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About KMB

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    Pets, Reading, Traditional Country Music, Nature
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  1. Numb and Lost, God is showing you the way. You are grieving for your loved one. Take your time.
  2. Sadaf---I like your last paragraph. It speaks for all of us. Thank you for sharing in the expressive way you have with words. While we are feeling the pain and loneliness, ( which is all consuming) it is so hard to wrap our minds around what we feel and know to be true. Love binds the souls. Just have to keep repeating the good stuff until our minds are ready to embrace it.
  3. Louise---I admire your thought provoking post on grieving. I feel it will be more than helpful to those of us here. I have been coping in my own way, doing what I feel is right for me. I have been researching many different articles and books. For me, there is no set model to use. But I do respect the continuing bond model. We are all unique, therefore our grieving is unique. I have had losses in my life, father at a young age and grandparents and uncles. Because I was young with those losses, I'm sure I grieved but growing up, evolving, I don't remember what I felt back then and how I coped. Life just kept propelling me forward as it is meant to do when you are young. This loss of my husband though is a whole new experience. I lived with and loved him with my whole being. My life and his became one. I still don't know how to do the rest of this life without him. I am way older now, we were comfortable and set in our way of life, our routines. I hate the words *letting go* and *moving on*. To me, those words mean taking out the trash and forgetting about it. The continuing bonds model makes more sense. My husband is no longer physically here but is still here in a spiritual form. I have to believe he is still here, around me and seeing and hearing me. I have sensed his presence and take comfort from it. Thoughts can be so hard to put into words, but I will somehow struggle through the days with the trust and belief that my husband is still by my side. It is a different relationship, a long distance separation where I can no longer see or hear him but the love keeps us bonded. It has been and always will be the hardest ordeal of my life to cope with. I will be on this coping journey the rest of my life. Thank you, Louise.
  4. Louise, The cushion your sister made is beautiful and having the feather from Ken in the pocket is is like a 2 for 1 gift. Thanks for sharing. I'm sure Ken is proud of you for honoring him in that way.
  5. Louise, Thank you for sharing your experience. i am so happy and comforted that Ken came through for you. I hope you have that feather in a special place of honor.
  6. JC_TX---I just mentioned you in another post I saw you on. I'm so sorry about it being 2 months for you tonight. Which is the same reason why I am on here tonight, 5 1/2 months. I have come to hate Friday night, Saturday and Sunday. I wish there was some way to escape from reality for these 3 days. I know what you mean about feeling empty inside. I just have no motivation, everything feels pointless. I take care of our pets and the basic necessities of functioning with the demands of existing. I don't care about anything else. I haven't been able to bring myself to cook either. I cooked for my husband and I can't get beyond that. Looking at the pots/pans, the dishes he used, has me shaking. How can I touch that stuff when he is no longer here? I do have to eat because the body demands it. So, for me, it has been deli take out and frozen microwaveables that are tasteless, but I don't care. I hate having to adjust to living alone and night time is the worst. Part of the grieving process is for ourselves and what we feel cheated out of. Common sense tells me it will be a matter of changing my inner dialogue and my attitude in order to help myself in this new journey that was forced upon me.
  7. Meesh and JC_TX----I don't feel any of us on here are offended by anything, the emotions, venting, beliefs or none. Nothing matters except that we are all grieving and so many emotions are at play. Anger and bitterness are among them many thoughts and feelings. I was angry for a short time after my husband passed. Anger at, or for what, I don't really know. My husband had medical conditions for which there was no cure and his body just wore out from dealing with it all for a long time. I was angry that he was gone.Angry that I was the one left behind to sort through my shattered existence, all alone. Here one minute and gone the next. How could that be? Why wasn't he allowed one more day? Why wasn't he allowed to have that sudden *knowing* that his last day was going to be his last? We could have used that last day to talk, to hold each other and so he could tell me what to do without him, how to cope. Those thoughts are what made me angry. When someone has to go to prison for life, they are allowed to spend time with family before they go. Why doesn't leaving this life work that way also? Sometimes I feel that I am in a sort of prison, not being able to have visitation rights. Like you, JC_TX, I hope that I don't have to wait too long.
  8. Meesh, There is no judgement here. It does not matter if you believe in God or not. What does matter, is that we are all experiencing a tragic loss of a loved one. Loss of a special person who meant the world to us and is no longer physically in our lives. If you do believe in God, it is only natural to feel that He is no longer on your side. It is natural to stumble and lose faith in God at this terrible time. Why did God allow our loss to happen and our suffering. But for those who do believe in God, now is the time, more than ever, that they must keep the faith and trust in Him for He knows what He is doing. I am constantly up and down with my own thoughts, feelings, and what should I believe in or not have any beliefs at all. Grieving, loving and missing that special person who is no longer in your life does this to you.
  9. B7176----I hear you with what you are feeling. The pain is so unbearable you feel like you want to crawl out of your skin, shred yourself to pieces, to find relief. I did not go to see my husband either and I don't regret it. I'd rather remember him smiling and laughing. My husband did not want a service either and I honored his wishes. Cremation, and I have his ashes here. At some point down the road, I'll spread his ashes where he wanted when I feel it's time. Your grieving is deep, intense, which is why you are feeling like you are suffocating. I felt that way also for a long time, still do on and off since it has only been a little over 5 months. Time, and trying to focus on other matters does seem to help. Just concentrating on breathing and getting through another day. I had nightmares also. Three different scenarios in which I was looking for and trying to catch up to my husband. I would see him and try to get to him only to lose sight of him. Agonizing helplessness with crying spells afterwards. I wish there was something I could say to help you, but I am just as bad off as you. I am not suicidal, but the desire, the yearning to be with my husband can be all consuming. I wish that God would tell me what I need to do here yet so I can get it done and go to Heaven and be with my husband. I feel like my life now is just a waiting game. Prayers of peace to you, to all of us.
  10. I've been doing a lot of reading to bring me comfort and help me understand more. It is said that Heaven is only 3 feet above the ground. It is a different dimension interwoven with earth. I guess it is why some people *feel* the presence of their loved one around and notice other signs. When we have a good dream about our loved one, it is their way of showing us they are with us and are fine. It is why it is said that Heaven is all around us.
  11. We ARE different people since we are experiencing loss and the tragic aftermath with all of its pain and loneliness. Because our loss has changed us, we also view life differently. Heaven is all around us in the outside world. The sky, the sun and clouds, the trees, the birds, the wind. That is all Heaven created by God and our loved ones are in spirit form walking it with us.
  12. Numb and Lost, None of us think we are strong when facing this tragic loss in our lives. But, clearly, there has to be something inside of ourselves that has us still here day after day continuing on.
  13. Numb and Lost, he will know and remember you when you get to Heaven. Why do you doubt that? You two met and fell in love.Our lives and loves are not forgotten in Heaven. Personally, you fell in love with someone outside of your marriage and I don't believe it was a sin. If it is, God is the one who forgives. We can't help who we choose to fall in love with. Everything you are going through emotionally is part of the grieving. You loved someone who got called back to Heaven and of course you will never be the same. You will gain strength and grow from the experience. I know it is hard to see and understand, but it will evolve for you over time.
  14. I feel it is just human nature to want what we cannot have. My husband and I had 25 years together and I feel that wasn't long enough. He had medical conditions and was worn out and God said it is time for him to go Home. I cherish those years that we were together but it is also human nature to feel selfish and wish that we had had a longer time together. My husband's life work and experiences were done but God wants me here yet to finish whatever it is I have to do yet. Numb and Lost, your lover came into your life for a reason that will become known to you eventually. His life work was done but he still loves you from Heaven. Eventually, you will take that experience of loving him and grow from it. I know you are hurting, as we all are. Nothing makes sense now, but it all will when it's our turn to go to Heaven.
  15. Thank you for sharing. I believe that more people are awakening to the evidence of the afterlife and mediums. I've come across many though that believe mediums are the devils work. Religious beliefs and the Bible teachings have influenced people that there is no life after the physical body dies, but we will all rise again someday when God returns to earth. I recently lost my husband and I do believe he is still around me in spirit. Even with the knowledge though, I still miss him every second and don't know how to cope without his physical presence but I guess that is one of my lessons to be learned in this life, how to endure unbearable loss. When my life's work is done, I believe I will be reunited with my beloved husband, just have to tough it out till that time.