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Everything posted by KayC

  1. I hope these two articles will be of help in understanding what he's going through, they can explain it better than I can put into words: http://www.griefhealing.com/column-helping-another-in-grief.htm http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/10/helping-grieving-parent.html It will be very important to not put any pressure on him or talk relationship talk. Even something as innocuous and saying "I miss you" can be construed by him as pressure while he's in this raw grief state. No cliches. Just be there for him, take your cues from him. Give him the time and space you need.
  2. cp, You've been through so much, you are drained, it's no wonder you feel sad and depressed, you're depleted emotionally! Praying for you! Just do today and tomorrow get up and do it all over again. One day at a time, it's more than a platitude, it's now our way of life. Praying for little Pearl...
  3. It's important to give yourself permission to smile, that's part of the process of grief we need to reach. It is not our mourning that binds us to them, it is our love, which continues. Others don't understand because it's not them and they haven't been through it. We do get it, we've been there, are there. I still talk to my husband, and it's been 12 years. Heaven help the person that tells me not to!
  4. Bittergreen, I understand, less pain would be a good place to start, wouldn't it. It has helped me to try and get out almost every day, I also take walks twice/daily with my dog. I don't know if you have any animals but that has helped me tremendously, as it has KMB. It gives us some purpose, a reason to go on, as well as it's de-stressing and someone to love/care for, talk to, touch, etc. Ups and downs in grief are common, it is like a roller coaster. It's common to feel anxiety, to struggle with loneliness. Grief is a process, it doesn't end, but it doesn't stay the same either. I've learned to go with the flow where grief is concerned, not fight it, not try to circumvent it, it's not possible to anyway. There's no way to drown it out, if there was, we'd all be drunk. There's only one way and that's straight through it. It is that which scared me in the beginning, I didn't see how I could do it, the pain was tremendous. Knowing I'm still here 12 years later and somehow making it through the day should attest to everyone that they can make it too because I really doubted it in the beginning. I've learned to embrace what good there is rather than focus merely on what I've lost. I'm fully aware of what I've lost, but it takes effort to look for the good in life...it's a process that's become a way of life for me and has taught me to appreciate every little bit of good in life. I wish for comfort and peace for you, I know how hard it is, and my heart goes out to you.
  5. Oh trust me, you're not going crazy! Pretty much everything we feel and experience is "normal" in grief! My favorite turn to cookbook is Better Homes and Gardens. I'd go with the ring-bound rather than plastic comb, it will look "well loved" in a few years. https://www.amazon.com/Better-Homes-Gardens-Cook-Book/dp/0470560770 You can buy one new or used. I've been using mine for 47 years, my daughter has the newer version and my older sister has one that is about 57 years old. Sasha, you are so right, it is very unfair!
  6. Sasha, I'm glad you've made your way to this site. I have a feelings you're going to find this an extended family, as we all have here.
  7. Alvin, I want to address these two comments, but first let me tell you how very sorry I am you lost your wife. I want you to know you are not responsible for her death, although you may not be ready to believe that, it's true nonetheless. You are responsible for her living as long as she did, for giving her will to live, for giving her a full and rich life for the time that she had. Because of each other, both of you had full and rich lives, as those of us here have experienced with the one we love. Guilt is common in grief, and I hope you will read these articles: http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/03/in-grief-coping-with-moment-of-death.html http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/guilt-and-regret-in-grief.html Could you go home to your family? Living here without a job or means of support, illegally, has to be a very difficult position. You have experience caregiving, perhaps you could get a job as a live in caregiver. Seven cats might be difficult to find a place for but you never know unless you try. I'll pray for you and your situation. Right now you don't see reason to live. That's how I felt when my husband died. I want to tell you that to take your life would be to remove all hope. I know you can't see it right now, but your grief will not stay the same, it will evolve, the intensity will lessen, it's our body's amazing way of adapting, yes, even when we don't see how that's possible. I have learned to appreciate what IS rather than merely focus on what ISN'T, and to live in today. Get up, tell yourself you only have to do today, and then tomorrow get up and do it all over again. It's not good to try to take on the whole "rest of our life" which invites anxiety. You have made your way to a good and caring place with people who understand, and that helps a lot in validating our feelings and knowing that what we are going through is normal under the circumstances. My heartfelt prayers...
  8. Jcooper, Drink doesn't help because it's a depressant...not what we need when grieving, but I can sure understand the turning to it. Take a day at a time, it is too hard to take on more than that. We all remember what grief felt like in the early days/months, it's hard. I honestly didn't see how I could live without my husband, but somehow I have. Grief's intensity lessens and it evolves over time, it doesn't stay the same, I wish someone would have told me that in the beginning, it might have encouraged me some.
  9. Jcooper9, I'm sorry it was so hard. I know all too well what that feels like. Keep coming here, reading, posting, I find it helps to know there's a place where people get it.
  10. Francine, I don't see you as selfish at all. You're human, like all of us, of course we want to be with them, how could we not! But you are one of the more selfless people, you always give of yourself to others and point people the way. Be easy on yourself. (((hugs))) Eagle, I like that quote...it's true, we never know what someone else is going through.
  11. Alone4ever, I am sorry for your loss...I remember feeling and thinking much the same things when I went through it 12 years ago. We were 51 and 52 and had only been in each others lives 6 1/2 years...it's as if our whole life was in preparation for meeting one another, we were an amazing connection, soul mates. I wondered, how could I do another 40 years without him?! I was scared, anxious. I didn't know how I'd make it financially, let alone in the important ways. These are the things I have learned since: I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this. Some things I've learned on my journey: Take one day at a time. The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew. It can be challenging enough just to tackle today. I tell myself, I only have to get through today. Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again. To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety. Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves. The intensity lessens eventually. Visit your doctor. Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks. They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief. Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief. If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline. I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived. Back to taking a day at a time. Try not to isolate too much. There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself. We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it! Some people set aside time every day to grieve. I didn't have to, it searched and found me! Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever. That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care. You'll need it more than ever. Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is. We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc. They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.] In time, consider a grief support group. If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". Be patient, give yourself time. There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc. They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it. It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters. Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time. That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse. Finally, they were up to stay. Consider a pet. Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely. It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him. Besides, they're known to relieve stress. Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage. Make yourself get out now and then. You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now. That's normal. Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then. Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first. You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it. If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot. Keep coming here. We've been through it and we're all going through this together. Look for joy in every day. It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T. It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully. You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it. It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it. Eventually consider volunteering. It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win. (((hugs))) Praying for you today.
  12. Acceptance does not equal like. It just means we realize they died. I had a hard time with that word when I was new in grief, I thought it meant I had to agree with it, like I lent my support to it. No, I cried out! In time I realized what the authors were talking about. After a while, reality does set in, you do realize when the phone rings they won't be on the other end, when you hear the door open, it's not them coming in. In a way it was easier when I reached this point because when you expect them to come in and then it hits you all over again that they won't, it's like experiencing that loss all over again. I was relieved when those kinds of triggers quit coming.
  13. I guess I don't understand the correlation here. Lulu, "A Grief Observed" is one of my favorites, C S Lewis is amazingly authentic and is easy to relate to his feelings. There have been some grief books that have not resonated with me, especially one that started out with, "I took my wedding ring off." !!! (That one is not on the list.) The other is Kübler-Ross book The Five Stages of Grief...they have learned much since this book came out, that there can be more or there can be less stages and not everyone goes through them all or in the same order. It's not as predictable as all that.
  14. 12 years next month, but I want to point out that it doesn't stay the same, it evolves. Thank God! If it stayed in the same intensity, we couldn't handle it. But getting used to life without our husband here with us is something ongoing, especially as we face the challenges of entering old age alone.
  15. Thanks for the idea! I think I do have some extra screen, I'll check into that!
  16. There are books available to help kids understand loss/grief. http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/11/using-childrens-books-to-help-with.html Here is a link to articles helping children/teens through their grief: http://www.griefhealingblog.com/p/blog-page.html Dr. Phil has an app, Doctor on Demand, it's free, you might check it out and see if there is grief counseling there. I don't have cell phone coverage in my area so am unable to check it out for you. It sounds like you are very in tuned with your children and their needs, I hope you are able to get your needs met as well...coming here is a start, it really does help to know others that understand some of what you're going through. My heart goes out to you, I know this is hard.
  17. I agree, KMB. Eagle, where is DFW? I'm not familiar with that abbreviation...
  18. KMB, I agree, we need each other, and many are the time I've seen you offering just the right words to someone, even in the midst of your own grief. We can give comfort and encouragement because we've been there.
  19. Yes, I think it's the same as when a human we are close to dies. It's hard. Anger is understandable too. (((HUGS)))
  20. Lulu, These are a list of books that grievers have recommended: 1. Surviving the Death of Your Spouse: A Step-by-Step Workbook, by Deborah S. Levinson 2. Caregiving, by Beth Witrogen McLeod 3. Grief's Courageous Journey: A Workbook, by Sandi Caplan and Gordon Lang 4. Life after Loss: A Practical Guide, by Bob Deits 5. Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul, by Jack Canfield and Mark Hanson 6. Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life, by Jon Kabat-Zinn 7. Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart, by Stephen Levine 8. Surviving Grief and Learning to Live Again, by Catherine M. Saunders 9. The Mourning Handbook, by Helen Fitzgerald 10. Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas, by Alan D. Wolfelt 11. Life Lessons, by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler 12. How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies , by Therese A. Rando (recommended by Cheryl) 13. A Year to Live: How to Live This Year As If It Were Your Last, by Stephen Levine 14. Letting Go With Love: The Grieving Process, by Nancy O'Connor 15. The Dying Time: Practical Wisdom for the Dying and Their Caregivers, by Joan Furman and David McNabb 16. Companion Through the Darkness: Inner Dialogues on Grief , by Stephanie Ericsson (recommended by Boo) 17. Don't Let Death Ruin Your Life: A Practical Guide, by Jill Brooke 18. A Time to Grieve: Meditations for Healing, by Carol Staudacher (recommended by Cheryl) 19. Too Soon Old Too Late Smart: Thirty True Things You Need to Know Now, by Gordon Livingston 20. The Art of Forgiveness, Loving Kindness, and Peace, by Jack Kornfield 21. Grieving Mindfully: A Compassionate and Spiritual Guide to Coping with Loss, by Sameet M. Kumar 22. When your Spouse Dies, by Cathleen L. Curry 23. Five Good Minutes: 100 Morning Practices to Help You Stay Calm and Focused All Day Long, by Jeffrey Brantley and Wendy Millstine 24. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working through Grief, by Martha W. Hickman 25. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, by Eckhart Tolle 26. Gay Widowers: Life After the Death of a Partner, by Michael Shernoff (Editor) 27. A Journey Through Grief: Gentle, Specific Help, by Alla Renee Bozarth 28. When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold S. Kushner 29. The Grief Recovery Handbook, by John W. James and Russell Friedman 30. Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief, by Pauline Boss 31. The Precious Present, by Spencer Johnson 32. Life After Loss: Conquering Grief and Finding Hope, by Raymond A. Moody, Jr. and Dianne Arcangel 33. Writing to Heal the Soul: Transforming Grief and Loss Through Writing, by Susan Zimmerman 34. Stillness Speaks, by Eckhart Tolle 35. In Lieu of Flowers: A Conversation for the Living, by Nancy Cobb 36. The Other Side and Back: A Psychic's Guide to Our World and Beyond, by Sylvia Browne 37. Blessings from the Other Side: Wisdom and Comfort from the Afterlife for This Life, by Sylvia Browne 38. Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow, by Karen Casey 39. The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche 40. Seven Choices: Finding Hope after Loss Shatters Your World , by Elizabeth Harper Neeld (recommended by Paul S) 41. Grieving the Death of a Mother, by Harold Ivan Smith (recommended by Paul S and ashleybatt) 42. I'm Grieving As Fast As I Can, by Linda Sones Feinberg (recommended by dpodesta and Rochel) 43. Sibling Grief: Healing after the Death of a Sister or Brother, by P. Gill White (recommended by Kerry) 44. Hello from Heaven, by Bill & Judy Guggenheim (recommended by LoriKelly) 45. Good Grief: Healing Through the Shadow of Loss, by Deborah Morris Coryell (recommended by Chai) 46. Grace for Grief: Daily Comfort for Those Who Mourn, by Michael and Brenda Pink (recommended by Kath) 47. Angel Catcher,by Kathy Eldon and Amy Eldon Turteltaub, recommended by Carole 48. The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion, recommended by NotCoping 49. When Parents Die, by Rebecca Abrams (recommended by Rachael) 50. The Healing Power of Love: Transcending the Loss of a Spouse to a New Love, by Gloria Lintermans and Marilyn Stoltzman (recommended by MartyT) 51. Loss and Found: How We Survived the Loss of a Young Spouse, by Gary and Kathy Young (recommended by MartyT) 52. Books by John Edward (recommended by Leeann) 53. Talking to Heaven: A Medium's Message of Life After Death, by James Van Praagh (recommended by Leeann) 54. Ghosts Among Us: Uncovering the Truth About the Other Side, by James Van Praagh (recommended by Leeann 55. Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss, by Hope Edelman (recommended by Sherr, Cubby and BellaRosa) 56. Water Bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children, by Doris Stickney (recommended by Boo Mayhew) 57. A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss, by Jerry Sittser (recommended by Boo Mayhew) 58. No Time For Goodbyes: Coping with Sorrow, Anger, and Injustice After a Tragic Death, by Janice Harris Lord (recommended by MartyT) 59. Life after Death: The Burden of Proof, by Deepak Chopra (recommended by Kavish) 60. Grace for Grief, by Michael and Brenda Pink (recommended by Kath) 61. Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Accepting Life's Adversities by Elizabeth Edwards (recommended by Sharon3) 62. Life After Death: The Burden of Proof by Deepak Chopra (recommended by Kavish) 63. Getting to The Other Side of Grief: Overcoming The Loss of A Spouse by Susan Zonnebelt-Smeenge and Robert C. DeVries (recommended by tjwbrown) 64. I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing after the Sudden Death of a Loved One by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, PhD (recommended by slinkybink) 65. Widow to Widow by Genevieve Davis Ginsburg (recommended by Sal and by Marg) 66. The Grief Club by Melody Beattie (recommended by Tracy) 67. Finding Your Way through Grief: A Guide for the First Year (recommended by Tracy and by Brad) 68. When GOD Winks: How the Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life by Squire Rushnell (recommended by Carol Ann) 69. Now: Overcoming Crushing Grief by Living in the Present by Jack Cain (recommended by MartyT) 70. Healing the Adult Child's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Parent Dies, by Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD (recommended by Anthony) 71. Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hahn (recommended by Carol Ann) 72. 90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Piper (recommended by NancyL and by NATS) 73. Evidence of the Afterlife: The Science of Near Death Experiences by Jeffrey Long, MD (recommended by Melina) 74. My Glimpse of Eternity by Betty Malz (recommended by KayC) 75. Conversations with the Other Side by Sylvia Browne (recommended by grace10) 76. Healing the Adult Child's Grieving Heart by Alan D. Wolfelt (recommended by Anthony) 77. How to Survive Your Grief When Someone You Love Has Died by Susan Fuller (recommended by Niamh) 78. Seven Choices: Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World by Elizabeth Harper Neeld (recommended by Boo) 79. Passages in Caregiving: Turning Chaos into Confidence by Gail Sheehy (recommended by Steve) 80. Sacred Grief by Leslee Tessmann (recommended by mfh) 81. The Shack by Wm. Paul Young (recommended by suzie816) 82. Facing the Ultimate Loss: Confronting the Death of a Child by Robert J. Marx and Susan Wengerhoff Davidson (recommended by Carol Ann) 83. The Ultimate Loss: Coping with the Death of a Child by Joan Bordow (recommended by Nicholas) 84. Two Kisses for Maddy: A Memoir of Loss & Love by Matthew Logelin (recommended by MartyT) 85. A Widow's Story: A Memoir by Joyce Carol Oates (recommended by Carol Ann) 86. Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide by Kay Redfield Jamieson (recommended by Nicholas) 87. Love Never Ends by Connie Martin and Barry Dundas (recommended by Becky) 88. A Tearful Celebration by Dr. James Means (recommended by Pat) 89. Healing Through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear and Despair by Miriam Greenspan (recommended by MartyT) 90. The Color of Rain by Michael and Gina Spehn (recommended by Steve) 91. Ask George Anderson: What Souls in the Hereafter Can Teach Us About Life by George Anderson (recommended by Mary) 92. Waking Up: Climbing Through the Darkness by Terry Wise (recommended by MartyT) 93. Loving from the Outside In, Mourning from the Inside Out by Alan D. Wolfelt (recommended by Anne) 94. Levels of Life by Julian Barnes (recommended by Jan) 95. True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart by Tara Brach (recommended by Mary and Anne 96. Will You Dance? by Annette Childs-Oroz (recommended by Marty T) 97. Growing Wings: A View from Inside the Cocoon by Kristen Jongen (recommended by Marty T) 98. Both Sides Now: A True Story of Love, Loss and Bold Living by Nancy Sharp (recommended by Marty T) 99. Happily Even After: A Guide to Getting Through (and Beyond) The Grief of Widowhood by Carole Brody Fleet (recommended by Marty T) 100. The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller (recommended by Anne) 101. Leaning Into Love: A Spiritual Journey through Grief by Elaine Mansfield (recommended by Marty T) 102. Stunned by Grief: Remapping Your Life When Loss Changes Everything by Judy Brizendine (recommended by Marty T) 103. On My Own by Diane Rehm (recommended by mfh) 104. About Grief: Insights, Setbacks, Grace Notes, Taboos by Ron Morasco and Brian Shuff (recommended by scba) 105. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman (recommended by kayc) 106. Permission to Mourn: A New Way to Do Grief by Tom Zuba (recommended by Marty T and Rochestergal) 107. On Loss and Living Onward: Collected Voices for the Grieving and Those Who Would Mourn With Them by Melissa Dalton-Bradford (recommended by Teresa Bruce) 108. Gaining Traction - Starting Over After the Death of Your Life Partner by Peggy Panagotacos (recommended by iPraiseHim) 109. Colors of Loss and Healing: An Adult Coloring Book for Getting Through Tough Times by Deborah S. Derman (recommended by Marty T) 110. Grief Diaries: How to Help The Newly Bereaved by Linda Cheldelin Fell, et al (recommended by KATPILOT) 111. Grief Diaries: Loss of Health by Linda Cheldelin Fell (recommended by Anne) 112. Hope and Healing for Transcending Loss: Daily Meditations for Those Who Are Grieving by Ashley Davis Bush (recommended by Maryann) 113. The Tender Scar: Life After the Death of a Spouse by Richard L. Mabry (recommended by iPraiseHim) 114. A Gift of Love: A Widow’s Memoir by Linda Della Donna (recommended by Anne) 115. Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive by Allison Gilbert (recommended by Marty T) 116. Tears to Triumph: The Spiritual Journey from Suffering to Enlightenment by Marianne Williamson (recommended by Anne) 117. Grief Is A Journey: Finding Your Path Through Loss by Kenneth J. Doka (recommended by Marty T and Anne) 118. Grieving with Hope: Finding Comfort as You Journey Through Loss by Samuel J. Hodges and Kathy Leonard (recommended by Anne) 119. When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi (recommended by Marty T) 120. Grief One Day At A Time: 365 Meditations to Help You Heal After Loss by Alan Wolfelt (recommended by Marg M) 121. The Gift of Second: Healing from the Impact of Suicide by Brandy Lidbeck (recommended by Marty T) 122. Being There for Someone in Grief: Essential Lessons by Marianna Cacciatore (recommended by Marty T) 123. Grief Diaries: Through The Eyes of Men by Fell, Jones and Hochhaus (recommended by Marty T) 124. There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love by Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell (recommended by Marty T) 125. Disaster Falls: A Family Story by Stephane Gerson (recommended by Marty T) 126. Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant (recommended by iPraiseHim) as found here: http://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/index.php?/topic/3836-grief-bibliography/#comment-29429
  21. It doesn't help people to say these things...we know they're not suffering anymore, but it's transferred his suffering to us, now WE are the ones suffering, so it doesn't feel much consolation. Yet it has consoled me at times to know it's me and not my husband going through this. I guess it depends on the day as to how we're feeling.
  22. Sasha, It IS hard to put on that mask to face work. Your children are old enough to understand grieving, it's okay to talk about it a little with them. Maybe explain that they make you very happy but losing their grandma and their dad makes you very sad. Have you seen a professional grief counselor? How about your kids? We may not be able to change your circumstances, but I hope it brings you comfort that you've found a place with supportive understanding people, we're here to listen to you.
  23. That's pretty noteworthy! Like when we have kids, we love our first one but when we have a second one, they create their own place in our heart, it takes nothing from the first one.
  24. It sounds like you're both upfront and honest with each other, and that's important. It's always scary being vulnerable, especially as you realize how deep your feelings are. I don't know that it's necessary for him to read this thread but it would help for you two to be able to talk about how you're both feeling.
  25. The only "hope" I have is being with him again, and I look forward to that. I have learned to embrace whatever good there is in this life as well...I know it's not the same, but it helps some. I hope you'll consider KMB's word to seek out a professional grief counselor. Just taking one day at a time helps also, whenever I venture into the whole "rest of my life" it invites anxiety so I go back to staying in the present. As Eagle said, it does help to know you're heard, that your feelings are valid.