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About KayC

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    Advanced Member
  • Birthday October 7

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    Making cards, singing, hiking
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    Retired Bookkeeper & Office Manager
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  1. That's a very good idea, Bradley. It stretches us to get out of our comfort zone, helps us through this, but it's just a important to recognize our limits and not try too much at once. It's important to strike a balance between the two.
  2. Thank you for sharing that.
  3. I am so very sorry. Your BF was very troubled and you are in no way at fault for that. I hope you have some family and friends that ARE supportive, I would not choose to spend time right now with those who are attacking and unsupportive. What your BF did was try to emotionally manipulate you into doing what he wanted, and I'm sorry, that is never justified or right. There is a very good book called Emotional Blackmail that helped me in dealing with people like that, often it is those closest to us that try it. His suicide shows he was not happy with his life and felt unable to deal with it, it is not a reflection of you or your responses. We can only be responsible for our own choices, not others'. I do hope you'll seek some professional help to help you through this. http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/11/surviving-spouses-suicide.html http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/grief-support-for-survivors-of-suicide.html
  4. Fernicity, You have come a long way on your grief journey and have learned what is right for you, hold to that. When people tell you something inappropriate, I hope you call them on it and voice yourself. I'm sorry the VA is being so slow, that is really unfair to you. Have you tried contacting your state representative to see if they can get a quicker response? I'm in Oregon, and our Peter DeFazio is wonderful about getting results for us. I am sorry for your loss. This has been a journey (for me) that is rich with what I have learned but is the hardest journey I've ever had to embark on. I have kept our home the way it was, but I choose not to sleep in our bed as it is a reminder how empty it is. We must do things the way it feels right to us.
  5. One day at a time. To take on any more than that is to invite anxiety. I wake up, tell myself I only have to do today, and then I do it. The next day I get up and do it all over again. It's been nearly 12 years for me and I still can't contemplate "the rest of my life" or "years", it's too much. Bite off only what we can chew. Understand that our grief journey evolves, it's ever changing, it does not stay the same. We adjust, we learn to cope, but the missing them continues, as does our love.
  6. If this was so, people wouldn't commit suicide. That verse is taken out of context, the way it gets relayed it sounds like we're failures if we feel we're in over our heads and that just is not the case. The verse in question, 1 Corinthians 10:13, is actually referring to temptation, not handling the trials of life and certainly not in dealing with loss and grief. When Jesus encountered loss, he cried. God understands we need His help going through life and He avails Himself to us, I could not make it through life without His aid.
  7. I am so sorry. Sometimes someone is on self-destruct and we're unable to stop it, and that's the worst feeling in the world. I hope you understand that this was a problem he had, but not something you are responsible for. You did everything right, you did everything you could. Sometimes it feels like that isn't enough because it didn't have the outcome we'd hope for, but the truth is, we don't have control over everything, least of all someone else's choices. I do hope you'll see a professional grief counselor that can help guide you through this, and get help for your son also. This can be too much to try to take on by yourself. Those of us here share in our journey but are not qualified professional grief counselors, we're just sharing what we've learned as we traverse this as best as we can.
  8. You may feel like it but you're not. No, you shouldn't be coping better, this takes more time and effort than anyone can imagine. We all do well to get through the day. And then get up and do it all over again. Try to let go of such expectations and be very patient and understanding of yourself, the same as you would with a friend going through it.
  9. I think it's more of an individual choice. I've known other in my mom's age range that handled their widowhood differently than her and remarried. It's very much an individual personal choice.
  10. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope your day back at work goes okay without people making stupid comments. If they do present, I think I'd reply something like, "It might seem just a cat to someone else but not to me, to me, Woody was everything." I don't know how old your kids are but that might factor in to why they're upset at the thought of cremation, they don't understand what it is and what it isn't.
  11. I think KMB's idea was a good one, it'd give you an idea of how you feel without jumping into the permanence.
  12. Hi Julie, I'm glad you found your way here, no judgment here, just a lot of people going through our grief journeys together and sharing about them. Loss brings with it a lot of stress so it's not surprising to me that you find yourself responding in a way that you wouldn't have before. No one needs criticism, especially when grieving! I wouldn't even respond to her, just block her and be done with it. That's not a friend! We have a thread going about friendship BTW. I didn't have will to live at first either, and it's something I still struggle with but I'm still here years later. It takes a lot of effort to build ourselves lives we can live with but it can be done. Takes a long while and lots of patience! (((hugs)))
  13. This whole statement is so true. There's nothing like sitting across from someone, being able to look them in the eyes or get a hug. Something about sharing a cuppa! I miss that and need to work harder at establishing friendships. I'm in a couple of groups, and that's good, but I need some one on one and just need to arrange it.
  14. Oh thank you so much, Francine, you have no idea how much that means to me, and to her. I asked her permission to add her to my church' prayer chain and she said, "Oh will you please!!" so I know she appreciates all the prayer she can get.
  15. Sue, My heart goes out to you. I was married 23 years to my kids' dad, he was controlling and I never felt he loved me. How different when I met and married George! We were soul mates and clicked in every way, we truly loved and appreciated each other. To lose him was like having the bottom fall out of my world. It is hard, it's like you spent your life in a void and then finally find this person you were meant to be with and boom, it's gone!