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sgtkelly3

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About sgtkelly3

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Loss Type
    Father
  • Angel Date
    9/17/90

Converted

  • First Name
    David
  1. Hi all, Some of you may recognize me from posting across a few different sub-forums here. My name is David, and my father died when I was 2 years old (I'm 27 now). He was a police officer in the line of duty. For the past 25 years of my life, I repressed my emotions and lived like a robot -- denying and hiding anything I felt because it was uncomfortable. I believed I could just "think" my way out of everything. I thought logic always prevailed and I would never have to use emotions. Looking back on it now, I felt empty...like I was never connecting to anyone. With the help of therapy I've started to recognize that feeling emotions (even ones like sadness and anger) are OK. While searching for ways to stop repressing and recognize it's OK to feel emotions, I came up with the idea of reading children's books about the loss of a parent. I bought 7 of them, read one a night for a week, and cried like a baby. It felt freeing. I felt a fissure opening up. For small moments, I felt relieved. For those of you who are repressing and running from your feelings, I hope these book recommendations give you hope and help you on your journey of healing. Here are the books I bought. I put stars next to ones that helped me the most. Samantha Jane’s Missing Smile: A Story About Coping With the Loss of a Parent Everett Anderson’s Goodbye The Invisible String* Am I Like My Daddy? The Scar* Goodbye Mousie I Heard Your Daddy Died Take good care of yourself, -David
  2. Does it ever get better

    Vaughneen, I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't possibly understand what you're feeling. If you haven't already, look into seeing a therapist or grief group. Although I lost my father (when I was 2) instead of a child, my therapist has been invaluable in helping me navigate through the grief of someone I deeply loved dying. And remember, we're here when you need us. We'll help lift you back up when you stumble. Thinking of you, -David
  3. one 2 many death has broken my heart

    Trina, First of all, I want to say I'm sorry. It isn't fair what you're going through. It isn't fair my father died as a police officer in the line of duty when I was 2. It isn't fair that ANY of us have to deal with death. If you haven't started seeing a grief group or therapist, I'd recommend you start going. The path is long, hard, and littered with difficulties, but they help show you the way to get through the most excruciating parts of it. I also want to let you know that however you feel -- anger, sadness, numbness -- is alright. People who tell you a timeframe you should "get over it," or who try to tell you to stop showing your emotions and "be happy you had them when you did" are spewing BS. Frankly, most people say these things because THEY'RE uncomfortable seeing someone show their emotions because THEY want to keep repressing. Do what you need to do, no matter how weird you think that makes other people feel. Take as long as necessary to grieve. You'll know when the right time is to move past it. And if you need us, we're here for you. Thinking of you, -David
  4. Is this much anger normal??

    Hi lilmisserie, I want to chime in because I'm going through similar issues myself. You're not alone. About 4 months ago, my girlfriend cheated on me. It crushed me. Absolutely destroyed me and put me at a lower level than I've ever been. I felt totally betrayed and abandoned. Frankly, I hated her with my all my guts. But thanks to the help of therapy, I realized her cheating actually opened a fissure of repressed emotions I was hiding from my father's death for 25 years. (I'm 27 now, my father died when I was 2.) Yes, I was angry at her -- but MOST of the anger I was putting on her was actually anger at the Universe for taking my father. For treating me so unfairly. For screwing me over. My girlfriend was the face I put all this anger on. My therapist said something a few months ago that I still think about daily: "the mind puts emotions where it wants." You WANT to put your anger on your boyfriend, but it's probably really anger at the Universe for taking your mother (or your mother for leaving). That's not always a bad thing...I use the anger at this girlfriend to write letters to her (that I don't give her) that let me unleash my anger. That doesn't mean you SHOULDN'T break up with your boyfriend -- no one can tell you if it's right to do or not, it's up to you. But it's something to ponder at the moments when you're not feeling rage (which makes it hard to think). Are you really angry at your boyfriend or the Universe? Thinking of you, -David
  5. Friends don't get it!!!

    Hi keiko, I know this post is old, but I still have to reply to it. Honestly, this line made me want to hit your friend "She told me that it's been way too long to still feel sad and that I need to look at the positives." I feel absolute, utter rage at this. It's a total disservice to you for her to say this. I lost my father when I was 2 years old (I'm 27 now). He was a police officer in the line of duty. I repressed emotions all my life up until about 4 months ago, and all the woo-woo new age positive-thinking affirmation-garbage makes me want to kill someone. The truth is grieving is a long process. And it's your process. YOU heal how YOU heal -- and no one can tell you when you should be "over" something. No matter what your friend says, we're here for you. In order to eventually get over your emotions, you need to feel them -- and that means if you're sad, you're sad. If you're angry, you're angry. If you're numb, you're numb. Feel what you need to feel. Thinking of you, -David
  6. Feeling numb...

    Hi DHall, When I was 2 years old, my father died. I'm 27 years old now. Up until about a month ago (when I ran into some serious relationship problems), I repressed my emotions. Now, every day is a struggle for me. I feel utter despair. Like I'll never get better. Anger at the Universe for taking my father. Anger at my girlfriend for opening this wound. I'll tell you what my therapist told me: It does get easier, but grieving takes a while. To be honest, I f'ing hate it. I feel utter rage at the Universe one minute. Then deep anguish and longing the next. Shortly after, I feel totally disconnected and numb. But I have seen glimpses of light, and the small bit I've realized is it's a process. Your grieving process is your grieving process and no one can tell you differently. Keep grieving as you need to. If you haven't already, I recommend you look into a grief support group or a therapist. They can help direct you when you're feeling lost. And of course, we're here for you too. Think of us as your rock...you can post whatever you want and we'll support you. Thinking of you, -David
  7. Stephy, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my father when I was 2 years old (I'm 27 now). He was a police officer who died in the line of duty. I repressed these emotions up until about four months ago when major relationship problems forced all the emotions I was repressing to come bubbling to the surface. I want you to know whatever you're feeling is normal. Rage. Sadness. Anger. Anguish. Numbness. Your grieving process is your grieving process and no one can tell you differently. Don't deny those emotions. They're brutal, but in order to get past them you need to feel them first. One step at a time. Thinking of you, -David
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