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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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MzSunny

Members
  • Content count

    6
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About MzSunny

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Nova Scotia
  • Loss Type
    Parents, sibling
  • Angel Date
    February 12, 2016

Converted

  • Last Name
    Dickieson
  • First Name
    Tina
  • Zip
    B2G 2V9
  1. Aww I am so sorry. This was my first Mother's Day without my mom and it just about destroyed me. I certainly wasn't concerned with sending cards or what have you to anyone else. It is your right to grieve the way you want and to choose to not participate in the day. She isn't your mother after all. Your husband spent the day with them. That is more than enough as far as I am concerned. She is being completely selfish and is disrespecting you. I don't think anything else needs to be done really. If she keeps pushing it, tell her again this is how you choose to deal with and you are respectfully asking her to respect that. Period. I hope you find peace with your little one. Congratulations. Being a mom is the best thing I have done.
  2. I've been doing that too - sleeping away the time. I am surprised by how much I have been able to sleep. When my Dad died, I just wanted to get out of the house and surround myself with people so I could pretend it wasn't happening and this time it has been the total opposite. I sleep a lot and hide. I usually have terrible insomnia when I am stressed, so this is odd for me. I spoke with my boss on Tuesday about taking a medical leave and of course I broke down. He was a bit surprised as he thought I was doing OK, but he was understanding. I want to help with them transitioning to someone else, as I am the manager and we are entering our busiest time, plus we are losing a key employee at the end of the month, but I really don't know if I will be able to. I get so panicky and I just want to stay inside. And sleep. Hide from the world. I am worried of course about money and giving my little one the care he needs. I am able to put a happy face on for him and when I play with him it is the only time I genuinely feel happyish, but it takes a lot of effort, which makes me sad. I have also been fighting with my husband on and off. Sometimes I feel like I hate him. I know I am projecting and am just angry. He is trying, yet he can be so useless at times too. I have told him I need him to take charge of things for the next while, but he doesn't know how. I usually don't mind being in charge of things, but I need a break so bad. I wish I could put my head down and just plow through it all stoically. I talked to my brother and I know he is struggling too. He somehow manages to keep going. I know things aren't easier for him, but I so wish I could be more like that. It will be three months tomorrow and I feel worse than I have yet. Thanks for all the warm welcomes cindyjane. I know in my heart that it will get better and that I will laugh again. I know my mom wants me to be happy. I know she was so worried about leaving me behind and I want to show her I will be OK, but it is so hard.
  3. Hi everyone. I hope that everyone was able to make it through the day OK. This is only my second Mother's Day as a mother and as it turns out, last year was my last/first year of being a mom and having my mom. It soon will be a year since mom was diagnosed with cancer. But for now when I see pictures from this time last year, all I can think was how happy we were, how we had a whole life planned and this new baby to celebrate. Today I cried many, many times and was on the brink for the whole day. I want to be happy, but it is impossible. My doctor told me on Friday that she thinks I should be on medical leave, so I can focus on getting better. The thought of even going in tomorrow makes me feel panicky, so I think it is the right choice. I have been coming here, but have been too depressed to type. I have been reading everyone's stories and I hope that you are each able to find some peace day by day.
  4. Hi everyone. I am new here. I lost my mom not even 3 months ago and yet it feels like an eternity. I think the shock and fog is lifting and the raw, biting, soul crushing pain is really starting to sink in. Everything reminds me of her. Every letter of the alphabet is tied to her. She was my best friend and first love. If I didn't have my baby, I don't know how I would get out of bed. Even with him, some days that is almost impossible. I have been down this horrible path what feels like a lifetime ago now when I lost my father and brother at 12. I'm so scared of the darkness. I don't know how I can do this again. I can't believe she is gone.
  5. So sudden!

    My brother jumped right back into work too and while I am working now, I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I am currently the sole provider of my household with a young child, as my husband went back to school for a year. The pressure feels like too much. I think if you feel like you need to take some time, you need to make space for it. I am going to keep trying the next few weeks and see how it goes, but if it becomes too much, we are just going to have to figure it out. So sorry about your Mom. Mine was only 61. Too young.
  6. I lost my father and baby brother, who was almost 3, in a house fire in February when I was 12 years old. My older brother and I got out, but they didn't and I spent my entire 20's and into my 30's being severely depressed and wracked by survivor's guilt. I will never forget the sound of my father dropping to the ground trying to find my brother's and his little scream that followed right after, as my brother and I stood outside in the frozen winter air. I finally got to a good spot. I worked so hard to get there and forgive myself. I got married, had a baby a couple of years later and when he was 6 months old, June 3015, my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. We had a lot of rough patches, but we were best friends. We always had each other's backs. I felt/feel so robbed. I think I sort of assumed that I would have her until she was old because of the trauma I suffered when I was young. That I would get a pass. She had such a hard life too, losing her baby and husband in the fire and her father when she was 15. I always said I would buy a house with a mother in law suite, so I could take care of her and we would never have to live to far apart. She declined very quickly, much quicker than everyone expected. I took work off in January to take care of her. By the end of the month, she was hospitalized, too weak to do anything on her own anymore. On February 12th, she passed. I burst into tears so easily. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. It is getting harder and harder. I have a constant tightness in my chest. I can't concentrate and forget to listen to people at work. If I didn't have my perfect little baby, I don't think I could keep going at all. I don't think I can do this again. I don't want to be me anymore, to be stuck in this body with all of this pain. I feel myself falling into a pit and I don't want it to happen. My baby deserves a mother.
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