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KayC

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About KayC

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday October 7

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Oregon
  • Interests
    Making cards, singing, hiking
  • Loss Type
    Husband
  • Angel Date
    06/19/2005

Converted

  • Occupation
    Retired Bookkeeper & Office Manager
  • First Name
    Kay
  • Zip
    97463
  1. Oh Floyd, my heart breaks for you as you feel betrayed/abandoned by those who you feel should be there but aren't. Those in my life didn't make it two weeks. The first time I tried calling them, they were dismissive and disappeared on me. These were our FRIENDS! George would have been very disappointed in them. And his family...not to be heard from again. I was his "Little One", the most cherished one in his world, yet they dropped me like a hot potato. There is no understanding it. There is no excuse. My best friend from work didn't even come to his funeral, none of my "best friends" did! I made a new best friend and she was in my life nearly ten years but she moved back to TX and now I find myself starting over trying to make friends but it feels like I'm on a treadmill getting nowhere sometimes. I've learned from this. I have learned to be there for people when they're going through something. When someone I know becomes widowed, they can call me any time, day or night in their grief, sometimes they just need someone to just listen and care.
  2. Lost my beloved dog yesterday and can’t cope

    Alison, thinking of you today...a week is just a number on this long stretch of grief, we do the counting but sometimes I wish we couldn't count! It's hard, every day of being without them. I'm glad you have Marley to keep you company.
  3. I'm not ready.....

    AJWCat, I can relate to what you are feeling. I lost my sweet Miss Mocha over 1 1/2 years ago...lost but never forgotten. I find myself still missing her, so much. Kitty is very opposite of her. Miss Mocha loved being held and loving me (or anyone else that would pay her attention). Kitty runs off in a huff if I even try or for any other imagined wrong. The two are polar opposites. I know not to compare but they're so strikingly opposite it hits me hard and I miss Missy Mocha. One does not fill the hole of another, I get that. Sometimes one is a reminder of all you are missing with another. I try to focus on Kitty but I haven't forgotten Miss Mocha, not for an instant. I guess I have to realize that Kitty is as different as if she were a different species.
  4. Move forward

    Michelene, I feel the same way, I would not have made it through this if not for my grief forum that I found 12 1/2 years ago, it saved my life. That's why I'm here, I feel it's so important for people to know someone hears them, someone understands, someone cares. And it doesn't stop, it doesn't have an end, this grief. One thing I noticed and I see it in you too, that I got much moxie after George died, I stood up for myself where it came to my grief, it's MINE, I get to decide how to do it, no one else can tell me how I should feel or how I should be doing this. My grief specialist tells us to throw away the word "should". She gets it.
  5. I realize some people rebel against the word "easier" but it is a relative term, it's as in comparison to before, so it's usage doesn't bother me as it does some people, it's all relative and I don't see how anything could be as bad as our original learning of their death and the following days...easier does not imply "well" or "good", it just means it's not as hard as it was at first, not that it's not difficult...it'll always be difficult. I know what you mean about sleep, seems I do well to get six hours, the doctor said she wants me to get seven or eight hours, ha! I'd love for that too! Going to bed the same time every night means I drop off to sleep...but alas I still wake up way too soon. If only I could sleep until 5 or 6! How people sleep until noon is beyond me, I don't think I've ever done that in my life! Melatonin doesn't seem to work for me but it helps my daughter some.
  6. I'm not ready.....

    @Sarah&Ava I was wondering how it was going, it seems everyone has been rather pensive lately, it goes like that sometimes, it is all hard to process. I'm glad you found what was causing Ava's problem, Arlie isn't able to tolerate many medicines, most antibiotics cause extreme intolerance with him, they make him sicker than the thing he's taking them for so we struggle to control his health with diet. I'm glad Ava is doing better today and hope you have a good day together.
  7. 5 LIES YOU WERE TOLD ABOUT GRIEF.

    I proceed on faith, believing he still exists and we will be together again. Interestingly, that is how our relationship first began through writing letters and often waiting a week to clarify something but believing in the other person in the meanwhile...but that was a week, this is the rest of my life, quite a stretch from a week!
  8. Broken down, hurt, lost, and confused

    That's for sure. One guy that was on one of my grief sites mentioned it to someone and ended up locked up! This is a safe place to voice it, we all get it, I doubt it hadn't occurred to all of us at least once in passing. It doesn't mean we'll act on it. So important to give ourselves the time we need to adjust and that can take a good long while.
  9. M88, Sorry it was such a tough day for you...not sure where you are located but it would have been midnight or 1 am here when you posted. I do think it gets easier to do our time but the implication using the word easier implies easy and Lord knows nothing about this is ever easy. It takes much time to notice any adaption to it, usually there's much up and down, back and forth along the way.
  10. Autocharge, The picture is a wonderful memory of you as a young family, just beginning... I'm glad you realize you made the right choice when you turned around, if it was risky, it's wise not to proceed. My son wants me to come see him and the kids Saturday and as badly as I want to, I don't think it feasible because way too much snow, can't count on the county plowing because no school, best off to stay put and go in better weather. I understand her sister felt she should have seen her one more time...but then we all feel that way about those that we've lost. If you'd have attempted it, you both might not have seen her sister again.
  11. Lost my beloved dog yesterday and can’t cope

    We have to handle this the way that brings us the most comfort and less pain. I'm glad you have some time off work now to sort out your feelings and try to adjust a bit.
  12. Lost my little buddy of 13 years

    @Teton I'm so sorry for your loss. 15 years is a long time, it's a huge adjustment. I'm glad you found this place, it helps.
  13. Loss of my pet

    I'm so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?
  14. All Dogs ago To Heaven

    Nunu's Mommy, I'm glad prayers helped, that's what I do too. And Porkchop is at rest, that's always hard to do but I hope it helps you with bringing happier memories from your time together. Rosello, did you get to the beach with Nana? Hoping taking the day off with her helped at least. Did you pick up the ashes?
  15. Broken down, hurt, lost, and confused

    Ashley, I am so sorry for all you have gone through. I also went through miscarriages when I was young and due to infertility had a hard time conceiving but eventually had two children, now grown and gone. My husband died 12 1/2 years ago and I wrote this article based on what I've learned over the last twelve years, I hope something in it is of help to you. TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this. I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey. Take one day at a time. The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew. It can be challenging enough just to tackle today. I tell myself, I only have to get through today. Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again. To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety. Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves. The intensity lessens eventually. Visit your doctor. Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks. They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief. Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief. If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline. I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived. Back to taking a day at a time. Give yourself permission to smile. It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still. Try not to isolate too much. There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself. We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it! Some people set aside time every day to grieve. I didn't have to, it searched and found me! Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever. That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care. You'll need it more than ever. Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is. We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc. They have not only the knowledge, but the resources. In time, consider a grief support group. If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". Be patient, give yourself time. There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc. They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it. It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters. Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time. That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse. Finally, they were up to stay. Consider a pet. Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely. It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him. Besides, they're known to relieve stress. Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage. Make yourself get out now and then. You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now. That's normal. Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then. Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first. You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it. If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot. Keep coming here. We've been through it and we're all going through this together. Look for joy in every day. It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T. It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully. You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it. It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it. Eventually consider volunteering. It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win. (((hugs))) Praying for you today.
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