I found this forum using google... My name is Lindsey. I lost my Father, whom I was very close with on June 11th 2014, and now I have recently lost my Mother who I was caring for on February 19th of this year. To say that I feel lost is the very least. My anxiety, among my mental state are kind of all over the place. I have no siblings, I am not married and no children of my own, and only a few people I can turn to who are honest and constant in my life. My parents both had illnesses, and I was there to help them along their way. My Fathers loss was very sudden, as he didn't wake up one day due to drug abuse, hypertension and diabetes at 50yrs old. I tried to resuscitate him, thought he would make it to the hospital fine, but he passed. My Mother was diagnosed with Follicular Lymphoma and passed in a three week span after a go at chemotherapy through January & February. I, myself am thirty years old... I was very close with my parents, and now I just feel this over whelming dread that I am putzing around in my life with no real compass pointing me where to go because it was always us helping each other. My Father suffered from mental illness so I stepped up to the plate at being an adult at a pretty young age. I've always helped take care of them, and them me, along with taking care of other people in my life. I miss them so much and I feel it's something it's going to take me the rest of my life time to come to terms with, and I feel like this cycle of grief is damaging me, pushing away those who I have left in my life because they honestly don't understand what is going on with me, and I'm left here trying to keep myself together... but it's something I must go through. I'm terrified of what the next year brings, and what will happen in the future when Holidays roll around, and I have no family to share it with. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I am now an adult orphan, and it's just not something I think I can fully grasp at this time, but am trying my hardest. I feel like after my Father passing, my grief was put on hold to continue taking care of my sick Mother, who at the time I only thought had a hereditary disease called Multiple Cavernous Angiomas ... Now it feels like I'm experiencing grief and so much more. I am seeing a doctor as of recent to try and get help, and suggests a support group for grief, but I feel if I go in public to speak I will just fall to pieces over it, and that is more anxiety I do not want to face head on right now. If anyone else is experiencing anything similar to this, I would like to know tips and techniques for helping to deal with it, please share them with me. Thank you for reading.