Hi - I am new to this forum, but it has already proven to be some form of "comfort" to read the stories of others and see that going crazy is a common experience following the sudden loss of a partner. I found my boyfriend passed away just 10 weeks ago at age 27 from sudden heart failure, and I have yet to post in the Loss of a Partner section, but definitely will do so when I feel ready to share our full story. But specifically at this time, I am heavily dealing with the difficult loss of hope for the future & a desire to leave this earth to be with him (suicidal), and I am posting here about my unresolved questions about marriage/partnership/love in the life after leaving this earth.
My boyfriend and I are believers & we did our best to do everything the "right" way - so of course the questions of "What kind of God would allow this to happen?" "Why didn't God intervene with just a tiny miracle or at least warn me ahead of time so I can try to pray and stop it?" "Shouldn't good people be rewarded for the wonderful things they do and evil people punished?" have gone through my head. Together, we grew closer in our personal relationships with God (reading the Bible more often, reading other Christian books about purpose and vision, praying and going to church more often), and we even practiced celibacy for a time period in order to develop our relationship the right way (we did have sex outside of this time period, however). For the first time in both of our lives we found real & true love & wanted marriage, we were planning engagement within 6 months, and we had not been blessed with children yet - so when he left this earth he also took all of my hope & future plans. Although I will never understand why, I am moving out of the denial process & am just now accepting that my love is NEVER coming back, and that i lost half of me to heaven.
So now my questions remain about our relationship status in the afterlife. I know that the Bible says we will not marry or be given into marriage in heaven, and we will not have earthly bodies so there is no function for sex. I also know that we may be arranged by families in heaven, so husbands and wives will be reunited with their children & other family members... but what about the familial relationship between partners if they were never given the opportunity to be officially married in a church by an ordained minister here on earth? Will I be reunited with my boyfriend in heaven in the same way a husband and wife would? From the Bible, I also can see that once our bodies are resurrected, there is a possibility that there will be marriage on the New Earth when creation is redeemed to God's original standards forever, especially since the Bible mentions that children will continue to be born. The Bible also mentions that God will "restore to you the years which the locust have eaten," so can I expect that my love and I will have the chance to marry and be blessed with children on the New Earth since we were robbed of this opportunity by having our years together stolen from us on this earth? If this is so, what can I do to ensure we will be given this chance to marry on the New Earth? Should I abstain from sex, marriage, and children for the rest of my life? Should I become a nun? Or if I do eventually fall in love again, should I never officially marry so that I can remain "single" just as my boyfriend was at the time of my death? Should I die young just as he did in order to ensure that we recognize each other & are on the same page in the afterlife?
I may sound like a nut for such questions (I'm actually beginning to accept the nut I have become now), and I know it is impossible to know everything bcuz we are not God himself, but I cannot begin to explain how DESPERATELY i need to be back with my loving partner for the rest of eternity & these are questions for which I need clarity in order to decide how long & in what ways I will continue living my life out...