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About KayC

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    Advanced Member
  • Birthday October 7

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    Making cards, singing, hiking
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    Retired Bookkeeper & Office Manager
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  1. I posted this on my other grief site for those also grappling without seeming hope and it was well received there also.
  2. I like that!
  3. I don't think that's entirely true. The "can't take it with you" applies to material goods, not to the difference we make in the lives of others. You spoke of writing a book, that would be something of lasting benefit because it would impact others. Sure the book itself won't make it to the other side, but the impact of it would.
  4. GoldenPoppy, Welcome to this site, although I'm very sorry for your reason being here. I'm sorry you too have lost your husband. Yes, we miss all of the things that losing them meant...sharing with them, making love, bouncing things off them, cuddling, everything. I'm glad you got a laugh out of finding the screw.
  5. Eric, No apologies, gosh I don't see how any of us could remember everything written about all of the people on here! At least my brain doesn't work that way...maybe when I was younger, but now it's enough to know where I put my car keys!
  6. Everything you said sounds like our relationship. We clicked from the very first hello! The conversation never lulled, we related to each other, understood each other and it's as if it was meant to be. I'm so glad I met him!
  7. It's so easy to disregard something we can't explain or understand, yet in reality, there's much we don't understand and certainly can't understand. I tend to be cautious but have learned to have faith and hope in even things I can't see or explain. To do any less would be to deny myself much!
  8. George loved gardening, I always had more than enough to keep me busy in the household so I let him have at it on his own. Sure enough, when he died, so did his plants. I watered, I fertilized, but I swear they didn't like me. However, I have always had hanging flowers lining my 30' patio and this particular year we had the most beautiful flowers. Pansies were special to us, George always called them the smiling flower. The following summer, a pansy sprung up in the yard under the hanging pots (our patio is elevated because it's on a hill)...how it made it through the winter snows and freezes (winter here is about seven months long, lots of snow) I'll never know, except I truly believe George had a hand in it. To me it was a very real sign from him...I've never seen that happen here before or since in the 40 years I've lived here.
  9. True, good advice! There is no rushing through this, it's here to stay, although I do want to caution again, it won't stay in this intensity forever, grief evolves. Let it flow it's own pace.
  10. It's been nearly twice as long without him as with him. It doesn't seem possible to me that it was so long ago we met...I still remember every aspect of it, our courtship, our life together. It was an amazing connection and even though EVERY relationship takes effort, it never FELT like it, it was always a "want to"!
  11. Yes, the effort is worth it. Because they died doesn't mean the same will happen to you. Try not to worry about outcome...if you live and pull yourself out of it, that's good. If you go get to be with her, you won't be looking back on your time here as a waste, you'll be happy. So I look at it as a win/win by making effort.
  12. Stonesie, I had a hard time with that too...I took to sleeping in a recliner because the bed was just a reminder he was gone. We always slept all wrapped up in each other and sleeping alone was so hard when he was gone. Many nights I only slept an hour or two and then had to get up and go to work. We need our sleep to function even minimally! Looking back I really regret not accepting the doctor's offer of a sleep aid, at least for the first year or so.
  13. Andy, I know how you feel, it's how I feel about my kids. I have very little contact with my daughter and not enough with my son for my liking, but at least I know they're there, the possibility exists...I can't imagine losing a child. I know someone going through the loss of her daughter and her husband both, it's overwhelming. fzald, You gave her life and happiness, and even though she didn't get to enjoy it nearly long enough, the fact is, you made her the happiest she ever was in her life. The same is true for George and I. It took us way longer to find each other, but I have a card above my computer from George and it says, "Little One, You are the one who made it all come true for me...you're the BEST! ♥ TAT (thru all time) George " That says it all, and he made it all come true for me too! Enough to last me a lifetime in our short few years.
  14. I'm glad you were able to get a copy of the video, it's comforting knowing you have it when you are ready.
  15. I am so sorry, my husband's death was unexpected too. And you didn't fail, it's just not possible to be the person we were before, our world has changed, we have changed with it. You will get through this though, one day at a time, no more. Of course you aren't over it, we don't get over it, we learn to adjust little by little to the changes it's brought us. Keep coming here, keep posting, one of the things I found I needed most was to be heard and understood and this is a safe place for that. Family and friends may not understand because they haven't been through it, but we do, we're living it. It took me 1-2 years to have a dream with him in it, I couldn't understand why everyone else seemed to but not me, when we were everything to each other. Of course I wasn't sleeping much, that probably didn't help. Try to be patient, it'll happen. Take good care of yourself, it's very important, take a walk, eat something healthy, drink some water, see your doctor, get a sleep aid if you need it. And breathe.