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movingwalrus

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About movingwalrus

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    Newbie

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Venezuela
  • Interests
    Music, Crafts, Books and Medicine.

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  1. My brother died this year and I keep dreaming about him

    I think that after all that you've been through you are just beginning to process all of this. You were so busy before taking care of everything that maybe you didn't really have time to take it all in. Don't let the cremation thing haunt you. It was your brother and it was his son. It was not only a responsibility of yours, it was also your dad's and it's OK to share that burden, so please, please, don't feel guilty about it. I dreamt about my brother as well. Maybe you could think of it as him visitting you, letting you know that he is ok wherever he is. That is what I thought about those dreams and it helped me cope. Grief is a long road, but know you are not alone... many of us are walking the same path. 3 quotes have helped me a ton, here they go: - Understand that sometimes you will have no choice but to focus in life. - Understand that sometimes you will not be able to avoid focusing on the loss. - Nothing gets in the way of life's inertia.
  2. Is this much anger normal??

    I get that you are upset. I even get that you blame him for not being there when he was supposed to. Did he live near you? I think he could have made an effort to be with you more, yes, but you have to understand that his mother was ill. He had to take care of her, and you can't blame him for that. Maybe he just didn't know what to do...sometimes people don't know how to react towards a loved one's loss and depression. I can't justify his absence thought, but you have to see the other side of it too. I think that because of the intensity of all that happened to you it is best to walk away from this relationship. You are hurt and you are not over his lack of empathy regarding you and your mother's passing. This relationship is causing you more harm than good, and right now, because of the grief, you need something or someone that is able to give you peace, or at least help you drain all of this emotions that come with grief. You need time for yourself, you come first. Maybe this is not the time for both of you.
  3. What on Earth is this!?

    The person I chose as my brother passed away a month and 9 days ago. Chondrosarcoma. He was fine, and suddenly, by the end of January he could not walk anymore. It just came back. He suffered a great deal; it took the cancer about 8 months to kill him. He had to go away to the United States for treatment because in Venezuela nothing would work. Our chemo seems to be outdated and useless for this type of cancer. He died over there, without me being able to go say goodbye because of my country's situation, which made me unbelievably angry. His family decided to scatter his ashes over there too, so closure has been hard to find for me. I've been through a lot of pain, but I know now that he is gone and he is never coming back. A week ago his family returned and I went to visit. I saw his stuff, untouched, just as he left it and it just made me relive everything again. But somehow, it helped me understand even more what is going on. It gave me some closure, at last. Now that I'm home again...I don't know what I'm feeling. I mean, I feel nothing. I'm not depressed or angry. I am not fine either, I just am. I have put everything aside because I have stuff to do, I am a Med student and I'm in the middle of endless tests now. I don't have the time to grieve or to be depressed. Is this acceptance? How come a week ago I was feeling EVERYTHING, and now I just... I have nothing. When does grief end? I am very confused. I don't know what this is. I'm not sure if I built an abyss in between me and my feelings so I can cope with life or if after that tiny bit of closure I'm finally beginning to accept everything? Please, somebody give me an answer. Thank you for your time.
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