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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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KayC

Members
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    3,246
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6 Followers

About KayC

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday October 7

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Oregon
  • Interests
    Making cards, singing, hiking
  • Loss Type
    Husband
  • Angel Date
    06/19/2005

Converted

  • Occupation
    Retired Bookkeeper & Office Manager
  • First Name
    Kay
  • Zip
    97463
  1. I went back to work after two weeks but had to go in after five days to do payroll. I'd say it helped me going back to work because my work environment was very caring and supportive and I loved my job. It was hard to do my job though, my focus was greatly affected and I caught myself making mistakes and sometimes erupted into tears (fortunately my desk was near the bathroom). My coworkers had been briefed on what to expect and how best to be there for me, before I returned, so that was of immense help. You might talk to Human Resource and see if something like that could be done, my boss was so very thoughtful. Unfortunately the business went down a few months later, it was the beginning of the recession, it took me 5 1/2 months to find a new job and it was not good. Those who are retired and find themselves going through this, my heart goes out to. It's helpful to have a routine, some sense of purpose, some feeling you matter to someone. I'd say try to find someplace you can volunteer, someplace positive and uplifting. If I lived in the city I'd volunteer at a dog shelter, but it's way too long of a commute from here.
  2. Signs

    Rob, that is so special!
  3. Signs

    Coincidences are for people who don't believe. Glad for your experience!!
  4. Were they getting too fat? We loved watching the critters and birds, this was our heaven. Our "home" is just a 39 year old mobile home that needs painted and new carpet, but it was ours. The real love was for the property it sat on. George always felt this was his safe haven. He suffered anxiety but only when out and about, never at home, here he was safe and comfortable.
  5. How long?

    That's how I felt too. I hated the word "acceptance"! I now realize the books/therapist just mean realization that they're gone, but why don't they call it that instead of acceptance?! "Acceptance" implies "agree with" and oh we do not!!
  6. This hurts so much

    Again I find myself wishing for a "like" button! Francine and Azipod, your words are perfect, I hope they are of help and comfort to Paluka.
  7. Don't know what to say

    That is a good way to consider it.
  8. This morning I wept

    OMG, no! We can't have any more hurricanes! If we don't have another one for many years it will be too soon! I'm still feeling very sorry for the people in Puerto Rico. No electricity for six months?! No fresh water? How can they live? I wish all our countries could take them in until their country is inhabitable again. I can't imagine...
  9. Two Months...

    I thought the exact same thoughts when I was new in my grief. Give yourself time to process your grief, it takes longer than a few months, it takes years, but yes, you will adjust little by little, so minutely as to seem imperceptible at first and then one day when you look back you will see it. Yes you will continue to miss him, but it will not carry the same intensity of pain that it now does. I know it's hard to fathom, but amazingly enough, we adjust to even the unthinkable. You are still processing... You are where you can expect to be at this point in time.
  10. Have to do the unthinkable soon.

    toyota, I am sorry for what you and your dog are going through. I too am widowed and live with my dog and cat in the country. My cat is 21 and my dog is 9 1/2 (his breed lives to 9). He also has tumors but so far is doing well with them. I know that will change one day and I will be facing what you are now. I would say give it time before considering selling your home, you don't know how you'll feel when the time comes and your feelings can fluctuate. You may feel like getting rid of it one day and wanting to keep it as a shrine the next, that's how radically grief can bring about different feelings in us, and some of them even at the same time! I'm sure you realize that, having been widowed. If you do get rid of your house, try to do a quick sale at least rather than letting it go back to the bank because if the bank loses money on it, they file a form to the IRS and whatever they lose you have to pay taxes on that year! If they lose $30,000, you have to declare it as income at whatever bracket that puts you in. And the banks don't always go to the effort to sell it for the best deal, they just want rid of it. They might sell a house for less than it's worth just to be done with it. Before you make a move, perhaps visit a financial adviser. I relate to your feelings for my dog, I love my Arlie more than anything, he means the world to me. If there were such a thing as soulmates in a dog, he would be mine, he is the perfect dog for me, we've been through so much together on our journey. I am 65 and live alone since my husband died 12 years ago. I intend to get another dog when the time comes but don't expect I'll ever have another like my Arlie, he is truly one of a kind, I could never replace him but neither do I desire to live alone. I need someone to take care of, to interact with during the day, to care that I came home. I would fear for my thinking if I had to be totally totally alone.
  11. My little furry hero is gone ...

    I'm glad! One thing I've learned in grief is not to compare and throw out the "shoulds"! You are right where you are supposed to be in your grief and it takes as long as it takes! It is us who get impatient with ourselves but we need to realize that everything we are experiencing is "normal" and extend ourselves the same courtesy and patience and understanding as we would readily give someone else.
  12. horrible guilt and shame

    My reason for sharing what I did was to help you consider that perhaps it was easier for them to go through their last moments without us there, they can focus on the transition and now they are happy and waiting for us to join them. I believe with all my heart that our animals are in heaven and we'll be with them again. This time there won't be a leash or any dangers and they can fully enjoy themselves!
  13. Signs

    LoveGoli, I hope that was of great comfort to you. Sometimes signs can be few and far between so I hope those who are not getting them don't feel let down, I have heard it is hard for them to send them, but have faith in your love, in your relationship and know that it exists still, with or without the coveted signs.
  14. This hurts so much

    Paluka, The dream you had could have been her letting you know she's okay. And the young man, I'm glad he was able to help you. God works in mysterious ways. Wishing you some peace and rest...
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