Sistergldnhair66

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    75
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About Sistergldnhair66

  • Rank
    Matthew's Mom - Eileen

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United States
  • Loss Type
    Lost my adult son to drug overdose
  • Angel Date
    11/28/2014

Contact Methods

  • Yahoo
    sistergldnhair66@yahoo.com

Converted

  • Occupation
    Own my own business
  • Last Name
    Wells
  • First Name
    eileen
  • Zip
    10925

Recent Profile Visitors

662 profile views
  1. Susan, thank you for your kind words..your always so comforting. You always make it feel OK to feel what I'm feeling when those around me are getting exasperated with my brokenness. Kate, yes the weather and the impending holiday play a big part in being down. I dread these short dark days. It just started and I'm already pining for spring. But I sure wish I could see/taste/smell that fruitcake. It sounds divine. And I agree..Trump on SNL? But I felt the same when Hilary was on so.... Be well all. Eileen
  2. Hi everyone. I've spent the morning reading here. This is such a hard month. Friday, the 13th, will be Matthews first birthday in Heaven. Then the 28th his first Anniversary. I'm now playing the "this time last year I was.," game. It's torturous. My sister wants to come over for dinner Friday. I wanted to make Matthews favorite dinner, and release some balloons with my granddaughter. As far as Thanksgiving, it was the last day I spent with him, even though I saw him briefly on the day he passed. My brother has invited us to his home, but I don't want to go. It's going to be a rough day. I know November is hard for many here and all I can offer is ((hugs)). As far as the legal matter, I did meet with the Prosecutor who told me they would not be pressing charges, and 7 days later I was informed by the detective from the local PD who has been wonderful, that he does in fact have a grand jury date of Dec. 3, so I don't know what is really happening. All I know is its been an effort to get out of bed these days. I've no insurance, or I might consider getting something for depression, or seek counseling.
  3. It's been a LONG time since, I've been here. I've missed you all. I don't know why I didn't come back sooner, I just....I don't know. I've been in a dark place. Why is everything a dull gray. The month of August was a whirlwind. My son Sean, got married on August 29. It was a beautiful day, a beautiful wedding. I was happy and sad at the same time. Missing my boy. I'm just so very lost. I spoke to the Detective handling my sons case yesterday. He explained that the prosecutor who originally held the case for the county, was transferred. This prosecutor was very gung ho about the case. The new prosecutor who was assigned the case...is not. He does not want to go to grand jury and will most likely offer a plea to a lesser charge, or dismiss altogether. What a blow. He did give me the number of the new prosecutor, said I have every right to call and discuss it with him. I don't know what to say. Can any of you offer anything? Detective said it might help to put a voice to the case, at this point it couldn't hurt anything. I just know, my son couldn't drive, the dealer called from my sons phone, didn't know my son, but said he knew the boy he was with. And the fact that this boy drove past hospitals, and sat outside my sisters house for 10 minutes, not going to her for help, while my son was dying in the front seat. My nephew came home at the very moment that this boy was dragging my son's lifeless body from the car,....he was going to leave him in the driveway like a piece of trash...it is so very wrong!! Do any of you have an advice for my phone call? I'm glad to be back. Missed you.
  4. Oh Susan. I love that. Someone actually sent it to me about a month ago, and I read it often...doing what you do, putting Matthews voice to it. Thanks for sharing that.
  5. Thank you for taking the time to watch the video, its so very sad. I watched it a dozen times and pause at Matthews face..he's so beautiful..he shouldnt have been there, in a movie so tragic, yet there he is. Needless to say its been a rough few days. I pray for those still suffering, like your nephew Dee. It's so sad for all involved, but I understand the need to keep them at arms length. I did it with Matthew keeping him away in Florida, I couldnt be around it, but I still enabled 1500 miles away. Georgina, hoping your husband can find some relief. Hang on tight, this is so very hard on couples. Dianne, all I can do is nod, for I'm finding the downhill slope of this first year, is just as bad or worse. The gut punch feeling, and it knocks the wind out of me....
  6. Thank you all for being here. I was given the opportunity to be in this video. Amidst the ugliness..is the beautiful face of my boy. I wanted to share with you all..he is around minute 7 https://vimeo.com/129560622
  7. Happy Heavenly Birthday to Steve..hoping your mom feels your love today..
  8. I've been quiet, but been reading bits... Leah, so very sorry for the loss of your mom. Rest assured she knew your love, and your heart can rest easy knowing you did all that you could to make her last days comfortable and have her at home with you. <3 Gretchen, that poem you wrote touched my soul... as did the pics of your grandbaby by Forest's gravesite...3 Georgina....how special finding the note from James. I too, found a Christmas card from Matthew, never given to me, and I also found a note to me on a Mother's Day, long forgotten about, and it was so very special. Laurie, I must touch on this subject you spoke of..."meaningful coincidences" because it made me think. I lost my business, my livelihood, just 6 weeks to the day after Matthew's death. Over the past few months...I've been thinking...Gosh, I couldn't have supported him and me after this. Was it a strange twist of fate that he passed, did he know my financial state would come crashing down? I don't know how I would manage, taking care of him financially, as he could not work, and we were appealing his SSDI case. I can barely manage taking care of myself, might lose my home....i don't know. I wish my mind would stop sometimes. Susan, yes, it sounds like you have been outed from your cocooning, to help your dear friend. How lucky she is to have you. Sherry, hugs for your sweet dog. I recently had to put my last dog to sleep. My dear sweet Declan, we had three labs, one of each color, and he was the last baby. So very stoic until the end. It's so hard as these furbabies become our family. And Dee...your sweet Eri. I hope she sends you signs all around you. Colleen, Happy heavenly Birthday to your dear boy..."Forever Young" as Susan said. Dianne, I know of the darkness you speak of. I have it too. The pit of despair. I too, carry a bag, that I put my troubles in, but this one....this one won't fit. I have to wear it. It's so heavy to carry. It is a bag that noone would want to carry, and only those that carry it as well, can understand. As our guides here have taught me...don't fight it. Fall into it, and roll with it. Take care of you best you can. <3
  9. Our sweet Aurora
  10. Laurie, thinking of you and your family today. Happy Birthday in Heaven to your little angel Taylor. Wishing you love today and strength tomorrow in your court session. Laura and Karen, I'm hoping you find this place among us as welcoming as I have. It has been a saving grace since my finding my way here, by accident, many months ago. Georgina, I read your post, and only can nod my head. We are so very close in our dates..so I know of this darkness you speak of. Wishing we lived close, so you could feel a pair of knowing arms around you in comfort. Yesterday seemed a better day for me, thank goodness. As tired as I am, caring for my granddaughter during the week sure keeps me busy during the day. Now I know why my mother used to say we should have kids when we are young...bundles of energy. I don't think I ever shared her story with you. I will do that soon. She's a special little girl. Wishing everyone peace and comfort.
  11. Thank you. Thank you all. Laurie thank for that excerpt from that book. Totally makes sense, today's society does not allow proper time for mourning. It's back to life goes on, only days after, and the grieving are left adrift. Yes Shannon, this grief is just how you wrote.. Susan, Dee, Dianne, Laura, Stephens mom, and any who I missed..I'm thankful you are here. It was an extremely rough day. One of those days where I felt drained and exhausted..after the emotions came out of the floodgates. I think I needed it. Ive resigned myself to the fact, I need to let it happen..roll with it when it happens. Hoping for a better day today.
  12. I feel selfish right now. I am not writing to respond, for I feel unable to read and comprehend. I need to tell you, who understand...this is a dark place, I'm so angry, fist punching angry. I wish my heart to wrap around what my head knows is true...i know it's a process to climb out of this place...I know it will happen. I've endured alot in my life. The years of a terrible marriage. I was sick after gastric bypass to the point of malnourishment on a feeding tube. Years and years of dealing with Matthew and his addiction....but this, this has brought me physically to my knees. the images of his face, and our conversations, seem like yesterday, yet they are so far away. Everything has gone downhill since the moment he left. I am stuck....stuck in my grief..
  13. Shannon, what a great picture of Trista..such a sweet smile. Leah, I send many many wishes of strength to you. My mom passed suddenly of a heart attack in her home. I can still remember the day like it was yesterday. My dad suffered another two years with emphysema and my sister and I did so much of his caretaking, so I know you are tired. But I know as tiring as it was, and how sad it made me, I had a peace within knowing I was able to do for him what I was doing. Sherry, so nice to get away..and for you to come home to your message about your boy in the paper. I'm afraid that people won't remember Matthews Angel date..maybe the first year but there after? I recently posted an article here I had read, and it said there are two days a year that we need a time out..their birthdays and their angel dates. It's been busy around here. My daughter called me Tuesday when I was still in PA, that there was an animal stuck in the chimney pipe for our wood stove. She decided to climb to the roof to try to free it and ended up falling from the ladder. Luckily my NEW patio furniture broke her fall, and she only ended up with a bruised and cut knee and calf. My son came over last night and went up and freed the bird that was stuck in there. And then this morning getting ready a bird zipped through my house!! After nearly having a heart attack I opened all the doors and it flew out. Today we also took my granddaughter to the zoo. She had a great time, and it was beautiful day spent with my daughter and my granddaughter. My granddaughter just loves her aunt Amanda, or Da Da, as she calls her. Does my heart good. Even when she sees a picture of Matthew, she knows him, and will say his name, Matthew. It's music to my ears. Love to all..to have a peaceful night.
  14. Dee, it truly breaks my heart about your nephew. And to also be 'Matthew' My offer still stands if you or your sister needs a shoulder. Addiction takes many prisoners. Thank you for your message about 'hope'. I'm not there yet. I'm truly buried in my grief and often question myself if I should already snapped out of it. My guides here give me affirmation that I cannot rush my grief. Since Matthew left us, I feel I haven't had time to address my feelings because of the neediness of the people in my life. I struggle to try to make them understand but fall short.. Many try to compare their losses to mine, and while I will never squash someone's grief over the loss of an elderly parent, as I've lost both of mine, this grief is so very different. I've never experienced such darkness and loneliness. Shannon.. You have found 'home'. Sounds so special.
  15. Oh Wade, I just watched the video. I'd be waiting for some alone time...I can't even find the words to thank you enough, for you to know how it touched me. Let the tears streaming down my face say it all..