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About InHeavensKeeping

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  • Loss Type
    Loss of First Born Adult Son 11th /09/2014 ~ Loss of buaby 28/02/1884
  • Angel Date
    September 11 th 2014 /// Febuaray 28th 1984


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    Po9 3re

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  1. I just wanted to give a sad welcome to the new parents that have joined this forum. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you found us though as the support you will receive is life saving. 'it was for me'. I'm still not very well at the moment just keep getting one thing after another and to top it all I've been told I might need surgery again I'm so fed up with it. I haven't heard anything from the investigation that's running. It's just so stressful, such a battle and just very unfair its enough to cope with this massive loss without having to fight for justice as well. Sorry just so worn out from it all. I read the posts everyday you are all in my prayers and all our angels too. God Bless gxxx
  2. Thinking of and praying for all. Just feeling so broken gxx
  3. Oh Wade I cried when I saw the photo again thank you xxx Diane I wish to be strong like you. James left so many sketch books lots of words beautiful words he could of been a writer he wrote from his heart but I can't even look at them I've tried but I get distraught. I'm so happy you found strength and then the joy in looking through it. Xxx Gretchen Thankyou I remember your story of the dragonfly xx Dee Thankyou for your kind words I don't know what I'd do without you all xxx Susan Thankyou I wish I could think of my colleague as trying to help but she said everything in the way the artical on ' grief bulling' decribes. She feels were in the same boat as she lost her dad and husband but it's not the same as loosing your child I can't say that to her and I wouldn't but it's another battle I could do without. X God Bless xx
  4. Hi thanks Gretchen really helps me to have this caring family xx Dee I'm feeling a bit better today still in bed look awful just white with big black panda eyes. I have to keep going Dee I'm scared I could give up so easily but you all keep me going step by step day by day. I do feel bad because I don't do much for all of you but I did stay up last night looking for a song to touch our hearts and hopefully give us all some comfort that all I can manage. Xx Wade so happy to see you back. I will never forget the video you did for us. And that wonderful day you found the deer on Brooks resting place such a beautiful sign from your beautiful Son. So sorry your having to go through so much death of young people it much be so hard I wish you strength in the next coming days Wade. God Bless xxxx Take care everyone gxxx And Thankyou xxx
  5. Thank you Sherry I've been in such a dark place since James's anniversary. Peters is looming. I'm trying to hang on with both hands. Xxxx James and Peter I miss you so much I will love you forever. Sweet Dreams xx Mum xxxx
  6. Just wanted to say a quick hi to all. I'm not well again have a heavy cold enough to keep me in bed today. I'm going to try wring the journal as Diane suggested I feel ready to so this but just a word or two of how I'm feeling I don't think I could write about James yet my heart wouldn't take it. Thank you Kate Dee Diane and Sherry for caring xx Ive put up the pictures of the Robin that's sits with us at the grave this is on the feeding table but when I sit there, the grave, it will come out and sit with me so close I can see it breathing. Also my kisses in the sky these really lift me for a moment as I feel James is trying to let me know he's ok. But I very quickly get my doubts and that almost distroys me. God Bless xx
  7. Cheryl thinking of you and saying some prayers for you that you will feel Forest close to you today. God Bless xxxx
  8. Thank you Diane for your advice and kind thoughts and words I am going to try the journal never thought to write a word or two it will help me when I look back. I do think we've come a long way but I think your doing better then me. I m just stuck in that moment, on that day, the thoughts, feelings, details, fresh and raw. I do have lighter moments but there always tinged with the much badger ones that are waiting in the background ready to knock you sideways in a second. I'm trying I listen / read and
  9. Thanks Kate and Dee it's a sad fact of my life that I am surrounded by grief bullies. Today as I drove into work I felt so upset I sat in the car when I arrived crying, I have been doing this often of late, then I pull myself together and get out of the car and take those steps forward to start another day. But today a colleague saw me and came over she opened my door and said "come on get out I'm not standing here in the cold""this is got to stop"james wouldn't want this" you've got to be strong and keep going" . It went on and on I know she was trying to help but she's such a hard person she lost her dad when she was forty and her husband a few years later and kept saying "I know it's hard but you've got to move on". Then she said I shouldn't still be going to the grave each day that it's not good for me. I felt even worse and just wanted her to leave me alone. She made me feel like it's wrong to cry and I shouldn't do it. I kept saying I am strong I'm still here srnt I I work every day don't I! I guess she's a grief bully. I just wish I had a bit more energy to fight back but I don't but thank you Dee for the advice xx I'm glad you got the changes and the settlement in your case a bit of justice for all Take Care xxx
  10. This is an interesting article which I can resonate with Xx When your grief is attacked June 13, 2014 by RaeAnne Fredrickson Leave a Comment Grief bullies are all around us. I wish it weren’t true, but it is; the desperately brokenhearted are ambushed and attacked for their normal response to grief. It’s happened to me. It’s happened to my loss friends, and sadly, it will happen to the next parent whose precious child dies. Even people who seem to have amazing support will eventually experience an inexpiable shift, where suddenly people have “had enough”. And every time I encounter these heartless attacks, my blood boils, my heart grieves deeper, and I have to fight the urge to reach out and shake the insensitive offender. These grief bullies are intolerably cruel. What’s so appalling is that these unfounded attacks are often made by family and friends, the very people who should be supporting them the most. They claim to be “well-meaning”, and to have your best interest at heart, but good intentions mean nothing when it comes to grief. It’s the selfishly-motivated desire to be rid of our grief that brings about this turn from support to attack. And while it’s inexcusable that a babyloss parent should be accosted for his/her completely normal reactions to a devastating loss, it seems to happen all the time. Just like any other bully, the attack is never about the loss parent. It’s always about the bully. Grief makes them uncomfortable, so they lash out. It’s the ultimate version of kicking someone while she’s down. It hurts my heart because the LAST thing in the world a grieving parent needs is heartless “correction” by a person who has no clue what they’re talking about. And believe me when I say, if you’ve never experienced the death of your own child, you do not understand, and your opinion of child-loss grief is irrelevant. How sad that we live in a society that thinks you can get over the death of your child. How broken it is to believe a few months or years will be all it takes to heal such a massive, gaping wound. I guess people don’t understand the bond between a parent and child. I guess they don’t see how bullying actually sets healing back. How it makes it even harder to move forward. Otherwise, they would know it never ends; that love doesn’t end with death. The grief of living without your child is new every day. Yes, it changes, but there is no such thing as the day you wake up and are “done”. If people put their energy into supporting, nurturing, and encouraging the bereaved instead of focusing on their own needs and opinions, can you imagine how much easier it would be for the parent to heal in a healthy way? I can. It’s time for grief bullying to end. So let me just take a moment to speak directly to those who bully the grieving: First, let me say that unless you own child has died, you do not understand the grief of child-loss. Period. So stop thinking you know how it should be done. You don’t. Secondly, I just want to know: What is it you don’t understand? Are you really so heartless that the death of a baby means nothing to you? Do you really value the life of an innocent child so little? Are you really so lacking in empathy? Or is it that you’re afraid? Afraid that if you accept my reality then you’ll realize you’re vulnerable too? Does it hurt too much to face the truth that death can take whomever he likes, whenever he likes and you too could just as easily be sitting right next to me in grief? I did not choose this. I don’t want to feel this way. But if I’m the one who has to live this out, the very least you can do is try to be understanding and compassionate. If I tell you how I feel, it doesn’t matter one bit if you don’t like it, or disagree. It’s not about you. At all. Your only job is to lovingly support me, right where I’m at. If you can’t do that, then you need to stay out of my life. When you and your friends in the gossip circle decide “someone needs to say something”, or when you get the urge to “set me straight,” STOP. You are wrong. Completely and totally wrong. My child died. My heart, my beliefs, my comfort, my joy, my safety, my future, my dreams, and so much more have been mercilessly stripped away and I’m expected to keep on living. I will never be the same again. Suggesting I “get help”, “take a pill”, “put on my big girl pants”, or anything like this are all completely selfish and massively insensitive things to say. They do the opposite of helping me. They make my life harder and it’s already about as hard as it can be. “Tough love” has no place in grief-support. Helping me involves climbing down into the ugly pit of grief in which I now unwillingly reside, and sorting through the sorrow, anguish, rage, trauma, confusion, and injustice with me. Your quiet support is all that’s required. Unfortunately for us, not many people can dig deep enough into their pool of compassion to be the kind of support a grieving person actually needs, for the long term. And if my choice is between grieving my beloved child’s death in the way that works best for me, or being your friend, you’re going to lose. I will not pretend to be okay for the sake of people who don’t understand. My love and my loss are too big to hide, and it’s not my job to make you feel better. Always remember this: It’s never okay to criticize a grieving parent. Ever. You have no idea how hard it is to live without your child, and your inability to understand doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong. It means you need to put that much more effort into loving and supporting me. Until you can do that, I have no room for you in my life. My heart is too full of love for my baby, and my energy too tied up in supporting myself as I do the work I need to recover from this trauma.
  11. thank you Sherry and Susan I can't explain but I truly feel that at times over the last few months that I have gone backwards in this journey. Just managing to work but can't seem to cope with much more. I'm trying hard trying to hold onto the hope but just feels that all those around me expect more by now and that hurts and hurts beyond measure. The case is just starting to move now the police have the report and have acknowledged this after a month of waiting. I just really hope that they do right by us now, finally, I don't know what I'd do if they don't. But Kate I did cling to that fact that we'd had some good news. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for keeping me going these last few months I really do. Reading the post and pins and seeing all the family photos have really helped me it's nice to know you have someone that really gets it xxx Hugs and peace to you all gxx
  12. I wanted to share this I found it so uplifting that somebody understands what loss feels like and have produced this album of songs about loss. There's an article to read about why as well. Xx
  13. Hi Diane Thankyou for asking after me I've been really struggling for the last few months and have been quite ill. It's all too much isn't it and if you loose your way on this journey it can set you right back to where you started. I thanked Dee, Sherry and Kate for giving me 'hope' but I just don't seem to be able to hold onto it and end up on this roller coaster being thrown every which way and upside down as well. I think the post Diane is brilliant too. She actually explains the words ' let it go','move on' and 'closure' for what they are to us and how devistating it is to hear them said I will use and cling to that there doesn't have to be an end and it doesn't mean I'm wrong Thankyou you for sharing it We had one report back for our investigator. He believes the lorry driver was distracted and can't believe this was not tested by the police. His investigation proves this theory this report has now gone to the Chief Coroner and Police. So we just have to wait now it could take months for the authorities to reply which is hard for us. But it feels like things are heading in the right direction. It's just emotionally exhausting. Laurie Becky I know this was the same for you. Thinking of you all everyday and reading which helps so thank you God Bless xxx
  14. Oh I thought I would share this Xx "It’s these moments—these moments when life feels so very close to being absolutely perfect, almost maddeningly close—that I am stunned, again, by how absolutely imperfect, how irrevocably and horribly wrong it all is."
  15. Hi I too just want to thank you Dee for keeping me going. It does help to have someone to listen that understands. Also Sherry, Kate Susan Gretchen, Colleen , Wendy, Laurie and Diane thank you all you have given me so much to cling to over the last few months. I haven't been very well but kept going, most days very agitated my heart feels like it's racing full of dread I can't explain it but I've definitely been struggling and not coping. My blood pressure has been raised and I'm now on Meds to control it but the doctor said I need less stress in my life !! We are waiting a reply from the police and the Chief Coroner to Persue a case against the driver. We had a private investigator who feels the driver was distracted and gas got away with murder I feel so scared. Thank you for all your kind words and caring about me. Diane I love the words really made me think xx Gid Bless xxx