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About TearsInHeaven

  • Rank
    For Michael

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
  • Loss Type
    Lost my adult son Michael
  • Angel Date
    Nov 28,2014


  • First Name

Recent Profile Visitors

2,142 profile views
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Sarah, I don't know what your beliefs are but my first thought when you shared about the Christmas carol and with Rebekah's angel date right before Christmas.... well my thought was that she was was "going home" for Christmas. So maybe that was a sign from her to let you know she was in Heaven and was well. Samantha, I am thinking Anthony is reaching out.Understanding that lonely feeling afterwards but try to let the comfort he sent step forward. Luanne, Kate, well done my Canadian friends with the Olympic Hockey Bronze. Had the game on early here... a little nerve wracking that last 3 minutes. Had some addition work on my veins... seems like after my summertime procedures, my left leg wants to continue to need additional treatment. Got to love the gazillion needle sticks...My right leg took to the treatments great and is pain free but the left.... maybe because it was worse and I'm left handed???? Just taking it easy today..the giant puddle from the rains is almost gone and you know I am liking the temps creeping up. Take care of yourselves and think one small good thing today. It is out there waiting for you to see it.
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Margarett, thanks for posting pictures of Jason and all your children. I do appreciate it when we get to see a picture of your angel. It really helps to see their face and make their life personal for all of us. I really like when a parent can put that small picture on their profile because to me it is a reminder that these beautiful children/adults are what we are all about and keeps their meaning alive for me at least. Good for you cooking. That is a good step. When I read that I tried to think of when did I ever cook after our initial shock. I cannot remember. Those early months were such a painful fog. Please make sure you take care of yourself. Your health is important to your family as well to yourself..
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    Broken Mum, I know these words do not come close to alleviating your pain but I am so sorry for your loss. I know these words get to be just background noise after hearing them so often. You have come to a place where those of us here can relate to the loss of a child. You have come to a place where those of us unfortunately know the pain of losing a child. all too well. But in this place we have bonded together to share, and support each other with this loss. When your child dies our world is shattered and we are brought to our knees. I am three plus years into this and the path of grief throws things at you. But having the ability to get my feelings out has helped...if helped is the right word.... There is not a day goes by that I do not think of losing my son and the sorrow is always hanging around my heart. Your daughter fought a brave fight to stay with you and her brother. . You are probably doing so many "what ifs' in your mind. You seem like you know to just take it one day (or one hour or one minute) at a time. I know you feel like you can never live through this pain but you will. But think about only getting through the next minute. It is a rough and rocky road ahead. . Cry when you need to, I am sure it will come often. There is nothing wrong with that. At some point the shock wears off even just a little and it does start to feel real and then there are whole moments and days when the pain is almost unbearable. It can seem as if you are coping better and then a trigger sets it all right up front again. And sometimes it just comes out of nowhere. Sharing your pain can help you process it. Your grief is your own and you will grieve in your own way and your own time. Grief does not come with instructions. It is up and down, through tunnels and a drop like a roller coaster ride. Hold on with both hands. And remember, you do not have to do this alone. We are here for you.
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    Sarah, Peggy, Virginia, Margarett, Samantha,Lou I read somewhere that tears are not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength and show that you are prepared to work through your grief. I cannot say I was prepared or strong but the tears flowed and often still do. I think the first layer of shock gets peeled away somewhere around month 3 or 4. That is about the time you will see that a lot of people, co-workers even relatives will try to avoid talking about your loss. That may also coincide with the need to start handling any business items (bank, insurance, etc.) you have to deal with. That is a real punch in the gut when you have to start using the words....my son/daughter passed away. Grief has a life of its own....you never know when it will choose to rear its ugly head. I've come to accept that, even now, there will be times that I have a bad day. For no reason, for any reason, for the most important reason that I have lost my child, and I know it will happen, I just don't always know when. Though not a one for one relationship there are also moments of light. At first I was afraid to recognize that. It took a while for those to come and for me to be willing to accept them. Sure, I still have problems sleeping, the list of "what ifs", the forever sadness that sits in my heart. But, sometimes I try really hard to embrace those moments of light and put the days, weeks and months of pain and despair in what I call my "little black bag". This is where I keep all of the terrible things that have happened to me through my life. My son is NOT in that bag, he is in my heart, with me every day. Leah, glad you are on the mend and find the moments to celebrate JaBoa's birthday and the time you had her. Colleen, Sandy good to see you.
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    Susan, very good post and glad to see you this morning also.
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    Kate, glad I could find the song for you. No problem. I too was in my teens when that came out. I had the long straight hair and thick bangs. I still keep a peace sign on display in my house. Michael's urn has a peace sign on the cover as my son and I saw a lot of things the same. My husband still calls me his "clean" hippy flower child ( even though I am old, old, old) as I never did drugs. Back a long time ago he used to sing this song to me "The rain, the park and other things." Considering he was always a hard rock kind of guy, he really stepped out of his element. So thank you for sending me on this trip down memory lane. I will admit do doing some purging here in my house. I still have more to go for sure. I think you just reach that point where you know you have to start looking at your "stuff". (I keep hoping to move to get to where my daughter and I can live closer---just out of Laramie) We set up a trust for my daughter and granddaughter. Since she is my only surviving child I did want to make things easier for her but my time will come when my time comes. I remember thinking when my grief was so new that I didn't care if I lived or died but as the reality came into perspective, I know I have a daughter and a granddaughter and I want to see Piper grow as much as I can. I also pay the bills but I have been having my husband do them periodically so he at least knows what to do. I think that like a young woman gets that "nesting" feeling you also get that organize and prepare for those "other things" that can happen as you get older. Enough of my rainy perspective.........peace and comfort to all.
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    Peggy, I also remember not being able to go anywhere after my loss. I could not go to a restaurant for 6-9 months as I just heard the talking and laughing and usual noises caused so much anxiousness that a panic attack was not far behind. It got better but it took time. I still am not all that comfortable even now but I can do it. I worked from home as a consultant so I did not have physical face to face with my co-workers. With that, work became a good thing for me. Any breakdowns were private. My husband did better than me. In the spring a couple of his friends started calling to golf once a week. One of the guys had lost two of his children several years before and I think he was pretty good at knowing how my husband felt. Now, I haven't worked for about a year so I guess I retired..... and now and then I wished I had something to do! I cannot believe it but I am actually considering some volunteer spots. If someone had told me (and they did) that I would one day be able to face and function with my grief I would never have believed it. I haven't "left" my son behind, he is with me every day and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I will always be a grieving mother, you will always be a grieving mother but our sons spirits and our spirits find a way to make our way. "Grief changes shape, but it never ends." "As long as I can I will look at this world for both of us. As long as I can I will laugh with the birds, I will sing with the flowers, I will pray to the stars, for both of us."
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Wow this is out of control...think everyone needs to take a breath and lets remember we are here to help each other. Tina, you should not leave a site that has helped you through these 11 months, with a hard time coming up on your first year. These are things I said and the next is the first thing. I don't want to see this be a problem especially at this time. I miss the anger part but sometimes it is hard when you are inside.I just wanted to be done with this gun conversation and did not expect all of this. You are a part of this forum, Tina and it would be important for you to remain.
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Wait now. I said I was done------meaning no gun talk for me. The link Tina sent (which I just clicked on as I have no Facebook either) was someone speaking about not controlling guns and every one has the right to defend themselves. He uses an example of a panther chasing an antelope and should we remove the antelopes horns and take away their defense. Whatever is whatever. I did not complete the speech. Tina you have a right to speak as you choose...that is the same as others have the right to speak in a different direction. This is a who came first the chicken or the egg story...crimes...defense...guns...assault rifles. ????? Tina I thought your snippets were very much on target. Our society has turned a very horrible corner and something somewhere has to stop. When an 18 year old cannot vote or supposedly drink alcohol in many states yet can buy an assault weapon I want someone in charge of our country to work this out so my granddaughter will never be traumatized like this...or any of our children or grandchildren. I have been involved in the treatment of many children who "found daddy's gun" with a horrible outcome. I was grabbed in a parking lot with a gun in my back. My heart, my soul belong to me just as anyone else can say what belongs to them. I just know when the right time (at least I thought) is to leave a conversation. I did see an interesting comment on all of this. Based on the old comment with a twist---Guns don't kill people---people with guns kill people.
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    Well... I'm done.
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Margarett, while I know you felt overwhelmed at the hairdresser I was touched to see how people rallied around you. I think you needed that to release some of the solitary emotion. Dee, I thought of you this morning as I was doing my morning walk (I walk in house because of the fear of uneven sidewalks) and had on my CNN fix. Of course, there as so much about the Florida loss. But, they were speaking to a woman who was I believe the President of the Teachers Association and the reporter asked her if she felt teachers were being trained well enough to handle the situations.... I gave her so much credit. She looked at him and said....how can you be trained to hand the instant carnage caused by an AR15. So many teachers who devote their lives to the education of our young, who have had to learn to also handle the pressures these times place on kids, the lack of so many parents to instill values leaving it up to the schools or maybe just glad their "kid" is out of their hair for the day.....and now those teachers need combat training to keep their students safe. My word, it just hits home in a way you never think it could. I just spent 3 days with my daughter and granddaughter. Piper will be 5 this summer and while she is in preschool now she heads off for kindergarten next years and all I could think of was if it is this scary now what will it be for her. I remember when I was in school (well this sure will date me), I was in a Catholic school and these were the days of not only fear of God but fear of "Russia". I can remember we had "bomb" drills to dive under your desk and put your hands on your head. Like that would help, right. I remember a Jimmy Buffett song that addressed just that. The next line was more realistic.... "and kiss your *** goodbye". But these days kids are subjected to this more definitive trauma on a real time basis. And where does the damage stop. Lesley, I agree with Dee above. You would be a great leader for a group like that. Your professional medical training would help but it is your human empathy and touch that could help so many. Tina, sadly those are such an accurate depiction of the sign of our times. What does it take to wake the people up? How many more lives and innocence are lost?
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    Heavy heart for our new parents. The pure sadness coming through... the every minute pain...things will eventually adjust for you. Yes, the sadness and pain become a part of you but your heart will find its way. I have only been three years with this and have certainly several steps back but there are steps forward. Somehow, some way your heart weaves this pain in. The loss of a child is the ultimate tragedy. Nothing can be more devastating and the toll on the parent is life altering. I for one never could imagine that there is anything harder in the lifetime than seeing your child leave this world before their time. You have lost a part of yourself. You have lost a part of yourself and you are shattered. I know I have not told you anything you haven't felt deep within your souls. But, you WILL survive this. You will be changed and a piece of you will be forever grieving. But you will SURVIVE. I wish I could say my experience was that in a month or so you will be as before. You will not be as before. And there is no timeline. There is no expiration date. You will grieve as you need to, in that unique way that is as unique as your love, as your child. There will be triggers that intensify your grief, much like life affirming events,..birthdays, anniversaries, their friends growing and marrying or whatever, some of you have already seen, as in THIS IS TUESDAY...OR SUNDAY...OR FRIDAY. But for now, take it as we all have been told, one day, one hour, one minute at a time. As impossible as it seems you will learn to smile...okay maybe only once in a while. Small steps, and accepting small moments are not disrespectful to your loss. They are moments of your child reaching out and giving you survival tools. My heart also goes out to all the losses in Florida. How many more lives have to be lost before the call to action is heard? Virginia, Kyle is the sweetest little boy. Such a big and happy smile. It is difficult to find some emotional strength from within at this time. Children grieve too. Being a parent is so hard.....being a grieving parent is off the charts. You will somewhere find the strength.
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    Adamsdad, by now you can tell you came to the right place and I am sorry that you suffered a loss so unimaginable. There are so many compassionate people here who get how this pain crushes you. This is a group who will listen and be always ready to stand by your side, hold your hand or whatever your heart needs as you join the sad journey of grief. . It can be filled with blocks of denial, and visions of moments and days when it just doesn’t seem real. We think about the "what ifs," as our mind is trying to take in and process what happened. We want so desperately to be able to go back in time and change the outcome. At some point the shock wears off even just a little and it does start to feel real which often increases the pain for some and then there are whole moments and days when the pain is almost unbearable. There are people here who have walked in your shoes, are here to cry with you, scream with you, get angry with you, love, support and pray with you regardless of your circumstances and what and how you're going through this nightmare. Family and friends can be a big support but unless they too have lost a child, they don’t truly understand what you are facing. It is so important to try to take care of yourself even though it may be the last thing on your mind. Give yourself time and space to grieve. We learn to carry our grief inside of us. And the grief DOES evolve. But right now think only of getting through a day or an hour or if necessary, a minute. You don't have to go through this alone.
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    Peggy, hang on. Do some visualizations of a good thing, Those moments come out of no where. Sarah, it does get different and you learn to adjust. If better is your target word than think better. Rebekah is gorgeous and what a smile. Here I am giving you advice and trust me, just a few of years ago I was on that fragile cliff and not seeing how anything would get better. The new raw grief just turns you upside down and inside out. Margarett, thanks for sharing some of your precious memories of Jason with us. You know he was sitting right there with you when you typed out your post smiling at your reminiscing about all the things you hold dear.