave and gave. You were honorable, decent and loving. Your mother was extremely fortunate to have YOU. You are an amazing person. I think you did more than anyone else in the family. I'm sure your mom knew that. I find Chinese people are not good at giving the people in their lives the right words. My dad never told me, but with his actions he did. Even the second last day before he died, we had lunch together, he tried to make sure I had something to eat. We were lucky. We had parents that loved us. And it hurts knowing we can never have another day with them. I saw my dad at the cemetery today. Seeing his picture on the tombstone, I couldn't stop crying. It was finally installed a month ago. I couldn't bring myself to look at it. It was just another reminder he was really gone. Watching a bit of the Oscars tonight. Viola Davis gave such a moving speech. Thanking her parents. Her husband and daughter for being her foundation. Love and hugs to all. Hoping the week ahead is a better one.
  4. I'm so sorry Mia. I know the pain is unbearable during this very difficult time. Please try to take care of yourself the best you can. Moment by moment. Day by day. Its all any us can do during these early days of grief. Everything you are saying and feeling is normal and natural. Loss is so unfathomable. I have be believe we will survive somehow. I continue to think of you. Sending you love and hugs.
  5. Dear Dgiirl and ELiz, I can relate to the anger of not having our beloved parents present to share in family gatherings. And the ability now as adults to spoil our parent for the sacrifices they made for us. For returning all the love they showed us. I too wanted my dad to have more time. To see his grandchildren grow up more. To have more family dinners. Its so hard to accept I have to keep living without him. I was never going to be ready for the day that my dad was no longer part of this earth. I know its horrible thing to say, but sometimes I wish I was the one in the ground and not my dad. But I know that is not what he would have wanted. He always told me I had to learn to take care of myself, learn to find things because he wouldn't always be there. He raised an independent daughter but that doesn't mean I still didn't need his presence. But it hurts not being able to do anything for him now.
  6. Dear Mia, I'm so sorry. You have expressed your love to your husband so well. We can only hope that we are loved as well by anyone in our lives. How are you feeling today? I know its so tough going through this huge loss. Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs.
  7. Dear BrokenHome, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your beloved best friend. I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I know it hurts badly and the emotions are so raw after such a devastating and tragic loss. Life is so unfair and so hard to understand sometimes. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this very difficult time. The shock of losing such a special person takes our minds and bodies a long time to process. Please know that you are not alone. We are all here to support you. Please feel free to post here and express yourself. And when you are ready maybe consider talking to a grief counselor or joining a support group. Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs.
  8. Dear Tash, My deepest condolences and sympathies on your beloved and cherished daughter. I'm so sorry for the pain and sorrow. Its an unimaginable loss. Please know during this very difficult time you are not alone. We are all here to support you. At this moment there are simply no words. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
  9. Dear Friend, I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. Grief hits all us so hard. I hope you can surround yourself with loving friends and family during this difficult time. If you are able consider speaking with a counselor or joining a support group. Try accessing any community resources. I know its hard when friends don't understand. Try to be kind and gentle with yourself during this difficult time. Thinking of you.
  10. Thank you for your post Yousif. Happy to hear she made it through surgery. That is wonderful news. Wishing you two all the best. Take care and thank you for your kind words.
  11. Dear Dot, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your beloved mom. I'm so sorry for your loss. I think its hard for people to understand what grief feels like. I certainly never fully understood till I lost my dad last year. Its been four months and the emotions are like an ocean wave. I think its perfectly normal to feel sad after almost a year. I have talked to some friends who have lost parents. Some tell me the pain never goes away. The counselor told me it could take up to 5 years. One friend said it took her 4 years. Another friend said even after 2 years she is still in pain. We are all so different. And there is no wrong way or right way to grieve. I struggle every day with this new reality. I wish there was a magic potion to make this more bearable. I never wanted to be on this grief journey, but I am. Sorry words are so inadequate sometimes. Thinking of you.
  12. Dear MissionBlue: Thank you for the link. It is enlightening article. And as always for your kind words. You are so right, it is cruel to tell someone to post somewhere else. This forum has been so welcoming to newbies. And a life line for me. The understanding and compassion I have received has been very helpful. I think we should all carry on the way we have. I think there is room for so many voices. We are all welcome to start our own threads if need be to meet our own needs. Dear Nikki My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your grandfather. I'm so sorry for your loss. You are an amazing woman for trying to support your grandmother but also your young family. I hope your husband will be able to be come for the service. In these difficult times we need all the love and support from our friends and family members to hold us up. Grief is a terrible journey. I hope you can access some community resources, consider counseling or joining a support group that will assist you in some way. I know its not easy. Thinking of you and your family. Please continue to posts here and express yourself as much as you want. Dear Dgiirl Please no worries. I think this is the best thing about this board. There is no pressure to reply all the time. There is no wrong way or right way to grieve. Sorry to hear about the rough week you are going through. I think this is what grief does to all us. I sometimes feel I have made some progress forward after my dad's passing. Then there will be a moment of intense pain that hits and I can't believe he is really gone. And I ask myself, how did this happen? How can I still be living and my dad is dead? And then I go through the blame game all over again, feeling like I let him down, like I killed him with my poor care. I'm also sorry to hear about the issues with your mom and new team member. Life is not easy. We must all do what we can to protect ourselves from further pain and heartache if possible. Dear Lisa K Thank you for your warm welcome! Thinking of you during your treatments. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  13. Dear Mia, I'm so sorry. I know you are in a lot of pain. Grief is a long journey. And the shock takes a long time for our minds and bodies to process. Everything you are saying and feeling is 100 percent normal. We all do the same thing. We replay over and over in our heads those moments. Me, too. I was so angry at the whole world when my dad passed last year. And four months later I am still angry. Why me? I kept asking. Why? And no matter how kind people were to me, I still don't understand. Please continue to post here. Express yourself as much as you want. You are not alone. We will be here to support you. Life is so hard. I wish I could take away the pain and hurt for all of us. I know everyone is different. In m own grief, I have tried everything. Talking to a counselor. Joining a support group. Reading different websites What's Your Grief is a very helpful one. Be gentle and kind with yourself during this difficult time. Thinking of you. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
  14. Dear MissonBlue: I love all your posts! I don't think they are too lengthy at all. If anything, they are super articulate and thoughtful. And always make me feel better and understood. And feeling understood is not something I get very often.:-) You are a treasure to me. I'm so grateful for your insight and compassion. I'm so sorry you felt censured today. I have to agree with you, Silverkitties expressed it brilliantly. Thank goodness we have a safe place to express more than our grief but also those issues that also tie into our grief. I can relate to so much that has been expressed so far. Makes me feel less alone. And I'm so grateful for everyone's support and kindness. Dear Silverkitties I'm with Mission, I hope you find a great job that you love and fulfills all your requirements. You have been an amazing daughter. There is so much on your shoulders, but you have been a warrior. Thank you for giving us all hope and strength. I know its hard. But all of you have given me hope that I will make it too. There are many days when I want to give up. Losing my dad has been the hardest experience of my life. Death is a fact, but I hate it. I so badly wish my dad could have lived longer. Thank you all for letting me ramble and talk in circles. Dear Cindy Jane Glad you got rehab in place for your knee. I love your posts. I need the positivity more than ever. Hope you make a speedy recovery. Have a great weekend everyone!!! With love and hugs, Reader
  15. Dear Mia, My deepest sympathies and condolences on the loss of your beloved and cherished husband. I'm so sorry for all your pain and sorrow. I know this is an extremely difficult time. There are so many emotions. And its only natural to ask all the questions you are asking now. Its a terrible shock. You loved him with your whole heart and that is what we all want. Please know that you are not alone. We are all here to support you. Thinking of you and your family.