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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

MsSharJohn

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About MsSharJohn

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    MsSharJohn

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Loss Type
    My mom

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    08611
  1. Mother-Delayed Grief?

    GinaL, My mom passed away over a year ago and she lived with my husband and I for the last five years and I thought that I have handled things very well at the time of her service and told myself she was better off and many of the same things that you have told yourself because I watched my mom suffer with some health issues. I've try to stay busy but I have come to realize that I have not allowed myself to grieve for her; I am angry, and I have a sadness that is so deeply rooted. My mom has always been there and I cannot ever remember a time she wasn't there for me and she was my support system, my best friend and loved me when I didn't love myself and I feel so empty and alone. My mom passed away at home and it was on a Saturday and she had not been feeling well that week and I wanted her to go the hospital but she didn't want to and we talked that Friday night and I told her we were gonna go to the hospital Saturday morning and I got up early that morning and peaked in on her and laid back down and then my husband thought she had fallen on the floor and I knew when I touched her but didn't want it to be so. We called for an ambulance for her and I am screaming at the person on the phone and they talked to me and told me to give her CPR and I did and I couldn't save her or bring her back and I feel so much guilt because I feel like being her daughter, I should've been able to save her and that plays over and over within. This month is her birthday and we'd always do something special and she'd fuss at me but I just wanted to make her day special. I have had all types of thoughts to be with my mom again and all I want is her back and I just can't accept that she is not here anymore.I still just feel so lost and I am not sure how to go on. I am reaching out also for those that have been there and because I have held all this inside and have not talked to anyone about how I have been feeling because so many see me as this strong person but I am broken inside and have faked being ok for far to long.
  2. losing my mother/best friend

    I am new to this site. My mom passed away over a year ago and she lived with my husband and I for the last five years and I thought that I have handled things very well at the time of her service and told myself she was better off because I watched my mom suffer with some health issues and I've try to stay busy but I have come to realize that I have not allowed myself to grieve for her; I am angry and it hurts very much because my mom has always been there and I cannot ever remember a time she wasn't there for me and she was my support system, my best friend and loved me when I didn't love myself and I feel so empty and alone. My mom passed away at home and it was on a Saturday and she had not been feeling well that week and I wanted her to go the hospital but she didn't want to and we talked that Friday night and I told her we were gonna go to the hospital Saturday morning and I got up early that morning and peaked in on her and laid back down and then my husband thought she had fallen on the floor and I knew when I touched her but didn't want it to be so. We called for an ambulance for her and I am screaming at the person on the phone and they talked to me and told me to give her CPR and I did and I couldn't save her or bring her back and I feel so much guilt because I feel like being her daughter, I should've been able to save her and that plays over and over within. This month is her birthday and we'd always do something special and she'd fuss at me but I just wanted to make her day special. I have had all types of thoughts to be with my mom again and all I want is her back and I just can't accept that she is not here anymore. I still just feel so lost and I am not sure how to go on.
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