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About flocicero

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    Advanced Member

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  • Loss Type
    lost my adult son
  • Angel Date
    Born 12/20/83- angel date 9/27/14


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  1. My son Brennon hit and killed 30 min before his birthday

    Hi Brennonsmomma, I am so very sorry for your loss. The overwhelming pain and grief that you are experiencing is normal and well understood by this group. I lost my precious son 2 1/2 years ago, I honestly dont know how time has continued to move.... Since my son's death, I personally have drawn closer to God and find comfort in this. I have always believed in an afterlife and now more so. Ive been doing a lot of reading about psychic mediums and I do believe there are very legitimate folks out there that can connect with those that have crossed. My sister went to a medium a year ago for her own personal reading but my son came through which was unexpected and there is no way this person could've known specifics of my son's childhood; my sister didn't even know. ... Our children are with us ,i absolutely believe this. ..Im preparing to have my own reading, though I must admit, I'm apprehensive. ....I haven't participated on this site for a while, but I do read from time to time. ...the parents here helped me to keep going and I love everyone for all they have done and keep doing to help newer bereaved parents to find hope....hope was a word I didn't understand in the beginning. ...now I do....God bless... Love always, Francesca...Mikes mom forever
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi everyone, it's been such a long time since I last posted but I do read often, almost daily.......it's been so hard lately....tomorrow is my Michaels 2nd angel anniversary.....how did I live through 2 years without him? I started on a new medication about 4 weeks ago, Lexapro, I guess I've been struggling with PTSD......thankfully I feel like it's starting to work....it seems to numb emotions , I guess I'm ok with that for now.....I miss my boy so desperately, I still feel so lost..... I haven't gone to a medium yet but I do plan to....I sometimes feel like no one remembers anymore but I remain submerged in it all...always will... i think of all of you often....finding this site two years ago helped me greatly; I realized I wasn't alone on this awful journey....no one else understands this pain.... happy heavenly birthday Davey, hold your mama tight..... peace & love francesca -Michaels mom forever
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    Maryann, wishing Steve a belated happy heavenly birthday....God bless you & hold you tight...., its been forever since I've been here though I have been reading posts from time to time......it's so very sad to see new parents here...my heart breaks as read each of these stories...... Im coming up on Michaels 2nd angel anniversary , Sept 27th... I have no idea how almost 2 years have gone by.....for me ,time has stalled & it's Sept 27th, 2014 .....every day... I continue to relive that day.....not sure when ,if ever, it ends..... i have decided to become a group leader for troubled youths in our church community ......my hope is to make a difference even if for only one child....I met with the group director a month ago & I told her my story & how I'm doing this to honor my son.....once I finished my story, she shared that 11 years ago she lost her son 3 weeks prior to his 20th birthday.....he also aspirated in his sleep r/t meds.. ....I was stunned with the similarities of our stories....she shared that last year was the first Christmas she felt some joy......funny how God puts the people you need in your path....I continue to meet with the ladies in my Monday night bible group ....I have developed a strong connection with my new church.....it gives me purpose as does my younger son Chris.... my relationship with my step daughter, that only was discovered because of Michaels death, has grown very strong & I now have 2 beautiful step granddaughters that love me....the little one , 9 years old , is coming over for a weekend sleepover & she can't wait! I love my stepdaughter as if she were were my own....we have so much in common...who knew....I just wish Michael didn't have to die for this relationship to blossom....I miss my son with every breath I take but I know that he sends me blessings and watches over me.... wishing all my friends here a peaceful night...love always francesca
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    Diane, I'm sorry I missed Michaels birthday......I know how hard that day was for you; I do hope you felt his love.....this second year is so overwhelming...... shannon, the poem for Trista is so beautiful ....so heart wrenching.......and Becky your poem expresses exactly how I feel......heaven, it's where I long to be ....... ive been attending a wonderful church across the street from my house ever since I moved back here to Wisconsin ....I'm also involved in a bible study every Monday night with a small group of women......I've never read the bible before , much less tried to study it.....I'm truly enjoying this.......I read somewhere the other night that it sometimes takes a tragedy to bring one back to God......I'm trying so hard to figure this out......I feel so incredibly desperate.....just so lonely without my baby boy..... peace & love my friends francesca
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    Well it's been forever since I last visited....the last few months have been so difficult. I've been in a hole trying to find my way out....I'm at the 20 month mark & I'm trying to figure out why things suddenly are worse ...,,,,or is it my imagination.....I cry on the way to work & then I work so hard so I don't have to think of Michael but once the day is over, I cry on my way back home....Diane I still have thoughts of getting a bottle of pills & ending it all....I just want to find my son but I know how much that would hurt my Christopher..... shannon, Trista's garden is simply beautiful .....I want to plant a flowering tree in my front yard.....just trying to decide what I want... my sister recently told me that she had gone to see a physic medium back in December because she's been struggling with a relationship.....the medium wanted to know if my sister had a son or nephew that recently passed because there was a young boy present around the age of 11-12...my sister informed her that her nephew had passed but he was 30 years old....she asked my sister if Michael had been bullied about his weight when he was young & if he had a difficult childhood....my sister wasn't sure & told her that....the medium informed her that the reason he was coming through as a young boy is that he needs to work through those issues.... I was shocked....Michael struggled with his weight all his life & he was bullied as a child & he talked about it often as an adult....his childhood was difficult ....my husband was difficult to live with at that time.....he was often verbally abusive..... she told my sister that Michael wanted us to know his death was an accident, she also asked my sister if Michael had a child that died because he had an infant boy with him & they were very happy together......I believe Michaels girlfriend (the evil witch that let him die) had an abortion.....I remember Michael telling me he thought she was pregnant & I wasn't happy with the news because I felt he wasn't ready, he was still recovering plus I had strong reservations about her.....sometimes I think if I had reacted differently, he would be here....the medium also wanted to know if someone was with Michael when he passed because she felt there was a dark presence....that would have been her....she was there when he died & she never got help....she robbed him & left..... how is it possible for this woman (medium) to have gotten all of this right? My sister never said a word to her about the situation.....I want to go see her but I will not let her know who I am or that my sister had been there.....I still get shivers thinking about it..... good night friends....will try to get back soon.....Gods love to you francesca
  6. Francesca, try to make really shirt term goals for yourself, like walking a certain distance every day, or helping someone that needs help. Even if it's only a short visit. I am approaching five years without my sweet boy, and it's still crushing at times. There isn't a day I don't think about him, but the gut wrenching tears aren't every single day. But still do happen.Hang in there, we understand, and all walk this dreadful path together.

  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello all, today is exactly 18 months , 1 year 6 months, 78 weeks, 546 days since I last saw my beautiful Michael.....am I getting better.....I don't think so.....all I can think of is being with him... Holding him...comforting him.......kissing his cheek & telling him how much I deeply love him....... How could I ever have let him go? Where do I go from here......I'm so very, very tired .....
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    Wow , this is different......Susan sending you love as you celebrate John David's heavenly birthday......I hope you can feel him near, always loving his mama.... i have been so busy......it's good for me to be so occupied .....not sure how this site is working now....I'm reading posts from 2005, it is a bit confusing but I guess I will get the hang of it..... just stopped it say hi....peace & love to all
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Dee, your story of Eri is just so beautiful...I can't stop crying......I haven't sold my Indiana house yet but I did find my job over the weekend of Michaels first anniversary......I knew that wasn't a coincidence & it's so close to my Wisconsin house where I raised Michael & his brother Chris.....this house is where all my memories of him live.....he wants me here..... Laurie the angel poem is so touching...... Sherry....I'm so lost.....I can't seem to find my way anymore.....18 months feels like hell on earth......but then isn't earth our hell? It must surely be.....I can't imagine pain worse than this......right now I don't feel like I have the will to continue on this horribly painful path......I beg God every day to take to my boy...... Susan like your John David, Michael was always around me....he lived at home....he was so funny, loving......his love for me was so intense.....he can't possibly be gone......this just can't be.....I'm just falling apart..... I'm so tired....been sick with a constant cold for weeks..... Going to get sleep.... Peace
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Just stopping by to say hi to all.......my new job is going well & thankfully keeping me very busy......all this talk of signs from our children has me wishing Michael will send me one......I miss him so badly, it sometimes feels worse than ever.....my bible class is helping some....can't even believe I'm in such a class.....in two more weeks it will be exactly 18 months since I lost him.....still in disbelief......sometimes I just wish it would all end.......I want to go home to my son........ Peace & love to all Francesca
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    Gosh, it's been a long time since I last posted....thankfully my work keeps me busy & my new bible study group on Monday nights is comforting, just 11 women sharing life stories & trying to find a way to be closer to God.....I miss my Michael constantly, the ache never leaves, it never will....Susan I too live every day in a "before & after" mindset....I can't fully grasp this yet, it's been almost 17 months...strange how time is both slow & yet so fast....haven't been sleeping well this week, I wake up in the middle of the night & see Michael laying in his casket....it's still a nightmare.....I still pray that I'm with him soon....sorry for being so depressing...has been hard last few weeks... Colleen so sorry for your friend....life just sucks sometimes ...... Going to get sleep if I can, have to work early.....wish I didn't have to work at all....
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Wayne, I am so very sorry for the tragic loss of your precious son.....I remember those first days...you are in shock even if it may not feel like it.....I was walking in a daze & didn't realize it......when I found this site, I was finally able to express myself .....we understand your pain, the disbelief.....all we can do is support each other & there is some comfort in knowing you are not alone on this journey......the death of our child does change us.....how could it not.....I lost my son 16 months ago.....I no longer fear death.....i know my boy will be there for me......keep coming back to this site & share your story.....it helps to talk with those that understand.....god bless Francesca
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    Becky, what a beautiful picture of Jared....so sweet.... Our angels are in good company ....Michael's favorite hobbies/topics all revolved around music & movies..... He loved rap music & admired Notorious B.I.G. (Christopher Wallace).....he was murdered in 1997 & was only 24 yrs old.......one of Michaels favorite CDs was Life after Death......he also loved James Gandolfini (Tony Soprano).....idk ......I wish he would have preferred church music......everything had to be edgy with him... .. Diane, how amazing your experience must have been......I'm not sure how I would react if that happened to me......I just want to dream of him but he just won't visit me.....I'm so sad again.... Some days have been better but I sometimes just tell myself that he's gone on a mission & he's helping others & I won't be able to see him for a long time.... It's too hard.....I see him so clearly..,,,
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    Becky, crazy people are everywhere.....so little regard for others, I'm considering learning how to shoot a gun........my sister carries one in her purse & it actually came in handy not too long ago....she came out of a coffee shop one evening to find a large man standing by her car, we think he saw her go in, this man told her to give him everything in her purse but she asked him to move away from her car, he didn't comply & again asked for her stuff.....she said "ok" & went into her purse & pulled out her gun & told him to get away from her car or she would shoot! He quickly left the scene.....we are small women , under 5 ft but we've learned to be tough..... Georgina good to hear that something may be going your way in the investigation ......you have certainly been persistent...good for you......I have no clear evidence in my case so I'm trying to resolve my anger by relying on faith..... We were in Indiana over the weekend, checking on the house, hasn't sold but it's only been up since thanksgiving & not much activity over holidays....it was hard to be there.....the house where my beautiful Michael died.......I found myself on my knees again cradling his clothes, kissing the shoes he last wore...... God will this pain never end..... Thank you Susan, Sherry, Dee......I've been reading posts but not always writing.....I read because I need the hope you all bring to me...to so many of us...... Gretchen , the babies monument is simply beautiful ....I remember the monument you did for Forest, so loving......I'm almost done with ordering Michaels.....I know I've waited a long time but I couldn't seem to do it while I was living in Indiana & I'm glad I didn't because we now have decided to not only have a cameo of Michael but we are going to have a family photo with the four of us, including his brother Chris, laser etched on the headstone.....Chris loves the idea....had to make sure he didn't feel weird about his picture on the headstone.....this came about when the counselor we have been working with asked "what did Michael love to do" ........my son cherished us above all else......his love for family & spending time with family is what he loved best..... The headstone is also for my husband & I , so it's fitting that our picture is there with my precious son.....still can't believe any of this..... Peace my friends Francesca
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    I guess I have to stay home from work for the next few days......as I was getting ready for work this morning, I ended up with a stomach bug.....since I work in elder care, our policy is that you can't return to work until 48 hrs after the last episode of vomiting/diarrhea .......I'm definitely not happy about this...my TO DO list is a mile long! I had a terrible cold that lasted almost 2 weeks & I just got over that.....I suppose moving, starting a new job, trying to survive the holidays has all taken it's toll on me....I'm usually pretty healthy considering....so I will sip my chamomile tea, eat some crackers & take a nap on this -5 degrees Wisconsin day.... Stay warm everyone... Francesca