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About KMB

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    Pets, Reading, Traditional Country Music, Nature
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  1. Bobbers, Your loss is very new. Our emotions and thought process is very chaotic at this time. Personally, I wouldn't be in such a rush with changing anything. Especially my hair. I feel that you should slow down. Take time to fully absorb your loss, feel the pain. Have the patience that most of what you are thinking of is minor and time and changes you want to make will all unfold in their own timing. As far as moving, if it is something you have to do, the you'll do it. If it is something you are only thinking of, wait for awhile to make sure sure of the correct decision. I assume your son is in school during the day. Maybe take walks to keep your body stimulated and moving. Walk around your town and find out what resources are available for grief support/counseling.
  2. Bobbers, I'm glad you found another outlet like the Apple App. Getting a reminder for daily writing would be something I would need.
  3. Micho, There is nothing wrong in taking a much needed vacation break. Grieving is exhausting. It takes a toll on our bodies, minds and hearts. A break with a friend, change of scenery and some activities are good for you. You are making a well deserved effort in your grief journey. We are all proud of you. As for getting injured, just an accident. But grieving has a way of turning minor things into overwhelming big things. Your beloved did not cause the injury. In fact, being in Heaven, he is sending you much love and only wants the best for you. He is watching over you. You did not cause his passing. That was on him. I don't think your silent thoughts over his past behaviors had anything to do with his action either. You are not responsible for his actions. He made a free will choice. So, please, try to forgive yourself.
  4. GreenL, Thanks for checking in and sharing the lovely poem. It does it so well in summing up our pain of loss.
  5. Ravinder, Your pain and loneliness makes me tear up for you. With all the crying spells I have, it's a wonder I have any tears left. Coping does get harder as time goes on. In the beginning, we are trying our best to focus with arrangements, financial and legal things. When all the priority things settle down, the pain has more time to come to the front of our beings.The love between you and your Balibir will always shine brightly. Love never dies and your memories will never fade.
  6. Bobbers, You ARE a sensitive and empathetic person. If you were not, you would not be on this forum pouring your heart out. Everything you are feeling and thinking is normal. You have been dealt a traumatic blow that affects our bodies, minds, hearts and souls. It is going to take a long time to absorb and process your loss. Take your time, take care of yourself, have patience. This grief journey is life long. At some point down a very long road, you will be able to coexist with your loss. The dreams you are having in searching for your husband, are also normal. I had those dreams in the beginning month or two. I would dream of catching sight of my husband and when I would try to catch up, he would disappear. I still have the occasional dream that I am taking care of him and fixing him. i guess our subconscious mind has a hand in these kinds of dreams.
  7. KayC----I hope your cyst gets removed. I cannot imagine how you deal with the pain. It would drive me bonkers. Insurance won't cover part of the cost and you can't get a quote? That is unacceptable. My husband didn't have health coverage when he needed his bypass surgery. We were given an estimated cost and in the end we were given some discounts. You would think eye doctors would work the same with procedural costs.
  8. AceBasin---Your doctor friend gave you excellent advice. Self care with exercise and eating right is crucial for our bodies and minds in being able to cope with this grief journey we are on. I don't know about the getting a good nights sleep though. Sleep appears to be an issue for many of us. Take care.
  9. KayC---- You've done an admirable job by getting a support group going. I'm glad it has been growing and going well for you.
  10. BSL----It can be hard to express ourselves to anyone. It depends on how well we know them, the dynamics of the relationships. It's really hard to explain emotions and the pain of those emotions. Some find it easier to post their feelings on a forum such as this one. We are faceless strangers sharing the common bond of grieving the loss of our life partner. I lost my father at a young age. I don't get along with my mother. She is a controlling bully. The one conversation I had with her after I lost my husband, she made it all about her. No sympathy and support from her. I have 5 other siblings that are, even as adults in their 40's, still very much intimidated by our mother. I just stay away. I don't need the constant drama. I have 3 adult children and a couple of friends who have stuck with me through this traumatic change. I come to this forum on a daily basis. Keep posting here. You are heard and understood.
  11. KayC---Sorry about the cyst. Maybe it would be best just to convince the doctor to remove it even though it has shrunk. No more far out appointments and finding someone to help you .I have a cyst on my lower back. I was born with it. Must be genetics. I was told my dad had cysts. I have to be careful with the pants I wear. Nothing with a hard, thick seam near the waist band to irritate it into swelling. I had a specialist look at it years ago. He said it was a type of cyst that had an 80% chance of returning. So, I live with it and am careful. I wish the best for your kids. As mothers, we always worry, no matter how old they are.
  12. cp9042---Going for a visit to your sister will be helpful. Comfort from your sister and a change in scenery is a step in the right direction in your journey of healing. You'll be ok. Your beloved husband will be with you spiritually, giving you the courage to make the long drive. Talk to him on that drive, he'll be listening. Take care.
  13. Meesh, Congrats on becoming a grandmother! Little ones have a special way of getting us to smile and appreciate life. I know you are having bad days, our grieving takes a toll and overshadows us. Like Andy said, this is our new normal. Under the surface, we will be grieving the rest of our life. I hope for all our sakes, it gets easier to coexist with our loss. Your beloved will be the first to hold your grandchild in Heaven. He'll be watching over her, just the same as he watches over you and your family. Take care, Meesh.
  14. AceBasin---Autocharge gave a good link source. I am sorry for the loss of your beloved wife. I know the loneliness and empty void can be so painful. Have you tried local churches and hospices for support group meetings? You mention being involved in your community, so you probably know what is available, This forum is a great place for expressing your feelings and thoughts when you feel the need. Only those of us who have lost a spouse truly understand each other.
  15. AJ75, Sleeping can be an issue for many of us.We are dealing with emotions, our minds are stressed. I started out with chamomile tea. Found myself getting up later for the bathroom and not being able to get back to sleep.sleeping is still an issue. It's good you are trying the counseling. We have to start somewhere with finding the right support/guidance that grief counseling offers. A summer job is a great baby step in getting your feet wet, so to speak, with this new reality. I know how tough it is. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, day by day. (HUGS)