KMB

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About KMB

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    Pets, Reading, Traditional Country Music, Nature
  • Loss Type
    Husband
  • Angel Date
    8/20/2016

Converted

  • Occupation
    Homemaker
  1. Autocharge, Thank you for sharing Trish and your life together. A life well lived!
  2. I am deeply sorry for your loss. Your fiance was so young to have to endure the suffering of that dreaded C word. Losing a beloved to someone as young as you, should not have to be endured in this unfair life either. Life sometimes doesn't go as planned and we suffer complete devastation and a broken heart when we lose a life partner.You are going to be in shock for awhile and the pain is going to be unrelenting. Take care of yourself. Your needs come first so your body has the strength to cope and heal. Surround yourself with supportive, loving family and friends. Keep coming to this forum to read, express your feelings when you need to. We all understand and support each other here. (HUGS)
  3. The cardinal you saw could very well have been a sign from your beloved. Especially if they are not common and see them all the time. Many people swear seeing cardinals are signs. I'm happy for you that you had a confirmation that your beloved is at peace and watching over you. (HUGS)
  4. Lonely spouse, The only one who can answer our questions is God. He will explain the plans He had for us, the sorrows we endured, when it is our turn to meet Him. God took Don to be with Him in Heaven. As much as we all want our significant others to be here with us, you wouldn't want your Don here still suffering. I noticed in your posts you mention God punishing you for taking Don. I'm sorry, I understand it is your feelings, but I do not agree we are being punished. Is there some burden of guilt you feel that is causing you to think that way? If there is, forgive yourself for you did nothing wrong. We are only human and God forgives and will always love us. I don't know why God takes the good people home. It is just their time. They fulfilled the plan that God had for them. Maybe God leaves the bad people to give them a chance to rectify their bad behavior. The ones who tell you to get over it are the ones who have never lost a significant other. They have never experienced the pain, the loneliness, the complete devastation of life as one would know it. Ignore them at best. We need our family and friends in our life but maybe explain their choice of words are not really helping but hindering your healing. Encourage them to speak Don's name and talk about him. That will be the most helpful to you. There is nothing wrong with smiling and laughing while coping with your loss. Don would want to see you smile, laugh, continue living life. That is the best way we can honor their life.Please do not dwell about the day he left for Heaven. Remember his life and what he gave of himself, what he taught you. That is his legacy to you. (HUGS)
  5. Bittergreen, I know how hard this is for you, especially with no family/friend support. I don't have much for a support system either. I do have our dog and cat that need me and I promised my husband I would take care of them. Even with the pets, I still find the days/nights hard. The grieving comes in waves like a roller coaster. There are times I think I'm ok and then I hit a low spot. I hit a low a couple days ago. It took a few hours to bring myself out of it. I hit another low last night. This is my new normal and I have to live with it. I don't know how long it has been since you went to grief counseling. Maybe you can go back and try it again. There is a website, meetup.com. Very easy to sign up. Many places hold events for activities for socializing. Arts and crafts, dancing, card playing, kayaking, etc. You could even try and start your own meetup for other widows. None of us want this pain we feel. We have no choice but to adapt to carrying it with us. I've had other losses in my life, but none compare to the loss of a significant other. This is my hardest trial in life and I have to keep going somehow. You will too. I don't know your story, but the loved one you lost would want you to keep going and have the kind of life that the 2 of you talked about and shared. (HUGS)
  6. Alvin, I am so deeply sorry. You and your beloved endured much and your love was huge. I have no words to ease your pain, your devastation. Please, keep posting. We are here for you when no one else is or understands. Prayers of peace and comfort going out to you. (HUGS)
  7. Jcooper9, My heart goes out to you. You are still fresh in this misery. Depression like symptoms are normal, but if you feel like it is getting unbearable, please see a doctor to discuss meds for how you are feeling and also for sleeping. Try to avoid alcohol if you can. It is a natural depressant which does not help. Trust me on that one. I was so desperate one night for relief from the crying, the depression and lack of sleep, that I overindulged. It had the opposite results I wanted. Hard lesson learned. Feelings of anger are ok and normal. We are angry for them leaving us, which is of course is understandable. We were not given a say so about the matter. We feel angry at the loss of the together life we had and the future life we were expecting. I am sorry you are in so much pain. You will not be living the rest of your life like this. Time, being patient with yourself, seeing to your own needs, will help you to evolve past the intensity of the pain you are feeling right now. Prayers going to you for peace and comfort. (HUGS)
  8. cp, We'll keep the prayers going for you and Pearl.
  9. For me, a tad over 9 months. Feels longer than that some days. I feel time messes with our minds. I will be turning 58 a few weeks after the one year mark. I have no desire to date anyone. My husband and I gave fully to each other and I cannot comprehend doing that with anyone else. I couldn't do that with anyone else. I am still adjusting to living alone and it is only my husband I am lonely for. He knew me better than I know myself. He knew just the right things to say to me during our conversations. He knew when to be there for me and when to give me space. He would bring me surprise gifts or take me somewhere to show me something he considered special. He was one of a kind for me and I have so much to cherish. In a few weeks, my oldest daughter is moving back in with me for a time. She has outgrown her job and no more advancement is available. She will be company for me and give me a purpose until she finds another job and moves out. She can't wait for me to cook for her. I haven't done any cooking since my husband has been gone. It hurts to look at the pots, pans, the dishes he used. It hurts to remember all the meals I cooked over the years. I've been existing on snack food, microwave trays and deli stuff. Nothing is easy when you are used to doing for two and now it is just one.
  10. jordan-, I'm so sorry for how your are feeling. You need to reach out to someone and get the right kind of help. If your mom really loves and cares for you, she should see, understand, and want you to get help .All you can do is try talking to her, explain your feelings. She might surprise you in wanting to help. Please, give it a try. You cannot give up and there are so many resources out there. (HUGS)
  11. jordan- I was just reading your posts and my heart goes out to you. I'm not a professional by any means, but I feel you are having delayed complicated grieving. A family member, like your mom, should have gotten you into a grief counselor or therapist after your father passed away. You were only 9 at the time and maybe you didn't get the loving support you needed then. Even though you are 17, I feel you are old enough to seek counseling out for yourself now. Talk to your mom about your feelings or someone else you feel you can trust so someone can help you getting the right kind of help. Maybe the pastor at your church? If you don't get the right kind of support now, it is going to impact you the rest of your life. Do it for yourself. Do it for your dad. He would want you to have a happiness and be well adjusted so you can be a great father yourself someday. (HUGS)
  12. SashaS, We are here for you and you can express your feelings, thoughts, freely here. Only those who have lost their partner understand each other, the pain and the impact on us and life as we knew it..Keep doing as well as you can with your children. They are grieving for their father and their feelings, thoughts, might be a little different than yours, just because the relationship they had with their father was different than a husband/wife relationship. I'm sorry you don't have access to grief counselors in your area. Do the children have a grief counselor available at their school? There is plenty of grief articles, etc., via the internet and of course you have the forum here. It is really helpful just to have someone listen, to give us a hug. Any trusted family members or friends you can reach out to? Try not to worry about facing the future. The future is a huge unknown and will unfold in the way it is meant to. We have enough to worry about and the future is overwhelming and we have no need to burden ourselves with the unknown. Just take it day by day. (HUGS)
  13. Your whole post got to me, but especially that sentence. My own husband fought hard to stay here for me. He did not want to leave me behind, but we were given no choice. I am not angry with that choice no longer. I chose not to let the anger control me, consume me. If I had, it would have caused me to turn into someone I wasn't at heart. I want to be able to stay the same person my husband fell in love with. Yes, I am changed by my loss, but I think of the changes as positive for my own growth. More humble, compassionate, patient, tolerant, giving. I could add more as I think of them. Yes, I am scared, lost, lonely, unsure of myself, constantly sad. This is the price I am paying for giving my husband unconditional love. My own heart knows that I would not wish for him to be in my place. He deserves the peace, love and joy of Heaven and I will have mine someday with him again. Hang in there. As you said, only 2 months in, your wedding anniversary and now a doctors appointment. Daily life is overwhelming for you which is normal. Take deep breaths and go moment by moment. We are here for you. (HUGS)
  14. KayC, Do you have old pieces of screen? If you cannot get the frame out, maybe cutting out old pieces of screen and gluing around the edges to cover the holes. I know that hardware stores have those little screen repair kits that work on the same principle if you don't like looking at duct tape. Just an idea!!
  15. Eagle-96, Betty White is a true testament that life does go on when you lose your soulmate. She is a role model for those of us who choose not to date. My husband and I were custom made for each other. You, KayC, Francine, Andy and others I haven't mentioned feel the same (I think). Don't want to step on anyone's toes there. Betty White filled her empty void with acting and as an animal rights advocate. She'll be reunited with her beloved husband as her reward for giving and loving while on her journey. I don't feel it is morbid or unhealthy, to think the way we do, when we think of as a day we get through as another day closer to our own crossing over. The other half of our soul went on and graduated to Heaven. The other half of our soul we carry still has lessons and life to experience before we can graduate, reunite with our other half and become whole for eternity.We all need to do, think, say, what we need to in order to get us through.