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About MMartins

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    Husband died
  1. Confused

    My husband died of a fatal car crash 6 months ago. We had this couple who were our friends for many years but who were more takers then givers. But we always tried to over look that. Before my husband died, he distanced himself from them, but did not really explain why. I continued our friendship. After 4 months of my husband's death, i was told by these same friends that my husband was trying to hook up with my friend's cousin. And that they had a fight because of that. They also said that the lady did not reciprocate. My husband asked them not to mention anything to me and that it was just a joke, nothing serious. When i tell this to another couple, who are very close to us, but have problems with friends #1, they tell me that my husband in fact told them that he had an affair with this lady, that she was looking for it, and that friends #1 knew about it. Friends#2 could only say what they saw, which was not much but that they believed in my husband. I confronted friends#1 but they denied and even said horrible things about my husband, that he did not care about me or his family, that he was a liar. And after that we stopped talking. I tried to get facebook access to his account as i was told there were things there which could maybe prove something, but facebook denied me. I always supported my husband, being the bread winner, when he wanted to persue a dream, change his life, i was there. He could be physically and emotionally abusive, being from a "macho" country and upbringing did not help. But we also had a beautiful times also. We have a 3 year old daughter. By the end of our marriage, we were living partners, and he did not make any attempts to listen to me to improve our relationship. And i was tired of being the one to try and make things better. I think we would have separated if he was still alive eventually... So now i feel like i am divorced from husband and not a widow, and very angry, as he is not around for me to confront him.... That i wasted many years of my life, and even after enduring so many bad things, but holding on to this relationship out of love, that he was not even loyal to me... My other problem is how to handle the friendship with friends #1... Since they told me, for whatever reason, they have opened pandora's box as all this other stuff came out... Many say they should not have told me because now i can not do anything... And saying these things about my husband's actions: that he did not care, etc is very hurtful, and i get very defensive, not because i think they are not true, i guess because i am a loyal person and he is the father of my child... I feel like i am the only one who can say anything about him.... Its very hard and i am very confused.