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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About TearsInHeaven

  • Rank
    For Michael

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
  • Loss Type
    Lost my adult son Michael
  • Angel Date
    Nov 28,2014


  • First Name

Recent Profile Visitors

2,033 profile views
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Somewhere in Heaven is a beautiful young man whose name is Jeff. He is happy and feels all the love being sent to him. Jeff, send your family a soft, warm whisper to let them know you are near.
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thanks for the kind words on Piper. As our only grandchild she definitely slips into the role of princess for us. Yes I am a little short--61 inches and married a man over six foot.. one thing I towered over my mother. My cousin seems to be doing adequately. She is not an emotional type so it is hard to see anything but what is sadness in her face. That was her only child and as she pointed out, she lost him twice, once because of problems and now his untimely death. Memorial is Saturday so we will see. Maryann, thanks for the reminder last night on the candle lighting. There were certainly many flickering flames going up to the angels above.
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    Wow! Everyone is so busy decorating for the holidays. Another one of those things that brings hope....Dee- beautiful poem--- I am telling you a book should be in your future in honor of beautiful Eri. Kate, your description of your walks and wildlife ALMOST make me think good thoughts about snow... well maybe not, but they are very descriptive and beautiful as long as I don't have to actually go out in it. A pretty picture to look at.... Luanne, you took me by surprise with your new name. You are so right...your girl is in heaven and I believe cheering her mom on for letting some light in. Susan, hope you are getting stronger. Sherry, you always have the right words to say and I always appreciate them. Lesley, good for you to get up a tree. I am probably never going to do that and I always loved my Christmas tree. I have put out some winterlooking placemats with cardinals. Big step for me. But I admire your strength to do that tree especially with your ankle. My daughter sent me a picture of my little Piper. She is ready for tonight's hockey game. My daughter pointed out that there is now only 17 inches between my granddaughter and me in height--- and she is only 4. Peace, comfort and warmth to all.
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    Tina, I so understand how things are right now. That first year was like living in another dimension,. If this makes any sense it is like I knew but didn't accept, I felt every ounce of pain but couldn't comprehend. I guess that sounds weird I know. I truly cannot remember how I got through that year except for the pain. But now I have somehow completed three years...a rough time turning that corner for sure, but a change once again. I know that looking at some of our friends and mentors here gives me hope but believe me, my first year I did not understand that word hope. Luanne gave a lot of good advice above and while your mind read it eventually your heart will come along to absorb it. . The year of firsts I felt like roadkill where every moment was like being run over. I still have those times but I think I am learning to recognize them and work through. Slowly but surely. Tears still come daily and sleep is elusive many nights but some how a new day keeps coming. Eventually you will learn to recognize Kiona's arm around your shoulder especially when you need it most.
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    Luanne, so glad you posted back. You are an integral part of our group...I like the way that term "our group" sounds...and we are all different and yet united by one goal..learning to live after the worst loss imaginable. You know you hold Kira in your heart. She is never far from you, her dad, her brothers... Sometimes we slip and sadness and even agony swallows us but life is there. Hold onto it with both hands. That is Kira you just heard saying, "you got this mom, you can do it." Susan, thank you. I cherish the words when someone helps me relate to the bumps in this road. I think my last bump was a ravine.! Coming back up for air maybe made me a little stronger, a little more able to get back on my feet...for now. Hoping every day brings a bit of healing to you. That Veto...what a doll. Yea for the Blackhawks helmet even though they could use getting back on their feet this season. The light in your granddaughter's face speaks volumes. So yesterday my husband and I went to my cousin's to help go through pictures to create a "slideshow" for her son's memorial. Thanks to you all here and the things I've learned I think we did well in giving her and her husband a bit of comfort. Yes there were some sad moments but there were even some fond memories and a small bit of laughter. Her husband said that was a good afternoon and they needed that. Tim and I knew we needed it too. Paying it forward...
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    Luanne, I have read pretty much everything on here and NEVER have I seen you be unkind or uncaring. You may not realize it but YOU offer comfort so many times. I went through a really bad time the last weeks of November as we reached another marker and hope I never get so low again----but I know it will happen. It is the nature of our grief. If your thoughts are in the direction you are alluding to--PLEASE get some help. You are important and Kira knows and always knew that. We all have the "what ifs" so many times and probably always will. Your boys--- can you imagine your boys having to deal with losing you? You are their mother and a most important part of their lives. Yes someday they may marry and have children---and those children will be a part of you. How will your sons cope knowing that their children would not know what a wonderful mom they had that encouraged and loved them but left them? Yes, this journey is the worst ever and sometimes the pain can feel so overwhelming. But if you are in a dark place and feel that there is no way out you need to reach up your hand to a professional, a help line SOMEONE who can reach that hand and help to pull you back. Kira wants you get help because she will never accept your giving in. She knows you better. You may not feel like it is what you want but you are a good mom and you know that when darkness surrounds you you have to be the one to try. You can do it. You have come so far--yes maybe a few steps back but you are making it. Don't let NOT asking for help ever be a 'WHAT IF".
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thanks, Dee, you are very kind but we have it covered for now. She lives in Lansing so we are only about 7 miles apart. She is a very stoic person ( as opposed to me... I got all the emotion... the heart on my sleeve stuff). She was going to tell her mother this afternoon so I am kind of anxious about that. Her mother is 99 and in a nursing home and has essentially her faculties intact but is really not well. I suggested she might not want to tell her as that is her only grandchild. She said she had to tell her so it is her mom and she knows best. I am sure my aunt would have picked up on something being wrong. She told me I look so sad last time I saw her. So she has most of her mind but she is truly going down hill. Hope that went ok. Maybe going through the darkness I had from a couple of weeks ago just helped me rebound well enough to help my cousin... just focus on her pain and be there. We are certainly at an age where we will lose loved ones but who could anticipate that both of our mothers lived (lives) into their 90's and both of us lose our sons.
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    Goodness, Susan, so glad to see you post but certainly sorry for your illness. You were definitely missed and glad you are back and taking care of yourself. If I remember from all of your pictures you are a slight woman so you cannot lose too much weight. Hoping you get a good outcome and get back on your feet. Positive thoughts and prayers go out to you. Thanks Dee and Kate for positive thoughts for my cousin. She and her husband went to the Medical Examiner's office yesterday and thankfully they were able to identify via a picture as opposed to actually seeing the body. He has been dead since 11/19 and had no ID nor did he list any next of kin on his apartment lease. If not for his boss looking for him I am not sure how my cousin would have ever been tracked. Being the weekend, no one that was there was able to tell them anything. The morgue tech said maybe it was a homicide....MAYBE???? What a horrid thought to put in their heads and then have to go home and wait. Tim and I took them some food to their house yesterday and spent a little time with them. We let them talk and talk which we know was good for them. My daughter is flying into Chicago tomorrow and we are picking her up from the airport to spend the afternoon. She had to come in for work-her company is in Chicago but she works from home--I am looking so forward to seeing her. Wish she could have brought my granddaughter but I know that wasn't possible. I am happy to see her.
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Lesley, I had the same chinese type listings the other day. I closed out and the next time I wet in they were gone. However, since I have been seeing some ads in Chinese. Wasn't sure if ModKonnie needs to know. Kate, I am all for your mild winter. We are supposed to get snow sometime next week.... but Sunday is supposed to be warm. So, for some of you, you might remember that I have a cousin... she is the only close family member I have ( not counting my husband and daughter) Somehow or another she got a call yesterday from her son's boss. He told her that he was told by her son's landlord that her son died. Big convoluted story but she and her husband (stepfather to son) went to Chicago to see what was going on. They had been estranged for some time. Sure enough they tracked things down and sadly her son was listed as an unknown and had actually died 11/19. My heart breaks for her. Her son was in his fifties and had had some personality issues but from what she heard things seemed ok. He used to talk to his stepfather on rare occasions. Losing her son is tragic as we all can relate but to find that he was unidentified all this time I know has broken what was left of her resolve. Don't know much about the whys and wheres but that is not mine to ask. Mine is to support her through this difficult time. If you have some prayers for her, I know she could use them.
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello to all, ----I haven't been lying in a sleeping bag in an open field under the stars---I wasn't stabbed by a grifter,--I haven't been trampled by a herd of animals--nor contracted hypothermia--- (ok, I read that somewhere and thought it was poignant) but I have had a lot of soul searching. These few weeks have been brutal and raw with a lot of introspection in my heart and tenderness to surround my head. Sure didn't expect this black hole to swallow me. I hope I can be a positive voice with a tender heart to those who find themselves on this frightful journey we are all walking. Thank you Kate, Laurie, Sherry, Dee, Leah, Georgina and Lesley for expressing kind thoughts about Michael on his angel date and/or me. You all are my beacons in a dark path. Georgina- James' birthday will never be forgotten. It will always hold a special date on the calendar. Leah, sorry for the additional stress with your granddaughters and the change in the state"s (?) home visit. Most importantly you need to take care of yourself. If you are not well you need to do what you need to do to get well. Laurie- congratulations on the fantastic news of having your grandson get to stay with you. Hoping you can finally exhale. Give yourself a chance to feel those wonderful feelings. Tina, this journey is a bear with so many ups and downs. Certainly, my issues are because of me. You are a part of a group that will hold you when you need it and champion your steps whether they are big or small. Sorry to see about your job problem. You will come out on top. Kate, not sure where your decision came from to leave but I am glad you changed your mind. You have been such a solid support for me and many others. Lesley, first of all let me say the you Never failed anyone here. Your kindness and compassion reaches out to everyone who comes here in their darkest hour. I had hoped and still hope that we resolved any misunderstanding because I certainly wanted to do that---off the grid..... I really identified to your snippet on that .... Dee, your kindness and friendship is more appreciated than you know. We honored Michael's day by visiting his tree and doing a balloon release. His balloons flew high and set off in the direction of our home. We were about 6 miles away so it made us smile. Michael had sent a sign on Thanksgiving that I am holding on to with both hands. Even though the date really changes every year for the US Thanksgiving, I will always feel his loss on the Friday after Thanksgiving...kind of a double whammie. Today was sunny and on Sunday we are expecting 64F. A little warmth and sun is good for my soul. Cheryl- I know that MAC truck feeling. Just had a 3rd mark and I am shaky but on my feet. Good luck with your group. ----and you and Tony always have my prayers. Jean- getting through a birthday and a holiday----good for you. Wesley is smiling down on his mom. Susan....Luanne-- positive thoughts sent your way.
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    I believe I have made some progress in learning to manage my grief with even some moments of light in the darkness and trying to adjust to this new normal. My steps have been small but I believe they are there. I will miss my son for the rest of my natural life and I will NEVER be able to think of the day I lost him as just another day.
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Lesley, I am so sorry to hear about Tommy's friend. But, yes without a doubt, Tommy was there to help him in and they have probably been catching up in that manly way. Georgina, glad to hear you got some comfort from the retreat and a special thanks for remember all of our angels here. Dee, glad to see those antibiotics are doing their job. Hopefully, you can get some rest over the weekend. It is a rainy mess and tomorrow is supposed to be cold. There is a good book and a blanket with your name on it. Jean, I know how hard it is. It is a step forward. Don't let the steps back discourage you---you take this as small, baby steps and those grandchildren will always be there to put their little hands in your heart. You are very blessed to live close to them. I have one granddaughter and she will be my only one. I love her more than life. Unfortunately, after she was two they moved to Wyoming. So believe me when I say those grandchildren of yours will be the best lifeline ever. Hold on and know that those of us here will always surround you with a comforting place to be. Ten more days and I have relived every one from 3 years ago. My dear son, I miss you so....
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    Baby Lisa you are thought of today. Let big brother David hold you and and put you in your mama's arm so she can feel your presence.
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    Somersky, what a difficult task for you. A trying time but you WILL make it through. Skylar will be there beside you. He will offer the quiet strength you need.
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    Steve- a remembrance for you on yesterday's sad mark. Hold your family close to you as they make it through another year, another time.