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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About solarbug

  • Rank
  • Birthday 12/10/1977

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    MN, USA
  • Interests
    music, outdoors, snowboard, cats
  • Loss Type
    father in law - true legend
  • Angel Date


  • Last Name
  • First Name
  • Zip
  • Country
    United States
  • About Me
    Ive lost grandparents, my father in law who was very special to me, other relatives, cats, dogs. Family and friends are most important to me. Love is what matters most!

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  1. I made it thru the holidays ... ok... somehow... it wasn't easy. I've been doing ok to good most days. I decided I was going to put in the extra effort to smile and enjoy the moments and be more present. My only objective was to Love my family and friends with all my heart, by showing and telling them. Today is my father in laws Birthday- he would have been 62. When he was here we wouldn't do anything in particular for him. We would talk on the phone, I would wish him a happy bday. and we would often get together as a Family when time permitted to celebrate and give gifts and such... So nothing to spectacular... Today has been the most difficult that Iv'e had in recent memory. I miss the guy more than ever today!!! Maybe I'm reflecting more because it is 'his' day? I've had to leave my desk at my office twice already to cry. (reminder Im a dude!) I FUCKING MISS HIM SO MUCH! My heart literally hurts today!! The physical heartache that I experienced for many, many months after he passed is back today in a major way. I am a wreck.... I am curious how some of you may celebrate or honor your loved ones on their Birthday?? Do you experience the physical pain more so on special days or occasions?? The photo attached below is of Bob and I Christmas 2013~featuring my tribute stache Thanks for taking the time to read my feelings. I dont have many people who I can speak with openly about how I feel. (HEART)
  2. Share pics of the angels you love

    My father in law Bob - we were very close. I miss my buddy so fkn much!
  3. i came across this article this morning, thought id share. I can definitely relate in many ways. Make it a Great day friends! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/avelist/my-friend-died-10-years-ago-and-i-never-imagined-the-ways-it-would-change-me_b_8282562.html
  4. Lost my father-in-law

    ModKonnie, sorry for the loss of your father in law. to answer you question my job did allow bereavement days for the passing of my father in law. Bob and I had a very close relationship, I miss him every single day. its been a year and a few months, I think of him and miss him terribly. His passing was my first significant loss. It has been an extremely challenging year of coping and working thru my grief journey.
  5. Elevate by St Lucia this song will always stick with me. It was played a lot during Bob last year here

  6. Missing my GrayKitty

    Tom I was just reading thru this thread. I am sorry for the loss of your GrayKitty. I know how hard it can be to lose a loved cat. We lost our cat Princess who we actually called BlackKitty! to cancer a few years ago. She was one of 3 cats that we had. It was heartbreaking to get the cancer diagnosis, it was so sad to watch her go thru treatments, only to have to be let go. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was make that call, and watch her die in my arms. Our other cats missed her just as much as us. I think of our BlackKitty every day! The pain is less, but I miss her terribly everday. I am glad to see you have a new friend Skitty-kitty! pets will always have a special place in our heart and soul. best wishes, make it a great day!
  7. I came across this poem, I find it very true for me. thought I would share. Make it a great day! BEHIND A SMILE ~ By Gwendy Vanucci Someone asked me...Just today...How I am doing...Since he went away I said I'm okay...That I'm doing just fine..That I'm holding up well...And time is flying by She said I really look good..And how strong I must be...How I pulled it together...She was real proud of me I didn't let on..There was no way she could see...All the pain and the sorrow....I hold inside of me We laughed for a bit...I put on a smile...Made lots of small talk...And all the while I was silently crying...For missing him so...I was screaming inside...I wished he didn't go But I didn't let on...My grief I hid...Behind a smile...Yes, that's what I did We said our goodbyes...And we parted ways...I took a deep breath...Thought back on that day I felt my eyes swelling...I blinked the tears away...I have to keep going...God help me I pray I'll be with him soon...Though I don't know when...I just have to believe...I will see him again Another deep breath..Put the smile back on...Just get through the day...That is who I've become
  8. BOB

  9. Lisa K, as I was reading though this thread. I found your question regarding getting a memorial tattoo. I am working through my grief journey for the first time due to significant loss. I lost my father in law who I was very close to. We had a great relationship. He was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and had a very difficult year of fighting. He is one of the greatest people I have ever known. I miss him terribly every single day. It has been 1 year and 3 months today since he passed. The journey has been beyond challenging!! Somehow I manage to get by each day. I should also mention I am a MAN, to add to that I am a highly sensitive. I am not ashamed to show my feelings and cry(I do often). There I said it... I've been broken since he passed. I considered very early on after he passed that I was going to get a tattoo to honor and memorialize him. I don't have any other tattoos, this would be my first. I always kind of wanted to get a tattoo, but was worried about getting something I would regret later. Anyways I decided that I was going to have a portrait of Bob tattooed on my body. The portrait that I wanted was a photo that I had taken of Bob on a fishing trip together. I am a very straight forward person, so the symbolism thing wasn't for me, I wanted to honor him with something very personal to me~~which was that photo memory. I asked around and researched to find a qualified, respected tattooist. I looked at his work, spoke with him. I scheduled the session for 7 months later. I figured that way I would have time to think it over. I thought it over a lot. I did get the tattoo. I LOVE IT! I have so much respect for Bob, I have no regrets. I see it every day. I had it placed on my shoulder, so it is hidden most of the time. It turned out even better than I imagined. I didn't look at the work in progress, I was a bit worried at the time. The session was split so 4 hours and then another 1.5 hours later. Again this was my first tattoo. As far as pain goes. First it did not hurt at all in comparison to the loss. from what I've been told, the location of the tattoo , the pain level will be different. for me it felt like a cat scratch. I actually really enjoyed the experience and am considering more tattoos in the future. hope that helps a bit, have a great day! .
  10. Bob is awesome, I miss you buddy!

    silverkitties, I am so sorry for you loss of your mom. Cancer is such a terrible disgusting disease!! It has been ripping its way through my family and so many others. To see our loved ones endure pain and anguish is most difficult. It has taken me along time to get back to a place where I feel ok. I've also learned that as individuals we have our own journey thru grief. I talk about Bob as often as I can to others, it does help me to be open and relive cherished memories. I also talk to Bob and hope and pray that he hears me and is listening. Please feel free to continue to connect with myself and others thru this forum. We all need to love and help each other. peace to to you, make it a great day!
  11. Bob is awesome, I miss you buddy!

    I think of my buddy every single day. I miss him so much! I have spent much time working and learning how to deal and cope with loss. I do my best everyday to make him proud. I honor his memory and have faith we will meet again. I miss you!! "I will smile and I will see you there."
  12. Bob is awesome, I miss you buddy!

    butterflyblue71, Thank you for the kind words! I am so sorry for your loss. As time goes by the pain of missing my buddy hasnt let up much. I try to live each day the best I can. I know Bob would not want to see me in pain and feeling sad. As much as I miss him, I know he is at peace and well wherever he is. I am hopeful that we will meet again someday. I am sorry for your loss and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Make it a great day!
  13. First off I've never posted before, and Ill forewarn you my story is long, and difficult to share, but I'll try. I am lucky enough to have found my soul mate nearly 20 years ago. We have been married 15 years. I am mid-thirties male. My father in law and I have always been close. He's more than an in law, he was a role model, mentor, Great friend, and he was my buddy! In May of 2013, we received the disconcerting news that 'Bob' has stage IV pancreatic cancer; the doctor said he had 6 months to live. This came as a shock to all of us. I took the news very hard! I felt compelled from that moment to help Bob and the family in any and every way possible. I wanted to help him enjoy his remaining days and ensure that he was comfortable. Bob was a family man; he loved his family more than anything! I respect him greatly for that; he welcomed me into the family with open arms. He was always there to help, listen, or offer advice. There is nothing that he wouldn't do for his family. The series of events over that year was difficult to say the least. The doctors kept saying the chemo was doing its job. But all the while he was unable to keep food down. He would eat very little then throw it up, this went on for months. He was a big fella, he lost about 150 pounds. All the while the doctors said it was the chemo. Finally after being hospitalized multiple times, we insisted there must be something else causing this. The doctor performed a 30 minute test where a camera was inserted into his stomach. What they discovered was an additional tumor that was blocking his intestine, thus blocking food from passing. A stent was surgically implanted, and after a quick recovery he was able to eat and keep food down. Great right! This was frustrating because he lost so much weight and for what? The doctors did not do their job in my opinion. Fortunately this was handled, now he could eat again and keep food down. He then had a few weeks of good days. We were able to take a weekend fishing trip together, which looking back was one of the best times ever. Then he caught a nasty case of pneumonia and was hospitalized. He was in and out of the hospital. Just after getting out of the hospital he slipped on ice and broke his hip. Now he was forced to have a hip replacement and learn to walk again. 8 weeks in transitional care to rehab his hip. I visited very often, I would help him anyway possible, encourage him, talk, listen. Many days I would take him outside for sun and fresh air. I would also break him out and we would go for lunch or cruise around town. Bob was a truck driver, he loved "the road" Keep in mind Bob always remained positive, smile on his face. He didn't want his family to worry about him. He would say, "It is what it is, it’s part of my journey." Finally, after many weeks of hard work and determination relearning to walk, Bob was released and able to return home. He was so excited and happy to be home in his place. I would visit every chance I had; we would hang out and talk and talk. Sometimes we would talk about his life and his approaching death. Other times we would run errands or just go out driving. I cherished every moment that we shared. He still had difficulty walking, but persevered. He met with his oncologist and was informed that the cancer had advanced and there was nothing that could be done. They also said he likely had another 6 months to live. It wasn't long after and Bob had a mild stroke. Now he was unable to get around on his own at all. The only option at this point was hospice. We moved him into a very nice facility. Everyone there was nice and helpful; Bob appreciated what everyone was doing for him. He understood that he could not be at home alone, and this was the best place for him. It was only a week that he was at the hospice. About 4 days in, his health declined rapidly. He became unresponsive, slept all the time, then stopped eating and drinking. There were moments when he would snap back into reality. He would kiss his wife, give hugs, and crack a joke. It was difficult for all of us to watch our hero, someone who has always been such a strong person mentally and physically digress so rapidly in front of our eyes. We were there as a family on an afternoon in late July, telling stories and just being there together for Bob. I was alone with him and his breathing changed, I called the nurse and the family back. The nurse said he had little time remaining. We sat with him as he took his last breath. This has been the most difficult time in my Life. I struggle with how his remaining year was spent. His quality of life wasn't great. I do feel fortunate for all the time that we did share; our bond was strengthening through a difficult time. I know he appreciated everything that was done for him. I feel that because we had that time I was able to tell him everything that I needed to. Nothing was left unsaid, and I have no regrets. It was most difficult though every time over that year when we would hug it felt like it could be the last. I've never lost someone so close to me. I struggle every day, I miss Bob terribly. I've been speaking with friends and family, attend a support group, and journal. I am really trying to embrace the grief process. At the same time I have this enormous hole in my Life. I also need to be strong for my wife, he was her dad. I've never felt such sorrow and heartache. I cry all the time and feel sad. I miss him. I question what happens when we die. I worry about others that I love dying. I want to smile and be positive and carry on with my life, I know that he wants me to be happy and enjoy life. I do see him every day in his daughter / my wife and soul mate. I miss you buddy! Forever in my heart and soul... I will smile and I will see you there! Thank you for taking the time to read my story, I appreciate any support, encouragement and kind words.