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About TearsInHeaven

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    For Michael

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  • Gender
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  • Loss Type
    Lost my adult son Michael
  • Angel Date
    Nov 28,2014


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  1. Lauraliz- losing your father and then your daughter is such a traumatic time. My condolences are sent to you with as much comfort as I can send. Rainie is right --you are in the overwhelming grip of grief and your heart and soul are so broken. You have come to a place where those of us unfortunately know this pain all to well but fortunately have bonded together to share, and support each other with this loss. Right now don't think of how you will get through the rest of your life. You need to think about the next hour, minute... that is all you can handle right now. Your grief will be unique just as Maddy is. You will learn your way on this path. Sharing your pain can help. I am a couple of years into this and the path of grief throws things at you. but having the ability to get my feelings out has helped...if helped is the right word.... There is not a day goes by that I do not think of losing my son and the sorrow is always hanging around my heart. But it is a little different then in the beginning--- Someone on the Loss of an Adult Child thread told me early on that tears are the love you have inside for your child. That has stuck with me all this time. I am sure your love for Maddy is pouring out of you. Laurie, in the post above ,has been one of those I think of as a mentor on my journey. There are many active parents on there. Losing a child no matter what age or what circumstances is the loneliest journey a person takes. Those who come close to understanding that are those who share that experience. A grieving parent has to find their own way to live with a loss but they do not have to be alone.
  2. Susan-both mom and son smiling on their way home. News cannot be any better.
  3. Gretchen-Michael's girlfriend used to sell on ebay all the time. They broke up about a year or so before he died so I don't know if she still does. I also used to work with someone that sold on a thing called bonanza.com. There is also a place called Etsy. I think ebay has a new thing (or maybe it has been around) where you can have them take care of the listing and shipping. I don't know what their cut is. I know you all are frustrated with the warmer temps but sorry to say I like it. I don't have allergies that I know of---maybe cottonwood in the spring---- but those days with all the ice were brutal. It seems though we either get bitter cold and sun or warmer and gloomy with so much rain my yard is saturated. I know we will catch up with the snow. That's a given.
  4. Susan- you are so right. I pray daily that soon my daughter and her family and Tim and I will live closer together. I am not giving up that hope. Your new little man is so adorable. He looks like he is doing so well. Way back in my career on the clinical side we used to have do xrays on babies in the NICU so often and watched their progress. Veto looks like he is moving right along. Positive thoughts for all of you. By the way, I love your Grama's sayings.---the wisdom of the old ways still so on target today.
  5. Wendy- I am at a loss to fully express my sadness for you and your family. You have been through so much such a tumultuous time of grief. You have my sincere condolences and you are in my prayers.
  6. I echo Gretchen's sentiments. Dee, you have been such a help on this grief journey. Laurie, Sherry,Susan, Becky, Kate, Wade, Colleen, (sorry if I missed others) have been the best support group I could have found. Georgina, sharing a timeline so close to yours.... You all have frequently surrounded me with compassion during all of this and for that I will always be grateful. I also hope that while I am still struggling, that you all have "taught" me a little something and I can help someone else with this. With that said, I just have to say that all the talk of guns has been a disturbing topic. Everyone has their own thoughts and opinions and that is what makes us. Dee has said it well as we share a proximity to Chicago and no longer make it a part of our life. I have also seen children in the ER shot dead and the parent swearing the guns were secured...enough said for me. Wendy, what a beautiful grandson. He is a reason to keep going as hard as it is.
  7. Susan- what a beautiful little boy. And what a proud family name. So happy to hear that mom and baby came through this well. An amazing new branch on the family tree.... God bless all of you---Mom, Dad, Baby and the pack of family that gathered around to support this miraculous event.
  8. Susan- my prayers and most positive thoughts for your granddaughter and grandbaby. Prayers for you being on the home front knowing you would rather be there with them to lend positive thoughts and moral support. My thoughts are with you.
  9. Gretchen-thanks,---- that was kind of how I looked at it when I first read that. Sort of a following in line with the "don't look to far in advance" thought of taking it one day at a time. If there is a bright day---go with it and embrace it. Baby steps in adjusting to the new normal.
  10. Gretchen- totally incredible boots! Susan, yes I understand the starting a New Year without our child. Now that November and December are past I want to look at things with a better heart. I know the dark days will be there hovering around waiting for their chance to swoop in. And swoop they will, I am sure of it. But for today, the sun is shining (even though it is bitterly cold--guess we either get a little warmer and gloom or sun and frigid) At least not as bad as Wyoming on Friday---- it was minus 31 with windchills at minus 50's! I can only believe that God has a plan for me-somewhere-somehow. Dee-hope you are feeling better as you return to school. It is odd to see the holiday time for schools go this long into January and short at the Christmas dates. When I was a kid, the school district used to start the holiday as close to Christmas as possible to extend until Jan 7th for the orthodox holiday. It was a public school and all but there were so many orthodox ethnicities that they actually tried to accommodate it. Thank you for sharing your poem. As always it was point on and thought provoking. I came across an old posting on a different grief site that I found really touched me and I thought I would share. Also the date fell in a time when I was covering from a very serious health event so I guess that peaked my interest. But, I thought it said a lot about hope. This is a post from freshWidow.com written by SupaDupa, How do you know when you're turning the corner on grief?, they ask. There's hope and confusion in their eyes. And who wouldn't want the pain to end? But I can't lie and say, "On day one of year two, you will be all fixed up." I would never say that; they believe it anyway. (I believed it too. We must all make it up with our good imaginations.) And you can't tell them time makes any difference, even though it's totally true, because they will hit you. I might say, "give it time," and "I'm not sure there's really a corner, but you will feel better one day." Here's what it felt like to be turning the corner on grief: I had more good days than bad days. I started to get ideas about things I wanted to do next. I began to feel that my loss was not the worst thing that ever happened to anyone. (the worst thing for me) I had urges to see friends, exercise, clean up, and change things around. I started to be able to help other people. Some people mention that they start to be able to see things in colour again, or they start to taste food again (which usually results in their being disgusted that they ate Cheerio's for dinner 6 months straight, but whatever. Accept and move on!) I think what's important is knowing that for most of us, it's not dramatic, nor even a single event. (We say "grief is not linear," but seriously, is anything in life linear?) For most of us, we say we feel like we're going "two steps forward, one step back," (often, "two back and one forward"). We say it's a bumpy road, or a rollercoaster. We say its better when the peaks are higher and the valleys are less low. Most valuable is knowing that the time scale is incredibly long: no matter how long "grief" lasts, it's not unusual for it to take several years to get to a stable place where you smile a lot. But it's not linear: you're not inconsolable and disabled and an open wound the entire time. You keep changing and the world keeps moving too, and sometimes you are in sync with it. Sometimes you can find a perfect metaphor even if it doesn't QUITE fit. This story about the wonderful Frog and Toad (by Arnold Lobel) captures at least one tiny bit of it perfectly: that progress happens when things just keep moving along, however they will, and whatever you think you're looking for, keep your eyes open to the world around you. My daughter hates it when story time makes me cry but these gentle little reptiles always get me in the gut. Toad has been soaked in the rain, and Frog shares a story about how his father told him to buck up, "spring is just around the corner:" "I wanted Spring to come. I went out to find that corner. I walked down a path in the woods until I came to a corner. I went around the corner to see if Spring was on the other side. "And was it?" asked Toad. "No," said Frog. "There was only a pine tree, three pebbles and some dry grass. I walked in the meadow. Soon I came to another corner. I went around the corner to see if Spring was there." "Did you find it?" asked Toad. "No," said Frog. "There was only an old worm asleep on a tree stump." And so on. Four corners, and spring is not around any of them. Disappointed, tired, Frog heads home as it starts to rain. "When I got [home]," said Frog, "I found another corner. It was the corner of my house." "Yes," said Frog. "I was very happy. I had found the corner that Spring was just around." "You found it!" cried Toad. "I saw the sun coming out," said Frog. "I saw birds sitting and singing in a tree. I saw my mother and father working in their garden. I saw flowers in the garden." "What did you see?" asked Toad. "I went around that corner, too," said Frog. "Did you go around it?" asked Toad. And why do I love this? Because what makes spring come... is not so much the effort it takes to look around all those corners (although doing so is unavoidable)(and all the effort to work with the sad burden of grief) ... but the work it takes to plant a garden. So keep hope in your eyes... but keep those peepers open, peeps, especially when things are changing. Spring's a-comin'.
  11. Dee, sorry to hear your nephew is struggling with that addiction. Drugs have turned this country upside down with the death and damage it causes to families. Wish the "new administration" could do something with this crisis...Sorry you are not feeling well. We are back in the deep freeze. Wish it were at least March! It is just January and I am suffering from cabin fever. Bob's idea with the woodstove sounds great. We used to have one at the other house and it heated the whole house---2 floors.... Loved it but lots of work. Laurie, we've become FaceTIme aficionados since our granddaughter is in Wyoming. She is getting old enough to really chat with us.Not as good as being with her but at least we see her grow. Bob, just to let you know that your humor is your humor and the part of you you shared with Jake. You offer a whole different approach and different is not a bad thing...hope you can get that relationship with your little grandson. You will be the one to keep Jake with him and let him know what a good man his father was. Jake will be right there with you and his little baby boy.
  12. Blake's mom, trying to struggle through these days is pretty overwhelming. If I have "learned" anything on this horrible path is that this journey is unimaginable. I know on the Loss of an Adult Child we have a couple of moms that also lost babies. Talk to those who KNOW. Like I said, your grief is unique as your child is unique but I know how much it has helped me to talk to others who have experienced a loss. I think of them as mentors and now after 2 years, I think of them as friends. They got where I was coming from. Talk about Blake. Right now the memories make you cry and they will for a long time. I still do. But the others who have had to walk this path longer than me have given me the strength to carry on. That loving little boy who made your world smile and lit up the sky is still with you in your heart. Hang on to that with both hands.
  13. Bob, your words say it all--- While your oldest may have some struggles on his own, you are there for him. Laurie, Georgina, hope you all are managing through this time of year. Know that you are being thought of.
  14. Blake's mom,I am so truly sorry for your loss and your heartache. My son was an adult when he died but I have a little 3 year old granddaughter. I can imagine the pain you are going through and understand the depth of pain of losing a child. Your grief will be as unique to you as your beautiful son was unique to you. Right now your world is a deep, dark, awful place. Rainie has some good words for you. A parent losing a child is the hardest thing to face and right now your pain is raw. You are too shocked to think straight. As hard as it is please make sure to take care of yourself. That is the hardest thing to do right now. Also talk about your beautiful Blake, talk about your feelings, your loss. Take things one small step at a time. Don't think about tomorrow or next week, think about just making it through the next minute. Right now your heart is in a thousand pieces. Give yourself credit for every small step and know that the tears will come. Some one told me that all those tears are love you have inside for your child.
  15. Dee, you have such special times with your grandkids. The memories you make for them are priceless. How special that little Erica could wear her aunt's skating skirt. That had to bring so many memories to you. Life threw so many curve balls and yet you became the person you are. Thank you for sharing so freely of your insight, your heart and everything inbetween. Today is harder than I thought it would be as I was never a New Year kind of person but that rock figure Susan has shared is definitely today for me. My kids always called me around 6-7pm since they knew I would sleep at midnight! Michael always sent a text at midnight though with his thoughts. Liked the item you mentioned to Sandy about letters from parents. I think it is a great idea and one I would hope my daughter would embrace for our little Piper.---or if not, maybe me for whatever time I have. Could you share where it is available? Bob, Susan and Dee gave you support and words to think about regarding your son. It is sad when someone that you love hangs a curtain between you. Think of it as a curtain and not closing a door. Maybe someday he will be wanting to step back through that curtain. Maryann, your post about one second in time says volumes about how each of us found ourselves in this nightmare. Thanks for sharing that. Sweetpea, Donnie's Mom, dbateman, Rainie, Layton's Mom, Casey'smom, tommy's mom and others on the other forums. I wish you some peace and comfort. Hoping you might find your way to this group. To all of those here working together to help each other manage this grief journey, I wish you peace and comfort in the coming year and a heartfelt thanks for your compassion.