Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About stillbroken

  • Rank

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Sterling, VA
  • Loss Type
    father's death
  • Angel Date
  1. Watched my father dying of a heart attack when I was 14 and he was 51. Tried to help him, but in vain. It was beyond horrible, easily the most dreadful thing I have ever experienced, I have struggled to push forward in life in spite of it, growing up with a cold and distant mother in the aftermath as well. I've been married to an exquisitely beautiful and wonderful woman for over thirty years, in spite of the pain and hell I have caused her far too often. I have two impeccably fantastic sons, ages 24 and 28. I finished high school with a 3.8 GPA, graduated from University of Virginia with Distinction on a financial need/academic scholarship, graduated with honors from computer school, and have persevered for thirty-five years in a career field totally unsuited for me. We have less than two years before our mortgage is paid off, and five years maximum before we both retire. Sometimes I wonder how I've managed to do it, and sometimes still wonder if I can see things through- like today, when I am in the midst of a debilitating depression. I know very clearly why I've been so wretchedly dejected and depressed for so much of my life, why I suffer PTSD in some situations, but that's been of little help. Sometimes I feel like just driving off somewhere, taking a hike to a beautiful location, sitting down, and just gradually dying. There is so much I want to do in life, so many important and significant things I feel motivated, driven, compelled, and uniquely able to accomplish. But the hole inside me just gets bigger all the time, and gradually eats away at all of those things like a caustic acid. I don't know what to do, and I desperately wish I could figure it out.