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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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About Nbobbette

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  • Gender
  • Location
    So Cali
  • Loss Type
    Mother to cancer
  • Angel Date
  1. My mom passed in December. We were very close and I feel really lost. I recently had my 25th birthday and same week I found out I'm pregnant. I feel like I need my mother more than ever right now. I've seen the support that my mom had given my brother with their kids i feel robbed from having her to talk to or ask questions. I'm really scared and wished she was here to guide me through this pregnancy.
  2. Losing My Mom to Cancer

    I'm sorry for your loss mar1065. It crazy to see and hear about someone else's story of losing their mother being so closely related to mine and how I've been feeling. My mother took care of everything at our home and with the family. After she had gotten sick I took it upon myself to step in and take care of everything. Which it has been really hard doing. Not that I wouldn't do it for my family just that it would of been nice to have more help and support from them. I too think about marriage and kids which I won't have my mother there with me to share those huge events in my life. I feel angry at the fact of her not being here but not at her. I told a therapist that I'm seeing about it and she had made a good point, to not look at how she isn't going to be there physically but to think of how when those times come to think how she will be there maybe while you are thinking of her or things that will be there to remind you of her. Everyone tells me that it's going to take time too, some days are going to be better than others. I do know for me it has been that way and I think of the way my mom was so full of life and the way she would be mad if I sat around not living life. I think I'm trying to use the way she would want me to be as an inspiration to keep going to make her proud.
  3. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the exact way that your feeling. I was staying up at night making sure my mother was okay. I was the one that was with my mother when she took her last breath. I had time to think about if I wanted to be there when she did or not. I wasn't sure if I wanted even when it did happen but now thinking about it I'm still unsure if I wanted to but I'm glad I was there, she had choose to share her last breaths with me alone. Not sure if she had a reason why it was with me or not but I like to think she did. The same thoughts have come over me the way she won't be there to experience important times in my life where you would want your mother there. Having support from family and friends is nice but without them having the same experience you have had they won't truely know how it feels.
  4. I have just been through this. My father and I were caregivers to my mother. I totally felt the same way feeling guilty about feeling that they should go peacefully. It's not that you want her gone its that you don't want to see her suffer or see them with no quality of life. My mother didn't have much quality of live towards the end and it's heartbreaking. When finding out that someone has cancer everyone prays to healing and a cure but like in my case the praying for healing ended and it turned into praying for them to not suffer and to go as peacefully as possible. With my mother she didn't want us (her family) to stop living our lives. It's not wrong to be happy about other aspects of your life. I bet she would want you to enjoy and be happy about getting married.
  5. It has been about two months now that I have lost my mother. A little bit about my moms story: My mother was diagnosed with uterine cancer in 2013, she had surgery and she was declared cancer free. In may 2014 she was complaining about having migranes and found a lump on the side of her rib cage. After a long process she had found out that she had sebacious carcinoma, then lung cancer which after a month of getting tests done found out it had spread to her breast and into her brain. She had stage 4 lung cancer. She had done rafiation treatments to the brain only because it had spread too much that they couldn't do it to the lung too. She then started chemo teatments. She was given 6 months without treatment or maybe a year with treatment to live. To Fast forward my father won a trip to hawaii in september and my mothers goal was to be well enough to make the trip with him. They made the trip to only have the night before they were to come home she was hospitalized. Her kidneys were failing. My brothers and I flew out ther to be with our mother and father because we didnt think she was going to make it home. We as a family had to make the decision to put her on hospice so that they could give her medications. After around 10 days in Hawaii the doctor said he would give us a 24 hour window to get her on a plane to bring her home back in california. We made it home!! She was still on hospice... Nothing was the same. She would have okay days and other days were not good at all. The cancer was really effecting her thoughts and body. My mother made it to her 56th birthday in december she almost made it till christmas but a few days sort. She had passed on Dec. 16, 2014. I have had a very special relationship with my mother I am her only daughter and over the past few years we have grown really close. We have gotten matching infinity tattoos together and I was taking her back and forth to her appointments. I never wanted her to feel like she was in this alone. She has done everything for my family so I needed and wanted to do everything for her. If it wasnt my father taking care of her needs while on hospice it was me. The day she had passed away, I was the only one in the room with her talking to her. I wanted to assure her that she has taught her kids how to live life and was telling her that its going to be hard not having her but we will be okay and we loved her. She took her last breaths with me. I had window paint on my car window from when we took a last family vacation that my mother wanted to do upon klnowing she had terminal cancer. It said **** cancer. While out shopping I recieved a beautiful note from a cancer survivor saying to stay positive and they will pray for us. So i had posted it on facebook saying that there are good people out there on a random act of kindness site. Someone pointed out that my car's liscense plate is 6HVN830. Crazy thing is my mother passed away on dec 16 she went to heaven(HVN) and she had passed away around 8:30 in the morning with me. It has made me feel like our relationship was something special she choose to share her last breaths with me. Everyday has it's challanges. There is not one day that goes on that i am not missing her. Coming home is just not the same. It hasnt really hit me that she is really gone. It feels liek she is on a vacation somewhere except the fact she wont be coming back. I think daily how much I miss her, about the things I wish she could of been part of in my life. Her to plan and be at my wedding someday or to be my kids grandmother.