Tommy's mum

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About Tommy's mum

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    tommy's mum

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  • Loss Type
    my adult son was killed trying to save his suicidal friend.
  • Angel Date
    Aug 16th 2015


  • About Me
    I have four children. Tommy will always be 24, my daughters are 22 and 23 and my other son is 20. i live alone with my ginger cat but have my parents and one of my sisters living close by. i am also one of four and very close to all my siblings. I am too unwell still at this time to work.

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  1. r'ee what an adorable photo of your little boy, what a sweet face he has. It must be tremendously hard for you because you devoted all your time and love to Cameron to care for his needs and now there is a huge hole in your life. i am so sorry for your loss. Your other children are still very young and grieving too and it is especially difficult to try and give them all the love and reassurance they need whilst trying to cope with your own grief. We all know that empty arms feeling it is so painful and wanting our child back it seems hard to survive without them. I am glad you found this site most of us post on the thread Loss of an adult child because it keeps us all in one place and you get responses much more quickly. It is for anyone who has lost a child no matter what age because we all know the painful grief journey only too well and can offer a listening ear and support. Please join us there and share your story talking really helps and your words offer encouragement to others. helping others is a positive step towards recovering from loss.
  2. mikep what a truly awful accident I am sorry you lost your son, and am inspired that you are able to offer support to other parents who have been through the loss of a child.
  3. Tinay that thought of not seeing your daughter again for years is something I know only too well. That thought brings me to my knees and drowning in grief every time, so I try to look at it more positively and think I know I will see my Tommy again just not right now. It helps a little. Now you are back at work is it possible to get some sick time? Any doctor would recognize you are struggling and know you need some more time. It must be so hard to know you are forced to work because of finances but also know you are hanging on by your fingernails to your sanity. As for the second year being harder I guess it is different for everyone. For me I had a mental breakdown so I was out of it for months and months and dont remember how I got through each day. As the shock wears off it becomes more real and that is very painful to face. The "firsts" are all painful too but each occasion is always overshadowed by the knowledge that your child is gone. However I know our children walk beside us every day and they are never forgotten. Love is the strongest emotion and the bond between parent and child is unbreakable by time or distance. That is why allowing your grief to be acknowledged is so important, otherwise it resurfaces months or years later and causes a breakdown again. Please do voice your thoughts and feelings here, this is a safe place to vent and get support. The signs from loved ones are very encouraging. It soothes an aching sorrowful heart to get them and have a positive reinforcement that they are still with us. Part of the grieving process is having to adapt to a world without that precious child so having a sign is only too welcomed. I know how we all ache to have a sign and they are all too infrequent. I have planted orange flowers in my garden to remind me of my red headed son Tommy which brings a sad smile to my face his hair was so fiery. I still post on his Facebook too.
  4. cathydrochin i agree about the therapist mine was an enormous help and now I have finished after almost a year. I am sorry you lost your son. please come back and tell us more about him. It is still so soon for you the first year is really difficult and each year thereafter is tough too but in time the rawness eases a little and you find ways to cope.
  5. allenb now I understand. There is no place safe from drugs and dealers and evil people who seek to entrap others or kill them unfortunately. I only wish there were. As parents we make the best decisions at the time with the information we have, no point looking back or regretting any decisions because that has already become the past. If only we could keep our kids safe. We parent them through babyhood, toddlers elementary school and tweens and some of us also through middle and high school and college. Even when they are adults we still parent them because they are the world to us and we still want to protect them. Unfortunately we cannot be everywhere all the time and we all bear the scars of losing a child of any age and all that it entails. It is so wrong for a parent to bury a child because their lives had not been completed, so much potential and talent wiped out in an instant. It is a heartbreak that never heals. At least you are here with us and we can help to console and offer support.
  6. Colleen thinking of you today, another year without your beloved son. Time is deceptive sometimes it drags other times it flies by. I hope you had a peaceful day. Louann so glad you can see for yourself that some healing has taken place and you are on more stable ground. Kira's grave looks lovely and I hope you feel some peace when you go and visit her. She is so proud of you finally reaching out for support and sharing her story to help others on this lonely path we tread. Tinay glad to see you posting and that you got the money for a lawyer. I really hope you get some justice and answers, the waiting must be hard to bear. Suicidal thoughts are very common among bereaved parents because in the depths of grief we can only see our deepest loss, missing them overshadows everything else even our other children and family. grief steals your breath your peace and turns your emotions and life upside down and back to front, and it is not until we are on a firmer footing that sanity prevails and we see who is still with us and that they are important too. healing takes a long time and the journey is full of mountainous climbs and hollows in the road that we fall into but each time as warriors we find the will to get up and carry on. Ultimately the burden of grief becomes less but it takes a long time to happen. You will be reunited with your daughter one day far in the future and she will be waiting for you with open arms, we never pass on alone.
  7. Allenb what did you mean by you thought it would be safer here and were wrong? Please share what is on your mind.
  8. louann your beautiful daughter looks so like you. Thinking of you esp today which is a hard hard day to get through and brings back many memories. Stay strong and continue to make progress with your life that is the best gift you can give your children. Hugs
  9. Mikep please join us on Loss of an adult child thread as it is the most active and you can be answered more quickly. We would like to hear more about your son and family, we are all in this sad club together and understand as only people who have lost a child know. Take care
  10. All parents/grandparents, whomever needs us are welcome on the loss of an adult child thread ,regardless of the age of your child we have all lost a future ,hopes and dreams ,and have a hole in our family. We have parents who have lost children of all ages so please join us there and we will try and help you through this acutely painful and lonely journey. Even if you dont feel able to post just yet read some posts and you may find some answers and guidance ok?
  11. Louann I agree with Dee it is good to change up your traditions sometimes because it helps to start something new a new way to celebrate. Because some of us have other kids we must not forget their needs in our sadness they need to see that life can go on and celebrations and traditions can continue because it is ok to show happiness even whilst we grieve. Some things that stay the same are comforting to us and our children it is a personal choice just like grief, we are all different. It is especially difficult when an angelversary is on another special day like Kira on father's day. Just go with your gut as to how you celebrate. each year can be different, it is all ok. i wish you all peace today and always. I also directed another two mums to our thread today both who lost baby girls. I hope they join us and can share.
  12. Bellamomma7 and FMAmum I am so sorry you both lost your daughters. It is a loss you never get over but in time with grieving properly it does ease a bit and you can very slowly find light in your life again. It takes a long time so dont worry when ignorant people expect you to get over it. You dont get over it you get through it. I lost my son aged 24 in 2015 and am slowly getting there. I had a mental breakdown and developed anxiety and agoraphobia so I totally get how you feel. I have a great psychiatrist and had a wonderful grief counsellor for a year who really helped to pull me back into life. Counselling when you are ready is really worthwhile. I understand it is so painful that you do not want to talk about it but if you constantly push your emotions down to try to be "normal" for other people it backfires big time and you end up cracking up later on. The most active thread on this forum is Loss of an Adult child please join us there and we can listen to you and hold your hand figuratively through this awful process. You are not alone ok? We have all lost children some were babies others older and some adult children but we have all been through that painful grief process and can offer some personal insight and support to you both. Please join us as you will be answered more quickly as we try to keep together in one place. i wish you both well and hope to connect with you again.
  13. Stevesmom lovely words, kind of you to share. I am divorced many years but appreciate there are many grieving dads out there that will appreciate the sentiment.
  14. mermaidteara you are absolutely right, the dads should not be forgotten esp with fathers day coming up. men and women show grief in very different ways but still feel the pain and loss very acutely they are not always able to show their emotions. I love the quotes you posted too. Louann I think it was Tommy too and that push you felt was your Kira. Some things cant be explained and give us small comforts.
  15. Hey Louann thanks for planting more Tommy and Kira flowers I also have some nice purple Kira flowers in my garden! I am ok just get down at times. I was asleep the other night and heard someone call "Mum, Mum" I woke up and was looking around but there was noone there. I went downstairs and asked my daughter what the matter was. She was really confused and looked all round the house then told me it must have been me having a dream. I wonder if it was Tommy trying to communicate with me? Nothing further happened that night it was strange. darcy every anniversary is really painful we all have walked in your shoes and just encourage you to keep in touch with us so we can walk alongside you ok? georgina i hope your precious Charlotte is improving each day and will soon be home. Sherry you have made it through another year well done you, you are being so strong and brave. Hallo to all our other members ,each one of you has a special place here with us and help to make up our little community, thanks for your input and inspiration.