caroljones

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About caroljones

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  • Loss Type
    Father
  • Angel Date
    10/29/15
  1. Get well & heal soon, Cindy Jane. You always have such an uplifting attitude.
  2. If you inherit his estate you may have to. Good idea to ask a lawyer. You don't want to get sued or have your credit dinged if you don't pay a bill you're legally responsible for. Best to get legal advice. Better yet would be to have him pre plan & prepay it. It is always against the law as far as I know to dispose of cremains wherever you want. Just Google that for your state/county. In my county you need a permit, too. My dad had been a pilot so I had him scattered at sea on the coast by air. ugh, since you've not been posting a lot lately I'd hoped things settled down for you.
  3. You'd have to check the laws where you are. If you're executrix you may have to. Talk to a funeral director to get more info.
  4. We were talking, two weeks after my dad passed, and I got teary-eyed but I wasn't talking about him or anything. The feeling just overwhelmed me and I got a bit misty but I never said anything. She looks at me and asked me why I was upset. I said because my dad just died and she changed the subject back to her. She did other things that thinking back shows how selfish she truly is like asking me to watch her dog over a long weekend even though my dad was home in hospice with three weeks to live and I was getting up every two hours. When one of the home health aides tried to shake me down for $4 more per shift she thought it was funny. I was paying $800 per week out of pocket for part time help, was sad and exhausted but to her it was funny. There is more but I won't bore you. It's a very difficult journey so please don't anyone feel like you're pitying yourself without cause.
  5. Samantha, you listened to your mom meaning she didn't want to go to the doctor? Don't beat yourself up. There is no way you could've predicted it or forced her to go against her will. It's only been a little over 2 weeks. Grieving is a process & guilt is a big part of it for many of us. I urge you to read this entire thread. I found a lot I could identify with here.
  6. Barbara, I can identify with your guilt. I'm sure my dad and your mom know we loved them and did the best we could under very trying circumstances. No one knows what it's like unless they've done it for as long as we did. I think part of it is we were angry our parent was failing and there was nothing we could do. Come to this thread and read through it. A lot of people have been there. http://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/topic/8913-loss-of-a-parent-daily-thread/&page=1
  7. Samantha, come over to this thread. So many nice people who understand. I read all of the posts and it helped me not feel so alone. http://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/topic/8913-loss-of-a-parent-daily-thread/&page=1
  8. Bree, depressed people often sleep a lot. Grief is unique to each person. She was your mother so don't allow others to dictate how you do or should feel. No one had the relationship to your mother as you did, even a sibling. I stopped sharing with people like this and found this place where everyone understood & I didn't have to apologize or feel abnormal for mourning my dad. It helped me to stop expecting people in my life to give moral support and empathy like strangers here have, and I hope you will find the same. It's disappointing and angering to not get support, but at least you can get it here no matter how you feel. Sometimes people in our lives are just assholes.
  9. Roses, I think it's very hard to stay strong, but the alternative is to curl up in a ball in the corner, rocking and drooling. Reading everyone's posts in this thread has helped me. In particular, Silverkitties' posts actually made me laugh. Not at her loss, of course, but the way she expressed her hurt and anger over people in her life letting she and her father down. I think it helps to be able to express your feelings. Lord knows one "friend" actually asked me why I was upset two weeks after my dad's death! Of course, a few months ago when her brother in law (she always told me she didn't like him and was not happy he was gay) was killed due to his drinking & driving, she went on and on. And it greatly offended me that she thought because my dad was elderly that he'd had a long life & I should get over it. I took full time care of my dad for more than a decade so we were very close. Really still makes me mad to think about it (things she did & didn't do) and I've distanced myself from her, thankfully.
  10. Maya & Rose, the night after my dad passed I had a very vivid dream that I walked into his room as I did every morning to clean him & get him up for the day. He was laying in bed, looked at me (he'd most often already be awake) and told me he was OK. I seldom remember a dream and it's usually just fragments and very hazy. I believe my dad wanted me to know he's in a better place because we were very in tune to each other. We'd often say what the other was thinking. It's been almost a year and I've never dreamed of him since. I'm kind of glad because I think I would be more upset if it happened more frequently, but everyone is different & some may find it comforting.
  11. Roses, it helped me a lot to read here and know I'm not alone. I found most people don't want to talk about losing someone until it happens to them, at least that's been my experience. It helped me so much to find other compassionate people here who don't expect me to be over it in two weeks (sadly, that happened to me). So sorry for your loss but glad for you that you've found this place when you need it. Silver, hoping you get through tomorrow better than you did last year. I'll never forget reading your posts & laughing through the tears at some of your colorful language as it kept me going. Sorry you're here but glad you are at the same time. Hugs & I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. October 29th will be the first year for me, and my dad's birthday is on the 24th so Oct seems to be a sucky month for some of us. Where has May been? She is another poster who really resonated with me & Mission as her situation was so similar to mine. Hope Ernesto is healing.
  12. Bree, guilt is a normal part of grieving. I'm very sorry for you & your family. Many of us have limited amounts of friends & relatives, particularly those of us who were full time caregivers. I hope you will read through the entire thread as it did help me. We all know how this is not an easy journey. Don't allow anyone else to tell you how you should feel or grieve. While there are some similarities, this awful journey is unique to each of us and the relationship we shared with our mothers or fathers. When I'm feeling really low I remember my dad didn't have a good quality of life so try to be grateful he's not suffering any longer. Even expected death (my dad was quite elderly) is tough. My mother also died suddenly so I understand that which you're going through. Know you're not alone & I hope you find some measure of comfort here as I have.
  13. So sorry for your loss, Andi. 3 months isn't long. A psychologist told me 6 months, but on the 29th of this month it will be a year & I still have bad days, though by 6-8 months I have fewer of them. It can come out of the blue, too. If you haven't done so I recommend starting at the first post in this thread and read through all of them.
  14. So sorry for your loss, kt. Guilt is normal and your dad loved you. I doubt he would want you to feel guilty. Lots of nice people here who understand. If you haven't done so yet, I recommend starting at the first post and reading all 60 pages. It helped me. Hugs to you.