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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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OBnurse_atyourcervix

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  • Content count

    2
  • Joined

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About OBnurse_atyourcervix

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United States
  • Interests
    Reading, crafts, animals, movies
  • Loss Type
    Mother, Mother-in-Law living with end stage cancer
  • Angel Date
    8/23/2012

Converted

  • Occupation
    OB/GYN nurse
  • Last Name
    Lindfors
  • First Name
    Traci
  • Zip
    46360
  1. My daughter would have been born 10/27

    I know your post is over a month old, I just joined the forum, but I feel compelled to post. I am an OB/GYN nurse, I want to share with you what I share with my patients that experience a devastating loss like yours...You did nothing to cause your daughter's passing, this is not your fault, you are not a failure as a parent. These feelings are very common among my patients that have had a demise, please reach out to your friends, family and also your OB's office-they can provide you with information and resources to help you get the support you need. One of the most gut wrenching aspects of my specialty is that sometimes there is no reason why tragic losses like yours happen, explaining this to grieving parents looking for answers breaks my heart every time I do it. I hope I'm not too late and you read this and I truly wish you peace.
  2. I AM ANGRY!

    I know what you're going through, I lost my mom to bladder cancer in August of 2012, unless someone has had to grapple with a decision regarding hospice they don't truly understand. First and foremost, you have nothing to feel guilty about, hospice aims to improve the dying person's quality of life-that is something you can feel proud you helped to initiate. Whether it's out of grief, ignorance, lack of understanding or a million other reasons, many people believe hospice=giving up on the person and just "letting them die". This can be an opportunity to educate, let people know that hospice isn't just about a person dying-it's actually quite the opposite. Hospice helps a person LIVE their life with as much comfort as possible, with dignity...I love this quote from Dr Atul Gawande relating to palliative care and hospice: "I am very worried about the idea that the goal is a good death. The goal is a good life as much as possible all the way until the very end". I want to add that I'm a nurse and actually worked with hospice early in my career, but when my mom was the patient my heart was constantly trying to overrule my head-even though I knew she was suffering and any "treatment" at that point was futile, I had always thought this would be a no-brainer for me until it was ME in that position. Everything else your feeling is absolutely normal, as I watched my mom slowly die, I was mad at the world-I hated everyone and everything. I am the only child of a single mom, now here she was dying, I was mad at her for leaving me alone in this world (I am married with 2 kids, but that didn't matter). I cried, I isolated myself, I lost 25 pounds in a couple months, I shut down, I lashed out, I exploded, I broke things, I thought I was crazy. During the midst of this my mother-in-law gave me a book about grief, I refused to open it, until the day I had one of my biggest meltdowns...I saw that book laying in the same spot I had left it weeks before, that's also the day that I discovered everything I was feeling and doing was NORMAL, who'd of thought it? I learned there was no "right" way to grieve and that there is no timeframe to grieving, you just have to go through it to get through it. I wish you peace and if you need to talk or vent...please post, I'll listen. Oh yeah, that "Be Strong" that I got all the time made me sick, I always wanted to respond back with "I can't wait to see how strong you are if, Heaven forbid, you have to deal with something like this...then you can be my new role model".
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