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Everything posted by KayC

  1. Don't know what to say

    In reading through all the posts here, I find this one best addresses the others. It IS hard, and life is not the same after losing them. My life before is gone now. But eventually we do adjust and I guess that's where our hope lies. That we can learn to live alone. That we learn to handle everything ourselves. Yes, we keep on missing them, but it doesn't stay as shocking and painful as it was at first, it settles into something we can carry eventually. I know you disbelieve it, but I've lived it...I wouldn't have believed it either, that I could ever live without George here I could not fathom or believe, he was everything to me and I totally look forward to being with him again. But for now I owe it to myself to do this the best way I know how. I try by not giving up, by being here where there's others going through it and get it. My life has totally changed. I haven't gone camping since George died. Why? Because that was something WE did, together. I admire those who can just march right on still doing the things they used to do together, I can't do that. My life is different now, it's lost it's previous luster, but I do try to find good in it, just in different ways. Something is always better when shared and I no longer have that person to share life with. Going solo is much more of a challenge.
  2. It will be important to let her daughter know how much her mom loved her, I hope you can stay in her life. I've no doubt you will be with her again in the next life, when she is free of what haunted her. We all look forward to that day.
  3. M88, You have a pretty comprehensive list. I needed to talk in the early months and everyone disappeared but my sisters and daughter (my son was in the Air Force). Reading grief books and articles, coming to my grief forum helped, writing letters to George, journaling. Learning not to look at the whole of the future, stick to today, one day at a time was enough. I went to grief counseling but my counselor wasn't good and was the only one in town. There was no grief support groups in this town so I eventually started one here but it would have helped had I had one back then. I've always been organized, without that I would have been in trouble because my brain wouldn't work.
  4. Seeing a medium?

    HisWife, That's amazing. Welcome to this site, I'm sorry for your reason for being here though. I hope you made it through the hurricane without too much damage as well.
  5. Plans

    It's too soon, Rob, it's too much to expect you to make plans beyond today. It's enough that you get out of bed at this point.
  6. Wow, she is gorgeous! I'm so sorry she struggled with addiction. It cost her, her daughter, you, dearly. Oh if only people could feel more comfortable coming forward with their struggles instead of thinking they need to tackle them alone. I know you would have done anything/everything for her. I wish peace for you.
  7. Lost

    Take your bow; you deserve it. I get it though; people (like you) who shine from within, don't need the spotlight! Yep! That's how my son is too, more comfortable behind the scenes, but always helping people, that's how I see you too!
  8. It comes in waves

    I know. I feel the same way. I've learned to coexist with my grief, it took me a long time to get there. I can fully enjoy my grandchildren and my dog, but my grief is always there too.
  9. It comes in waves

    I bet she knew. If in doubt, tell her now, maybe they can hear us. I talk to my husband all the time!
  10. horrible guilt and shame

    I was just reading an article about this very thing...your feelings are normal and it is extremely painful. It does take quite some time for us to process our grief before we can feel that comfort from memories...for now the pain is up front and all encompassing, I am so sorry.
  11. Watching my baby die from lymphoma

    I am so sorry. I lost my husband 12 years ago and can attest to the anxiety that comes with loss and grief. It's the hardest thing in the world. I also know that animals grieve, as my Lucky grieved when I lost my husband, George. It does help to give the animal that is left extra attention and understand that they are grieving, just like we are. I have lost many pets over the years, it doesn't get easier just because I've been through it before. If anything I'm even closer to my dog that I have now, but then I guess I felt that way back then too. You say it's like losing a child, yes, it's very much like I would imagine that to be, they are our family member, and dogs are so loving, so loyal. Keep coming here, it helps to express yourself, we'll be here listening, caring as you go through this. http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/12/anticipating-death-of-cherished-pet.html http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/07/anxiety-attacks-in-grief-tools-for.html
  12. Guilt over loss of cat

    Erin, Maybe if you rehome the dog specifying that he be the only pet in the home, it could have a happy ending for him as well. I am so sorry about your cat, how horrible for her! Once those images are in our mind it's hard to deal with them. What happened was tragic, but it was a mistake you never intended it will be important to forgive yourself...we're human, we do make mistakes. I too wish for peace for you, I'm just so sorry. The following is one of my favorite articles...I have had to deal with the death of a pet through accident that I feel responsible for. http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
  13. Don't know what to say

    @Azipod We will help you through the holidays when the time comes...right now try not to go there, it's not upon us yet. @TooDevastated Hang in there and try to give life a chance...I know you can't see it now but hope exists, it's just out of sight. The thought of giving our life to a dying child sound noble, and lets us off the hook for having to do it, if only that were a possibility, but since it's not, we owe it to ourselves to try to do something out of this. I remember all the feelings I had the first year and beyond, it's beyond hard, the shock protects us at first but as that wears off, wow.
  14. TheRobShow, I'm so sorry for your loss, it is very hard when it's sudden death like that, such a shock. Do you still have her daughter with you? It must be really hard for her. That says a lot. (((hugs)))
  15. Seeing a medium?

    I'd never heard of using ashes in tattoos before. Whatever you decide to do, I pray it brings you comfort.
  16. Two Months...

    Everything is too much to take in at first...it's a good list to print out and come back to once in a while so something can speak to you when it's time. I wish I'd had something to hang onto when I first lost George, I didn't have a clue where to start or if it was even possible to live without him. It's all such a shock in the beginning...and that lasts quite a while. Nothing about this journey is simplistic or easy.
  17. Autocharge my Experience

    I didn't see any in the news but I wonder if they brought some in, it would stand to reason that they would.
  18. horrible guilt and shame

    Not sure about brave as we're not given a choice, but hard for sure. The missing them continues throughout our lives, but we do eventually adjust and learn to cope...just we never stop missing them.
  19. Autocharge my Experience

    Not sure how this would help rescue anyone but my son sure would enjoy one!
  20. Autocharge my Experience

    About 1 1/2 minute into the video is where it hits the water!
  21. Don't know what to say

    Ditto to that, KMB!
  22. Two Months...

    Ahh but George would be bragging whether he had any reason to or not!
  23. horrible guilt and shame

    It's okay to release those tears, they help us process our grief. I think of what is to come, that great reunion day, it helps keep me going. I've lost not only many pets, but my sweet husband, my parents, a niece and nephew, grandparents, friends, so many more. It's where now I have more gone before me than are still here with me. Each loss in and of itself is so painful at the time, it takes a while to learn to coexist with our grief.
  24. Sick with grief and guilt

    This is the way of grief...it comes in waves, up, down, back, forth, it doesn't need to make sense, it just is. We learn to ride the waves. Not to fight it, to let it flow. I'm glad today is an okay day, we need those.