Hi... I live in Los Angeles, CA. I lost my little brother 4 years ago to an accidental drug overdose. He was my best friend, my soul mate, I was his big sister and I adored him. The loss has made our family grow apart, not together... and I am the one who takes the burden of helping everyone through their grief, especially my mom. She still calls and cries (my family lives in Alabama). We just got off the phone where our conversation - that started with her asking how I was - ending with her telling me how I will never understand what it's like to lose a child and what she's going through. it resulted in me screaming at her that I know I will never understand but for some no one seems to understand how much pain I'm going through. For the record, I never do this. I usually just listen and tell her how sorry I am and encourage her to see a therapist. I hung up the phone feeling horrible but more than that, feeling complete despair because I miss him so much... Sometimes I can't take it. I'm single and have good friends but no family or children of my own to love... I desperately want a child so that maybe there will be a little piece of my brother in that child - maybe his laugh, his eyes, his smile... I don't look at photos of him and smile and laugh (although I wish I could). I see photos of instantly cry. I put them up to my heart and hug them hoping maybe it will feel like I'm hugging him again. Will this ever get better???