KMB

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About KMB

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    Pets, Reading, Traditional Country Music, Nature
  • Loss Type
    Husband
  • Angel Date
    8/20/2016

Converted

  • Occupation
    Homemaker
  1. Lonely spouse, This is such a cruel, lonely journey to be on. We don't have any choice but to keep on the best way we can for ourselves. It is hard enough to cope with our emotions, but to have people say their platitudes and tell us how to grieve, makes us feel worse. I've walked away from people or found my back bone in saying my opinions back. Largely depends on how well I know the other person. What would help the most, is if people just gave us a hug, or a just a simple squeeze of the hand. While depression can be a part of grieving, it is not healthy to stay in that state long term. Family and friends get concerned if you stay depressive for too long. It does show they love and care for you. KayC gave you some good advice in maybe seeing your doctor to see what he can prescribe. For myself, I didn't want chemical meds and I went the herbal route for awhile .I was dealing with constant anxiety attacks and spells of depression. I have evolved past the worst of it. Now, I only have the occasional bout of anxiety and a short depressive spell or so. It does require a lot of effort in working your way through grieving. We don't want to do it, but we do. Please keep checking in and keeping us updated or if you need to vent, cry or whatever. We all care about each other here. (HUGS)
  2. I'm so sorry, Lulu, that there is no one on either side of the family you can talk to. To me, it is so sad that neither family doesn't know. How can a family not be open and honest with each other in order for there to be a true family bond? In order to truly love and know a person is to accept them for who they are. The families are the ones doing Lily an injustice as to the sweet, loving person she is. It is an injustice to you also. You and Lily were able to find each other and enjoy a loving relationship and the injustice is that you couldn't share it with family. Such a tragedy this world of ours is when there is prejudices, judgements, no compassion. Love is love, it has no boundaries. (HUGS)
  3. Lena78, My heart breaks for you, for all of us. We were forced into this scary, lonely situation of grieving. Our beloveds were snatched from us, never to be seen again in this physical life. I'm sorry that Jake's funeral wasn't all it should have been. Jake's grandparents found their comfort and Terry's speech was beautifully done in Jake's honor. It was still a basically good service and I feel Jake still felt the love from everyone that was there. It is tough having to go back to work so soon. Maybe 1/2 days could be arranged? I understand about needing the income and the extra burden it places on you, on top of your emotions being all over the place. I know how hard it is and the wishing you could just hide in bed 24/7. Be patient and gentle with yourself. I hope those you work with are being supportive/understanding. I wish I could say something to help you feel better, but unfortunately there isn't. This is our individual journey and we have to do it our way. I do share your pain and all those other emotions. There is no emergency action plan for loss. Even if there was, it would not go according to script. Everyone's relationship and loss is unique. This will be the time to *wing it* as you mentioned. A good part of this grief journey is winging it. I have no good advice to really give you. It takes much time, patience, self care. Baby steps. Take baby steps out of your room. Go for a walk. Nature has a way towards helping to clear the mind, give the body a little exercise. If you are staying home from work, try to give yourself one small goal for the day. Doesn't matter what it is. For me, it was a shower, or taking out the garbage. A short walk. Anything, as long as you try to do something. Stay consistent and soon you will be trying for more small goals throughout the day. I'm still in that process of a few small goals during the day. I also spend time on this forum, which keeps me engaged in interacting. (HUGS)
  4. KayC, That stamp is a good one. I don't know who I am without my husband but I have been finding out. It is not all to the good either. I've been a little depressed since crawling my way through another weekend. A friend pointed out to me this morning that I tend to get a little snippy when I hit the lows. I'm always apologizing to her because I'm not normally snippy, usually smiling and joking. Used to be anyway. She doesn't hold it against me though. She understands. Thank God for the people who do.
  5. KayC, I feel a little guilty with the long winded post I did with my beliefs. I was thinking that if anyone had the same beliefs, it might help them to know they weren't alone. it is our beliefs that are a big part of helping us cope.
  6. JenC and Dian--- It is going to be ok. We will survive somehow. When it is our turn, we will be reunited with our beloveds.
  7. Lulu, I hope that is a smiley face with hearts! Even with bifocals, seeing is not easy!
  8. It is an endless battle. A battle that is useless. I feel we just have to go with the flow of feelings because they are going to live with us. (HUGS)
  9. I had the same issue in the beginning months. I would read a few sentences, maybe a paragraph, and I would toss the book aside. I couldn't focus. I didn't want to read anything about grieving. I was breathing and living it. What is a book going to do for me? Why do I have to read anything period? My husband should still be here. I shouldn't need to be reading on coping skills and stages of grief. I felt resentful for awhile. But time does its thing in evolving, and I have done some grief work reading. I still do not like it, but it has been helpful.
  10. It summarizes beautifully how we all feel. Amen, Francine! Get it totally, Eagle. Years ago, I gave a friend who does woodworking, a length of slabwood. He routed the words, *Ed & Kathy's Place*, and I gave it to my husband as a Christmas gift. It still hangs on a living room wall. Just as with you and Lori, we were also referred to together, like a sentence,or one word.I still use the word, *we*. It is a habit, an endearing one. I know my husband is with me spiritually, so it is always going to be, *we*, no matter what others might think. This is my grieving, my life.
  11. Lulu, God will guide you in His own timing. He knows you need the time now for grieving, trying to find your bearings, amidst your pain. You are not crazy for texting yourself. It is all the little things we miss the most. The first few days after my husband passed, I pretended he was taken to a specialized hospital to get fixed. Even when I was I was sitting with the funeral home director making arrangements, I felt in a surreal fog, that I was doing those things for someone else, not my husband. Of course, It finally got through to me that if my husband was still here and far away, there would have been phone calls. I crashed big time from doing that little bit of pretending, but I guess it was my minds way of coping with the arrangements since I had to handle everything on my own. You will make it, Lulu. You have so far and you have us, your grief family. (HUGS)
  12. I can relate. A couple of people have remarked that I'm *only* 58, still young enough to be dating and finding another relationship. I don't want or need another relationship. Just like there will never be another George for you, there will never be another Ed for me. I feel like I have aged 20 years in these 10 months. Why do people think we all need to be pigeon holed into couple relationships? Even in my young, single years, I was not one to flit from one relationship to another. I had my beautiful, couple relationship and I would rather stay alone and single as long as my Ed cannot be here. Death has parted us physically, but in my heart, I am still spiritually bonded to him.
  13. Lulu, I understand that none of it makes sense. I feel the same. This house, my husband grew up here. When he inherited it, we turned it into our home.I feel my husband was blessed to be able to spend a little over 11 years back in the home that brought him comfort and happiness because he had me with him to enjoy it and the memories of his childhood. The pain is constant, I get it. I live with it everyday and always will. It is not as gut wrenching intense like it was in the beginning months, but it is always there. HUGS to you--- We are here along with you!
  14. Lulu, Thank you. I already do love Lily and you also. Heaven is all love, peace, harmony. As spiritual beings, we are all connected. We are sent here to teach others how to live on this planet the same way. That is what God wants from us while we are here. The sad truth is, that there is obviously a vast number of people here who are not listening to their inner voices, their spirit. They are not in tune with their true inner selves. They allow their ego and free will choices dominate their lives. Lily was an earth angel. She knew her inner self and spread love and joy while she was here. You are an earth angel also, just a shy one, LOL -- You are blossoming on this forum and Lily is proud of you!
  15. i agree with all of you! Love never dies. We hold tightly onto that feeling here and we carry it with us to Heaven. The one emotion that nothing can destroy or take away!