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About KayC

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    Advanced Member
  • Birthday October 7

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    Making cards, singing, hiking
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    Retired Bookkeeper & Office Manager
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  1. M88, Five years or fifty, this IS how we feel! Whatever time we got, it was not enough, it never could be. Thank you for sharing that, I saved the picture of the card, I've seen that before, it's so perfect, it was penned just for us left feeling this way on their birthdays. Francine, I've thought about that too...how I didn't get to spend the rest of my life with him, but he did get to spend the rest of his life with me. I feel honored, I treasure that, I just wish it could have been way longer and we could have gone together.
  2. wheatgeneration, Thank you for sharing your story, it helps that we are, none of us, totally alone in what we are feeling. I am sorry for your loss, this is a journey we all wish we didn't have to make, but here we are.
  3. You said it. It was good to express how you're feeling inside. Please try to accept that he hears and accepts your apology. It's good to put it into words. Oh how I wish you could know he not only forgives you, but doesn't even think you need forgiving!
  4. If you're struggling against suicidal thoughts, know that is common in early grief...also accept you might need some help. Call a suicide hotline, talk to a grief counselor, but I hope you don't feel you have to do this all alone. Try not to worry about the "signs", not everyone is open to them, it's not something everyone experiences, part of it is received on faith/hope. DO BELIEVE that your love continues still. When I was early in my grief I couldn't understand why other people got dreams of their spouse and I didn't. We were always together when we weren't working, we were so close, loved so deeply, we were soulmates, how come he wasn't in my dreams? It took a year or two before I got one and in it, it was like it was an ordinary day, and I remember getting mad at him and demanding to know where had he been! I woke up, upset with myself, that I messed up a visitation from him by being mad at him. That wasn't even like us! I didn't "get mad at him" before, why would I now? Dreams can be messed up. Try not to put too much stock by signs, dreams, whether you get them, whether you don't, how often. Bank on this: yours and his love remains.
  5. Then accept that, "maybe someday". Right now perhaps it is too soon for you to find it. Continue to express yourself, I found that helps. I can't tell you how long it took me to find purpose...years. It takes what it takes, everyone's timeline is different. If your grandbaby brings you a smile, then that is joy for that moment, no matter how fleeting. It may not be enough, but perhaps it's a start to build from. Like Francine said, let your tears flow, we need that release.
  6. What more can I add than what Ka9219 has already said...I am just so sorry, it is horrible, it's a nightmare, I know. There are no answers that I know of as to why we lose them, I find no purpose in the loss, only pain. I want to acknowledge your pain, your incredible loss, it matters, each and everything you feel matters. I hope you will continue to come here, we are all going through this together.
  7. Interesting that AARP quotes "Grief is not forever"...grief experts say otherwise. HOWEVER, it does not stay the same. So I guess it depends on what they define as grief. I prefer the term ACUTE GRIEF is not forever. I wouldn't want anyone thinking they are abnormal because they are still grieving years later, they are not. Again I am posting this to another site to solicit response from a bonafide grief counselor, one professionally trained in grief, not just a psychologist. I disagree that grief is not forever. I disagree that loss is harder for men. It's not good to compare, men may grief differently than women, but there's nothing about grief that is "lesser" for women. I would never tell someone "you may not need counseling". How do you know what they need? You might, by so doing, keep them from something that might very much benefit them. Many find counseling helpful at the onset, you don't have to grieve a long time before benefiting from it. From what I've seen you post from AARP, I'd be careful considering them experts. JMHO You can check here for responses when they come: http://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/index.php?/topic/10595-response-solicited/&tab=comments#comment-132736
  8. You are at one month, which although it seems like a lifetime, it has actually been a very short time...too short for most of us to find any sense of peace, answers, hell, even to know how to make it through the day. Right now it is enough just to express yourself and get through the day. Those are huge achievements.
  9. Thank you, Francine.
  10. We know how much emotional energy it takes, don't feel you have to respond to each of us, we just want to be here for you, we know the pain all too well. (((hugs)))
  11. Then don't say "fine". TELL them how you really feel. We don't have to be belligerent and say "How the hell do you THINK I feel!" but neither do we have to lie & pretend with them, "Fine." Somewhere in between. Maybe "It's a very hard adjustment, I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances." "Fine" should be reserved for at work where we have to put on a nice face to keep our jobs.
  12. Meditation is a helpful tool. Our mind is a powerful thing, it can help us or sink us. I didn't learn meditation until quite a ways in, just hadn't thought about it, but the other site I go to has a lot of meditations. Note, if someone is new to it, start with short ones, under ten minutes. It's like anything, takes practice.
  13. Andy, You're inspirational. I know you have your down days, we all do. But you try to be positive, thank you for that. I know it's hard.
  14. It makes me wince to hear this. My dog is my incentive to keep going. Without which I don't know what I'd do, I hate to think about it. He is goofy enough to make me smile, loving enough to make me want to stick around, and I have to get up every day to feed him. I can't imagine life without him, but then I couldn't imagine life without George. Life can be cruel, we have to take whatever good there is, and right now, my good is my dog. Even my grumpy independent cat.
  15. One does not negate the other. Both thoughts are valid. You want her happily in Paradise, but you also want her back. Who of us wouldn't!